by A. D. McLain
Determining her orientation in relation to her surroundings was nearly impossible. She’d lost her grip on the chair during the chaos. There was no lightning from the window. The thunder was far away. The voices were quiet. With dizziness overwhelming her senses, she closed her eyes and gave in to the darkness.
Nicole grabbed the arm of the couch with one hand and the back of the couch with the other. The book she’d fallen asleep reading fell from her lap to the floor. She picked it up, trying without much success to straighten the bent pages, and placed it on the end table. She noticed her hands were shaking, and she was covered in a cold sweat. Her breathing was erratic, her thoughts still jumbled.
She took a couple of deep breaths and checked the clock. It was almost the same time she’d woken up last night, give or take a half hour. It never failed, once the dreams started coming, they began almost like clockwork. They always seemed to come in the darkest hour of the night, too. She always woke up, cold, sweaty, frightened, and alone in the darkness.
Last night had been different though; she’d had the wolf to keep her company and help her get back to sleep. For once, she hadn’t been alone.
His presence had been a comfort, and having him there helped distract her. She hadn’t felt so alone, which was a welcome change. Even if he was just a wolf, he’d made her feel better.
If only he was with her now, she could hold him, listen to his breathing. She wouldn’t have to be alone with the nightmare. Maybe he would be there again, asleep on the balcony, waiting for her to let him in. She tried to dismiss the thought but found herself going to the balcony doors anyway.
She pulled open the doors and was greeted with an empty balcony and a dark night. He wasn’t there. She leaned against the railing and released an exhausted sigh. She’d just have to deal with the nightmares on her own.
She turned to go inside but stopped when she heard a sound coming from the fire escape. It sounded like claws clicking against the metal steps and her heart skipped a beat. She turned to the fire escape and saw the wolf climbing the last couple of steps onto her balcony. Forgetting her resolution to deal with the nightmares on her own, she ran over to the wolf and threw her arms around him. “You came back!”
He nuzzled her neck and it almost seemed as if he hugged her back.
“Would you mind coming inside with me for a little while? I could really use the company.” Her voice sounded unsteady to her own ears.
To her relief, he padded inside as quickly as he had the night before. She closed the balcony doors and turned back to the wolf to find him sitting at her feet, looking up at her. She sat down on the floor beside him and hugged him close, threading her fingers through his fur. The wolf quickly warmed her after the cold outside. She rested her cheek on his side and finally relaxed.
How long they stayed like that, she didn’t know. She could feel the wolf’s even breathing and his heartbeat pulsed through her, until she wasn’t sure which beat was hers and which belonged to him. His fur was soft against her skin. There was something about holding another living creature close that made the world seem better, not so overwhelming and her fears dissipated and somehow, she could accept the comfort easier from this wolf than from anyone else. He wouldn’t think any less of her for her weaknesses. He offered comfort without asking her to divulge her fears and problems. He was just what she needed right now. “Oh, Wolf, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She stiffened the second the words left her lips. Even if she’d been thinking it, she wished she hadn’t put it into words. Thinking about him as a comfort, and thinking she needed him were two different matters. He was nice to have around, but she didn’t need the wolf, and she would manage just fine even if he never showed up again.
She ignored the momentary ache in her chest and shook her head. “I need some sleep.” She got to her feet and walked into the bedroom, determined to face her fears. She couldn’t let them control her.
Fear tightened its grip as she entered the darkened room and she stopped. What if she immediately started having the nightmare again? As long as she was awake, she didn’t have to worry about it, but the second she closed her eyes and slept, her control over the situation was over. She would be completely at the mercy of her nightmares.
Rubbing her tired eyes, she realized she didn’t really have a choice in the matter. She needed to sleep. Even now, the desire to close her eyes and rest was pulling at her. Her fear was great, but the need for sleep was stronger.
Accepting that she couldn’t control what would happen, , she took a deep breath and slipped under the covers, closing her eyes. She almost shrieked when a warm weight settled against her feet and a range of irrational fears related to the nightmare raced through her head before she could stop them. Gathering the reins of her imagination and shoring up her courage, she snuck a peek at the bottom of the bed.
The wolf lifted his head, looking completely innocent and suddenly opened his jaws in a big yawn, before he lay his head down on his front paws and shut his eyes.
Nicole released a nervous laugh. It was only the wolf, not some manifestation of her fears come to haunt her while she was awake. More convinced than ever that her fears had no grounds in reality, she spent a minute trying to decide whether she should let the wolf stay on the bed. The decision came swiftly. He was so adorable all curled up at her feet and there was no harm in letting him stay there. Besides, she didn’t have the heart to disturb him She yawned and closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.
David threw another rock at the lake. It skipped three times before sinking beneath the water. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
Mark had never seen David like this before. It had been years since David let anything get under his skin. Mark sighed, he didn’t want to see his friend get hurt, but he didn’t know what he could do for him. “Before you do anything, maybe you should tell her the truth.” Mark flicked a rock over the water, and it skipped five times before sinking.
