“Ezekiel Gaines! Those kids are counting on us to —” Lowering her voice she pulled him inside the room and closed the door. “Those kids need you. They need a place to stay ... and I’ll only be in the way.”
She didn’t mean that. She couldn’t mean it. She was thinking irrationally. “Bekah, they need you too. Ruby is so attached to you. And Jack, he loves you too.” And I love you. “You can stay in the garage apartment with me.”
Bekah let out a laugh that almost sounded maniacal. “Right! I can see it now! The pastor’s son shacking up with the drama teacher!” Her face softened. “Ezekiel, this whole thing was a train wreck waiting to happen. I’m not like you. I tried to pretend I could settle down and God knows I wanted to, but if there’s one thing that I have learned in life, it’s that God doesn’t listen to a screw-up like me.”
“You’re wrong, Bekah. We are all screw-ups. Not one person on this earth deserves grace. Not me, not my father, not anyone. We all need Jesus. He forgives us of our sins, and He holds no record.”
“Record? Record? You want to talk about records, Mr. Gaines? I have a juvenile record a mile long.” She pulled out some clothes from her drawer. “You want to know why I came here? I came because I was living with a thief who was about to be arrested. Yeah, that’s right. They were toting him off to jail, and I ran. I got in my car and drove until I was out of gas. That’s why I ended up here. It wasn’t God who brought me here, it was an empty tank of gas!” She threw a few more belongings onto her bed as tears rolled down her eyes. “An empty tank of gas, Zeke, and a plan to get money to fill it. That’s it.”
Before Ezekiel could say another word, Bekah grabbed up her things and stormed out of the house. He’d wanted to tell her that he didn’t care about her past or why she came there and that God didn’t either. But the words wouldn’t come. The truth was, they were two different people brought up so differently that he didn’t know if the gap between them could be bridged. All he knew was that he loved her. With everything inside of him, he loved her.
“Where’s Bekah going?” Ruby asked as he passed by.
“I don’t know.” Ezekiel stared out the window as Bekah squealed out the driveway and left. God, please make her understand.
Ezekiel left the window and walked out the door. As he headed into his garage apartment, his heart felt as if it were missing. Not broken. Not sad. Missing. If it hadn’t been for the steady beat in his chest, he was sure it had been ripped out and stomped on.
“Son?” His father stepped inside his apartment. “You have to let her go.”
“Dad, don’t give me that set her free bit and she’ll come back to me. I’m not —”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” His father sat on the bed. “It’s a good philosophy, but it’s not biblical. The truth is, many times people make the wrong decision and never return to claim what they have left behind. Sometimes they spend the rest of their lives regretting the decisions they made.”
“Then, why?”
“Because she has to come to that conclusion on her own. Nothing you can say will make her understand how much we all love her, Son. At least not now. Not while she’s brooding. Give her some time. She’ll come to her senses.”
“How do you always have so much faith, Dad?”
“We are called to trust in God. Faith doesn’t come by feeling, it comes by doing. There are many times my faith fails me. But in those times, I pray harder, stronger, I ask Him to give me the faith I need to endure. God doesn’t always answer like we want him to, but He always answers for our good.”
Chapter 31 — Bekah
Tears threatened Bekah’s eyes as she headed out of town. Passing the church and the school was the hardest. Seeing the place where she had finally felt like she belonged, and actually fit in was so hard. Laughing with and teaching those kids their lines had been so fulfilling. Worrying over each of them, seeing their excitement, loving them, it was all too much. Spending time with Ezekiel, she’d learned that love didn’t cost a cent, only your heart. And her heart was breaking.
With each block, her heart yearned to turn around, to go back and figure out how to proceed. She wanted to be a part of their lives. She wished to see Jack and Ruby grow up, to be a part of their stability, to hold them when they cried, and tell them she would be there for them. And she could. All she had to do was turn the car around and go back. Every single person in that house would welcome her with open arms. They would pull her in lovingly, tell her it was okay, and show her that they cared.
Oh, to be in Ezekiel’s protective arms again. To hear another one of Mrs. Gaines valuable stories about life. To hear Pastor Gaines say — have faith in God — even when it seemed that God was not there. But she didn’t. She didn’t trust in God like they did. And if she went back now, the one thing she had promised to Him, that she would leave if Jack and Ruby would just make it home safely ... how could she break that vow? If God had really brought them back because she made that promise ... she had to keep it. For their safety, she had to leave.
Passing the gas station, Bekah looked down at her gas gauge. She only had a quarter of a tank. She would need to fill up. Wanting to wait, go to another town, she couldn’t bring herself to keep going. Instead, she pulled into the pump and went inside to pay for her gas.
“Good morning, Bekah.” It was the same man who stood behind the counter that first day she’d planned to leave. Only now she knew him. His daughter was in the play.
“Good morning, John.” She kept her voice steady. “Could I get thirty on 2?” She passed over two twenty-dollar bills.
“You certainly can.” He took the money and gave her change. “Emily is so excited to play Tinkerbell in the school production. I gotta tell you, for a while there, she was so quiet and withdrawn. After moving here last year, we just couldn’t seem to get her to make friends. This play has really brought her out. It was the blessing we’d hoped for.”
