He moved closer to me. Our gazes locked together. Looking deep into his green eyes was hypnotic, making me forget my vow to steer clear of him. I took one step closer. He took another. The gap closed between us. We were only a few feet apart. His gaze flicked down to my lips, and I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking.
I wanted him to kiss me, even though I didn’t. At least, I didn’t think I did. I was so confused. Jock was warming up to his teammate, starting to see him as the good, honest person I saw. So what was stopping me from enjoying his company?
Sheer stubbornness and refusal to admit I was wrong were certainly part of it. I had my pride. I also had my fears, and they were bigger than I cared to admit. I prided myself on being strong and invincible. If life knocked me down, I leaped to my feet and fought adversity. Growing up with a father who repaired Harleys for a notorious motorcycle club forced me to be tough. I didn’t take shit from anyone. That same father taught me a thing or two about love, and not in a good way. Love was fleeting, deceptive, and to be avoided at all costs. I was still getting over the one time I’d allowed myself to fall for a man, and I hated the weakness I’d shown. Hadn’t I learned my lesson growing up motherless? The people who loved you the most hurt you the most.
I had a hard shell, and after Weasel decimated my confidence and my self-esteem, it’d become as hard as iron. Axel wielded that same power as my ex had, and I wouldn’t succumb to his control, not like I did to Weasel.
Just as our lips were about to touch, sanity slapped me up the side of the face, and I scurried backward like a scared little mouse. Axel blinked several times as if he couldn’t believe I was so close one moment and so far the next.
“Have a safe drive home,” I said casually, pretending he hadn’t almost gotten beneath my protective layers. I quickly slipped into the house before I said or did something equally stupid.
Chapter 17—Morning After
~~Geneva~~
The team had a morning skate before the home game tonight. Axel, Steele, and Kaden looked like something the cat had dragged in and tortured for several minutes. I immediately assumed the worst, and I was disappointed in them, especially Axel. They’d obviously been out partying all night.
Gorst was all over their asses, and Coop was fit to be tied. The second line looked like they belonged back in preschool hockey. Maybe not that bad, but they were bad. By the time practice was over, they were demoralized. Heads hanging, they shuffled back to the locker room. As Axel walked by, I shot him a questioning smile. He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug, but his eyes were troubled. Something was going on.
I gathered up the towels strewn about, but my heart was heavy. These guys were struggling, and I was worried and irritated that they’d endanger our chances in the playoffs by partying all night.
As I walked down the long corridor to my home away from home, the laundry room, Kaden, Axel, and Steele filed into the players’ lounge. Gorst, Ice, and Coop followed them, grim-faced and more than a little angry. They were in for a butt-chewing, and I retreated to the sanctuary of my washers and dryers, where even Gorst’s loudest tirade would be muffled.
I’d loaded the second batch of towels when the laundry room door swung open. I spun around a little too eagerly, expecting Axel to be in the doorway. Instead, Jock stood there, and I frowned. He had his goalie face fully in place, and I was only able to guess what he was thinking.
“Don’t look so disappointed.” He entered the laundry room and shut the door behind him.
“Sorry, I’m not disappointed, just overwhelmed by all the dirty laundry you guys produced today.”
“No more than usual.” He wasn’t buying my feeble excuse.
“Seems like more on game days, when I’m in a bigger hurry to get things done.”
“What’s going on with those three and the coaches?” He jerked his chin toward the door, indicating the three in question were still in a meeting.
“Is Gorst on a tirade? Can you hear him?”
“No, that’s what’s weird. It’s deadly quiet in the corridor, so he has to be keeping his voice down.”
“Maybe he’s murdered them all and stuffed their bodies in a dumpster,” I said.
Jock rolled his eyes and heaved a long-suffering brotherly sigh. “Seriously. You don’t have a clue what’s up? They looked like shit and played even worse in practice.”
“I know, I saw them. Not a clue what’s going on. You’re awfully nosy. You usually don’t concern yourself with others’ problems.”
“I do when I’m starting goalie and those problems affect the entire team.” I should’ve known. His concern wasn’t for Axel or his buddies but for the team. That was how my brother rolled. Team first, nothing else mattered. Except his family, of course.
“I have to get back to work. If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.” As much as I’d prefer speculating with him, I did have a lot to do and a game coming up in several hours, which doubled my workload.
He nodded and put his hand on the doorknob, hesitated, and turned back to me. “Do you like doing this?”
I contemplated his question for a moment. Not too long because I knew my answer. “Actually, I love this job. Sure, the endless laundry is boring, but I love being part of this team and doing my share to build a winning franchise. I’ve never been part of a team before, and it’s different. You’re working for something bigger than you, something bigger than all the people are separately. It’s what we become when we work together.”
Jock studied me thoughtfully, then almost smiled. “I’m glad. I like having you around.” Before I had a chance to reply, he left me to my mountain of laundry. Jock rarely expressed his innermost feelings, and for him to say what he had was amazing and heartwarming, especially for a girl who’d never been part of a functional family before. I was touched, and Jock’s words left me with a cozy sense of place.
This was the right place for me. I had a family, and I had more than I’d ever had before.