“I know I probably should, but she hardly knows me. If I tell her the black wolf and I are one in the same, she’s liable to call the guys in white coats to take me away.” Two skips.
“Maybe not. You said she’s reacted well to the wolf.” Four skips.
“You know as well as I do, a human friendly with our wolf form doesn’t always translate to easily accepting we’re shape changing werewolves.” Mark nodded his acceptance of that truth. Eric sighed. “Even if she can accept that without freaking out, I’ve been in her apartment, at night, while she’s sleeping. When she finds out that was me, she could feel betrayed and lied to.”
One skip.
“She probably will.” Mark laughed at the frustrated look David shot him. “I think you should let her get to know you, grow more comfortable in your company Why don’t you take her out, maybe go to the fair in Starview? Fairs are always a good place to relax and get to know someone without the pressure of it seeming as if it’s a date.” Six skips.
“Maybe.” David considered his friend’s advice for a moment or two and decided it just might be a good idea. He smiled. “I’ll ask her.” Eight skips.
Nicole glanced up from her papers and listened to ensure she really had heard a knock at the door. A second knock confirmed it. Putting aside her books, she stood and stretched before going to answer the knock. She yanked open the door to find David standing on the other side, that beautiful smile of his lighting up his entire face. “Hey, I thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing.”
Her lips curled into a big smile and she realized it was the first time she’d smiled all evening. “I’m doing okay, except for this paper I’m working on.”
“Can I help?” he asked eagerly.
The offer caught her off guard. Was he serious? No one had ever volunteered to help her with a paper before. “Um… yeah, I guess,” she responded hesitantly, “if you really want to.”
David’s smile broadened and he stepped through the doorwa
y. Nicole was about to close the door when she noticed him stepping into the room awkwardly, and she could have sworn he was trying to keep her from seeing something. Before she could question his odd behavior, he spoke.
“I have something for you.” He pulled a stuffed animal, a wolf, from behind his back. “I noticed you seem to have an affinity for wolves.” He motioned to the decor. “I thought he could watch over you when I’m not around.”
Nicole took the wolf, holding it close to her chest and blinked away a tear. She threw her other arm around David’s neck and squeezed tightly. David wrapped his arms around her and he tightened his hold as he hugged her back. The air seemed to vibrate all around them, as if she and David were surrounded by a sphere of warmth and energy.
After a moment, they moved apart, both breathing deeply and Nicole’s skin flushed. The look in David’s eyes was enough to let her know he’d experienced the exact same thing and she felt closer to him than she’d ever done to anyone in her life. “Thank you. This is one of the kindest gifts anyone has ever given me.” Her voice broke on the last word. She found she couldn’t completely hide her response to his intense gaze and the strong emotions running through her body.
“I’m glad you like it.” David had noticed the catch in Nicole’s voice, and he forced a lightness into his words and eyes. If she felt half of what he was struggling with right now, he could hardly blame her for being a little overwhelmed. The least he could do was to back off a little bit and give her some breathing room. In all honesty, he needed the breathing room as much as she did.
Nicole breathed a little easier when David offered her a playful grin. “I love it.”
He smiled broadly. “Okay, so you said you were working on a paper?”
“Yeah.” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and walked across to where piles of papers and books were spread out over the floor. Sitting down in front of the pile, she started sorting through some of the papers, still clutching the toy wolf. She found she didn’t want to let go of it. “I’m still trying to get a clear focus for my paper. I’m thinking about something about how to find your purpose in the world and help people without giving away all your worldly possessions and meditating in the wilderness for years or putting yourself in immanent danger of death, or something like that.”
“Immanent danger of death?” he quirked an eyebrow. “You mean like trying to expose pollution and nearly getting killed?”
“What? No. Maybe. Not really. I was thinking people who travel to countries at war and do relief work, or doctors and nurses who take care of sick people in epidemics. How do you reconcile wanting to be a good person and help those in need with the desire to have indoor plumbing and central air conditioning, and not eat bugs in a jungle or get beheaded by some militant crazy person in another country?”
“You’re trying to do things to help clean up your environment. That has to count for something, right?”
“I know cleaning up our river and lake will be a good thing, and it will definitely help the people who swim in the water and get sick, but there are places in the world where the water doesn’t just give you a rash. Children die from drinking water that isn’t clean. Families are persecuted for their religious beliefs. People are dying of curable illnesses. Can we fulfill our purpose and become the best version of ourselves if we don’t do something to ease the suffering of all the people in the world who face injustice and adversity on a daily basis?”
David rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “You can’t help everyone, and that’s okay. Humanity is like a big family. People always wonder how big families work. How does one mom and dad take care of ten kids with all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc.? They do it by sharing the load. Everyone in the family does something. Everyone helps out in some little way. It may not look like much on the surface, but if everyone does a little, the work gets done.”