Bekah swallowed the lump in her throat. “So glad I could help. Emily is a talented girl.”
As she turned away, Bekah wondered if the play would still go on. Would they do it without her? Could she walk away, knowing she’d made a difference in Emily’s life? Would Emily be saddened when she found out that there would be no play?
Bekah pumped her gas, trying to hold back the tears. How could she abandon all of these people who were counting on her? There was no way Ezekiel could pull off the play without her. The thought of him even trying was ridiculous. He needed her help. The school needed her help. Ezekiel had told her that God had brought her there for a reason.
Bekah placed the nozzle back on the pump.
“Care for some coffee?”
Bekah startled at the familiar voice. It was Garrett. The man had been through so much, and yet he still pushed through. And she was weak. “Not this time, Garrett.”
“Look, I’m not going to lie to you, Ezekiel did call me this time.” His eyes begged her to listen to him. “I’m not going to try and convince you to stay, I just want to talk.”
The fact that Ezekiel had sent Garrett after her and not come after her himself should have made her angry, but it didn’t. That he sent anyone at all, proved he cared. Ezekiel knew her better in just those few short weeks than anyone else in the world. They’d shared so many secrets, regrets, feelings, moments ... he knew she wouldn’t appreciate him coming after her. That it would only make her resolve stronger. That she was too proud to let go of her own foolishness for him.
When she didn’t answer, Garrett raised an eyebrow. “One cup? No pressure, I promise.”
“Okay. But no boat stories.”
Garrett grinned. “Deal.”
His story still stuck with her from that first day they’d sat down at the cafe together. As silly as it was, the story had inspired her, slowed her down, made her think. Most of all, it gave her hope that God was looking out for her. But that story wouldn’t have the same impact now. She’d gotten on the boat, and it had sunk to the bottom of the sea.
; “I’ll follow you.” She tried to smile, but couldn’t manage it.
Garrett smiled big enough for both of them. “I’ll see you there.”
When she parked at the cafe only a block away, dread filled her being. Before he’d even said a word, he’d shown her that there was so much more to this town than a church, a school, and a handsome son of a preacher. But that wasn’t the issue. The issue was Bekah. If she could only get over herself, and her foolish pride ...
Garrett led her to the same booth they had sat in before and ordered two coffees and a giant cinnamon roll.
“Bekah! I’ve been waiting to see you again.” The server, who she now knew as Sarah, the mother of the boy she had cast to play Peter Pan. He was such a talented and goofy kid, and Bekah adored him. “Dominic has made such a turn-around since getting the part in the play! Getting him to do his homework was like pulling teeth, and now he rushes to get it done so that he can practice his lines.”
“That’s great, Sarah. Dominic worked hard for that part. I know he will be great at it.”
Garrett eyed her as if to ask — what would Dominic do if you left?
“Your order is on me. You get whatever you like.”
“Thank you, Sarah. You’re too sweet.” As Sarah left, emotions welled inside of Bekah.
“What is this?” Bekah asked. “A Christmas Carol? Are you the ghost of Christmas yet to come?”
Garrett looked at her strangely, then let out a laugh. “Whatever do you mean?”
“You know. The three ghosts in A Christmas Carol. You are the one who tells me what the future of Sunshine will be like when I leave.”
“I’m afraid that’s your own conscience, my dear.” He winked at her. “The truth is, you have made a difference in this community. We’re a poached egg sort of town. A little dry on the outside, and you have broken the fluffy white coating to release the soft center. This town is oozing with excitement.”
“Poached eggs?” Bekah wrinkled her nose. “Never heard it put like that.”
“Think about it. On the surface, it looks light and fluffy, perfectly formed, delicate. But you—” His voice caught. “You sliced through the center of it, allowing the real treat of the dish to ooze out. There’s no excitement around here. You brought life to our little town.”
Sarah came back with their coffee and pastry, set them down on the table. “On the house.” She smiled.
Bekah thanked her, then turned to Garrett as she left. “Do you ever fail to come up with corny analogies?”
“It’s a gift.” He grinned. “Not a very good one, but sometimes it works.”
“I admire you, Garrett.” She truly did. “You’ve been through so much, and you didn’t run.”
“Where would I go? And that begs an even deeper question, where will you go?”
“I talked to my mom. We had a good talk. I thought maybe I would go back home and figure things out from there.”
“Not a bad plan. Better than the one you had the first time we sat here.”
It wasn’t the worst plan. Bekah and her mother had a lot to work out. But she had wanted to make it on her own. She didn’t want to fall back on her mother, nor did she want to get herself back into the same routine of dating bad boys and finding herself back in trouble. And she would. If only to get the memory of Ezekiel and this town off her mind, she would fall right back into a path of self-destruction. Blade came to her mind, making her shudder. What had she ever seen in him?
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, you can. That’s why I’m here.” He poured them both a cup of coffee.
“Why does God allow so much darkness in the world? I mean, why ... if He’s the light of the world —” Bekah had no idea how to say what she wanted to say.
“You’re thinking about Jack and Ruby? And why did God allow their mother to die and then their father to abandon them?”
