by Bonnie Vanak
This protective, gentle side of him she would miss if he left. No, she’d miss much more.
Unable to bear the thought, she rubbed at the mud covering her jeans. Embroidered with blue flowers, they were the nicest pair she owned. Troy had coaxed her into buying them at a shop in South Dakota. He’d liked the way she’d swirled and twirled for him after she’d tried them on with the white tunic top with the blue roses.
Troy said it brought out the blue in her eyes.
She blinked back moisture and opened one bag. “I’ll go swim in the creek and wash off. What did you buy?”
“Vegetables.”
Jenny stared. “No steak? Chicken or even a pork chop?”
“We’ve been eating enough meat. You need vegetables to build up your immune system.”
Lupines had an excellent immune system. They didn’t need…
“You mean my Skin immune system.”
Avoiding her gaze, he unpacked the parcels and set them out on the ground. “Fresh raw vegetables and fruit from an organic shop in town.”
Disbelief filled her. “Are you reverting back to your hippie origins? What’s next, flashing peace signs and driving a Volkswagen Beetle?”
Or at least what he said were his hippie origins. Again, she wondered about his past.
Troy grinned at her, displaying even white teeth. Such an engaging smile, boyish and filled with mirth. One reason she fell for him and his charms…
“No darling, I was filling your needs. Only the best.”
The sudden glint in his gaze indicated another need he’d be happy to fill.
That particular need was not one she had filled since they met. Sex with Troy seemed too intimate, too lasting…
She suspected he would not be happy with a one-night booty call. Only several nights, or a lifetime. Commitment wasn’t in her vocabulary now.
Or ever. She’d seen what commitment to a mate and pack did to you when everyone followed the alpha.
Commitment got you killed by Skin-fired bullets.
“I need to wash up,” she muttered.
He followed, of course. Her shadow, always protecting her. Jenny jumped into the creek, not bothering to strip, relishing the cold bite of water. It reminded her of life, sharp and filled with spikes if you weren’t looking. When she emerged, he had a towel ready.
When they returned to the campsite, Troy sat on the ground next to her, leaning back against a tree. His manner looked casual, but she knew him by now. Tension threaded through him. Gaze sharp, not focused on her, but their surroundings.
She changed her clothing in a hurry and hung the wet clothing on a tree limb to dry. Troy keep scanning the woods.
She knew he’d picked up the scent of the other Lupines, especially the alpha. But unlike other times when he’d hustle them out of the area, Troy didn’t seem alarmed, only watchful.
Waiting.
“How many of them?” he asked as she finally sat down.
“Relax, big boy. I could handle them. I know how to hide and take care of myself. There were two of them. Males. Older than you, not by much. Healthy. One’s an alpha.” Jenny bit into an apple, figuring the fruit wouldn’t hurt. The sweet taste flooded her mouth. The fruit smelled like an orchard, fresh and clean.
“Alpha huh? Must be the one they call Aiden. This is his turf. Probably scented strangers trespassing on his land. Or someone else did, and he checked it out.”
The apple tasted even better than she’d imagined. Jenny paused before taking another bite. “They found your SUV early this morning, decided to check it out. You didn’t hide it so well, Troy. You’re slacking.”
Troy pulled the hood over his head. “I meant for them to find it.”
Made sense now. Her friend had been far too careful up until now. “Why? I don’t know if this is a safe place for us to stay. I mean, you wanted to visit, but why not knock on the front door, visit and we can take off for the next town?”
“Don’t know if the next town will be any better.”
True enough. Before arriving here, they’d slept on a farmer’s land in wolf form. The farmer had shot at them. Thanks to Troy, they’d escaped unharmed.
She understood this nomad life couldn’t last. Not for Troy. But she felt desperate about losing him.
“Then why not tell this Aiden Mitchell you’re here?”
