* * *
As the drink flowed and the people who packed into the shop joined in toast after toast, their benevolence towards the happy couple and the new arrangements increased with every glass of free drink they swallowed.
Cissie pushed her way through the now congratulatory crowd to go over and speak to Ellen.
‘I’d better nip over and tell Lil, Mum. She’ll go barmy if she thinks she’s missing a drink.’
‘It’s all right, darling, I’ll go over.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yeah, cos if me and her are gonna be sharing that house, I reckon there’s a few things we’re gonna have to get straight between us. And me not appreciating having to get up and do all the jobs while she stays in bed till dinner-time cos she’s got another bloody hangover is one of ’em.’
‘Well, I’ll just step outside with yer for a bit of air anyway.’
* * *
While Ellen went over to speak to Lil, Cissie stood outside on the pavement, staring at the freshly painted sign that Sammy had propped against the vegetable boxes.
‘Cissie and Samuel Clarke’.
Cissie Clarke.
She didn’t know if she’d ever get used to not being known as Cissie Flowers, it had been her identity for so long. And even though it was a name she had chosen to reject long before she had accepted Sammy’s proposal, it still seemed strange to her. But not nearly as strange as being married again. A little over a year ago, who would have thought that all this – marriage to Sammy Clarke, working for a living, seeing her mum and dad again – would all be happening to her?
But Cissie was now grown-up enough to know that life was never as simple as you thought it was going to be. And that marrying Sammy Clarke was definitely not just a simple matter of loving him. Cissie didn’t know if she would ever be able to love a man again. Not in the way she had loved Davy.
She put a cigarette in her mouth and lit it with the pretty engraved silver lighter that Sammy had given her instead of the engagement ring that she had refused. She had had one of those once, and that was enough for her.
She blew out a stream of smoke and whispered the words to herself, ‘Cissie Clarke.’
Was this really what she wanted? Or was it more to do with having a bit of security for her kids? And a bit of safety for herself with a decent man for once? Or was it the fact that Sam had just been there at the right time and she didn’t know what else to do?
With Davy she had no choice in the matter. She had seen him, and that had been that. She had fallen in love with him and nothing anybody could have done would have stood in her way.
It shamed her to admit it to herself even now, but she had had a similar sort of feeling when she had first known Jim Phillips, although he had been different to Davy. But he had been kind to her, or so she had thought, at a time when she had really needed it.
But then so had Sam. Kinder than she had ever deserved.
She thought of the lies she’d been told and the lies she’d told herself.
And she thought about how things might have been.
No one could ever know how their lives were going to turn out. She knew that. And she knew that no one in her life would ever be like Davy. Funny, romantic, unpredictable Davy.
But wasn’t that a good thing?
Cissie stared unseeingly through her cigarette smoke at the sign.
Probably.
She’d been hit with a lot of hard lessons in the year since Davy had been killed. Lessons that, if she had any brain at all, she would make sure she would learn from.
‘You look miles away, love.’ It was Sammy. ‘I just came out to see if everything was all right.’
Cissie nodded; unable to face him. ‘Course it is, Sam. Why wouldn’t it be? I’ve got everything a woman could ever want, haven’t I? Two lovely kids who are smiling again, me mum and dad back with me, and a man who loves me.’
‘A man who loves yer more than you can ever know,’ he said, his voice catching with emotion. ‘And I’ll give yer time, Cis,’ he added, looking down at the sign through tear- glazed eyes. ‘I promise yer that. As much time as yer want.’ He scrubbed roughly at his cheeks with the back of his hand. ‘For ever, if that’s how it’s gotta be.’
‘Time?’ she asked, dropping the cigarette to the floor and grinding it beneath her heel. ‘What for?’
‘I understand, yer know, Cis. I know I ain’t what yer wanted. But I love yer enough for the both of us. Honest I do.’
Cissie turned to Sammy, took his pink-cheeked face in her hands, and kissed him gently on the mouth. ‘If she had any brains, Sammy Clarke, any woman in the world would tell yer that you’re all she could ever want. And ain’t you always telling me what a clever girl I am?’
First published in the United Kingdom in 1996 by Headline Book Publishing
This edition published in the United Kingdom in 2019 by
Canelo Digital Publishing Limited
57 Shepherds Lane
Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2DU
United Kingdom
Copyright © Gilda O'Neill, 1996
The moral right of Gilda O'Neill to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781788634564
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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