by Maise, Ella
As Bryan leaned forward to press a kiss on my cheek, Jack pulled me slightly against him so my shoulder was leaning against his side. I didn’t react. I was shocked into silence.
“Congratulations on your marriage again. I know we started on the wrong foot, but we can’t let little things like that get in the way of family, right Jack?” he asked. Bryan’s fake smile slid off his face when neither Jack nor I responded, and he followed my gaze and looked over his shoulder. “Jodi, look who I found here.”
Jodi turned to face her brother and her…companion turned with her.
I felt the remaining blood drain from my face, and as they strolled toward us, Jack’s hand tightened around mine. I was thankful that I was leaning against him because otherwise I didn’t think I could’ve stayed upright for too long.
Jodi and my ex-fiancé, Joshua, who had his hand around her waist, stopped in our little circle and greeted us as if nothing was wrong. It was the first time I was seeing him after he had broken up with me via text. It felt like it’d been ages, and now he was at a charity event with Jodi.
Even though I had no feelings left for my ex-fiancé anymore, I felt my heart break into little pieces all the same. Jodi smiled at me as if this was all normal and congratulated me on my marriage and apologized on missing the opening of my coffee shop, just like Bryan had. It seemed just as fake and forced. I couldn’t even nod in return because I couldn’t take my eyes off of Joshua. He spared me one glance and then looked anywhere but me.
I think Jack and Bryan exchanged a few more words, I could hear Jack’s clipped and anything-but-happy tone, but the pounding in my ears prevented me from making out specific words. Starting to feel a little dizzy, I took my shocked eyes off of Joshua when Jodi leaned up and whispered something in his ear, earning a low chuckle from him. I’d been on the receiving end of that chuckle before, and I had loved the warm sound. Now it made my stomach turn.
I leaned harder on Jack, thankful that he was so big and strong next to me. He moved our joined hands from between our bodies and rounded his arm around my waist, my hand still very much attached to his, my arm bent.
I didn’t exactly know what to do with myself, so when I felt Jack’s warm lips against my temple, I looked up at him with a dazed look.
“You want to go find our table?”
I studied his face, his beautiful but angry eyes. He looked so good in a tux, so unattainable, yet there he was, not mine but still holding me up.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Please.”
Jack bid good evening to my cousins and Joshua, and I managed to force a faint smile on my lips. Jodi and Joshua were already walking away.
“Looking forward to hearing back from you, Jack,” Bryan said and touched my arm which made me instinctively jerk and then he walked away too. I couldn’t even make sense of his words.
“What’s he talking about, Jack.”
“Don’t worry about it. Would you like to leave?” Jack asked, and I turned my unfocused eyes back to him.
“Yes.”
My husband, the strong man who was still holding me up, started to gently turn me toward the door we had just come in through. Two steps later, I put my hand on his arm and stopped him.
“No. No, wait. We made a deal. I’m sorry. I’m not going to leave.”
I was talking to his chest, but he nudged my chin up and looked deep into my soul.
“There is no deal, Rose.”
“Yes, there is. This is a business deal. There is no reason for us to leave.”
“Rose—” he started, but I cut him off.
“That was Joshua, my ex-fiancé, with my cousin.”
His lips tightened. “I know who he is.”
“I was surprised, that’s all. I’m okay now.”
“I didn’t know,” he ground out after a few seconds of searching for something in my eyes. God, his eyes were beautiful. “If I had known they’d be here, your cousins and… I didn’t know, Rose.”
I smiled, just a little. “I know that.”
“What was wrong with Bryan? He called me just a few days ago, still threatening. Why would he talk like he just did?”
“You didn’t tell me he called.”
“It wasn’t important.”
“It is. If he bothers you again, tell me.”
I nodded.
“Rose… I thought you’d enjoy this one, the cause—that’s why I chose it.”
My smile widened and resembled something more genuine. “You’re right. I will enjoy this one because of the cause.”
He shook his head, his expression hard. “I’m messing this up every step of the way, aren’t I?”
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but something in his tone didn’t sit well. So, as if it was the most natural thing for me to do, still looking into his eyes, I rose up on my tippy toes, placed my hand on his stubbled cheek, and kissed the edge of his lips. That was as far as I’d allow myself to go. His hand tightened on my waist, pulling me at least a few inches closer to him. It didn’t close the gap between us, but I was aware of his hand and where it was the entire time.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I dropped down to my heels, busying myself with fixing his bow tie.
He let go of my waist. “For what?”
I didn’t have a straight answer for that. “Just thank you.”
He ground his perfectly square jaw and sighed. “You sure you want to stay?”
I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t going to leave. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction, no matter how much I wanted to tuck my tail between my legs and flee. “Yes. Completely.”
As we broke out of our little private bubble, I started to hear everything else around us: a man’s robust laughter, plates clinking, someone coughing, a woman’s giggle, and the low classical music. Jack guided us as he always did, with a gentle hand on my back, and I made sure not to look anywhere but forward. It was very hard not to flinch at every loud noise as we walked around tables and finally came to a stop in front of one that was tucked at the very edge.
