‘More than good,’ she said. ‘You were exceptional at it.’
He waved his hand in acceptance. ‘You told me I needed to see what I was capable of, to travel. So I did.’
‘I never meant for you to go off and do all those dangerous things.’
‘They’re not dangerous if you take them seriously, know what you’re doing and take the right precautions. But you told me I needed to find myself, to do what spoke to my heart and I did. Climbing, base jumping, mountaineering, they made me and Luke feel alive, like we were seeing everything so clearly.’
‘And did you? See things clearly?’
‘Yeah. Luke used to say all the time that the adrenaline rush gave him such clarity about himself, about his life.’ Although, that turned out to be a lie in the end, because all it brought him was death. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at his boots, scuffing them in the dirt.
‘But how did the TV show happen?’ Her animosity had left her now, replaced by the curiosity that had always made her so fascinating to him.
The familiarity of it made him relax, smiling a bit as he told the story. ‘We’d been posting our climbs on different social media outlets and garnered the interest of a director who was doing a documentary on X-treme sport enthusiasts. Luke and I featured heavily. It got a fair bit of play and gave us great exposure and the next thing we knew we had our own show and were running a business selling clothing and sporting gear.’ He held up his hands, still bemused as to how it had occurred. ‘Not that I’m complaining. I got to do all the things I ever wanted and more with my best mate …’ his words died off, a lump in his throat. He didn’t want to think about that. Couldn’t. He stared at the horizon.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be making you relive bad memories.’ She put her hand on his arm, her long fingers pressing into his skin like a brand. ‘I know how soul destroying that can be. It’s better to look forward.’ He looked up sharply and into her beautiful eyes, wanting to ask, wanting to know. She pulled her hand away with a little hiss and crossed her arms.
He wished she’d touch him again, because when she touched him, her fingers shooting fire through his nerves, he felt more alive than he’d felt in months and all the darkness faded away. He wanted to reach for her, but of course, he didn’t. Tilly was there, darting looks back at them as she fed the horses and even if she wasn’t, nothing could happen between them. He didn’t need the complication and from the sounds of things, neither did she. But maybe, just maybe, they could be friends. That would be something. He smiled a crooked smile, gaze meeting hers again. ‘They’re not all bad memories.’ He wasn’t just talking about Luke and he saw by the way her gaze flickered away and then back, that she understood.
‘No, they’re not.’ She nodded at his shoulder and he realised he’d been rubbing it. ‘Did you hurt your shoulder while trying to save him?’
‘Yes.’
‘You must have been very brave to try—’
‘I’m no hero. I acted too late and, in the end, I couldn’t save him.’
She held his gaze, her own serious. ‘Heroics take many forms. Sometimes just pushing forward, just trying to do your best at living the life you’ve been dealt, that is heroic.’
Something told him she wasn’t simply talking about him especially when she blanched and looked away. What the hell had happened to her? Christ, he wished they were alone so he could ask. He’d spoken more to her about his life with Luke than he’d spoken with anyone since the accident, and he wanted desperately—more desperately than was healthy—for her to tell him about hers. He opened his mouth to ask.
‘Muuuum. Come and feed the horses with me.’
Natalia jerked a little and then swung to face her daughter, a too-bright smile plastered on her face. ‘Have you left me any apple to feed them?’
She was moving away from him, running away again, just as things were getting interesting. Reid reached out to halt her movement and touched her shoulder. She winced and staggered back a step, eyes wide, a flash of fear chasing across her expression.
It was almost like she thought he was going to hurt her. Shit. What the hell had happened to her? ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.’
She tried to smile but her chin was wobbling and her breath was shaky. ‘I’m fine,’ she said after a moment, her voice tight. ‘You’re not the only one with an injured shoulder.’ She touched her shoulder with trembling fingers before shoving her hands in her pockets again and was at her daughter’s side before he could say anything to make her stop. ‘It looks like you’ve finished what’s in the bucket, Tilly, and I think it’s time we go in and see if we can help Barb.’
