“The few times that Ava has reached out to her sister do you know what Mary said? She said that Ava and I ruined her life and it will never be the same. How alone she is now and how she has to worry about money every single day. How she’s going to die alone and it will be all our fault. She lied about all of it, just to make her own sister feel like shit.”
There was a word for it but Logan didn’t like to use the b-word. He’d been lectured about it from his wife so he’d mostly struck it from his vocabulary.
Today I’d like to make an exception.
Realization then hit him that Ava’s mother visited Mary every six months. She had to have known that her older daughter was living a good and happy life while dumping on her younger child. Mary had been through hell, losing her husband. He didn’t discount that she’d had it hard and that she’d had to mourn. It couldn’t have been easy. But it appeared that she’d found a second chance at happiness and yet she still didn’t want anyone else to be happy. She wanted to cripple her own sister with guilt.
I don’t think I’m going to forgive that.
“I’m going to tell Ava about Mary. And the others. I think it may make her feel better.”
Jared nodded. “It’s your call. I just wanted to tell you about them.”
Logan dumped the now cold coffee into the sink. “Would you think I was crazy if I said that I wanted to go see them? Not talk to them. Just…see them. I just want to see for myself that they’re happy. We’re so close to them.”
“Is there any way that I talk you out of this?”
“Probably not. It’s not that I don’t believe you…”
“You just have to see it for yourself,” Jared finished for him. “Shit, I don’t think this is a good idea. You can’t talk to them, Logan.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to interfere in their lives. I just want to see them. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.”
Jared threw up his hands. “Okay, but I’m driving. And don’t think I won’t lock you in the car and wrestle you to the ground if you try and get out and confront them.”
“I won’t.” Logan paused. “I just have one more question.”
Jared’s brows raised. “Go ahead.”
“I’ve looked for them before but didn’t find them. How did you?”
Chuckling, Jared gave him a grin. “I’m better at this than you are.”
“I know that’s not the reason. Seriously, how did you find them?”
“Let’s just say that I called in a few favors. And that I’m better than you at this.”
Jared was currently wearing a shit-eating smirk.
“I can see I won’t change your mind. I’m just glad you found them.”
Logan wouldn’t talk to them. He just wanted to see that they truly were happy.
Then maybe he could get rid of some of his own guilt.
“I need to tell Ava that we’re taking a road trip.” Logan moved toward the door but his laptop caught his attention from the corner of his eye. Sighing, he detoured to the coffee table, snapping it shut. “Damn kids. They use things and then they don’t put them away.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jared had levered up from the table and rinsed out his own cup.
“I always keep my laptop in its case in my backpack. One of the kids must have pulled it out to check Insta-whatever or YouTube. Whatever social media they’re into these days.”
“My kids just use their phones.”
“That’s what Colt and Brianna usually do too, but one of them must have wanted my laptop. Ava brought her own laptop in case she and Kaylee wanted to work one day when it rains or something. Let me just put this away and then we’ll go downstairs.”
He’d let his wife know that he was going on a road trip. Would she be happy that they’d been found? Would she be angry that he was digging up the past?
One thing for sure, he had to tell her that her sister had been lying to her.
It wasn’t going to be pretty.
17
“Can you say that again? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
Ava was giving Logan a look that could only be described as incredulous.
“I said that Jared and I are going to drive over to where Wade’s kids live.”
There was a short beat before Ava responded.
“That’s what I thought you said. Now let me ask you a question. Why in hell are you doing this? Logan, you can’t talk to them. They don’t want anything to do with us.”
He hadn’t expected to get any pushback from his wife, but perhaps that was just him being an optimist.
“I don’t plan on talking to them. I wouldn’t do that.”
“So…help me here. You’re going to drive there, sit outside their house like a stalker and watch them, then drive back. How is this a productive activity? And wait just a damn minute…did you know that they lived near here when you and Tanner picked this place?”
Ava’s cheeks were turning a bright pink as she worked up a head of steam. He needed to nip this in the bud. Right now.
“Absolutely not. I just learned about this from Jared. It’s just a weird coincidence.”
He shouldn’t have used that word. He hated coincidences and so did Ava.
“A coincidence? How…handy.”
“Do you not believe me? You can ask Jared. Or Tanner.”
Ava sighed and then fell back into the cushions of the couch. “I do believe you, but I’m not happy about it. Listen, I think it’s a lousy idea to go there. What can be gained from this?”
He shrugged uncomfortably, barely able to explain it to himself. He only knew that some force was pressing him.
“I just need to go. I need to see that they’re okay.”
“But Jared says that they are. Nobody is in jail or shooting heroin. They’re fine, as much as anyone can be, at least.”
“Outwardly. That’s all we can see.”
“You’re not going to see anything else sitting outside their house. The only way you could tell if they’re really and truly happy is to talk to them. And Logan, you can’t do that.”
“I know. I also know that I feel like I need to do this.”
Sighing, she shook her head. “Is this your gut talking again?”
