“I’ve been searching for you for hours.”
The lights are nighttime dim, it must be late. “Congrats on finding me. Now, go away.” I’ve no desire to talk to him. He made his feelings about being friends with me clear.
Instead of listening he steps into the room. He’s holding a white sheet of paper. “I checked all your hiding places. And the security cameras—”
Shit. I wait as he puzzles out the logic.
“You wormed the cameras! What are you doing?”
“Playing a game,” I try.
“Lyra,” he growls. Setting the sheet down, he inserts his entanglers.
Shit. I can’t retreat or cover my tracks that fast or it’d alert DES.
He pales, which is impressive considering how pale he is from living on ships all his life. “That’s… you’re… how?... it’s classified!”
“Looters never killed before Xinji, Niall. So why this time? We just made a colossal breakthrough. What if that same thing triggered the attack on Xinji? I’m just checking to see if Lan mentions anything about what we found.”
Niall sinks into the chair next to me. He runs a hand through his hair. It’s shorter than when he attended his last soch-time, but not as short as his father’s. He’s still wearing his black jumpsuit. He still looks good in it. No. Not going there. I concentrate on how much I hate him as I wait.
“It doesn’t matter why you’re worming. It’s illegal and I have to arrest you.”
Alarm sizzles down my spine. “You? But you don’t—”
“I have the authority. I’m no longer a junior officer but a full-fledged member of the security team.” Bitterness laces his voice.
Hate turns to fear. I’m already in trouble with my parents. If Niall arrests me, they’ll go supernova and spending time in detention will be a vacation in comparison.
“How about if I promise never to do it again?” I ask.
Niall gives me a do-you-really-think-I’m-that-stupid look.
He’s really going to do it. I try another tactic. “All those people died. You saw the reports of evisceration and exsanguination. I’m helping like I did for your dad by organizing those files. I’m not causing trouble like that girl Jarren mentioned…Osen Vee, I think.”
“But that was before DES classified them. I know you’re upset about Lan, but you need to let the experts figure it out.”
“Okay. I will. Come on, Niall.” My thoughts race, seeking a loophole or something. Then I remember. “You owe me one from when your dad caught you with your sketchbook at soch-time!”
“But this…” His shoulders droop. “All right.”
Relief washes through me. I smile. “Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. If your activities here are discovered by DES or my dad, I can’t help you.” He gestures to the cameras. “Plus there’s no evidence I was ever here.”
Which reminds me. “Why are you looking for me?”
He lifts the piece of paper he set down and flips it over. I stare at a drawing of a black heart with silver symbols. It resembles the one I accidentally destroyed.
Amazed, I ask, “Is that—”
“Yes.”
“But how did you remember the symbols?”
“We used to play this memory game on the ship where you glance at something for a second and try to remember everything you saw. It’s a good skill to have if you’re a security officer. Plus I drew those symbols when we were deciphering Lan’s files so I’m familiar with their shapes.”
I’m impressed.
“You can give this to your mom so she has a record of the heart that you destroyed. Maybe then she’ll let you back into the pits.”
That’s actually sweet of him.
He stands. “Now we’re even. And this doesn’t make us friends. If I catch you illegally worming again, I will arrest you. Understand?”
“Yes, Officer Radcliff.” Jerk.
He leaves and I copy those two data files to a hidden cluster. Erasing my tracks, I move with extra care. The threat that Niall’s father or DES will sense me is not idle and I don’t want to give Niall the satisfaction of seeing me get arrested. Once that’s finished, I fix the cameras.
By the time I’m done, the base’s corridors are empty and the lights are at their dimmest setting. It’s close to oh-three-hundred hours. I’m halfway back to my unit when I realize that Niall drew the heart on a piece of the rice paper that I made for his birthday. Stopping in the middle of the hallway, I don’t know whether to be glad he’s using it or furious that he didn’t even thank me. I settle on extreme annoyance—he did refrain from arresting me.
