Belle stepped up and patted Jonah’s knee. “See, they have great teeth now. You’d never know they were toothless. I’m sure they sounded a little different then, too.”
“They did. It sounded as if they were whistling half the time.” Quinn hugged the girls to either side of him. “It’s time for us to head home.”
“But we’re making the piñata,” both the girls said at once.
Belle intervened. “Why don’t you and Jonah spend some father-son time celebrating this milestone? Losing your first baby tooth is a big deal. I can bring the girls with me.”
“Please, please, Daddy?” They pressed their hands together, practically bouncing on their feet.
“How about it, Jonah? Just you and me? We could get some ice cream at the pier and watch the boats.”
“Yes!” He reached for his father. “The twins said Mama loved boats.”
“She did. Know what else she loved?”
The little boy frowned. “Ice cream?”
“No, silly.” Quinn tickled his little tummy. “You. She loved you so much.”
“But she didn’t know me. That’s what Hannah and Meg said.”
A knot lodged in Belle’s throat. There was such sadness in Quinn’s eyes. Stepping up, she put her hand on Jonah’s back. “Moms know their babies from the moment they know you are on your way. She talked to you and laughed when you kicked her.” She searched Quinn’s face. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but this little boy needed to know his mother had loved him. “She helped pick out your name.”
Quinn nodded, took a deep breath and hugged his son close. “She knew your name the minute we heard your heartbeat. She’s the one who bought you Buck, because she knew you would love horses. We had little tiny pictures of you before you were born, and she carried them with her to show everyone her son. She held you for as long as she could, but then she had to go. She made me promise to tell you every day that I love you. I should have told you that she loves you, too.”
Belle’s heart was breaking. She didn’t understand so much of this world, but she knew this man was the kind of father her uncle and ex would never understand. He deserved a woman who could give him one hundred percent without holding back.
He looked at Belle, and her heart rolled over.
No, he was not for her. She was too much of a De La Rosa. All they did was hurt people in the long run. Elijah and Xavier cherished their wives and were devoted husbands now, but it hadn’t been easy. She couldn’t risk putting her girls through the trauma of a breakup.
“Are you sure about the girls?” he asked.
All she could manage was a nod and a half-baked smile.
“Good. Thank you. We need some one-on-one time.” He swung Jonah over his head and they headed out, echoes of little-boy giggles warming her heart.
* * *
It had been a few hours, but she could still hear Jonah’s and Quinn’s laughter as they had headed out for their male bonding time. He was such a good father. It made sense that he and his wife had wanted a houseful of kids.
She washed the last of the dishes, letting her mind wander. Which was dangerous. It went places it shouldn’t. Like to her and Quinn in a huge house like Xavier and Selena’s with kids in every room.
“Oh, she has it bad. Look at that expression.” Jazz’s voice pulled her out of her musings.
“I know it has nothing to do with those dishes,” Selena teased.
She needed to stop this before it even started. “You both need to stop. There is nothing between us and there never will be.”
“Because you’re being stubborn.”
Jazz nodded. “He likes you. A lot.”
They didn’t get that she was not his type. He’d never want someone like her. “We’re friends. I don’t have a lot of those. I don’t want to lose his friendship. If we tried to make it more, there would be expectations and...stuff. I don’t do emotions or relationship things well.”
They both laughed. “You’re a De La Rosa. It might not come easy, but if Elijah and Xavier can figure it out, so can you.”
“You’re afraid of the unknown.” Jazz sat on a bar stool and propped her feet up.
With a snort, Belle shook her head. “Oh, no. Being married is not the unknown. I’m very much afraid of what I do know. We’d be better as just friends. He’s happy traveling.”
Jazz arched her back. “You De La Rosas are the most hardheaded people I know. Elijah tried to feed me the same line.” She made a face and lowered her voice. “‘We’re better off with miles between us.’” She rolled her eyes. “He actually said that and believed it.”
She had both women’s full attention. “What did you do to get him to change his mind?” Selena asked.
“I left.”
They all laughed.
One hand rubbing her baby bump, Jazz sighed. “I also left it up to God. Everyone talked to Elijah, including my mother. God had to work double time to get through that hard head of his. I knew I couldn’t force him. That’s what got us in trouble the first time around.”
Selena smiled. “And now we have another De La Rosa on the way.” She turned to Belle. “You deserve a happy ending, too. Quinn could be it. If you’re willing to let your guard down and trust him.”
Tears burned Belle’s eyes. “He’ll be halfway around the world. Not that it matters. I don’t have enough to give him.”
Selena came to her side at once. “Sweetheart, you have so much to give. Why not at least try? You’re a beautiful woman. All you do is work. Give yourself permission to have fun.”
“What if he wants more?” She knew it sounded lame, but she couldn’t help that fear from playing havoc with her self-confidence.
Jazz wrapped an arm around her. “It’s not an all-or-nothing kind of thing. He’s a nice guy. Why don’t you deserve a little happiness?”
She moved away from them. “I want Quinn to leave so my life can return to normal. Relationships are not for me.”