“I guess so. Fuck, I know it doesn’t make any sense. I’m not even going to pretend that it does, I only know that I feel like I need to go.”
Her expression softened. “Logan, if they’ve found some sort of peace after all that they went through, it wouldn’t be fair to show up and mess around with that.”
“I don’t want to hurt them. They won’t even know that I’m there.”
“But you will. Is this just the start? Today you’ll just watch, but a few months from now you’ll follow them around. Then maybe in a year, you’ll pretend you’re a stranger and talk to them.”
“A stranger?” he echoed. “You don’t think they’ll recognize me? I was practically their uncle when they were growing up.”
“Maybe they will. That was a long time ago. We’ve all aged, including them. Do you think you’d recognize them?”
“Sure, I would. And I’m not going within thirty feet of them. I promise.”
“I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
He didn’t either. The last thing he wanted to do was upset the kids. He just wanted to see that they were okay. It was probably stupid, but… Shit, it was definitely stupid. But he’d never said he was all that smart.
“I don’t know why I want to do this,” he admitted. “I just know that I need to.”
“Then you should do it. But I have to say that I’m not a fan of this idea. I don’t think anything good can come from it. If I thought that you going there would get Wade Bryson out of your head for good, I’d drive you myself. Twice the speed limit. But this isn’t going to solve your issue, Logan. This is about your guilt. You’ve been letting it eat away at you for years.”
“And Wade lives rent-free i
n my head. Yes, you’ve said that before.”
“Because it’s true. I know that you’ve been trying hard with me and the kids. I can see that. But deep inside of you, you still feel guilty for so many things. For pulling away from us, for working so many hours, and yes, for killing Wade Bryson.”
Ava didn’t seem to expect a reply, which was good, because Logan didn’t have one.
The trip was probably a huge waste of time. Yet, he needed to go.
Just to see. That’s all.
All day long, Ava found herself looking over her shoulder. She was clearly going crazy because she couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching her. But every time she looked no one was there.
I’m losing it.
She hadn’t mentioned it again to the other women, not wanting to bring down the happy vacation vibe they all had going. They were supposed to be relaxing and having fun. That’s what she was here for and she wasn’t doing it. She needed another mimosa and some therapy.
I’ve blown this investigation completely out of proportion.
For her entire life with Logan there were always people out there that hated him, threatened him, wanted him dead. Wade Bryson had only been the most vocal about it. Now someone had killed a man as a surrogate for her husband, and she was shaken. That hadn’t happened before. She didn’t want it to happen again. Even the other wives had said that they weren’t all that concerned. At least more than normal. Their men were in danger every day. Heck, Presley’s husband Seth had been shot at just a few weeks ago by a drunken man trying to steal goats from his neighbor. They’d all laughed at the story a bit but now she was thinking that it wasn’t so damn funny.
Presley had been watching Ava closely for most of the day, clearly concerned for her friend.
“You know what you and Logan should do tonight?” Presley said when they were sitting in the cabana while the kids frolicked on the beach. “You should go out for a romantic dinner. Just the two of you. We’ll distract the twins for the evening. They can come over and eat with us. We’ll put on some movies, make it a whole fun party sort of thing.”
Ava hated that everyone was worried about her. She was ruining everyone’s vacation.
“I’m fine. Really. I’m okay.”
“It’s not paranoia if it’s real,” Presley pointed out. “You’ve never been the hysterical type in all the years that we’ve known each other. If you say that someone is watching you then I believe it.”
“How can you believe it?” Ava shook her head in amazement. “I’m not even sure that I believe it, to be honest. It’s just a weird feeling. But I’ve been looking over my shoulder all day and there’s no one there. You all have been, too. Have you seen anyone?”
“Well…no,” Presley admitted reluctantly. “I haven’t but that doesn’t mean that no one’s there. I had people watching me and I didn’t know until my car blew up.”
“They were professionals. If Evan was following me now, I doubt I would notice. He’s good.”
“I’m just saying that I believe you.”
Ava sighed. “I appreciate that. I really do. I don’t know why I’m acting this way. I keep telling myself that Logan’s been in danger for years. I’m not sure why this one case is making me so jumpy.”
“You saw your husband’s initials carved into a dead body. That would be enough to shake anyone.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure that my theory holds up. There haven’t been any more murders. It’s all gone quiet. I could have been wrong.” Ava gave her friend some side-eye. “And your husband’s initials were carved into a dead body as well, but you’re not as spooked.”
“Technically, I didn’t see the photos. I make a habit of not looking at grisly pictures of dead people. I would imagine that’s why you’re feeling this way.”
“I look at horrifying photos all the time. Kaylee and I both do. It’s part of our job when we’re researching for a new book.”
“Did any of those pictures have anything to do with your husband? No?”
Ava shook her head.
“I thought not,” Presley replied with a knowing nod. “These were up close and personal. I would assume that this is why you and Kaylee have never written a book about Wade Bryson. It would come far too close to home for comfort. So has this. You need to be easier on yourself.”
