by Kinley Cole
Jason smiled mischievously and took control, pressing my back gently against the passenger door. His lips found mine once more as he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth and gave a low growl, sending a spark of electricity through my core and making my center ache with desire. Caught in a frenzy of heated kisses, his hands gripped my waist, maneuvering me down so I lay on the seat, his body between my legs.
What am I doing? What are we doing? This can’t be happening.
Jason’s hand gently grazed my stomach and I gulped, that being the one thing I was most self-conscious about since having Luxe. He lowered his head to my abdomen, pressing a soft kiss to my right hip bone. Goosebumps sprinkled against my arms and legs, and the ache between my thighs grew stronger. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my nervousness hidden. Jason left a trail of kisses and soft nibbles along my waistline and stopped, but only for a moment. I knew what had caught his attention; the orchid tattoo on my left hipbone.
“Wh-what are you about to do?” I asked, my voice shaky with apprehension.
Fuck. I’ve just ruined the moment, and I don’t know even know if I’m relieved about it, or pissed.
But, his gaze was animalistic, like a lion staring hungrily at its prey.
“I’m going to taste you...” He softly growled it out as though it were a promise, unbuttoning my jeans while he spoke. He kissed my skin affectionately, and I couldn’t help it, unable to stop myself from yanking nervously at my shirt, pulling it down to cover up the stretch mark his lips had landed upon.
He must have noticed. “Stop,” he breathed against me. “You’re beautiful, Leah. All of you. You don’t need to hide anything from me.” He slid my sweater up and planted kiss after kiss across my stomach, slowly tugging at my jeans and panties, almost exposing my center as he kissed right there on my sensitive skin, merely a breath away from my core.
I can’t do this. He can’t... no. No, we can’t.
“Stop. Please, stop.” I yanked at my jeans quickly, struggling to sit up. My hands were shaking and guilt crept into my stomach as I tugged my clothes back into place.
I’d never been with anyone but Zach. And, I just...couldn’t do this with Jason. He’d watched my son, he was my neighbor, and he was becoming a friend. I didn’t want to ruin that. “I’m sorry, Jason, I can’t. I want to, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.”
Concern flooded Jason’s face as he sat up next to me, reaching his hand out to my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Leah. I didn’t—”
“No, it’s okay. Really. I just can’t... we can’t do that. I think it’s time to go home now.” I cut him off, holding back tears.
“I understand,” he assured me, but it didn’t sound like he did. “I’m really sorry,” he added, leaning closer to me to press a soft kiss to my temple.
He had no reason to be sorry. I did. I wanted it, wanted him. Oh God, did I want him. But, I just couldn’t. Yet, here I was, still aching for him and wishing I’d given in.
It’d been the right choice, though...right? To stop. To block the road we’d been heading down before it ended in disaster.
I made the right choice, I told myself. Now, I just wished I wholeheartedly believed it.
CHAPTER SIX
JASON
It’d been the last thing I thought of when I went to sleep last night, and the first thing to cross my mind when I awoke.
I’m sorry, Jason, I can’t. I want to, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.
I’d kissed her, put my hands on her, knowing damn well that each second of it could easily be pushing her closer to the edge. Pushing her away from me, instead of closer. But I did it, anyway. My mind had become completely engulfed by the flood of primal needs and desires that had capsized the rational part of my brain, and I couldn’t focus on anything but the taste of her against my tongue and the electricity of her skin under my fingertips. There’d been no room left to contemplate anything else beyond that.
And, because of it, I’d lost her, pushed her over the edge, made her shut down.
I can’t. I’m sorry.
No, I was the one who was sorry. Leah was vulnerable. She told me what that asshole of an ex-fiancé had put her through, and yet I’d still been thinking with the wrong head, fully engrossed in my own needs when I should have been thinking of hers.
I hated that I sat here now, sipping my coffee at my kitchen table, staring aimlessly at the wall that separated our apartments, wishing I knew whether her eyes flitted to that wall, too. Did I cross her mind the way she was taking over mine?