Jack pulled out a chair and I sat down. Obviously, I didn’t know anyone at the table, but I didn’t think Jack did either. For a long while, we were quiet. Then I made the mistake of looking to my right, just to see if I could see the kids from where I was sitting, but my eyes met with Joshua’s instead. They were two tables to our right and a little behind. It didn’t look like Jodi was with him at that moment, but Bryan was there, sitting to his right, talking to someone else who was seated at their table. Joshua didn’t break eye contact with me, his brown eyes watching, calculating. Then, so subtly I almost missed it, he raised his champagne as if toasting me.
I turned back around, feeling sick to my stomach and promising myself I wouldn’t look over my shoulder again during the entire event.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked, and my eyes slid to him. He was staring ahead, his jaw ticking again.
In a way, I knew he wasn’t asking how I felt about the situation. I believed he was asking what I was feeling toward my ex-fiancé.
I answered honestly in a steady voice. “Sick to my stomach.” That was exactly how I felt, though somehow I also felt relieved that I hadn’t made the mistake of marrying someone like Joshua—someone who told me how much he loved me so easily and so often and yet, in the end, apparently didn’t mean it at all. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend how he could be with Jodi. They knew each other through me. We’d had dinner together a handful of times with the family when Gary had invited him over and they’d chatted every now and then when we bumped into each other, but I could’ve never, ever imagined…this—not even from Jodi, and definitely not from Joshua. He’d always told me he thought Jodi was like an ice princess and he didn’t care for that type.
My hands were in my lap, almost frozen, so when Jack’s hand covered mine, I dropped my eyes, watching him slowly link our fingers together again, just as he had done so many times in the last hour. I was fascinated by it enough that I let go of every single
thought about Jodi and Joshua evidently being together and focused on the only thing that was warming me from the inside out.
“Your hands are cold,” Jack muttered under his breath, and I realized how close we were sitting to each other.
Had he moved? He kept our hands on my thigh, mine tightly grasped in his, and I decided I liked the feel of it, the heaviness, the warmth. So I held on just as tight. “I know.”
His thumb started rolling my wedding ring around my finger.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
It was such a weird sensation, feeling his skin on mine. Did he feel the same? The tingles?
He nodded once and I peered at him under my lashes, trying not to be too obvious. So what if he was just pretending? I could do the same. I could take this comfort from him and let myself feel loved. I could just stop thinking and enjoy my seconds and minutes with him. I didn’t have to analyze my every move. I could just be whatever I wanted to be with Jack while we were out in public like this. I could fool myself, happily, before we had to step back into the real, harsh world.
Lifting my head, I looked at him. Two spots were open at our table to Jack’s left, the other four seats taken by two women and two men who were talking among themselves.
“Jack, talk to me,” I urged as the emcee of the night took the stage and the lights dimmed just slightly. A hush fell over the crowd in the room, but there was still quiet chatter here and there, which was why I didn’t feel guilty about my lack of attention.
Jack’s eyes were on the stage, but they turned to me and I repeated my words.
“Just talk to me.”
He sighed. “What do you want to talk about?”
I shrugged, glad he didn’t put up much of a fight. “Anything. Everything. Whatever you want.”
A line etched between his brows as he studied me for a quick moment. “How many cups of coffee did you sell today? You didn’t text.”
I smiled, my heart settling down a bit more. As much as he insisted he wasn’t good at small talk, I always enjoyed his company. He had his own way of doing things. He rarely lost the frown, for one thing, but in my eyes, it only made him look more attractive. He could frown at me an entire night and I still wouldn’t mind it. I relaxed in my seat, finally starting to thaw out.
“One hundred eighty-six.”
“That’s a few more than yesterday, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“Are you happy then?” he asked.
I gave him a bigger smile. “I am. It’s going to be cinnamon week next week and I’m very excited about that. Do you have a special request? I might be able to make it happen.”
His gaze moved away from mine for a brief moment when the entire room erupted in laughter and then applause. I noticed an army of waiters swarming around the tables, two of them rounding ours with plates in their hands. Jack let go of my hand and leaned back so the waiter could do his job. The loss of his touch settled over me, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about that. They took our drink orders: white wine for me and whiskey on the rocks for Jack.
As soon as they left us alone with our weirdly colored risottos and went to get the drink orders, I leaned back in.
“Any specific cinnamon orders?”
I would’ve preferred him grabbing my hand again, but instead he casually slung his arm across the back of my chair and turned his body toward me.
“Anything you make yourself, save some for me.”
“I make this braided cinnamon thing. It’s a Swedish recipe and I love it. I can do that if you want.”
“I’d like that,” he said simply, and we had to pull away a little when our drinks arrived. I wasn’t a fan of alcohol and rarely drank, but it felt like it would be a necessity on this night.
I took a sip of my wine, and he took a sip of his whiskey.
“Do you know a lot of people here?” I asked, pushing my glass away.
He looked over his shoulder and his features hardened. Curious, I followed his gaze and saw Joshua staring again, even though Jodi was sitting right next to him. His arm was around her chair, almost exactly like Jack’s had been on mine. I tore my eyes away and put my palm on Jack’s stubbled cheek again. Applying a little pressure, I turned his head back to me.
