She shook her head. “The human condition leaves us wanting what we don’t have. I used to collect pictures from around the world and cover my walls with them. Selena once gave me a poster of Paris. I found one from Hawaii. My favorite was one that I had no clue where it was from, but I wanted to go there. The librarian gave it to me for helping her all year. When she asked if I wanted to go there, I was too embarrassed to tell her I had no idea where it was.”
“Did you ever find out?”
“No. I thought it was better not knowing. I’d never be going, anyway, so it didn’t matter.” Her head tilted as a far-off look softened her face. “It’s been over fifteen years since I’ve seen it, but it’s still as clear as day. The gleaming white houses and pure blue roofs were nestled on cliffs along a beach with the most vibrant blue water. Nothing like the beaches we have here. There’s no way it could be real.”
“It’s real. Santorini, Greece. What happened to your posters?”
“Santorini.” She sighed. “My uncle tore them down.” She continued putting the ingredients into the ice-cream maker, as though a young girl’s dreams being shredded was no big deal. Then she stopped and looked at him. “Greece? Really? You’ve been there?”
“Yeah. A couple of times. My parents love everything Greek. Then I went once with Kari. It was a long time ago. Before we had kids.” When they’d thought they still had a whole lifetime to explore the world. Since losing her, he’d avoided all the places where he had memories with her. Now, for the first time, he thought about their time together there and wanted to share it with his children. With Belle, too. That startled him.
When had the guilt slipped into something softer?
For the first time, sharing his past didn’t hurt. “I could take you. It’s even more incredible in real life.” He watched her as ice and salt went into the barrel. “It’s one of my favorite places after Tokyo. Have you ever traveled out of the country?”
She shook her head, not looking up.
“The United States alone is full of spectacular places, too. Have you seen the Grand Canyon or the giant redwoods? What’s your favorite place you’ve been to?”
“I love the beach. People travel from all over to visit here.”
“You’re truly blessed to have this. It’s an incredible place to live and raise kids. But if you grew up wanting to travel, where’s the farthest you’ve gone?” He admired her, but he wanted to know more about her. She was the most closed-off person he’d ever met.
Maybe it was the challenge of discovery that had him interested in her as a woman in ways he hadn’t felt since his wife. Belle was a mystery.
The only sound was the low humming of the small motor. She was so deep in concentration that her tongue stuck out.
A grin pulled on his mouth. Just sitting here on the porch with her ignoring him, a new kind of peace he’d never experienced settled around him. He wanted to belong here, with her.
He wasn’t sure if she thought he had a place in her world. He needed to tread lightly.
“So,” he persisted. The drive to know everything about her fired him up. “What’s your favorite place to visit, other than your own beach? Granted, most people don’t have a beach to call their own, but if you wanted to travel, you should. Then you get to come home to this. That’s a pretty good life, Ms. De La Rosa.”
With a heavy sigh, she turned from the ice-cream maker and faced the garden. “I don’t have time to travel. There was never time. I told you I was sixteen when I had Cassie. I thought Jared was my ticket out of here, away from my uncle. But it was just like that old cliché. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.”
“But you could have—”
She shook her head. Needing to avoid him, she checked on the ice cream. “She was born two days before the prom. Needless to say, I didn’t go. I got my GED. There was a lot of normal growing-up stuff I skipped over. His family refused to acknowledge our marriage. We tried to make it on our own for a while. We lived all the way over the bridge in Foster after graduation. A few months later we were back on the ranch. There was no traveling. But,” she rushed to say, “I wouldn’t trade her for the world.” Then she sighed. “Sometimes, I guess it feels like I did, but I don’t regret it for a minute. She’s better than all the places I never went combined.”
He didn’t like that he’d made her feel bad about herself. “Kids’ll do that. Give you perspective. Mine kept me going when I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning.”
“It’s nice that you get along with your mother-in-law so well. It helps keep their mother with them.”
He nodded, but he’d never thought about it like that. He knew they had helped each other through a huge loss, but Gina had helped his kids through their grief in ways he couldn’t.
“She is a blessing. I’m not sure how well this would have worked out without her. She does most of the homeschooling. She homeschooled Kari until high school. Then Kari went into a magnet school for science and technology. Had her master’s by the time she was nineteen. It took me a few more years.” He grinned. “At twenty, I hadn’t declared a major yet, but I had enough hours to be a junior. It took me twice as long to get my doctorate. She supported me every step of the way. I love what we were doing. I need my mother-in-law around because, at this rate, my kids will soon be too smart for me.” He winked. “But I can’t let them know that. They smell fear and doubt.”
She chuckled at his joke. “I think you might be underselling yourselves a bit. I dreamed of going to college, but I would have had to leave the ranch. I certainly couldn’t have afforded it and I didn’t think I’d get a scholarship. Xavier and Damian went to the military.”
He frowned. She said there hadn’t been time to travel, but never leaving the ranch was unimaginable. Her cheeks went red as she busied herself checking the ice cream. He wanted to ask more, but she was already embarrassed. And here he was, bragging about Kari’s education.