‘What about our tour? And my lesson?’
‘You were going to help Barb decorate the Christmas tree.’
‘I didn’t think she was doing that until tonight,’ Reid said unhelpfully. ‘Gran usually likes to do it after dinner when everyone’s there to help.’
‘Well.’ She cast around for another reason, her eyes lighting on the rag shoved in Reid’s pocket. ‘Mr Stratton is busy with all the prep for the camp next week. We should leave him to his work.’
‘Oh, but, Mum! Reid said he’d show us around. Didn’t you, Reid?’
She looked at him with her big hazel eyes so like her mother’s and he was helpless before them. ‘Of course I’ll show you around. I’ve got to take a ride out later, but I’ve got time now. What do you want to see first?’
‘Can you tell me the horses names? Barb said they were all named after movie and TV characters.’
‘That’s right, they are. Did she tell you why?’ Before Nat had a chance to protest, Reid took Tilly’s hand in his and moved back over to the corral, pointing out different horses and telling her their names, how they’d got them and how they told them apart.
It took a few moments, but eventually, Nat moved over to join them, keeping a few feet, or Tilly, between them at all times, as if she was afraid to be near him again.
Later, after they’d finished their tour and he’d organised a time to start Tilly’s lessons tomorrow, Nat and Tilly returned to help Barb and settle in. Watching them go, Reid couldn’t help but remember that look he’d seen flash into Nat’s eyes, the way she’d flinched from him.
What the hell had happened to her? He was determined to find out and do what he could to make her forget. Maybe helping her would help him to forget the horrors in his past too.
Chapter 7
‘Reidy-boy. Are you in there?’
Reid started as Barb’s voice pulled him from his semi-trance of staring at the words on the monitor.
What was she doing up this early?
He swung his chair around to face the window and was bewildered at first by the shapes of mountains and trees in the distance outlined by the pink and orange of sunrise. Where had the dark gone?
Daylight had come and he hadn’t even noticed. He’d got up at three after he’d woken in a cold sweat, the sound of his own panicked shout echoing in his ears. Bloody nightmares. When would they leave him alone? He’d gone for a walk and ended up here at the office where he’d left his computer the day before and decided to do some work. The business he and Luke had built didn’t simply revolve around their TV show anymore but had grown to include a thriving online outdoor clothing and equipment store. Not to mention he was still getting offers from advertisers that needed to be dealt with. He’d been ignoring it all since coming here, and despite Steve having stepped up to take care of much of it, there were still hundreds of emails to respond to and contracts he had to look over and sign. Luke always used to take care of this stuff while he took care of their public face—the publicity stuff and face-to-face wheeling and dealing. All this reading made his head ache and his eyes blur. He didn’t want to give up on it though. It was all he had left of Luke, the only way he had to honour his friend’s memory.
‘Reid, there you are.’ Barb came to stand in the connecting door that led to what used to be the famil
y’s bedrooms and small living area but had now been turned into offices and a central meeting area.
‘Did you want me for something?’ He glanced at the time on the monitor—it wasn’t quite six am. He pushed up, the chair rolling across the floor behind him to smack into the wall. ‘Crap. I didn’t realise what time it was. Tell Mac I’ll meet him down at the barn.’ He’d been supposed to have breakfast with the other man and then they were going to get stuck in to all the prep for the camp that needed doing—washing saddle blankets, checking tack, making repairs, rotating all the horses in to have their shoes checked and give them a tick bath and so on. It was a big job, and while they had three other hands on at the moment, with Flynn away until Sunday next and the camp starting this coming Monday, they needed his help. ’I’ll just grab a roll and be right down.’
‘No, it’s okay. That’s why I was looking for you. Mac doesn’t need you right now. Merryl from Quarry Road Stud called. One of her cows broke down a fence last night and the herd is out on the fire track and in the bush. So he and the men have gone to help her herd them back in.’
‘Do they need help?’
‘No, he said they’ve got it covered. But he wants you to lead the mob in the home paddock into the bush one and feed out hay to them, then bring in the mob by the creek pasture. We’ll use them this afternoon for the group of Japanese tourists we’ve got booked in for a two-er.’