“Yes, that. And so many other things. This world is so full of hate.” Bekah had seen so many horrible things, and she knew that was what was holding her back from truly believing. How could a God who professed to be love, turn a blind eye to evil?
“Sin has existed in the world from the fall of man. Temptation had been there from the very first inhabitants of the garden,” Garrett answered.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that story. Adam and Eve. The first woman to sin.” She sighed. “But why? He didn’t have to even put that tree in the garden. Why did he allow it?”
“Bekah, God could have left that tree out of the garden. He created it, and He could have easily done it without that one caveat, but He didn’t, and I’ll tell you why.”
Bekah waited patiently as Garrett gathered his thoughts.
“If God could change every single person’s personalities right this moment so that no one could ever sin again, what do you think would happen?”
“No one would sin. The jails would eventually empty, people wouldn’t have to lock their doors at night, and ... no father would ever leave his children alone ever again.”
“Fair enough.” Garrett nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “And what kind of person would you have become if your mother had locked you in a closet, never allowing you to make your own choices, never allowing you to fall and get back up again?”
“We’re not talking about my mom. We’re talking about God.”
“In a sense, they’re the same concept. God made us in the image of Himself. His love for us is no different than a mother’s or a father’s love should be. Only His love never fails.”
“It does fail! There are people all over the world hurting.” Bekah wanted to tell him how much she was hurting at that moment. “How can He stand by and watch it?”
“With tears.” Garrett stared at her intensely. “God is saddened by evil works.”
“Then He should stop it. He could, right? I mean He’s all-powerful, all-knowing. That’s what Pastor Gaines said. Why can’t He make people stop being evil?”
“If God dictated every single aspect of your life, would you choose to love Him back?”
“But we’re talking about sin here, not choices.”
“Sin is a choice. If God took away our ability to choose, He would be taking away our free will. If no one had the choice between right and wrong, why would we turn to Him? Why would we choose to love Him? God wants a relationship with each of us. He created us. Just as you came from your mother, we came from Him.”
“Then he should take action against sin. Immediate action.” Maybe she was unreasonable, but she was hurt, and she wanted answers.
“What do you suggest?” Garrett’s eyes gleamed as he crossed his arms behind his head. “Should God just send a lightning bolt down from heaven to strike down everyone who sins?”
“Maybe.” Bekah nibbled on her pastry. It was a ridiculous idea and she knew it. “I guess not. If so, we’d all be dead.”
“This is true. There’s no ‘lesser evil’ in God’s eyes. Cheating on one's taxes is no less of a sin than robbing a bank. But not only that, if God took away the ability to make choices between right and wrong, He would, in effect, be regulating the entire world. People would not only lose the choice to do evil, but they would also lose the choice to do good, to show compassion, to dream of something better. Our choices define who we are. Your decision to come here has made a difference in our community. Without even knowing it, you brought light. Do you think that was a coincidence?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I ... I just ran out of gas, Garrett.”
“Literally or figuratively?”
Bekah sighed. “Both.”
“So, is it reasonable to say that not only have you affected this community but they have also affected you?”
“Immensely.” There was no doubt about that. When Bekah had agreed to take the position of drama teacher, she expected to teach the children her love for the arts, but instead, they had taught her on so many levels what true passion was.
“And you can walk away from all of that? God isn�
��t going to force you to stay. And that is my point exactly. God uses people to spread His light. We, as people of God, need to shine brightly. We are his hands and feet. We keep the devil on his knees.”
“I ... Garrett, you wouldn’t believe how much I want to stay. My heart is so broken right now, but I ...”
“You what?”
“It was stupid.” And voicing it made her feel foolish. Still, she proceeded. “I promised that if Jack and Ruby came back safely, I would leave.”
Garrett thrust his head back in a laugh.
“Stop it!” She smiled despite her embarrassment. “I’m serious. What if I go back and then Jack and Ruby get hurt again?”
Garrett hid his smirky grin behind his coffee cup, but she could see that he was finding her confession amusing. “Bekah, God is not some voodoo doll you can manipulate.” His eyes gleamed with amusement, but it wasn’t the intimidating kind, and it didn’t make her feel as though he was making fun of her. How the man did it was beyond her.
His face grew serious. “Bekah, when Jaden was in that hospital bed, dying, I tried to bargain with God. I begged to take her place, to take her suffering, to die for her.”
“God wasn’t listening?”
“Oh, He was listening. And I believe He was saddened to take her away from me. He knew it would take the heart out of me, crush me, but He also knew that Jaden’s death would strengthen me. It would make me the person I am today. And maybe, just maybe, He knew that I would be sitting with you right at this moment, telling you corny stories to get you to stay.”
Tears glistened in her eyes. “Why do you care if I stay or go?”
“Because God cares. This world needs more light, and if you leave this town, I fear your light will be snuffed out before it even has the chance to shine brightly. Life is not about promises kept to God, life is about loving those who love you, making a difference, and you, my dear, have made a difference.”
Garrett had done his job well, but there was still one issue. “If I stay, I have nowhere to live.”
“What? Why?”
The Act of Falling Page 16