Troy looked around. “Needed to check out the place first for the potential. See how much game there is to support a pack, because not enough game and Lupines can get mean when they hunt. Not enough space and territory and Lupines get restless. Mitchell’s ranch and land is large enough, plenty of space to move around. Yet they have provisions as Skins as well. I liked that cabin. Rustic, outdoor shower.”
She bit off another piece of apple, chewed and swallowed, worried he wanted more than a day’s visit. “It needs fixing. Kind of rundown.”
Troy laughed, a deep sound that send a shiver of pleasure down her spine. He gave her braid a playful tug.
“Sweetheart, remember that seedy hotel room I found for us back in Utah? This cabin is a mansion in comparison. The ranch looks good, too, Jenny. I checked it out while making my way to town to buy groceries.”
Jenny paused in chewing her apple. Troy had never stated that about any of the places they stayed. Especially not land obviously owned, and patrolled, by other Lupines. He liked what he had seen.
Liked it and wants to settle here?
Troy rolled a shoulder and winced. Jenny set the apple inside the sack and moved behind him, massaging his thick shoulders. Troy threw back his head on a blissful moan. Her fingers dug into the hard muscles, feeling the familiar thrill at touching him, as she worked. She directed healing currents rippling into his body, easing the tension in his strong body.
So much had ridden on him these last two months. It was the least she could do.
He pulled away. “Thanks sweetheart, but you keep that up and something else in me is gonna be aching.”
His smoldering gaze burned into her as he turned. Troy kissed her fingers and gave them a slow lick, indicating exactly what need he had.
Then he drew in a deep breath, stood and shook his hands. “Getting harder and harder to restrain myself around you, Jenny. But like I told you from the first night we met, you set the pace. I would never force you or seduce you.”
Jenny felt a lick of heat between her legs. She felt the same. But now was not the time to entertain thoughts of Troy in bed with her or here on the forest floor, as they surrendered to their passions.
She changed the subject. “Why are you so interested in this ranch?”
He stood and paced. “This place is a hell of lot more peaceful than other ranches I’ve seen in my travels across the country. Worked at a couple of ranches and I have skills they can use. Most of all, I feel this is the safest place for both of us.”
Maybe he truly did wish to stay here – for good.
Deciding to test that theory, she gestured in the direction of the rustic cabin they’d slept in two nights ago. Seemed more like an emergency snow shelter than a place where someone would live, which made it abandoned in summer and ideal for them.
Sure, it was comfortable. They took turns keeping watch, but she’d fallen asleep on hers, only to wake up and see him standing guard. The cabin had been near trees smelling of wild wolves.
“The cabin does have good points. It’s isolated and better than sharing space with Skins.” Jenny watched his face. “Or a Lupine pack.”
Troy fished an apple out of the grocery bag, climbed onto a nearby rock and bit the apple. He chewed slowly, taking his time as if relishing the fruit.
“The pack on this ranch looked decent.”
She finished her apple and put it into an empty plastic bag, mindful of other predators, like bears. “So what are you saying, Troy? You want to settle here and this isn’t merely a friendly visit?”
His brown gaze remained steady. “I say we stay a spell to check out the place. See what it’s a
ll about. What they’re all about. I’m tired of roaming, Jenny.”
Guilt stabbed her, tightening her stomach. Felt like a freight train rumbling through her body. Her fault. She’d been the one sleeping blissfully on the bed while he kept watch. They’d both worked hard in Bozeman, but he did twice the work and put in more hours at the lumber yard, lifting and hauling heavy loads for customers.
For the first time, she felt inclined to say what was in her heart. Jenny gathered her courage.
“I never did thank you, Troy, for all you’ve done for me. You’ve saved my life more than once. You’re the best friend I ever had. It’s been comforting having you here with me.”
For a moment he said nothing, studying the apple in his hand. When he raised his gaze, she couldn’t read him.
Not like before. Seemed as if he hid something.
Despite the churning in her stomach, she pressed on. “I guess if you want to stay here, check things out, that’s fine. It would be good to stay in one place for a few days.”
“More than a few days.” His deep voice warned he wouldn’t be pushed into anything else.