‘I’ll get onto that now.’
She waved him to stop. ‘No hurry. You’ve got all morning. Besides, you look busy.’ She gestured at the monitor.
He glanced at the screen and then back at her. ‘This is nothing.’
‘Nothing doesn’t tend to get you up at three or four every morning.’
‘How do you know I’ve been up since four?’
A hank of rainbow-coloured hair fell across her forehead as she shook her head at him. ‘Reidy-boy, I thought you’d know by now that I have eyes in the back of my head and a radar for anything that’s causing my boys trouble. And that radars been going off since before you came home.’ She came around the desk and reached up to take his face in her hands. ‘I know you’re troubled, my precious boy. I just wish you’d share your burdens with me.’
Reid blinked rapidly, his eyes burning. ‘I can’t,’ he managed around the thickness in his throat. It was his business. His burden to take care of now he didn’t have Luke to share it with.
‘Can’t or won’t?’
He bit the inside of his cheek, tasting blood, the sting helping to cool the burn in his eyes, the thickness in his throat. ‘Both.’ Somehow he managed a wry smile. ‘You know men. We don’t like talking about what’s bothering us.’
She shook her head at him. ‘You were never like most men, Reidy-boy. You always wore your heart and your emotions on your sleeve.’ She patted his cheek. ‘If you can’t talk to me, then pick someone else or you and I will be having a longer discussion about this, okay? You need to talk.’
‘I’m not a child anymore, Gran. I can handle things on my own.’
‘Yes, you can, but when you don’t have to, why would you? Besides, I love you too much to stand around doing nothing and watch another of my boys suffer. It’s enough, Reidy-boy, do you hear me?’
‘I hear you, Gran. I love you too.’ He bent down and kissed her soft, lined cheek, brushing the colourful hair off her face. ‘Don’t worry. I’m sorting it out.’
Her gaze flickered to the screen and then back up to him. ‘Okay. I won’t butt in any further.’ She shook her finger at him. ‘For now. But if my radar starts pinging too loudly I won’t be put off again.’
His lips twitched into a real smile this time. ‘Duly warned.’
‘Good.’ She stepped back. ‘Now, come have some breakfast and then you can get on with your chores.’
He almost laughed. Her idea of ‘chores’ was hours of back-breaking, sweaty, dusty work. It was work that had driven him from here at nineteen, desperate to get away from his heartache and the boring grind of it all, but now, he found himself enjoying the simple monotony of it. It was kind of freeing and something he definitely could do.
‘I’ll be right there.’ She nodded and headed back out the connecting door. He closed down his email and turned off his computer before walking down the hall to the kitchen.
Barb was at the stove, apron on, two pans sizzling in front of her, eggs and bacon snapping and hissing. She turned as he walked in, an egg flipper in hand. ‘Can you put the toast on and get out the juice and butter and BBQ sauce? Although why you’d want sauce on your eggs, I have no idea.’
‘BBQ sauce makes everything taste better.’
She rolled her eyes at him. ‘I’ve raised a bunch of taste barbarians!’
He laughed and set about following her instructions. Ten minutes later he sat down at the table, a steaming coffee and a plate filled with eggs, bacon and toast in front of him. Stomach rumbling, he made himself a sandwich from egg, bacon and BBQ sauce between two thick slabs of toast and bit in. ‘Bloodyhellthasgood,’ he mumbled around the food.
Barb smiled at him as she took her seat. ‘I’m glad. But stop talking with your mouth half full, Reidy-boy. I thought I taught you better than that. Fill it right up then talk.’
He snorted and if he hadn’t clapped his hand over his mouth, egg and bacon and toast would have sprayed across the table. Chuckling, Barb tucked into her food.
Eyes watering, he managed to swallow and wiped his mouth with the serviette she passed him. ‘You’re evil.’
‘Don’t you forget it, Reidy-boy.’