I had a feeling that, right now, if I was lucky enough to be in her thoughts, Leah Sullivan was thinking about what an overbearing jerk I’d been last night.
For that, I had no one to blame but myself.
That meant there was only one thing to do about it.
Fix it.
And since I’d fucked the whole situation up on my own, it was up to me to repair it—or try to—before Leah’s negative thoughts of me became rooted within her pretty little head, too deep and too solid to be changed.
As someone who ached for that first taste of coffee in the morning, enjoying the quietness that accompanied the slow, steady rising of the sun through the slats of the window blinds, it disheartened me that I couldn’t seem to enjoy the jolt of caffeine into my bloodstream this morning. It tasted bitter, and I derived little satisfaction from it. Coupled with the tension in my shoulders and the muddled mess of my thoughts, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get past the way Leah and I’s night had ended until I faced her and apologized, gazing into her alluring blue eyes to make sure she understood how sincere I was about it.
She deserved that much from me. A text or phone call wasn’t going to cut it.
I needed her to know I was truly sorry for making her uncomfortable, and that I’d do whatever I needed to do to make this better. My heart ached to apologize and ease her mind. That was the only way I’d ease my own.
Leah Sullivan, it seemed, had taken over more than my mind and body. She was affecting my heart as well.
WITH A BOUQUET OF PINK and white orchids mirroring the tattoo etched on her hip, and the biggest Twix bar I could find, I made the trek down the hallway to her apartment. I didn’t know what would happen with my apology. I could knock on her door and she might very well ignore me, forcing me to leave the flowers and chocolate on the welcome rug outside her door. If that was the case, knowing me, I’d also be forced to grab my old stereo and hold it above my head outside her window, blasting Peter Gabriel’s legendary song, In Your Eyes, like John Cusack did in Say Anything. Though, in order to do that, I’d have to connect my phone to the stereo and play the song that way, since I’m almost certain I don’t own a Peter Gabriel album. Somehow, that just didn’t have the same romantic ring to it.
I’m not sure how long I stood there outside her door, but it was long enough to realize that I was, in fact, desperate enough to deliver the apology that I really would play John Cusack’s role if needed. There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to make sure Leah knew she meant more to me than a heated moment in the cab of my truck.
I let out a breath, and then knocked on the door. The seconds ticked by painstakingly slow, making the stretch of silence on the other side of that door seem to go on for eternity. I was still straining to hear something—anything—to prove she or Luxe was there, when the door opened part way, revealing Leah, her hair piled high on her head, donning a simple black long-sleeved shirt and yoga pants.
Jesus, weekend Leah was even hotter than all-business, weekday Leah. “Hey,” I managed to get out. Somehow, I’d reverted to the mental capability of a hormone-ridden teenage boy. Her natural beauty astounded me.
She took me in, her expression blank as her gaze dropped to the flowers and chocolate in my hands. “Hey, yourself.”
Damn it, I couldn’t read her. But the fact my mind was caught somewhere between her intense eyes and soft lips that I could still taste wasn’t helping matters. “I wanted to...I mean, I didn’t want
...”
Son of a bitch, all the words I’d rehearsed were gone. “These are for you,” I stated simply, lifting the bouquet and chocolate out in front of me.
I saw her shoulders lower slightly as she took the flowers from me. “They’re beautiful.” She raised her questioning gaze to mine. “Thank you. But, I do have to ask, why?”
Because those flowers don’t begin to compare to how beautiful you are, and because you’re the most intriguing woman I’ve ever met. “Because I wanted to say I’m sorry,” I replied, sheepish. “About last night. I shouldn’t—”
“You’re sorry?” she blurted out, incredulous. “No, Jason, I’m the one who’s sorry. I gave you the wrong idea about—”
“I pushed everything too far, and I—”
Leah stepped forward, pressing her index finger gently to my lips to silence me. “Shh, stop,” she instructed, the corner of her mouth curved upward. When she spoke again, it was in a hushed voice. “You did nothing wrong. What I’m saying is that I gave you the wrong idea, making you think I didn’t want to.”
