by Lara Swann
Yes. Friend. Leave it right there.
I see Jessica’s mouth quirk up at the corner, and when she finally raises her eyes to meet mine I catch a glimpse of the life in them.
“Okay.” She says softly, her voice sympathetic. “I didn’t really think…that’s pretty much what I figured, anyway.”
“You believe me?” I ask again, still needing to hear it.
“Yes, I believe you.” She repeats, then her eyes crease at the edges and she gives me a tiny smile. “Is that what you’re planning to say when they ask you about it in court?”
I can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s referring to the part about my libido, obviously amused, and the question startles a laugh out of me.
“My lawyer won’t let me.” I grumble, as all that tension flows out of me in a sudden wave.
“Pity.” She says, in that slightly cheeky, teasing voice she always used to have.
The strength of my immediate reaction startles me, long-ago desire sparking within me, and I freeze, scared any movement will make the beginnings of that physical response obvious.
Fuck. Not what I need. Not right now. Not after all that.
She doesn’t seem to notice, though, shaking her head as she looks off to the side. Thank god.
“That’s not what I meant, you know, when I said I didn’t think it would be a good idea.” Her eyes flick back to mine as she speaks almost hesitantly. “I didn’t think you were suggesting—”
Her face heats and she looks away again. I shift ever so slightly, trying to fill my mind with the finances I was just working and forget all about what Jessica looks like, standing there opposite me. Talking to me - really talking, all that distance melted into the soft, sweet expression I remember.
“I just thought…it wouldn’t be a good idea. With all this going on.”
I’m pretty sure that’s not just what she was thinking - from the way she reacted, some of it didn’t have anything to do with the lawsuit at all.
But, unfortunately, she’s also right about that. Especially given my…current predicament.
I sigh, nodding. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I wasn’t really thinking about any of that, or how it might…look.”
She nods and I can see the glimmer of sympathy there as we’re quiet for a moment, just stood there together - before she brings us back to business.
“Would you like another coffee before your next meeting?”
She looks at me this time, at least, and her tone isn’t brisk or professional. I could be imagining it, but I might even say it’s got a little warmth in it.
I shake my head. “I’m fine, thanks.”
“Okay then.” She pauses, then gives me a little smile before she turns to leave.
I watch her go, letting out a breath as she shuts the door behind her - though whether it’s with relief or disappointment, I’m not sure.
It gives me a chance to maneuver back around the desk, at least - my half-hard cock still readily apparent when I glance down. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the chair, not sure what to make of it all.
I think that’s the first real conversation we’ve had since she started working for me.
It was…nice.
“Stupid lawsuit.” I mutter again, but I know it’s not really just that.
I’m not sure I need any of this right now - the distraction, the risk involved with actually liking someone…never mind the fact she’s my secretary as well.
Yeah. She’s right. Coffee is a bad idea. It’s all a bad idea.
So why, for the first time in forever, am I actually trying to consider it?
Not seriously, sure, but enough that I’m wondering if there could be a point that coffee wouldn’t be such a bad idea…maybe…eventually…
I shake my head. I’ve got enough to deal with. The last thing I need is to make life more complicated.
But even as I turn back to my work, Jessica’s comment about the court comes back to me and I find myself smiling again - and hoping that she won’t be so distant anymore. It would be something to work with the real Jessica now - the girl that makes me smile - even if we can’t go for coffee.
Chapter Eight
Kenneth
“Don’t go, Daddy, don’t goooo!” Abbie cries, clinging to my leg just as I’m about to leave for work.
“Hey, hey…” I say gently, dropping to one knee and putting my hands on her shoulders. “What’s this about, sweetie? I’m just going to work. I’ll be back this evening.”
“I don’t want you to goooo!”
“Heyy, baby girl…” I pull her into me, giving her a tight hug as she sniffles. “I’m coming back. I won’t be gone long, I promise.”
“You never come back!” She pushes at me, angry-upset, and I try to comfort her.
The front of my shirt is all wet with her tears, her whole face shining with moisture as I murmur to her and try to wipe some of it off. She pushes at my hand. “No, Daddy, don’t.”
“I’m just trying to help—”
“I don’t want your help! You’re gooooooo-ing…” She hiccups, bursting into tears again and making my heart ache in my chest as I gather her up into my arms.
I leave my bag on the floor and take her into the living area, settling us both down on the couch where I can cuddle her to me. I can feel Kara’s eyes on us and I have no idea what she thinking - but right now, I don’t care. For some reason, the magic she works on my daughter has been less effective over the last couple of weeks. Usually having her here to entertain and distract Abbie means my little girl will barely notice when I leave for work, but these days she’s become far more clingy.
It’s just another thing reminding me I should be looking for a new Nanny, too - someone slightly more reliable, if nothing else - but my first couple of attempts haven’t worked out at all, the people I’ve talked to totally unsuitable.
Why is it so hard to find the right person?
Except that I do know why. I don’t think I’ve fully trusted anyone with my little girl since Ashley left.