My parents are not back and probably have no idea I’ve been gone most of the night. Thinking about it, I doubt I’ll see much of them in the next couple— probably more like dozens—of days. I lay the picture of the heart on my mom’s desk and go to bed.
Warriors fill my dreams. They march through time. Their urgency, their need to fight presses on me. They grab my arm, pulling me along. We must protect. We must sacrifice our lives for—
A light tapping wakes me. My heart pounds in sync with my dream Warriors’ steps. My pajamas stick to the sweat on my skin. What the hell? I’ve never dreamt of them before.
“Lyra? Are you awake?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, come in.”
I sit up as my mother enters my room. She’s holding the picture. “Is this-”
“Yes. Niall drew it.” I explain about his memory game.
“This is wonderful. He’s very talented.”
Yeah, a talented jerk. But he did help me out. “Just don’t tell his dad. He doesn’t…support Niall’s hobby.”
Mom presses her lips together, then sighs. “It’s hard being a single parent. I’m sure Tace is doing his best.”
I can’t decide if my mother being on a first name basis with Radcliff is a good or bad thing.
“Lyra, I’m sor-”
“Don’t say it, Mom. It was my fault. I know the rules. I just…” The desire to touch was so strong. It’s hard to explain. An ache travels up my right forearm. I rub it.
“What’s wrong with your arm?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me. That’s the fourth time you’ve rubbed it.”
Fourth? “I…think I slept on it wrong. It’s all…”
“Pins and needles?”
Close enough. “Yes.”
She takes my hand and strokes my arm. “Once the circulation is restored, the pain will go away.”
Her touch is gentle and I lean toward her. She sits on the bed next to me, putting her arm around my shoulder, tucking me close. How does she know what I need most? She’d probably say it’s a mom thing. I inhale her comforting scent of lilacs and relax against her.
“I overacted yesterday,” she says. “I’d like you to keep working on putting the general back together. It was his battalion that was taken and destroyed by the looters, I think it’s the least we can do.”
“Mom, you’re not anthropomorphizing, are you?” I tease. When I was little, I used to name the Warriors and make up stories about them, pretending they were real. That’s how I learned a fancy word like anthropomorphizing.
She squeezes me. “Well, there’s a possibility that they have hearts. It’s interesting how that changes the way I view them.”
I straighten. “I thought the same thing—that the scanners can’t detect the heart because of that black material. It’d be easy to confirm, you can carefully drill a hole into an intact Warrior and use one of those snake cameras to see if it’s there.”
Mom laughs. “We’ll make an archaeologist out of you yet.”
I press a hand to my chest in mock horror. “Oh no.”
Another light laugh and it sings in my ears. “Get dressed. You have a microbiology exam at oh-nine- hundred hours.”
Surprised, I ask, “How do you know?”
“I’m Mom. I know all, see all—”
“Hear all. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that a m
illion times. I didn’t think you had time to check my class schedule.”
“The Warriors don’t rule my life.”
I look at her.
“Okay. They dominate my time, but I also keep up with what’s going on in your life.”
Hmmm. I tuck that little nugget away.
“For example, I know you made the colored chalks and rice paper Niall used to draw the heart.”
Not a big surprise. Scientists either drone on and on about their research or gossip about other scientists. It’s hard to keep a secret in this small community.
“And I know you and Niall haven’t been hanging out.”
“He’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Jerk.
“He’s having a tough time adjusting. I see him in the pits quite a bit. They’re closed in like the ship. He really needs a friend.”
I poke a finger at the paper. “I tried. He told me he doesn’t want to be friends.”
“Men get like that. You have to ignore his words and keep trying. He used the paper, that’s a good sign. Plus his dad’s really worried about him.”
Then he shouldn’t have taken his sketchbooks. “All right. I’ll try again.” My words are positive but not my tone.
“Remember that he’s not mad at you, but at his situation. Try not to take it personally.”
I stare at her.
“Yeah, I know how hard that is to do.”
