by Nana Malone
"Nice work on tracking the baby by the way."
I shrugged. "Mr. Bunbun. She won't go anywhere without the damn thing. And if she’s not holding it, she's screaming about holding it. So I figured outside implanting a GPS tracker under her skin, which, you know, unethical, planting a tracker in him was the easiest way to track her. I didn't trust Willa."
"Jesus.” She shook her head. "I don't know how you pulled it off, but you did."
"Actually, I failed. I only protected the baby. I failed to protect Neela."
"Remember, the baby was your assignment, not the mother."
"Yeah, well, package deal."
"You okay? You look a little rough around the edges."
"Nothing that some uninterrupted sleep and maybe unwrapping my ribs won't solve."
"Are they broken or just bruised?"
"I didn't break them so much as they were broken for me. Close range shots to the chest will do that, but luckily that’s the worst of it."
She rolled her eyes. "Semantics. All right. Let's get you checked out."
"Yup, point me in the direction of Neela's ambulance."
"You really love her, don't you?"
"Yup. It's the last thing I wanted. Honestly I did try to follow the rules."
"Yeah, I saw. There really was no stopping it, was there?"
I grinned at her. "Nope."
"Well, in that case, I guess you guys will figure out the whole Royal Guard thing."
I stared at her. "Are you serious?"
She nodded. "I heard from Ethan tonight before all hell broke loose. He’s giving you tenure you earned before leaving the guard. He’ll modify your paperwork to say you were on sabbatical."
My jaw unhinged. "It wasn't exactly a sabbatical."
She shrugged. "It's been less than a year. You came back. Sometimes you fudge some stuff to make things work, to make things right."
"So I'm back in."
She nodded. "Yeah. Congratulations. You did a great job."
I frowned though. "But what about you?"
Her lips ticked up at the corner. "Aw, don't tell me you've gotten used to me now. I was kind of relishing being a pain in your ass."
"Well, you still are a pain in my ass. But we were building something."
"Yeah, we were. I'll miss you, but I knew this was what you wanted. This was the goal all along. Enjoy it."
She went to handle the police. I went toward Neela. But as I approached the woman that I loved, I tried to figure out how the hell I was going to tell her that I was going back into the Royal Guard. I knew that wasn't the kind of lifestyle she wanted. She'd been really clear. She’d grown up around that all her life. Constant monitoring, constantly having protection around. She didn't want that. She didn't want that for Mayzie. Was I going to lose her?
The pit fell out of the bottom of my stomach. I couldn't lose her. Not after everything we’d been through.
She glanced up from where one of the techs was tending to a cut on her forehead. Her smile was so sweet, so genuine.
For one more night, I'd enjoy that. I'd just hold her. Tomorrow, tomorrow I would tell her that I was going back to the Guard.
Twenty
Neela…
He was off. Something was wrong. I didn't know what exactly, but I could tell. I just feel that he was on edge. He was still attempting to wrap himself around me like a giant piece of bubble wrap every chance he got since we'd been home. He'd been mum. I still didn't know what any of this meant. All I knew was I wanted him. I wanted Mayzie.
Willa was going to jail. Mr. Bipps had already called to inform me that, as Willa was alive, the authorities had also tacked on fraud as one of her charges. There were so many.
The one unexpected thing was that Mayzie still needed a guardian. And as I'd been the one to watch over her, if I wanted I could still be her guardian. Willa being alive meant there were a lot of changes though. There would no longer need to be an executor of Willa's estate, and the government was seizing most of it anyway, so we wouldn't be staying in the house much longer. I knew that much. They would take away the only home Mayzie knew. And of course, Jax would be going too because we no longer needed bodyguards. No one was trying to kill us anymore.
"Talk to me, Jax."
He kissed my ear as we lay on the couch. Mayzie was in her playpen, quietly banging things and gnawing on the foot of Mr. Ta.
"I am talking to you. If you like, I can put Mayzie to bed and we can talk some more."
Despite my mood, I giggled. "Jesus, I don't know how you can keep going. My muscles are mush, complete mush, from you making me have too many orgasms."
"There's no such thing as too many orgasms. Here, I'll show you."
His hand slid down my belly and played with the edge of my panties.
"Jax. Mayzie."
"She’s sitting in a playpen. She can't see a thing."
His fingers traversed past the elastic, and I could feel it again, the quick build, the desperate, clawing need for him. God, it was just so easy with him. He was all I wanted. All the time.
But you can't have him.
I clamped my hand around his wrist, stopping him.
His hand stilled. "What's wrong? Are you sore?"
I shook my head. "No. I'm not sore. I'm used to your size by now."
He chuckled. "I guess that's good?"
"Yeah, it's good. But we can't."
He pulled his hand back but kept it tucked around my belly. "Tell me what's wrong?"
I rolled in his arms and met his gaze. "You tell me. Something’s off with you. I know it. You know it. So just tell me."
"I'd rather just stay in this cocoon for a while longer."
"I know. But that isn't reality. In a couple days I'm going to have to take Mayzie out of here. Find a flat or a small house somewhere, and I'm going to raise her."