“If you had gone to school, what would you have studied?” He leaned forward, watching her every move.
“Agriculture. Husbandry. Before I had Cassie, my uncle and I hit every major city in Texas. He loved the attention. I have ribbons from the 4-H judging teams I was on, from horses to grasses. I learned a lot doing that. I also rode barrels and poles. Trained my own horses, too. I was looking to get a rodeo scholarship before...” She waved her hand and bit her lip. “I’m so grateful for everything I have. To think about what I don’t have is a waste of time.”
“You have a great life and have every reason to be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I’ve seen the trophies and ribbons. Those were all before you were sixteen. Impressive.”
“I was able to ride a little after she was born. Jared liked being on the rodeo circuit, too. The good ol’ boy thing. I never got to see much of the places we went to.”
Quinn was used to seeing her tall and bold, and he liked her that way. Not this woman who thought she wasn’t good enough. “Belle. I’m sure you’ve learned by now that men who demean and insult the people in their lives are small-minded and lack self-esteem. It’s all about their ego, not you. Don’t be ashamed of your journey and how you had to accomplish this all on your own, either before you were a mother or after you became one. You didn’t just survive—you thrived. And your girls are proof of that.”
She checked the ice cream again. “Thank you.”
He wanted to reach out and pull her against him, but he couldn’t read her. Before he could act, she disappeared into the house and returned with a container of strawberries.
“Are those for the ice cream?”
She nodded and pulled a cutting board off the shelf above her head, then a knife.
“I haven’t done much to help. Can I cut them?”
“Sure.” Reaching up, she pulled out another board and knife. She rolled half of the strawberries over to him. Without another word,
she began cutting hers into nice, neat slices.
“You know, I could cut them all. You should sit and relax.”
“I’m not good at sitting. Doing stuff with my hands is how I relax.”
As they cut in silence, he watched her hands slice and sort. Clean, efficient movements characterized everything she did.
Belle had fought for her way of life. Seeing the fierce way she loved the people in it had Quinn seeing new possibilities for his family. Even after being knocked down so many times, she was willing to try again.
He couldn’t help but admire her. He finished cutting all his berries and then took a step closer to her. He put one hand on her arm. “Belle, I’ve been thinking—”
Ducking, she went around him and slid the slices into the ice cream. “We need to put the strawberries in. If we wait too long, we’ll get ice crystals.”
Was that her way of telling him to back off? He took her hand. “Belle. We’re—”
“Mom! Is the ice cream ready?”
Chapter Sixteen
Belle jumped back. When had Quinn gotten so close to her? She started scooping the ice cream into a container. “It’s all mixed. We need to leave it in the freezer for an hour.”
“Oh, Mama! We don’t have to. It’s good enough as it is. Don’t make us wait.” Lucy flopped onto one of the rocking chairs with a dramatic flourish.
She laughed. “Waiting is good for you.”
“What if it went into the freezer for thirty minutes instead of an hour?” Quinn grinned at her.
The rest of the gang agreed. “Yes! Thirty minutes. That’s a good compromise.” Hannah nodded and looked at Lucy. Her daughter agreed, even though Belle was pretty sure she didn’t know what compromise meant.
“Here, Lucy. You and Jonah can put it in the freezer and set the timer.” They ran to do their assigned job, and Belle finally sat, making sure to choose the rocker farthest from Quinn.
“Daddy. Did you tell Ms. Belle our other good news?” Hannah asked.
“That is not finalized, so no.”
All three girls were sitting on the daybed with Frog across their legs. The Australian shepherd might be the best babysitter Belle had ever had.
“But Meg said you were staying,” Cassie said.
“Staying?” Belle turned to him with questions in her eyes.
“Girls, I told you it was a family matter. We are not done discussing it. I haven’t made up my mind yet, and I need to speak with Baba. You were not supposed to talk about it.”
Their eyes met. “Belle, your face has gone pale. Not a good sign. This was not how I wanted to tell you about my plans.”
“Sorry, Daddy. I’m just excited.” Hannah dropped her head.
Meg finished off her sister’s thoughts. “We love being on the horse-judging team. There’s so much we could learn here. There’s sailing. You love sailing and boating.”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Then he looked at Belle.
“Is that what you were trying to tell me earlier?” It was easier to keep her distance when she knew he would be leaving soon, but what did it mean if he stayed?
As she massaged her temple, her fingertips touched the scar on the left side of her face. She didn’t need a mirror to know what it looked like. It was burned into her brain.
It was the evidence that, no matter how strong she was, she couldn’t always protect herself. The best way was to stay focused on her girls and the ranch. Quinn being in town for longer than a few months would not change her views on relationships.
She didn’t want them, didn’t need them.
“We love living on the ranch,” Hannah said, and Meg nodded.
Cassie was between them, holding their hands. “Wouldn’t that be great, Mom? They can help us with the chores and everything.”