“Jack, do you know a lot of people here?” I repeated as he drained the rest of his whiskey in one go. “It’s just gonna be the two of us tonight, okay? We’re not gonna focus on anyone else. We need to look like a happily married couple so it’s just gonna be the two of us.” It felt as if I repeated enough times maybe I’d believe it myself as well.
“A few. I know a few people,” he responded finally, his voice rough from the alcohol.
When the waiter was close enough, he ordered another one. I took a small sip of my own wine and tried a small bite of the risotto. It wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve been eating. I glanced at the people sitting across from us and noticed none of them were interested in what was happening on the stage either.
When I noticed something drip from my nose onto the tablecloth, my whole face heated, and I quickly reached for the napkin, cursing myself for not having a small handbag I could’ve stashed a few things in. Mortified, I hoped Jack—or anyone else, for that matter—hadn’t seen my runny nose. Trying to be discreet about it, I dabbed the napkin on my upper lip and slightly on my nose. I could already feel my cheeks flushing as I started to panic. I looked down at the napkin and just saw clean liquid saturating the cloth. Pushing my chair back, I got up, and Jack rose with me.
I sniffled quietly, my hand going to my nose. Our height difference worked in my favor since I could keep my head tilted back as I looked up at him. “Just going to the bathroom. You don’t have to come, Jack.”
He didn’t listen and followed me all the way to the back of the ballroom. I rushed inside and, thankful that no one else was in there, stood in front of the mirror. Reaching up, I pulled the cotton out of my nose and just stared at it. It was saturated to the point that I could squeeze it and watch it drip. I had no idea what was going on exactly, but I was pretty sure this wasn’t just a runny nose anymore. I must’ve been allergic to something. I already had an appointment with the doctor on Monday so he could give me some nose spray to stop this from happening, but until then I was going to have to be careful about not dripping around other people.
When a knock sounded on the door, I opened it halfway and just pushed my head out.
“Everything okay in there?” Jack asked, trying to look over my head.
“Yes, of course. I’ll be out in a minute.”
I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else and let the door close in his face. After tearing up some toilet paper and rolling it into a shape that I could tampon my nose with, I quickly looked myself over in the mirror and noticed how pale I looked. The burgundy lipstick I was wearing stood out too much in contrast to my skin. Grabbing some more toilet paper, I dabbed some of it off, turning it into just a tint of color. Finally exiting the bathroom, I rejoined Jack.
“We can go back,” I muttered as I tried to walk past him, but he stopped me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. We can go.”
“Were you crying?”
I frowned up at him in confusion. “Why would I cry?”
“Your ex-fiancé is here.”
“I noticed.”
“With your cousin,” he added helpfully.
“Really? Where?” I asked in mock outrage.
He sighed and ran his hand through his casually styled hair. “We should leave.”
“You keep saying that, but we don’t need to.”
“Why not? And if you say we made a deal one more time, I’ll carry you out of here over my shoulder.”
His unexpected words pulled a laugh out of me. “You could try and see how that goes for you this time around,” I offered with a little grin.
He didn’t grin back. “You sure about this?”
“Why sho
uld I be the one who leaves? I didn’t do anything wrong, so I’m not going to give them the satisfaction. Stop asking me. I’d like to try to enjoy this night.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt, Rose.”
I stared up at him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he was randomly saying things like that when I was feeling so off-kilter around him. “You won’t let me,” I said, choking a little and having trouble finding the right words. “You won’t let anyone hurt me.” I knew—somehow I knew he wouldn’t let anything hurt me.
He released a breath. “As you wish. Ready to go back?”
I nodded then hesitated after a few steps.
“I feel like everyone is looking at us, in there.”
“That’s because they are.” Jack’s eyes moved on my face, then my body. I felt my cheeks heat up. “Look at you. How could they not.”
Oh, geez.
While I was trying to come up with something to say he covered my hand with his. A little surprised, I looked down and then up to him, but he was looking straight ahead. As another round of applause broke out in the room, we stepped back in again. Because of all the waiters rushing around, we were walking really slowly, and that’s how I felt a small hand on my leg as I was passing a table.
“Jack, what a surprise to see you here!” someone said from our left, blocking our way back. As Jack was shaking hands with the man, I glanced back to see a little girl quickly turn her head away when our eyes met.
When I tried to pry my hand away from Jack’s, he stopped talking and looked down at me questioningly. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered, smiling at his friend before retracing my steps back to the little girl. She was stealing little glances at me, and the closer I got, the more she couldn’t look away. When I was standing next to her, she looked up at me with these big beautiful blue eyes. It wasn’t as deep as Jack’s blue, but a lighter shade, a sweeter one.
I gently dropped down to my knees, holding on to her chair with my hand.
“Hi,” I whispered, leaning toward her.
She bit her lip and looked at someone I assumed was either a social worker to keep the kids in line or just a chaperone, but the woman was busy listening to whoever was on stage and didn’t notice me and the little girl talking.