"Mr. Bipps said they were only seizing Willa's assets, not Mayzie's. Mayzie has been a tax paying citizen her whole life, even though she's only a year old. So we're using the money that’s squirreled away. We’ll get something nice. Quiet. Normal."
"I want nothing more than to spend time with you being normal. But please tell me what's wrong. I can't stand that you’re not telling me something."
He sighed. "I've been offered my post back in the Royal Guard."
I startled. " You actually want to return to the Royal Guard?"
"Yeah."
I couldn't help it, I tried to shelter myself against whatever else he was going to tell me, but he wouldn't let me go. He just kept his arms wrapped around me and held me tight.
“This doesn’t change anything. It just means I’ll work for someone else. And I know you have the whole men-in-black problem, but this is what I was meant to do."
He thought I would stop him from what he was meant to do? "Jax, I want for you what you want."
His brows lifted. "You do?"
"Yes, I do. But you took the job already?"
"Yeah. I mean that was kind of the whole purpose of why I was here."
Now I really pulled back and sat up. "Wait, you don't really work for Ariel?"
He sat up too and ran his hands through his hair. "Okay, look, it's complicated. I did work for Ariel. I mean technically, I still do until next week."
"Next week? You’ve got to go back to the Guard next week?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I mean I'll go in, do paperwork and all that, and it’ll take another week for an assignment.”
"So just like that, we're done."
He glowered at me. "No. We're not done. You and I and Mayzie. We are family."
I shook my head. "How are we a family when you won't even tell me what you really do, who you really are, and then you're off on some adventure without even talking to me about it? Newsflash, I want what you want. If you want to be in the Royal Guard, I'll find a way to be okay with that. I'll do what you want, but Jesus, you just took the job and didn't even talk to me. What are we even doing?"
"We're a family. You,
me, and Mayzie."
"No. Apparently, we're not family. You were my bodyguard, I guess, and her nanny. We aren't family. The Guard, that's your real family, isn't it?"
He opened his jaw, and then he snapped it shut.
"Jesus, all the time you were talking about how you were trying to get back to family, you were talking about that."
"Please don't be upset. I know how you grew up. The contracts your father worked on were volatile, and he needed guards. And I know you didn't feel safe, but what I do is different."
"You think this is about that? You just decided you were going back to the Guard. You didn't talk to me about it. You didn't communicate anything with me you just... That was just your plan and you never said a word."
"Jesus, it's been the plan. I just... We never really had a chance to talk about it."
"You're right. We didn't. Because at the end of the day, I guess we didn't really know each other that well."
He frowned. "No, don't say that. Don't do that. You know me better than anyone else in the world. You and Mayzie are my family. I just always wanted to be able to return to the Royal Guard."
"Then I'm glad for you. I am. You should have what you want, and I wouldn't want to stop you from that. But you're going to have to talk to us… to me. When you don't, I feel like I don't matter, like I'm being overlooked again. You had your whole life planned out, and it didn't include the two of us, which is fine. Mayzie and I will be okay on our own."
I stood up, grabbed Mayzie, and headed up the stairs. I didn't look back at him.
Jax…
I didn't know where I fucked up. One moment, everything was good. We were all happy. But she was right. I’d had my own goal, and there was no backing away from it. But it wasn't like I couldn't include her.
You can't move a baby into Guard quarters.
No, but I get off the palace grounds enough. I could see them. Besides not all guards lived on the grounds.
But you're just coming back. It would be better if you were on palace grounds.
I met Roone at the same pub as last time.
He stood and gave me a grin when I walked through the front door. "Mate, glad to see your sorry face."
I grinned. "You too, you knob."
He signaled for the waitress to bring me a drink, and then he grinned at me. "Told you Ariel was a miracle worker."
"Yeah. I didn't actually think she'd pull it off, but she clearly did."
Roone frowned at me. "Why don't you look happy?"
"No, I am. I just... I didn't... I guess part of me didn't expect it to happen."
"Why not? From my experience, when that one says she's going to do something, she does it. You may not like it, but it's going to get done."
I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know, I know. And it is what I want. That was the goal. Get back into the Guard. I owe Ethan a case of scotch or something."
Roone studied me. "You look happy but not happy. What's wrong?"
"It's fine. It’s just Neela."
Roone grinned. "Ah, so you fell in love with the client."
"You say that like it’s completely normal."
"Well, it kind of is. Happens a lot... To the best of us. So, you fell in love. What's the problem?"
"Well, it's not just Neela. It's Mayzie too, and I can't exactly put an active one-year-old in Guard housing."
He frowned. "Okay, you have a point there. But you could have them over often."
"Come on. You know how that goes. I gotta work here, I gotta work there. It doesn’t mesh.”
"Come on, lots of guards have families."
"Yeah, the more settled guys. Ethan took me off ‘sabbatical,’ but I saw the terms of the contract. I'll need to be on site."
Roone frowned. “Are you considering not taking it?"
“No. That's non-negotiable. Of course, I'm taking it.”
Are you?
"I just have to figure out the Neela and Mayzie thing.
Roone nodded slowly. "You know, I get it. Sometimes you think you want one thing. And then you get it, and you realize that the thing you wanted is not at all what you thought. Or things change. It’s not the end of the world, man."