“Heyyy, baby girl. What’s wrong? Don’t you like it here with Kara?” I murmur to her, rocking her a little. “I’ll be back tonight, before you go to bed. We can read Giraffes Don’t Dance together again, hmm? Wouldn’t you like that?”
She shakes her head, burying it closer against my chest as her fists cling to my shirt. I stroke her hair gently, rocking us both together on the couch.
“What’s wrong, Abbie?” I ask again, as she hiccups in my arms, her little body shaking against me. “Why don’t you want me to go to work today?”
“You aaalllways go.” She complains, her voice a long moan broken up with little sobs, as I tuck her hair back behind her ear, kissing her forehead.
“I have to go to work, sweetie.” I say gently. “But it’s only for a little while - and you have fun here with Kara, don’t you?”
She takes small gasping breaths as her breathing starts to come back under control, still clinging onto my shirt.
“But y-you go and—and you don’t—you don’t come back…”
I frown, rubbing her back as I look down at her. “I’m coming back tonight, sweetie. It’s not that long.”
She shakes her head. “No! No, you’re not! You’re going awaaay.”
“Abbie, I’m not going away.” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
Is that what she thinks? That I’m going on a business trip again?
“I’m coming home tonight.” I repeat, trying to reassure her - even as unease stirs within me.
I’m not going away today, but…I’m all too aware that I will be in a couple of weeks. If this is how she’s feeling about it…my heart sinks. I have no idea how I’m going to explain it to her. It’s been getting harder and harder each time, but there’s no way this trip can be postponed. have to meet the investors that are the sole reason ExVenture has been able to expand so quickly. Not showing up to that simply isn’t an option.
“You�
�re not! You said!”
I blink at her, drawn out of my worry about the future by my concern for right now.
“What do you mean, sweetie? What did I say?”
“You said…you were—were going—on a trip…that’s what you said.”
My brow furrows. I definitely haven’t talked to her about this upcoming trip to New York - I’m much more careful about how I do that. So where did she hear—
Oh damn.
I did talk to Kara. My eyes flick over toward the kitchen, but although I can hear her moving around and getting things ready for Abbie’s breakfast, I can’t see her. Whatever other concerns I might have about her, she does at least know when we need some privacy.
I hadn’t thought Abbie was anywhere nearby when I spoke to her about the trip last night - she was supposed to be playing in the other room - and I just wanted to know if Kara would be available to stay over for the week.
My daughter wasn’t supposed to hear - I needed to find the right time and way to tell her, and definitely not so long before it’s even going to happen - but these last few months, her ears just seem to have gotten bigger and bigger.
“Sweetie.” I try to reassure her. “I’m not going on a trip. I’m not going away. I’m coming home tonight.”
“But—but—you said—”
“I know. I was just talking about…another time.” I say, keeping my voice as soothing as I can make it.
I still wince internally at that. I’ve never lied to Abbie, I don’t believe in that, but I don’t think admitting I’ll be going away another time is going to help too much.
“I’m not going away now, I promise.”
“I don’t want you to go!” She says again, that crying moan back in her voice as she presses tight against me.
“I know.” I say quietly. “I don’t want to go, either. I don’t want to be away from you, baby girl.”
It’s true, as well. There are some trips - like this one - that I really can’t get out of, as the CEO and owner of ExVenture, but I’ve done everything I can to cut down on all the trips I used to make before Abbie was born. I might not feel like I can give up my job or my company, but I really don’t like being away from Abbie for so long. Right now, she’s growing so quickly and doing and saying more amazing things every day, I don’t want to miss a moment of it.
“Then don’t!” She pushes at me again, glaring up at me with shiny, tear-glistening eyes.
“I wish I didn’t have to…but that’s not for a while, Abbie. You don’t have to worry about that now, sweetie.” I stroke her hair again. “I’ll be back to see you tonight. Not long at all. And you’ll have a fun day here with Kara.”
I try to get back to that again. I know I’m not going to move from this couch until she seems okay again - there’s no way I could leave her so upset - but as much as I wish I didn’t, I can almost feel the time ticking on, the day getting later, and some stupid part of my mind is trying to work out what I’m going to be late for this morning. It’s a nagging feeling, slowly building stress that I can’t quite ignore.
“Don’t go…” She says again, quieter this time, all collapsed in my arms and cuddled against me.
The sight of her little form there, the sadness in her voice, it does something to me. This isn’t what I want. This isn’t the sort of father I want to be.
I just don’t know how to do anything else right now.
“You really don’t want me to go away again, hmm, sweetie?” I ask her gently, making my voice soft and soothing as I rock her in my arms.
She shakes her head and I tilt her chin up toward me, so that I can see the stubborn look on her face. She’s quieter now, all the tears and sobbing worn out of her, but she’s obviously still not happy.
“How about…” I say slowly, wondering as I say it, if I’m going to regret doing so before I’ve worked anything out. “How about I see what I can do, okay?”
She blinks at me.
“I don’t want you upset, baby girl, and I don’t want to be away from you. Why don’t I…see if I can find a way to make things better, hm? So that I don’t have to leave you?”