Try impossible, but I promise my mom I will make another attempt. She leaves and I connect to my terminal and take my microbiology exam. Halfway through I’m struck by how similar the body’s microscopic world is to the Q-net. Kind of fascinating.
When I cross through the pits on my way to Pit 4, I spot Niall in Pit 2 and decide to talk to him. Except he disappears and I can’t find him. Huh? Maybe he didn’t see me.
After Niall evades me on two other days, I figure out he’s avoiding me. Such a jerk move. How am I supposed to help him if he won’t talk to me?
My brain works on that problem while I reassemble the General. Yeah, I decided he should have a capital letter. I’m also close to the hatch and I keep an eye on the scientists going up and down, exploring and mapping the rooms below—their excited chatter echos off the walls. There’s always a few security officers with them just in case they run into trouble, but Niall isn’t one of them. Well, not at that time. They’re still working around the clock.
Once the adhesive in the General’s legs cures, I stand them up. It just feels right. He needs to be on his feet again. His legs weren’t too hard to reconstruct. I suspect his chest will be the most difficult because that’s where he was hit. Plus I’ll need a frame to hold the pieces together, because I’m not strong enough to hold them while they dry.
Happy with the progress I’ve made, I straighten and dust off my jeans even though I know sand is probably in my socks, boots, and underwear. It’s just a fact of life. You either get used to it or it drives you insane.
On my way out, I debate between food and sleep. Since we opened the hatch, the Warriors have been haunting my dreams and interrupting my sleep. And the General has become an unrelenting presence in both my waking and sleeping life—if I’m not working on him, I’m dreaming about him leading his men. Lovely. I roll my stiff shoulder.
When I pass Officer Tace Radcliff, instead of nodding a greeting and continuing on like normal, he steps into my path. “Miss Daniels, do you have time to talk?”
I stop. Is he going to arrest me? “Uh…sure.”
He pulls me away from the steady flow of traffic through the pits. “It’s about Niall.”
Oh no. My stomach churns for a different reason. “Okay.”
Radcliff runs a hand over the stubble that is supposed to be his hair. A familiar gesture. I almost smile, but he is clearly upset.
“I’ve tried everything and I’m out of options.” He presses his fists against his thighs. “Niall’s miserable. He’s surly, disobedient, and argues with me about… everything. I just found out from your father that he requested his own housing unit. Could you talk to him for me and find out why?”
Oh boy. “I’ve been trying to talk to him. He’s avoiding me and told me he doesn’t want to be friends.”
He flinches as if I’d just stabbed him in the gut. Poor guy. I’d like to help and I promised my mom. So I dredge up my memories and emotions from when I’ve had to leave my home. I don’t have to dig deep. Remembering my conversation with my parents before we left Xinji, I say, “Niall didn’t want to come here, but he had no choice. Getting his own unit is something he has control over.” Then I thought about what Niall said in soch-time. “Why did you take away his sketchbooks?”
Radcliff gives me a harsh look. “That’s none of your business.”
He’s right, but I can’t stop. “You took away his family and his sketchbooks. If that was me, I’d be surly and disobedient, too.” And there would have been tears. I doubt Niall’s the crying type.
“I’m his family,” he practically growls. “And he can have his blasted books back if he behaves.”
Niall said they were taken for insubordination. And it clicks. “But now you’re his boss. Do you do that to the other officers when they fail to follow orders?”
Radcliff’s gaze burns through me. I’m such an idiot. I’m arguing with the Chief of Security. Is that insubordination? Can he arrest me? Sweat trails down my back.
He blows out a breath. “What about you? Why is he pushing you away?”
“I think it’s because he doesn’t want to become… attached. I had four close friends on Xinji a hundred and thirty-six days ago. Now one’s dead, another’s thirty-seven A-years old and I’ve no idea what happened to the other two.”
“But you can still communicate with them like you did with Jarren.”
“Yes, except it’s not the same. Jarren’s twenty years older than me. Our lives are no longer aligned. And that’s why Niall won’t talk to me. If he did, it’d just hurt him more when he leaves in two years.”