“I want to be part of the Guard again. I just… I also want my family."
Roone studied me. "Look mate, I get it. Trust me, I do. Love can be tricky. I also know what it's like to think you have to give something up. I went through it with Jessa. I thought I wasn't good enough, thought Sebastian would be pissed that I was shagging his sister."
"Hell, I'd be pissed if you were shagging my sister, and I like you."
Roone just rolled his eyes, ignoring me. "My point is that whatever had happened, I knew I couldn't live without her. Whether that meant I was in the Guard or I had to quit to go live with her in London and be her personal bitch or whatever, I had to do it. I needed her. She was… she is everything. So I get it. You just think about what your priorities are and what you can and can’t live without."
I ran a hand over my face. I knew the answer to that. It was easy, automatic. I couldn't live without Neela or Mayzie. "Love is a bitch, man."
Roone grinned. "Oh yeah. Did you think that shit would be easy?"
"It would be really fucking helpful if it was."
"Here's the kicker of it. She loves you, so she'll want you to do the thing that makes you happy. She'll just want you to be communicative about it."
I winced.
Roone chuckled. "Oh, you didn't tell her about it until you'd already made your choice?"
I winced again.
"Mate, the number one way to piss a woman off is to leave her out of the decision-making process. It makes her feel irrelevant, unneeded."
"Yeah, I see that now. I just… it was everything I wanted, so I had to say yes. I didn't even think about talking to her first."
Roone took a sip of his beer. "Yeah, mate, talk to her. I mean, isn't it easier when you talk shit out anyway? You talk through it and have someone else to bounce shit off of. You don't have to be stuck in your own idiotic head all the time."
"Yeah, when you put it like that, it makes sense.”
"Talk to her. That generally solves about 97 percent of these issues. The job is yours if you want it. And if you don’t want it, I’m pretty sure Ariel would be happy to keep you on her team."
"Yeah, well, I kept a baby alive."
Roone grinned. "You'd be surprised how difficult that can be."
"Tell me about it."
Twenty-One
Neela…
Just because I’d come to the party didn’t mean I wasn’t still pissed as hell at Jax. But Ariel and the rest of the team had become family to us. Besides, Bex insisted I come.
Mostly, she wanted to ogle Trace. Adam was still working his awful flirting so at least they were happy. And Mayzie, well, she had been missing Jax. We still had some security in case there were any of Vanhorn’s men left with a grudge, but no Jax as we couldn’t see eye to eye.
I missed him. More than I thought I could miss someone. Granted life before him and Mayzie was like a shadow life. I had no clue about the depths of love until I fell for the both of them.
So much had changed in the month Jax had come to live with me and so much more had changed in the last few weeks since we’d been back.
As far as Mayzie was concerned, Michael Satorini signed away his parental rights. Ariel suspected he had some hidden wealth he wanted untouched while he was in prison. He wasn’t exactly the sharing type.
As for Willa, she was going to be in jail for a long time. Her lawyer had approached me to speak as a character witness. He’d tried to work the ‘Willa wasn’t in her right mind’ angle. Tried to make it seem she was afraid for her life and that affected her decision making.
I could actually see that. She had certainly been scared. But her own decisions led to her situation, so there was not much to be done about it.
And she tried to kill you.
Yeah, there was that.
Willa was facing charges for fraud for her faked death, attempted murder and kidnapping of me, fraud for her shady dealings, trafficking stolen good, and money laundering. It was going to be a long time before she saw the light of day.
Trace came for Mayzie first. She was happy to have cuddles, but she kept looking around. I knew she wanted Jax, but I didn’t see him right away. It was Ariel who approached me with champagne. “Hi you.”
“Hey, Ariel.”
“Whenever you’re ready for a gig on the Royal Elite team, you let me know. You were just as badass as any of us.”
“Thank you, but I am really looking forward to finding a new normal, you know, without people trying to kill me every other day.”
Ariel rolled her eyes. “God, imagine the boredom,” she said, chuckling.
“Right?”
“But seriously. You have nothing to worry about. The additional security is just until we wrangle up the last couple of Vanhorn’s associates. With what you and your team deciphered from his ledger, the ramifications are widespread, not just in the islands. Corruption, international espionage, drugs, politics. The Winston Isles Bureau of Investigation and Interpol will be unwinding that network for years. But what you and your team did, decoding the ledger, is a huge deal. You’ll probably be fielding job offers.”
“It’s already started.” The phone hadn’t stopped ringing since we turned in that ledger. We were turning down work, it was so crazy. Richard had called too, but given what Bex had said to him, I doubted he’d ever be calling again.
“You look beautiful.”
A shiver danced over my spine at the sound of his voice. It took everything I had not to turn and leap into his arms. Instead I turned slowly around. “Jax.”
Suddenly everyone became very busy and let us be. “I—”
“Please don’t.” I shook my head. “I don’t think my heart can break anymore.”
“Then stop breaking it yourself and just listen to me. I’m not taking the job.”
Idiot. I swear I was going to kill him. Why couldn’t he see that it wasn’t about the job. It was about him shutting me out. “That’s not at all what I wanted.”