She thought quickly. “There’s plenty of game here, and we can avoid others…”
“Not as wolves, Jenny. In human skin. I plan to find this Aiden Mitchell, introduce myself and get hired on to see how it goes. Maybe stay for good if things work out.”
Breath fled her lungs in a whoosh. Oh damn. Her fears confirmed.
“Come with me. Make it permanent. I need you, Jenny. But damn, I need pack, too. A real home.”
“If I don’t, you’ll leave me?” She struggled to get the words out.
Little stabbing pains in her chest made it hard to breathe. Suddenly the forest seemed menacing, alive, and sinister, the sun-dappled tree limbs stretching out like arms to grab her. Suffocating from the pressure, she felt gray push at the sides of her vision.
Troy bolted to her side, his strong arms urging her to bend over. “Breathe deep, easy, easy, Jenny. I wouldn’t leave you, darling.”
At first she couldn’t, and then she focused on his deep, soothing tone. Jenny stared at her feet, centering herself, and took long, deep and even breaths. Finally her vision cleared and the pressure in her chest eased.
She looked up to see him squatted down before her, his expression concerned. “You okay now?”
“Yeah.” The panic attacks were usually controlled with effort. This one was bad. She hadn’t had a panic attack like this since…
The day her family died. The day she’d lost everything, including her sense of belonging in the world.
With Troy at her side, she’d found a place to belong again. Now she stood to lose that as well. Knew teaming with him would be a mistake.
But damn, she was attracted to him the same way he gravitated toward her.
Was his need for pack stronger than his need for her?
Jenny didn’t want to think about that. She’d tied him down long enough and if he needed to finally settle…
“I can’t go with you, Troy. I can’t. There’s too many Lupines there. I’d have to stay in Skin and you know what that means, how dangerous being in Skin can be for me around others. Can’t you wait until we find another pack that likes to roam in wolfskin?”
A deep sigh rumbled from his chest. “Hon, you keep saying that. You’re looking for a Lupine utopia. Maybe a hundred years ago, yeah, but the world’s changed, darling. We had to change with it.”
How could she be selfish and beg him to stay with her, keep searching? Jenny knew there were smaller packs out west that stayed mainly in wolfskin and avoided humans. But this place wasn’t one of them. She sensed that.
It was critical she remain as wolf for as long as she could. Being in Skin presented too much temptation to use those other powers.
The ones that terrified her and helped to kill her family…
“Come with me, Jenny. It’ll be fine.”
“Doubt it.”
He pushed back the hood from his head. “You worried they’ll see you’re different?”
Troy had seen some of her magick in the alley that day and she’d told him about her power to read auras and tell a person’s state of mind. But he didn’t know how different she was, or the extent of her powers.
“Aren’t we all different?” A forced laugh. “We’re creatures who live partly in human skin, partly in wolfskin.”
“Tell you what.” His thumb grazed her chin in a tender caress. “Stay here but remain hidden so you’ll be safe. I’ll go check out the ranch, hire myself on. Give me three days to see how it goes. I’ll come check on you as much as I can.”
Three days bought her time to think, to find her balance again. Right now everything seem spinning around like a wolf chasing its tail.
Troy went to another plastic bag. He removed a phone and tossed it to her.
“Here. Fully charged. You’ll need this. Call my cell.”
After she did, he entered the number. “Day or night you need me, call me.”
She nodded, feeling a little less disconnected.
“I want you to stay in Skin as much as you can, Jenny. I know that’s hard for you and scary.” A muscle twitched in his neck. “But the longer Lupines remain as wolves, the more feral we can become. Don’t risk it. Stay in that cabin again, sleep there and I’ll meet you and we’ll talk things out. When I can get there.”
Dryness coated her tongue. She managed to find her voice again. “What if some of the Lupines decide to bunk there for the night and they see me?”