“No,” she and Quinn said at the same time.
She took a deep breath. “Baby, that cabin was never meant for five people to live in. It’s temporary.”
Lucy and Jonah joined them. They climbed onto the porch swing. “What’s temporary?”
“The cabin. We want y’all to move to our house and live with us. It’s bigger,” Cassie said.
“Wait. That is not what I said.” Quinn’s eyes darted to Belle. “I never said that.”
The two youngest were all grins. “It’s a great idea. They don’t need to stay in the cabin. Jonah and I can share a room, right?”
Jonah nodded.
Lucy rambled on with their plans. “Cassie said the library could be turned into her room. If you get married, then y’all could share the big room. We have it all planned out.” She grinned.
Quinn groaned and tilted his head back. Eyes closed, he looked to be praying.
Belle wasn’t sure what to do. Man-to-man defense was not going to work with five kids against two tired, sleep-deprived adults.
“Stop. First, Mr. Quinn has not decided if they’re staying in Port Del Mar, and this is a family discussion that we don’t belong in.”
“But we want to be family,” Lucy said. Her head tilted to the side in confusion. “Shouldn’t we all talk about it?”
“We’re friends.” Belle squeezed in between Lucy and Jonah on the swing. Both looked as if they were about to cry. “Friends are a type of family, but not the type who talk about big life-changing decisions.” She squeezed them to her sides, needing a way to change the subject. “Who’s ready for fresh strawberry ice cream?”
That shifted the mood. Cassie and Lucy ran in to get the bowls as she retrieved the creamy dessert from the freezer.
“Can we watch a movie?” Lucy asked.
With the horde of little people happy in the family room, Belle handed Quinn the last bowl and sat in the rocker next to him.
“Belle, look at me.”
Strands of hair wisped across her face in the breeze. Pushing them away, she bit her lip and turned to face him. The seriousness of his tone made her insides squirm. “What is it?”
He inhaled but kept his gaze locked with hers. “I do want to stay in Port Del Mar. I wasn’t ready to talk to you because I wanted to make sure of my plans first. And that didn’t include moving into your house.”
He cleared his throat, then finally looked away. “I can rearrange my workload and make Port Del Mar my home base. I would still travel, but not as much or for as long. Mainly, I want to do this so we can explore a future. Belle, I think I lo—”
“Stop. We’re friends. Don’t...” The squirming insides tightened into hard knots. Unable to meet his gaze, she put aside her uneaten bowl of ice cream and stood. “I need to check the garden.”
What she needed was space away from him. They were friends, that was all, and he was about to ruin it. What if they could have more?
No. No. No. She couldn’t afford to go there. The scar on the side of her face throbbed as she fled to the garden. She was at the gate when she looked at her empty hands. No basket.
The gate was stuck. “You want to be difficult now? You think I need to talk to him?” she yelled at the garden gate. “There is nothing wrong with walking away from a fight.” She rattled the latch. “Why are you being stubborn?”
“Are you talking to the gate? You have a habit of speaking to objects instead of people.”
Her hands stilled, and she rested them on the gate. “They’re easier to talk to.”
“Because they don’t talk back?”
The latch popped, and the gate swung open, causing her to stumble forward. Strong arms steadied her.
“You forgot your basket.” Sure enough, it was hanging from his arm. “Belle, don’t run. I want to give us time. We have something, and I don’t want to walk away from it. Life is too short for us to ignore an opportunity to find happiness.”
She turned to face him as he surrounded her in his warmth. As she looked up, their faces wer
e so close that she could see each of his long eyelashes. Dropping her gaze, she traced the lines around his mouth.
Breathing became very difficult as he leaned in, torturing her with the slow progression. Finally, they touched, his lips gently nudging hers, asking for permission.
Pressing against him, she gave it. His arms pulled her closer, and for that moment, she allowed him to become her whole world.
Stepping away would be the smart thing, but she was tired of fighting herself and just wanted to give in and absorb his warmth. It had been so long since anyone made her feel cherished. His hands rested at the base of her neck as his lips moved across her mouth.
“You’re so beautiful and strong.” His breath tickled her ear. He was so close but didn’t kiss the sensitive skin. The muscles in his arm bunched and flexed under her hand.
His strength surrounded her. It would be easy to lose herself in him, but she had tried that before, and she’d lost herself. He was so different from Jared, but how much of the problems had been hers? She couldn’t allow that to happen ever again.
For a moment more, she stayed there, captivated by him. Then, with a groan, she pushed away. He dropped his arms and let her go.
The basket he had carried out had fallen at her feet.
He shook his head, then picked it up. “I love you. I want more than friendship. We’re more than friends already. I’m going to be around for a while. I’m making Port Del Mar our home.”
“No.” Betrayal made her want to cry. She never cried. She refused. “Why are you doing this? I told you I wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship.” She jabbed at the mark on her face. “I have this scar because I thought another man could save me.”
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