Both women looked at her as if she had claimed a burning bush talked to her. Rolling her eyes, she turned to put away the last of the dried dishes. “Just because you two are gooey in love doesn’t mean I need to be. I’m perfectly happy with my life as it is. Once we get my mother out of town and Quinn on his way, life will go back to the way it was before and I’ll be a very happy cowgirl.”
They both shook their heads as if they didn’t believe a word she said. Truth be told, she was a bit worried that, even after Quinn left, she would never be the same as she was before.
Knowing him had changed her. But the jury was still out on whether that was a good thing or not.
* * *
Tonight was his turn to read to the kids. They were halfway through a collection of children’s Bible stories. The girls remained quiet, letting Jonah answer the last question at the end of the story.
With each other, they were competitive, but they were also good about allowing their little brother time to shine. Jonah snuggled between them again, his new Buck tucked against his side.
He’d told his sisters again how their mother had bought it for him before he was born. They went on to tell him stories of how they had helped their mom get ready for him. Quinn wasn’t sure if they came from their own memories, or if they had been told the stories and seen the pictures.
Gina was good about sharing pictures of their mother with them. Closing the book, he stood, leaned over and kissed each of them on the forehead.
“Daddy?” Hannah turned to him.
“Um?” The night was quiet as his little birds nested in their blankets.
“You should marry Ms. Belle.” All three of his little birds looked up at him and nodded.
“We could be a real family,” Meg added.
He sat again. “We are a real family.”
“But it would be great. You like her. She
likes you,” Hannah answered.
“We like Cassie and Lucy. They like us. We’d make a super awesome family,” Meg continued, without missing a beat.
Jonah sat up. “We could all live at the ranch and be happy.”
That made his heart twist. “You’re not happy?”
All three said, “We are.”
Meg looked at her siblings. “But we can always be happier.”
Tucking the comforter around them, he gave them one last kiss. “Stop plotting my love life and go to sleep.” He turned off the reading lamp and went downstairs. If he stayed right now, they would probably keep talking.
Gina was standing at the small stove making tea. With a heavy thud, he fell into what had become his favorite chair. Would Belle let him take it with him? He’d never had a favorite chair before.
Gina handed him the warm tea in one of her new, delicate cups.
“Thanks.”
“They’re right, you know. She makes you happy. I love that you’ve started whistling and singing again.”
Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes. He was starting to see that.
“My daughter, your wife, would never have wanted you to stop living or to turn your back on God. I realized something recently. We have both blamed ourselves for her death, but it wasn’t our fault. It was just one of those things we won’t understand while we’re here on Earth. You know it wasn’t your fault?”
He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “I know.”
“Kari would want you to love again. It doesn’t take anything away from her or the love you will always have for her. That will always be in your children.”
Unable to speak, he nodded.
She sipped her tea. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Do you want to stay in Port Del Mar?” This would be a huge step. Could he take it?
“I would be very happy here. But I would also be happy wherever you and the children are. Son, don’t do this for me. Or them. If we stay, do it because it’s what God has led you to do.”
This was the first time in over five years he felt like he wanted a home. Maybe it was time to consider making it permanent.
But first, he needed to make sure that everything with the land was settled.
He needed to make this right.
Chapter Fifteen
Two days later, Belle stopped at the doorway. The kitchen was a mess. Cassie stood at the island, one of Mari’s aprons double wrapped around her waist as she mixed something in a bowl. Banana peels and bits of apple littered the counter.
“Hurry, Lucy. Mama will be back anytime, and I want the kitchen clean.” Cassie stuffed what looked like a peanut butter mix into pitas. Were the girls trying to surprise her with dinner?
A grin pulled at her lips as she scanned the area for her youngest daughter. A sound came from the pantry. The door was open, blocking Belle’s view. Then it moved, and a chair wobbled.
Her heartbeat pummeled her ears as she rushed to prevent a worst-case scenario. Belle had Lucy in her arms as the chair tipped over, a large bag of chips clutched in her little hands.
“Mama!” both girls yelled at the same time. She eased Lucy to the ground and turned to Cassie.
“What’s going on, girls?”
Cassie took the chips from her sister. “Lu, are you okay?” Cassie hovered over her sister.
“She’s fine. Why is my kitchen a mess?”
The girls looked at each other, then down. “Lucy?” Her youngest would cave faster.
Panic in her eyes, she turned to her sister.
“Lucy. Why are y’all fixing dinner without me?”
Cassie stepped forward. “Mr. Quinn called, and we invited them for dinner.”
“What?” Heart racing, she turned to the kitchen.
She’d gotten so busy that it had been neglected. And now Quinn was coming over, and her house was not ready for guests.
Her hand went to her messy hair. Her breath came in quick, shallow pants. Last-minute surprises never went well. She needed...
Lucy grabbed her hand. “What is it, Mama?”
“We need to scrub the kitchen and get the dishes done and put away. There are toys and clothes scattered all over the living room. I need a shower. When will they be here?”