“Okay,” she mulled over his words, “but how am I helping do my little part if I’m in my apartment eating ice cream and playing video games while other people are rescuing children from sex traffickers or relocating refugees from religious persecution and genocide? It feels like I’m just hiding from the world and all it’s problems.”
Her words struck a spear at his conscience. Here she was worried she wasn’t doing enough to be a good person, and he had been actively hiding for decades, without ever once thinking about how he could help anyone else. It was a sobering thought. “We can all probably do more than what we do, but that doesn’t mean small gestures are meaningless. If everyone ran off to fight the good fight across the world, there would be no one to grow food, develop medicines or life saving technology, fund relief efforts, or provide homes for refugees and orphans once they’re saved. Everyone has a part of play, but it isn’t the same part.”
“What was that about ‘small gestures?’” Nicole scrambled to sort through her books and notes. “Small gestures,” she repeated. “Small gestures have meaning, Oh, where is it?” she blew out a frustrated sigh. “I know I read something like that somewhere. Here it is!” she held up a small blue book with the face of a nun on the cover. “There was this saint who taught about living a holy life in little ways. She folded laundry and stuff like that, like what you said about the ‘humanity as a big family’ thing.” Nicole pulled out a pencil and notepad and began writing down notes.
An hour later, she had a thesis and a good idea of where the rest of the paper was going. With a satisfied smile, she gathered her work and added everything to the stack of books on the end table. “Would you like me to top off your drink?” she asked, clambering to her feet.
“Sure.”
She took their cups into the kitchen area. “Why don’t you see if you can find anything on the television?”
“Okay. Any preference?”
“Oh, I don’t care.” Nicole finished refilling their drinks and lit a couple of aromatherapy candles, before sitting down beside David on the floor. “Find anything good?”
He looked deeply into her eyes when he took his glass. “Yes… oh, you mean on TV.” He turned back to the television. “How about this?”
Nicole’s cheeks warmed. She turned her attention to the screen, grateful for a diversion. “Oh, Labyrinth is on! I love that movie.”
“You do?” David sounded surprised.
“Yeah, it’s one of my favorite movies.”
He smiled. “Why do you like it so much?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She thought about the question for a moment. He seemed legitimately interested, so she should give him an honest answer. “I guess because it’s so much fun. It’s got magic and suspense. It reveals a world where normal rules don’t apply. For instance, there can be thirteen hours on a clock face. Walls can appear out of nowhere. Doorknockers can talk back to the person who wants to get inside. It’s everything the real world isn’t.”
“But everything she saw, she already had, before she went in the labyrinth. It was with her all along, in the real world,” David pointed out.
Nicole couldn’t hide her surprise. “You know the movie?”
“Yeah, I’ve watched it a few times. I like it because of the challenges she needs to face. She has to use her mind to solve the riddle with the card guys. She’s got to trust her instincts with all the creatures she meets, but she also needs to realize things aren’t always going to be what they appear. And she needed to learn not to expect everything to be fair. It’s one of my favorite movies”.
“You’re kidding.”
“No.” He looked sheepish. “I can quote just about every line.”
“Oh, really?” She challenged and leaned forward. “Prove it.”
He smiled back. “‘I have sworn with my life’s blood, none shall pass this way without my permission!’”
Nicole leaned forward and grinned mischievously. “‘May we have your permission?’” David noted her tone had a sultry edge to it, in far contrast to the way the line was actually delivered in the movie.
&nbs
p; “‘Well I, uh,’” He nearly forgot he was supposed to be quoting a movie and stumbled with bated breath. “‘Yes?’”
Nicole laughed and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell the goblin king about the kiss. We wouldn’t want you being sent to the land of stench.”
David laughed. “At least I’d be a prince.”
The both laughed and settled in for the show. As the credits ran across the screen, she looked at David and smiled. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun.”
“Me either.” David lapsed into silence for a moment or two before he spoke again, the words coming out in a rush. “Would you like to go to the fair in Starview tomorrow night?” There – he’d done it – he’d asked her to go out.
Nicole thought for a second or two. It had been a long time since she’d been to a fair, and she didn’t have any plans. Why not? “Sure, I’d love to.”
David smiled broadly. “Great.” He turned back to her and his breath caught in his throat. When had her face gotten so close to his? He could feel her warm breath against his own lips and his heart started to thump.
Nicole found herself staring into David’s beautiful eyes and frightened of the rush of emotions she experienced she started to panic. As much as she wanted to kiss him, it was too soon for her. She cleared her throat and turned her head. Snatching up their cups, she got up and hurried over to the sink. “What time would you want to leave for the fair tomorrow?” she asked over the sound of running water.
“How about seven?” David said softly in her ear. She was startled by his proximity, she hadn’t heard him approaching.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him but he saw the apprehension in her eyes, the apprehension that was always there. For a few hours, it had dissipated, but now it was back. If only he could find a way to make it go away for more than a couple of hours at a time. “I should go.”
“Are you sure?” Suddenly, Nicole found she didn’t want him to leave.