“Two—” Radcliff’s face drains of all color.
I clap my hand over my mouth, but it’s too late.
“He’s going to join the Protectorate.” Radcliff’s stunned.
So I just made everything worse. Good going, Lyra. Guess I can take becoming a psychiatrist off my list of potential careers.
And I kind of know why Niall hasn’t told his father. Parents want to hold on tighter when things go bad. I’ve seen it happen. Mine clung to Phoenix those last sixty days before he left and he told me he wished he’d given them less notice. He missed just being a normal family.
Radcliff recovers and straightens. “Thank you for your time, Miss Daniels.”
Before he turns away, I touch his sleeve. “Can I ask a question?”
“Yes, but I can’t guarantee an answer.”
“Fair enough.” That earns me a ghost of a smile. “Why are you so against Niall’s drawing? He’s really good at it.”
A pause. Then he pulls in a breath. “My wife was a talented artist and, whenever I see him drawing…” He taps his chest. “It’s like ripping open an old wound, reminding me she’s gone.”
“Oh.”
“That isn’t a good enough answer?”
“It’s not that. I’m just surprised. I would have thought it’d be the opposite.”
“The opposite?”
I circle my hand in the air as if I could pull in the right words. “That it would feel good to see a part of your wife in your son. He does have twenty-three of her chromosomes.” Yup, it’s official, I’ve been hanging out with scientists way too long. When he doesn’t say anything, I add, “My dad cheats at cards all the time—it’s just to see if he is smart enough to get away with it because he doesn’t care about winning. My brother Phoenix does the same thing and my father is so proud of that. If we catch Phoenix cheating, Dad praises him and encourages him to cheat better next time so he doesn’t get caught. Mom scolds them both. But her heart isn’t in it
because I think she likes seeing a part of my dad in her son.”
Radcliff is looking at me with a strange expression. “Thanks for the warning about your father.”
There’s a touch of humor in his voice so I think that’s not what he’s really thanking me for. I play along, though. “My money’s on my dad.”
“That confident?”
“He’s had years of practice.”
“We’ll see.” Radcliff tilts his head. “Have a pleasant evening, Miss Daniels.”
“You, too, Officer Radcliff.”
Wow, I’m doing some serious adulting, I need to steal a bit of the hooch that the chemists brewed up—that I’m not supposed to tell my parents about—in order to get my miscreant card back. If you don’t know what miscreant means, then you haven’t been misbehaving enough in your life.
He continues on to Pit 4 and I hurry to the canteen because my stomach is threatening to go on strike. Family meals are not a priority right now and, like most of the scientists in the base, I don’t want to waste time cooking. I find an empty table and dig into the mystery meat covered with the brown colored goo—doesn’t matter what it is, it all tastes the same.
A thud shakes the table. I glance up. Niall is sitting opposite me. He doesn’t have a tray of food, but he does have an extremely pissed off glower.
“I saw you talking to my dad. What did he say about me?” he demands.
Eleven
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Oh no. He doesn’t get to avoid me and then demand I talk to him. “We agreed that you’re a jerk. Now go away.” I make a shooing motion.
“Lyra.” His tone is low and dangerous.
“We’re not friends. Remember?”
“Yes, I do. It’s because I can’t…” His forehead smooths. “Be like you.”
That’s unexpected. “Me?”
“Yeah.” He gestures. “You’re so well adjusted. You just lost a bunch of friends and it doesn’t bother you.”
Doesn’t bother me? Anger and frustration mix and just about choke me. I tap my chest. “Do you know what’s in here? Crumbs. My heart crumbled when I left Xinji just like that black heart I touched. And Lan’s death…” A tight fist of emotion clamps around my throat, but I force the words through. “Just about swept all those crumbs away. The only thing keeping what’s left together is finding out what happened to her and making sure all her decades of work weren’t for nothing.”
Navigating the Stars Page 14