Cassie’s eyes darted around the room, then back at her. Concern clouded her eyes. “Mama, we made dinner. You take a shower and get ready. Wear the yellow shirt. It’s pretty. Lucy and I’ll clean the house.”
Sweat broke out over her skin, and her lungs refused to work. Closing her eyes, she bent over and braced her hands over her knees.
In. One. Two. Three. Hold. One. Two. Three. Out. One. Two. Three. Hold.
Several more breathing cycles helped to calm her. Both girls were watching her now, concern on their sweet little faces.
Lack of sleep had pushed her over the edge, and she was irrational. This was Quinn, not Frank or Jared. Smiling at the girls, she straightened. He would be fine with the dinner the girls had made.
“Let’s set the table with the fancy plates. That will be fun.” She went to the china cabinet and pulled out her aunt’s favorite dishes. Half of the delicate dishes with tiny violet flowers and pretty green vines had been broken years ago—and it had been her fault.
Wanting to make her brother’s birthday special like Mari had, she had set the table with them, but her uncle’s temper exploded with her efforts. He’d thrown them across the room at her as he called her...
Lucy’s voice brought her back to the present. “Mama, Jonah’s dad is a really good dad. Just like Tío Eli and Tío Xavier. Don’t you think so?”
Taking a deep breath, she looked at her youngest. Dots of bright yellow and purple, leftovers from the cascarones they’d brought home and finished the day before, surrounded her daughter at the table.
Unsure of the unpredictable direction of her daughter’s thoughts, she nodded and waited.
Not looking up from her task, Lucy gathered a stack of empty egg cartons. She kept talking as she disappeared into the pantry. “Everyone at school has a dad. Julie’s dad left, but she still sees him. She has a room in San Antonio when she stays with him.”
Cassie gathered all the dishes and took them to the sink. “A dad would be nice, but not everyone has one. Sometimes dads aren’t nice people, and it’s good when they leave like ours did. Mom didn’t have one, and we don’t need one, either.” She looked at her mom over her shoulder. “Right, Mom?”
Belle’s throat went dry. “Families come in all different forms.” And this was what she had dreaded. Her mother’s heart ached. This was a void she couldn’t fill in her daughters’ lives. How did she explain that she didn’t even have a name for the man who fathered her?
As a child, she’d grown to hate school events that involved parents. They left her feeling like an outsider.
The humiliation of feeling “less than” because they didn’t have a good family was the one thing she never wanted her girls to experience.
“Jonah thinks you’re a good mom. I told him you were the best. If we become a family, we’d have a dad and they’d get a mom. Not having a mom is worse than not having a dad. I feel bad for them.”
Belle’s mouth dropped open, but no words came to her mind. This was a minefield of issues.
Cassie leaned forward across the table. “Mama, it would be nice for you to have someone to help you.” She looked down. “But we’re good with just us, too.”
“Jonah said he wished our mama could be his.” Lucy cleaned the bananas and apples off the counter. “His is in heaven. He doesn’t remember her. It would be great if you were their mother, and Mr. Quinn could be our father.”
“Oh, baby. I can’t just be his mother. He has a wonderful father and grandmother. There are lots of families that look different. It doesn’t m
ake us less of a family. As long as we love each other, we’re good.”
Lucy frowned. “They need a mom, and we need a dad. Why can’t we move in together? We have room in our house.”
“It doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not?” She was persistent; Belle had to give her that.
Cassie crossed her arms and frowned. “A mom and dad need to love one another to get married.” She glanced at Belle. “You could love Mr. Quinn, right?”
Lucy frowned. “Did you love our daddy? Are you waiting for him to come back like Tío Xavier did?” Her eyes went wide. “And Tía Jazz! She came back to Tío Elijah. Where did our dad go?”
“No!” Cassie yelled at her sister. The dish towel was clenched in her fist, her face red. “We aren’t waiting for him. He’s mean. Mama sent him away so he wouldn’t hurt us anymore.”
Belle gasped. Had she not protected her girls as well as she thought?
Head down, Cassie jerked away from them and kept washing the dishes.
Lucy’s eyes were wide. “He hurt us? I don’t remember him. Mr. Quinn wouldn’t hurt us. He’s a good dad. Jonah said so.”
Wanting to wrap both girls in her arms, Belle went to Lucy first. “Yes, Quinn’s a good dad. Your father was...” She sighed, praying for the right words. “Some people have so much hurt and anger in them that it seeps over to other people. Your father was very angry at the world.” She pulled Lucy into her arms. “We have God, and we have each other. We don’t need anyone else. Girl power.” She pressed her lips to her forehead. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Mama.” The still-chubby arms went around her neck. “It doesn’t matter how hurt or angry we get. It’s not okay to hurt other people.”
“That’s right. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” Belle kissed her temple, and Lucy wiggled out of her arms to continue her task.
With her youngest settled, Belle approached Cassie. She put a hand on her shoulder. “He never...” Her heart was in her throat. Had she missed something? She’d been so diligent. “He never hurt you, did he?”
She shook her head. “No. But I saw him...hit you. And he yelled mean things.”
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