Troy’s palm felt warm as he cupped her cheek. “I won’t let anything happen to you, darling. I’ll say you’re my girl, and you weren’t ready to mingle with a lot of Lupines until you felt comfortable. Deal?”
Did she have a choice? Jenny nodded, fighting the urge to flee again, never look back. She had made it on her own for more than a year, struggling to survive, shifting at night because the dark sky and the stars provided safe cover. Since meeting Troy she’d grown comfortable.
Maybe too comfortable, relying on him.
Best to never rely on another, no matter how attracted she was to him.
“Promise me you’ll stay.”
Clever Troy. He read her like a well-worn book.
“I promise,” she whispered, knowing she was stuck, swimming in his brown gaze, the tenderness she saw there. Tenderness no one bothered to show her for a long time. Maybe years. “For a while.”
How easily she’d fallen for this Lupine. How hard it would be to leave him.
He sighed. “I hate leaving you. Come with me. Knock on the front door. With your pretty face, they won’t be as scared of my ugly mug.”
His easy grin coaxed a laugh out of her. “Right. One look at you and all the females will swoon at your feet.”
He grinned again. “Maybe it is. Never did care for silly females swooning over a guy.”
His expression turned serious. “You’re the only girl for me Jenny. In wolfskin or out of it.”
The glint in his eye indicated as well, in bed or out of it.
Jenny cherished their relationship too much and was far too honest with Troy to start playing those kind of games other females did to entice a male into staying. She wanted him, badly, but intimacy was risky.
Handing over her body and her heart meant chaining herself to his side. Like her mother did with her father.
Troy glanced overhead at the sky, his nostrils flaring. “Smells like rain coming. Bad thunderstorm. Let’s get you settled in that cabin before I leave.”
Typical Troy, ensuring she had all she needed before attending to himself. That unselfishness was far different from what she’d encountered in her previous life, even before she lost her family.
He knew how much she hated thunderstorms. Thunder like that day when she’d lost her entire world.
At the cabin, he brightened the gloomy interior with wildflowers he picked for her, putting them in a glass jar filled with water. Troy checked the propane ref
rigerator and nodded.
“You have enough fresh meat and supplies to last you a while. Reckon it’ll be enough for now, until I can get here and visit.”
He closed the door and leaned against it. “I don’t want them knowing about you until they learn to trust me a little.”
He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his caress. “Maybe I’ll trot down to the ranch as wolf and visit you, Troy.”
“No.” Troy’s tone was sharp as he jerked away his hand. “Too risky. The only way you should approach the ranch as in Skin. Lone wolves are suspicious enough, Jenny. If you want to run as wolf, stick to this territory and hunt game here. Don’t even go near the pasture or the lodge as wolf. They’ll shoot you. They have pack, and cattle, to protect.”
“Okay. I’ll stay here.”
Over the jagged, distant mountains, indigo clouds scuttled across the sunny blue sky, the threat of rain growing closer. Jenny smiled at Troy to mask her fear. Much as she longed for him to remain with her, she knew he needed to do this.
I have no right to hold you back. You have to go your own way.
“I promise I’ll be fine. Now go. Maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll have a nice steak for dinner. Those sure did look like fat cattle when we saw them the other night.”
Troy hesitated. “What about dinner for you?”
Jenny nodded at the propane refrigerator and the stove next to it. “I know how to cook. I’ll be fine. Besides all that fruit and veggies, well, I’ll probably grow fat and lazy while you’re gone.”
Jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he growled. “Damnit, I don’t want this. I don’t want you here. I want you with me. Safe. I want you to be mine, Jenny.”
She sucked in a breath. Time to reassure him because she feared if they capitulated to the rising passion between them, she’d follow him anywhere. Just as her fool parents followed the alpha into their deaths.
“I’ll be fine. I know how to survive on my own, Troy. I did long before we met. I don’t need you or anyone else to take care of me.”
“Yeah, guess you will.”
The guarded look on his face succeeded in doing what she’d hoped, and feared. Pushed him away. Her heart ached, but she knew it was for the best.