The words made Ava laugh. “You know Tanner said that to Logan not long ago. That he was too hard on himself trying to be the perfect father. That he needed to forgive himself for the things he’s done wrong. I told Logan that Tanner is usually right on the money.”
“So am I,” Presley said with a smug laugh. “And I can tell that you’re beating yourself up about this. Just stop. You’re fine. You looked at some violent pictures and got shook up. Most people would be. Whether your theory is wrong or right, it doesn’t change the fact that our men are in danger a lot of the time. Maybe as we’re getting older, we’re feeling a whole lot more mortal. I know that I think about that more often. Growing old and all that shit. It’s not easy to realize that, unless I live to be a hundred, half of my life is over.”
Was this Ava’s fear of growing older? Dying? She had to admit that the topic wasn’t one she’d dwelled on in the past - by design.
“Maybe a nice date night would get my mind off of things,” Ava said. “I need a distraction.”
“Then take it. Plan something nice. We’ll invite Colt and Brianna to our place for dinner.”
There was only one issue with that.
“That may not be the best idea.”
“You’re worried about Brianna and Ben.”
Presley didn’t make it sound like a question.
“I’m not worried about Ben. He’s fine. I think he’s been very patient with Brianna, actually. I’m worried about her, though. And how her behavior might embarrass your son. And herself.”
“She’s fine. I remember being her age and how painful a first crush can be. I sure wouldn’t want to do it again. I talked to Ben about it. He likes her and thinks she’s nice, but he’s not interested in that way. He thinks she’s just a kid, which kind of made me laugh inside because I think he’s a kid. A young man, for sure, but still naive and inexperienced about life.”
Ava sighed. “Remember when you were eighteen and knew everything? Wasn’t it great?”
“It was. Sadly, the next many years helped me learn that I didn’t know shit. I still think I don’t know much. Sometimes, I’m clueless when it comes to what to do with the kids. I thought I was supposed to get smarter with age but that doesn’t seem to be happening.”
“My mother says that when we’re young we don’t know how much we don’t know. Now that we’re older, we know that there’s so much more to know.”
“I like your mom. She sounds wise.”
“She is.”
Presley’s lips twisted. “Should I ask about your sister?”
“Nope.”
Like a good friend, Presley changed the subject.
“So let’s figure out a fun place for you and Logan to go to dinner. And your outfit.”
“Fine, but I want to return the favor during our vacation. We’ll entertain your kids while you and Seth go out.”
“Sounds like a deal I can’t refuse.”
This was what it was all about. Friendship.
The house was a small bungalow on a quiet street. Painted white with black trim, there was a rocker on the front porch along with some geraniums in pots. The neighborhood wasn’t fancy but the homes were well-kept and the yards maintained. Logan could easily see young families living here as there was an elementary school a few blocks over.
“This is where Sherry lives?”
Sherry was Wade’s oldest child. Logan remembered her as always having her nose in a book. In a way, she reminded him of Ava. It wasn’t a shock that she’d become a teacher.
“Yes, she and her boyfriend are on the lease. And her name isn’t Sherry anymore. It’s Melissa.”
“She changed he
r first name, too?”
“They all did.”
The two of them sat there for awhile, parked across the street a few houses down. There wasn’t much traffic and since it was during a work day there weren’t many people out and about. Logan was beginning to feel extremely foolish for even wanting to be here. He’d told himself that as a teacher, she might be around during the day since it was summer.
“I don’t know why I’m even here,” he blurted out. “Ava says that I’m not going to get whatever it is I’m looking for.”
“Ava’s a wise woman,” Jared said. “But none of us know that for sure. Especially, since you don’t even know why you came today.”
“I just want to see that they’re okay.”
“You don’t trust my research?”
Jared appeared amused, not angry.
“I do. It’s just…”
“You need to see it.”
“Yes, and I know how stupid I sound right about now.”
Jared didn’t have the opportunity to respond. A car turned onto the block and then into the house’s driveway. A man and woman exited the vehicle, the two of them carrying groceries through the side door. They were talking and laughing, the young woman smiling.
“Looks like she’s having a good day,” Jared observed. “She seems happy.”
“Yes, she does.”
When the car was unloaded, the man and woman went inside.
And that was it. Logan waited for a few minutes but they didn’t come back out.
Jared nodded toward the quiet home. “Are we done here?”
“We are.”
“Did it help?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m not sure how to even feel. I’m glad she’s happy.”
“But?”
“No buts. I’m really glad. I just…fuck it. I just wish it all had never happened.”
That’s what all this boiled down to. It was all so fucking tragic and dysfunctional. So many people hurt.
“Unless you’ve got a time machine, you can’t change the past. Try to look at the situation from another angle. Look at all the good things in your life from what happened. You met Ava. Your career.”
Forgiven Justice (Cowboy Justice Association Book 14) Page 13