They ate and chatted about the day ahead and the normality of it, the calm warmth of it, sunk into Reid, as it had every day since he’d been back, easing the tension that had been driving the never-ending headache he’d had for the last six months since the accident, making him feel like he could breathe a little easier.
Finished, he swallowed down the last of his coffee and stood. ‘I better get going if I’m to get through everything in time for the ride this afternoon.’
‘Oh, before you do that, can you nip down and tell Nat that I’ve cleared the room on the left corner for her to use as an office and put a desk in there for her computer when it comes and some shelves and a filing cabinet. If she needs anything else she’ll have to let me know and I’ll get it for her.’
‘Sure thing.’ That wouldn’t take long, besides he hadn’t seen much of her the last few days—she’d been ‘nesting’ according to Barb, driving to Traralgon to pick up some things for the cottage, visiting old haunts with Tilly, relearning the area, introducing herself to the shop owners and tenants in Walhalla and the local farmers, visiting the principal at the school in Rawson where Tilly would be going next year. He’d only seen her briefly at meal times up at the main house with the rest of the staff and when he’d taken Tilly for her daily lessons. It would be nice to see her for a bit longer without anyone else around. There were things that needed to be said. ‘Anything else?’
‘Yes. I had the photo that was above the piano in the cottage reframed after the hook came loose from the wall. It’s in the office, so seeing you’re going down there could you take it and put it up for me? Mac fixed the wall and put in a new hook, so all you need to do is mount it. Nat can help you make sure it’s aligned straight if you need a second pair of eyes.’
‘Sure thing. Not a problem.’
She pulled him down to kiss his cheek and beamed at him. ‘You’re such a good boy. Even if you did make my hair go prematurely grey.’
‘You haven’t a grey hair on your head,’ he said eyeing her colourful hair.
She patted her short curly locks. ‘That’s because I know how to use hair dye, my boy. It’s an old chook’s best friend.’
He snorted and bussed a kiss on her head, her soft curls tickling his nose. ‘Well, I’ll try not to give you any more grey hairs.’
She snorted and went to turn away, but then said, ‘Oh, I almost forgot. Could you also take this down to Nat?’ She pick
ed up a manila envelope from the bench beside the back door. ‘It came in the mail packet yesterday. I got so busy I didn’t get to sorting through it all until late last night and Nat and Tilly had already gone down to bed. It’s not from her parents-in-law, so it should be safe to give to her.’
‘Safe to give to her?’ What the hell did that mean?
She waved his question away. ‘It’s a long story, one that’s not mine to tell. But I think this is something from her lawyer, so I want her to have it as soon as possible. I’d do it myself but as soon as Lisa is ready, I want to head into Traralgon to go check out the new outdoor furniture range at the hardware store. It might be good for around the pool. I’ll be back in time for the ride though.’
‘Sure.’ He took it from her, noting the name of a solicitor stamped in the corner. ‘Although if you could put it with the photo, I’ll pick them both up later. I want to go and check the horses over first and then I’ll head down. It’s a bit early right now.’
‘That’s fine.’
He gave her the envelope and turned to go.
‘Oh, and don’t forget to pick up the stuff you left in the cottage. And maybe you could see if Nat and Tilly want to help you with your chores. I think Tilly would like feeding out the horses and bringing them in and Nat would want to do it too.’
Reid’s lips were twitching as the list got longer and longer. ‘Perhaps I should get them involved in checking the shoes and giving the horses a tick bath and gall treatment as well.’
Barb frowned at him. ‘Don’t be ridiculous—Tilly’s too small for that yet.’
‘What was I thinking?’ Reid muttered. ‘I would have thought Nat needed to get stuck into her own work.’
‘Not yet. Her computer hasn’t arrived, and besides, we chatted and thought it would be a good idea for her to get to know the place again, help with the horses, take rides out, participate in the camp and pre-Christmas festivities so she can get a feel for everything. It will help her know the best way to program content or something. So, she’ll join you for the ride this afternoon and it would be good if she could help with other things as well.’
Climbing Fear Page 8