She paused, letting that sink in. I was so dumbstruck by the heat of her fingertip on my lips and the sultry confession on her tongue that I couldn’t move.
“I did want you, then, Jason,” she continued, a deep blush creeping into her cheeks. “And I still want you now.” The slight curve of her mouth transformed into a full grin for a moment. “But, I panicked. I just...wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting you. Or us, for that matter.”
I kissed her fingertip, and brought my free hand up to pull her hand into mine. “That makes two of us, believe me.”
A small sigh escaped her lips as I kissed her finger, squeezing her hand in mine gently. She suddenly looked weaker, though her eyes shone brighter, and I felt a pang of satisfaction at knowing my touch was the cause of it. “I think we just need to take this slow,” she breathed, her eyes never leaving my thumb as I rubbed it across her knuckles. “I don’t want to ruin this before it even begins.”
I couldn’t help myself. I leaned forward and kissed her mouth, gently at first, giving her time to pull away. Leah’s hands came up between us, but only to rest against my chest, fisting my t-shirt in her palms. Which only made me kiss her harder and more feverishly.
I pulled away first, which said something about my restraint seeing as the only thing I wanted to do was devour this woman. My mouth remained dangerously close to hers, and I offered her a little smirk. “I’d hate to break it to you, but this, you and me, has definitely already begun.”
“I think you might be right.” Leah sounded hoarse, and her chest heaved with each word.
“I am,” I assured her, leaving no room for discussion. “That doesn’t mean you don’t have all the time in the world, Leah.” I ran my thumb across her bottom lip, relishing in the sexy little whimper that came from her as I did it. “I don’t ever want you to feel pressured or rushed when it comes to us. In any aspect. I need you to know that, and that’s why I came over here.”
“Not to kiss me like your life depended on it?”
“That was purely icing on the cake.” I grinned, giving her one more quick peck before taking a step back. “So, we’re okay?”
“More than okay,” she nodded, lifting the bouquet in her hand again to look them over.
“Good.” I reached out and touched the tip of her nose playfully. “Now, go enjoy that Twix bar, and get those orchids into some water. I’ll call you later to confirm what days you need me to stay with Luxe.”
“You’re leaving?”
My hand was on the doorframe, ready to push myself back toward my own apartment. “I have to,” I said with a mischievous smile. “I know I said you can take all the time you need, and I mean that. But, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy on me. And the way we just kissed, combined with how absolutely gorgeous you look right now, I can barely handle it.”
She laughed at me. “You’re not serious.”
“Oh, believe me, I am,” I assured her. “You wouldn’t believe how jealous I am of that Twix bar right now.” I leaned forward, enjoying the heat I could see reddening her cheeks. “And that’s really hard for a guy who prefers peanut butter cups to admit,” I whispered, as though it was the biggest secret in the world. “So, that’s saying something.” I winked at her. “I’ll call you after Luxe is in bed.”
I could feel Leah’s gaze on me as I left her standing in the doorway, staring after me, and if the longing look in her eyes was any indication, I had a funny feeling that Luxe’s bedtime might be a little earlier tonight than usual.
IT WASN’T FAIR, AND I only had myself to blame. I’d had to make that godforsaken wisecrack about being jealous of that fucking Twix bar, and my mind couldn’t seem to get beyond the mental image of her lips and tongue as she indulged in her favorite sinful treat. Paired with my own body’s memory of the heat and desire when I’d kissed her, I was having a hard time concentrating on anything else other than my overt awareness of there being only a wall between her and I.
I don’t know how many times I checked my phone for missed texts or calls before Leah’s number finally came up on my screen, but it was enough that my desperation to see her was definitely showing. I stared at her words on the screen as though I could hear them falling from her lips.
Call me when you have time, to chat about Luxe. I’ll be up for a while.
“You and me both,” I whispered to no one in particular as I tapped out my reply.
Up for company instead of a phone call? To hell with dancing around the subject. She either wanted me there, or she didn’t. But I was going to let her decide, not my pride. I wasn’t too proud to beg, either.
Her response was instantaneous. Come over, but don’t knock. Luxe is asleep. I’m in the laundry room.