I might even have Axel if I wanted him. I hadn’t talked to him at all today, nor had he made his daily date request. Judging by how he looked this morning, I doubted he would. He must’ve drunk to the point where he’d destroyed every last brain cell last night.
About twenty minutes later, the door opened again. This time it was Axel.
“Hangover?” I accused, unable to keep the annoyance of my voice.
“No,” he shot back, equally annoyed. “I was up all night with Kaden and Steele. Just talking. Kaden was in a spot where we were really worried about him.”
I hadn’t expected this. “Is that why the three of you look like shit?”
He narrowed his gaze and studied me for several uncomfortable moments. “Yeah. What did you think? That I was out partying?”
I ducked my head and didn’t respond, ashamed of my lack of faith in him.
“You did.” His tone was laced with disappointment and sadness, like he’d lost his best friend.
“I’m sorry.” I hung my head and kicked an errant sock with the toe of my shoe.
His green eyes narrowed to hard, icy-cold slits. “I’m hurt. I thought we’d gotten beyond that.”
“We haven’t gotten beyond anything,” I bristled. I wasn’t even sure we were friends. I didn’t know what we were.
“If that’s how you feel about me, then I guess that’s true.” He shrugged as if my opinion didn’t matter. His lack of interest stung more than I cared to admit.
He sat down in the room’s only chair, his large, muscular body dwarfing the plastic chair to the point where I hoped it held his weight. He lifted his troubled gaze to meet mine, and I was shamed. I’d assumed the worst of him, and I’d been wrong. I saw the fear reflected in his eyes. This was serious stuff.
“What’s going on with him?”
“Here’s the thing. He’s not really saying other than he can’t find her.”
“The secret girlfriend?”
His response was a tired nod. Wit
hout even saying goodbye, he left.
Axel didn’t even ask me out this time, not that I blamed him. He was worried, and so was I.
~~Axel~~
I left Geneva, feeling empty and alone. I hadn’t been in a bantering mood, yet I missed the bantering. I was truly worried about Kaden. Something was really off with him. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own drama, I’d have seen his problems sooner. I sucked as a friend.
I had to get my shit together. We’d sucked today.
First of all, I had an obligation to my second-line mates. I pushed the troubling thoughts from my mind and went in search of Coop. He was in his small office next to Gorst’s, and his door was open. I knocked.
“Hey, Coach,” I said.
He motioned me in, surprised to see me since we’d already met less than an hour ago with Gorst. He pushed his monitor out of the way, picked up his cup of coffee, and took a sip. Sitting back in his chair, he regarded me with curiosity. “What’s up?”
I sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk. “I know there’s a lot of non-hockey stuff going on right now, especially in my life, but I wanted to talk to you about something hockey related.”
He nodded and waited for me to continue.
I took a deep breath and dived in. “As you’ve no doubt noticed, the second line is struggling somewhat.”
“I noticed,” he said wryly.
“We were talking and were wondering if you’d be willing to work with us after practice for another hour, help us gel more as a line.”
His dark brows furrowed as he considered my request. I was asking him to pile more work onto an already overloaded day and, as a result, spend less time with his family. I waited for his response, my fingers digging into my thighs and my stomach ready to do a nosedive if his answer was negative.
“You’ve been high-maintenance ever since we called you up, Axe.”
“I know.” I hung my head in shame. As a rookie fighting to keep a roster spot, the last thing a guy needed was negative attention.
“I was a bit of a troublemaker my rookie year.” He snorted and almost smiled.
“I’ve heard rumors.”
“I doubt they were rumors. Back then, our veteran center, Mark Ledux, took me under his wing. He was an asshole, but I’ll forever be grateful for the time he took with me when he didn’t have to.”
I nodded and bit my lower lip just to keep myself from saying something stupid and sounding like a fangirl. Ugh.
“All five of you need to be here at eight a.m. Wednesday and Thursday. And you’ll need to ask our backup goalie if he’s available.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding and resisted the urge to hug him. He wouldn’t appreciate such gestures.
“We could ask Jock,” I said helpfully, but my suggestion was met with a deep frown.
“No, he’s got enough on his plate. We need him fresh for the game.”
“He’s not working on shots with the first line?”
“That was only for a few weeks. He’s in the zone right now, and I never mess with a goalie in the zone. You, on the other hand, are still figuring out the pro game, as are your buddies.”
“Thank you. Thank you for doing this.” I stood and went to the door, eager to get away from his overpowering presence.
“You won’t be thanking me tomorrow morning.” His grin was evil, and his wink was a promise of more torture to come.
One problem down. One more that was still up in the air. And another that required some attention. I wasn’t giving up on my campaign to win over Geneva. Before my nap, I headed for the mall to stock up on gifts.
Chapter 18—Chipping Away
~~Geneva~~
Axel’s crappy play wasn’t dampening his enthusiasm toward a date with me. Even though my momentary lack of faith had disappointed him, he got over it and ramped up his pursuit.
Over the next few days, I found expensive imported chocolates sitting on one of the washers with a note, Will you go out with me? The following day there were chocolate-covered strawberries sitting on that very dryer. This time the note said, Strawberries are red, chocolate is brown, why don’t you let me take you out on the town?