She continues looking at me for a long moment, and I’m not entirely sure whether she understands or what she’s thinking, but after a while she nestles in closer.
“You’re not going?”
Guilt and unease stab through me, knowing just talking about this is risky. The last thing I want to do is say something and then let her down, but…that look on her face…
“I don’t know yet, Abbie. I’m going to try and find a way that I can stay with you, okay?” I take a deep breath. “But, you know…I need to go into work to find that out.”
She doesn’t say anything and I hug her tightly, squeezing her to me.
“Are you okay if I go to work soon? So I can try to stop that trip I have to go on?” I bounce her gently against me and I can tell by her breathing, by the way the tears are drying on her face, that she’s calmer now.
Eventually, she gives me a small nod, but she’s still clinging to me. I lean down to kiss her.
“Thank you, Abbie. We’ll wait until you’re okay to go and play with Kara again, okay? I’ll be here for you as long as you need.”
We cuddle on the couch for a while longer and I try not to think about the time too much. Not when Abbie so obviously needs my love and attention.
When she’s finally ready for me to let her up, she’s still quieter than usual and reluctant to let go of my hand, but she eventually she says goodbye and we do our usual kiss-and-hug-and-love-you routine before I leave her with Kara.
I turn at the door to see her looking at me over her shoulder as Kara leads her back to the kitchen for breakfast, and blow her a kiss before I leave.
All I want is to find a way to wipe that sad look off her face.
* * *
I tell Jessica to clear my morning by the time I finally get into the office - though, of course, she’s already done that with the first half, after it was obvious that I was running late.
I need some time to work this out and find a way to keep my word to my daughter. This trip has been at the back of my mind for the last few weeks and I know I’ve just been avoiding thinking about it. Not wanting to admit to myself or to Abbie that I’m going away for a week again.
A coffee cup appears miraculously at my side - and I can feel Jessica hover there for a moment, watching me. I haven’t said why I was late, I typically don’t, but I’m sure she can guess. She leaves without saying anything, though, and my eyes only flick upwards as the door closes with a soft ‘click’ behind her. It wouldn’t usually be closed, either, but I’m grateful that she can read my need for some privacy right now.
After our conversation a week ago, she’s seemed to read me and what I need better than ever - and she’s been warmer, too, just like I was hoping for. Though now, if I’m honest, I’m not so sure how much of a good thing that is. It’s become increasingly difficult not to notice her, despite how right she was about what terrible timing it would be for us to go out for coffee.
Not to mention, she’s your employee.
But when she smiles like…
Stop. Stop thinking about that. You’re focusing on Abbie this morning, remember?
I turn my attention back to the computer in front of me, looking over the schedule for that week and trying to work out if I can find a way to postpone the meetings - or maybe invite them to come to me instead…
Yeah, all of them. The several different groups I was going to talk to, across several different meetings.
Including those few individuals who came down here the last time we had a meeting.
Or maybe I can send someone else…
Yeah. To meet with company execs worth multi-billions of dollars. As a sign of our appreciation for their investment and trust. That will go down well.
You’ve got the whole morning to work on this.
Unfortunately, it takes a fraction of that time to figure out that
there really is no alternative. I have to go to New York. Unless I want to piss off a lot of very powerful, influential people in a way that will no doubt come back to harm ExVenture.
Shit.
I lean back in the chair, running my hands through my hair as I picture Abbie’s face this morning again. I can’t leave her for another week. Not so soon after my last business trip.
For a brief moment, my mind flicks to Ashley. There’s no doubt Abbie would jump at the chance to spend a week with her Mom - she wouldn’t even notice my absence. But even as I think of it, I discard the idea. Even if Ashley were to agree to the idea - with just two weeks notice - I’d never be able to guarantee she wouldn’t bail at the last minute. That would be the worst of all.
My next thought is my parents - but Abbie isn’t so close to them. Not as close as I’d like, anyway. Not close enough for her to be comfortable spending a week with them if I wasn’t there - I imagine she’d rather spend the time with Kara.
Who still hasn’t confirmed she can do it.
Argh.
It’s a nightmare.
The quiet knock on my door jerks my head up, to see Jessica’s head appear around my office door.
“I just wanted to check if you needed anything. I’ve got the usual morning summary, but there’s nothing that can’t wait - or I can send it across to your computer if you prefer.”
Even if I couldn’t see it on her face, it would be obvious she’s concerned just from that. She never usually interrupts - and definitely not to ‘check if I need anything’ - she simply filters things to make sure they’re ready when I am available and trusts that I’ll say if I need something. It’s part of what makes her such a good secretary.
I let out a sigh, shaking my head. “I don’t need anything.”
Just a way out of this stupid trip.
But as good as she is, I don’t think even Jessica could rearrange those meetings without some serious penalties. And then I’d still have to go another time - I’d just be postponing dealing with all this, and how it’s affecting my daughter, until then.
Instead of disappearing, though, Jessica pauses on the threshold - and then steps inside, her head tilting to one side.