I didn’t even bother to try to hide my eagerness, and I slipped down the hallway in my sock-covered feet without a sound. Silence surrounded me, and the absence of voices or another neighbors’ television carrying through the air gave my trek a secretive, clandestine feel to it.
The door didn’t even squeak as I let myself into Leah’s apartment, and I instinctively locked the door behind me. Luxe’s bedroom door was closed at the end of the hall, but the urge to check on his sleeping form tugged at me, anyway. That urge wasn’t quite as relentless as the need to set my sights on Leah, so I ducked into the little room off the kitchen, announcing my arrival with a soft knock.
“Hey,” I whispered loudly over the sound of the dryer. “You really need to lock that front door, even if you’re—”
My words were lost as she turned around and looked at me. Dressed only in plaid pajama shorts and a fitted gray t-shirt, she was the picture of comfort and natural prettiness. Her eyes, however, were a different kind of vision, and spoke to me louder than the rumbling of the washing machine she’d just started. They shone with a fiery heat, barely contained, as she stood completely still and took me in, her gaze lowering and then raising to meet mine.
The air between us crackled with electricity, and I swallowed as she bit down on her bottom lip.
Then, “Jason...”
My name was said on a sigh. It was a plea, a wish, or maybe a promise. I couldn’t tell which.
And I didn’t care.
I don’t know if Leah came to me, or I went to her, but in a fraction of a second we came together, our bodies meshed as one, my mouth crashed against hers. I needed this woman, craved her, and by the urgency in her kiss, she was a slave to the same wave of desire.
Leah pulled at my t-shirt, and I reached behind me to pull it over my head. Her fingernails raked down the front of my chest, and a low growl escaped my throat. In a tangle of grasping, clutching limbs, we became entangled in one another, unable to get close enough.
She tasted of a sweetness I’d never known, a taste I hadn’t realized was a personal weakness until I experienced it.
“Christ, Leah,” I whispered against her lips. “I want you so goddamn bad.”
> She sighed, letting her head fall back as I grazed my teeth along her throat. “You have me,” she breathed.
She brought her head up as I backed her up against the washing machine, her eyes smoldering with an intense heat as my hands dipped under the hem of her shirt.
I stopped, my body pressed against hers, and my fingertips tingling with the sensation of her bare skin under them. “I want all of you, Leah,” I admitted, though I knew the confession wasn’t needed. She could feel the hard proof of my desperation against her hip. “I meant it when I said I’d wait—”
Leah’s hands were on my belt, fumbling with the buckle. She stole a glance up at me. “And I meant what I said.” Her voice came out low and hoarse. “You have me, Jason.”
She had my belt undone and my fly unzipped, pushing my jeans and boxers down over my hips before I could process the weight of her words. My body, however, was registering her intent just fine, and all I could do was groan as Leah’s hand encircled the length of my erection.
“Leah...” It was my turn to plead with her.
Coyly, she let go of me and, eyes locked with mine, tugged her t-shirt over her head. She tossed the shirt onto the floor with mine, and I barely had the wherewithal to step out of my own jeans and kick them over into the pile as well.
I couldn’t think of anything except her. Her gorgeous curves. Her taunting eyes. Her husky voice, thick with desire. “You are—”
Leah’s hand instinctively came up to cover the dark linear marks on her lower abdomen. Just as quickly, I brought my hand down on hers, pushing it gently away. Then, I bent down onto one knee in front of her, kissing and licking across her hip bone, holding her gently but firmly in place.
“As I was saying,” I said between kisses, “You are absolutely beautiful, Leah. Every fucking inch of you.”
A sigh met my ears, though I wasn’t sure it was in response to my comments, or the fact that I’d slid my fingers into the waistband of her shorts and panties. I tugged them down, and she let me. I kissed along her thigh, relishing in the warmth of her soft skin and the way her body trembled as my hands caressed across the contours of her hips. Heat radiated from between her thighs. I needed to taste that sweet heat, feel her come undone beneath my tongue. But as I kissed my way toward my goal, Leah stopped me just shy, her hands fisting in my hair.