I laughed my ass off at that one. He’d better not quit his day job to be a poet. His notes were sweet and corny and showed a side of him I’d only glimpsed before.
I couldn’t lie. I was beginning to look forward to what he’d do next. We were heading to Colorado for a one-game road trip as the season wound down.
On the plane, I got up from my seat to use the restroom. When I came back, there was a large envelope in my seat. I glanced around, but no one was paying attention to me. Axel was playing poker in the far back of the plane. I opened the envelope and peered inside at an object wrapped in tissue. Gingerly, I pulled it out and unwrapped it.
It was a hockey puck. I turned it over to find scrawled in Axel’s now-familiar handwriting another message that made me smile. “Please give a puck, and go out with me.”
I shoved the puck in my bag before anyone else saw it, but the smile on my face spread wider. I didn’t have an opportunity to speak to Axel until we were at the hotel waiting for our keys, but I did a lot of staring at the back of his head and his unruly hair, imagining what that hair would feel like in my fingers and against my body, and listening to his hearty laugh as he played poker with the Puck Brothers.
Later, as I waited for my key, he slid up next to me and grinned. “Am I wearing you down yet?”
“Axel, please.” I moved past him and over to one of my coworkers. Axel didn’t follow me, but I felt those intense green eyes watching me, which was somewhat unnerving. He made me feel things I never wanted to feel again. The wounds were too fresh, too raw, and I was too vulnerable. The problem was I wanted him. I wanted him more than anyone I could ever imagine, but hadn’t I also felt that way about Weasel when I’d first met him? Probably. But Axel was different. Yeah, I’d thought that about Weasel. But Axel really was different, wasn’t he? Weasel had been a Sacred Hearts wannabe, a guy who didn’t care much about anyone but himself. He’d been dangerous and dark and hot.
I was so confused and fearful of getting into something I wasn’t healed enough to handle.
Axel left me alone for the remainder of the day, not because he wanted to necessarily but because I was working at the arena. Unpacking all that hockey gear was a huge undertaking.
I didn’t get back to the hotel until midnight. I was heading straight for the elevator when I heard my name called.
“Geneva.”
I stopped and turned in the direction of the voice. Axel lounged in a quiet alcove in the lobby with a book in his hand. He indicated the cushion next to him on the couch. I excused myself from the rest of the equipment staff and wearily walked over to him. I was tired, and all I wanted was to put my head on the pillow.
“Axel, what are you doing here?” Despite my misgivings, I sat down next to him. After a quick glance around, I was certain we wouldn’t be overheard.
“Waiting for you.” His expression was earnest, even concerned, and definitely smoldering. Maybe he’d been doing a little of what I’d been doing in the laundry room and often did to pass the time. I’d been thinking about him naked and all the things we might do to each other.
“How long have you been here?”
“About an hour.” He patted the thriller novel sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “I had a good book to keep me company, but I’d rather have you.”
I sighed. “Don’t the two of us have enough troubles in our lives without inviting more in?”
“I don’t think a date with you would be much trouble at all, and if it is, you’ll be worth it.” He grinned broadly, showing his cocky side, which I had to admit I found attractive. Really attractive. I liked that bit of bad boy in him.
Axel rose from his seat and closed the distance between us. I made the fatal mistake of meeting his gaze, and once again I was sucked into that place that knew no space
or time, only us. The two of us. We might not have been physically touching, but we were emotionally and spiritually.
If you don’t think that’s weird coming from me, you don’t know me. I don’t think stuff like this. I’m a practical sort, not an airy-fairy type.
But here I was. Feeling a connection. Wallowing in it. Falling prey to its power. Wanting more when I couldn’t want more.
Why couldn’t I?
All my internal arguments against being with Axel faded as Axel leaned toward me. He ran his index finger reverently along my jawline. Then he touched my lips, gently, carefully, as if touching a delicate flower. I shivered. The embers in his gaze flared. The heat inside me grew to bonfire proportions.
I leaned closer to him. Our lips were inches apart, then an inch, then they touched. Just a brief touch, nothing more. No full-on lip-lock, no tongue, no clashing of teeth. If I’d been standing, this kiss would’ve knocked me off my feet harder than the roughest, deepest kiss I’d ever had.
I staggered backward before he deepened the kiss, and I would be irrevocably lost. My back bumped a fake plant behind me, my gaze still locked with his.
I swallowed hard and forced my eyes to focus on a point over his shoulder. I was shaking inside and close to shaking on the outside. Only my well-honed ability to conceal my emotions prevented making an embarrassing situation worse.
“I can’t go out with you. While your persistence has been amusing and annoying, you need to stop. Give up,” I said coldly in a voice that would discourage most men, but Axel wasn’t most men.
“Giving up is not in my vocabulary.”
I was afraid of that. Axel’s voice was cool and calm, and I wondered if he was feeling the inner turmoil I was feeling or if this was just another day of seduction to him.
“Look, Axel,” I said in all seriousness, “I’m coming out of a bad relationship, a very bad one, and I don’t have anything left to give anyone right now. I like you. You’re a good guy, but I don’t want to date you.”
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