“You’re getting upset for no good reason.” Paul kept his voice low. “I have her best interests at heart.”
“No, you don’t. You want to take her from the light and hide her in the dark. She lives out in the open here. She has friends. She has a job she likes. Sure, it’s not the perfect job, but she enjoys it.”
“And she has you,” Paul surmised. “That’s the part you’re leaving out. You don’t want her to leave you.”
The mere suggestion sent Quinn’s heart tumbling. “You’re right. I don’t want that. If I thought that’s what she wanted, though, I would let her go.”
“I don’t think you would. You would fight for her.”
Quinn tilted his head to the side, considering. “Actually, you’re right. I would fight for her. If I thought the only way to keep her safe was to go into hiding, though, I would go with her. If you don’t think I would spend my last breath protecting her, then you haven’t been paying attention to what’s been going on here for the last three days.”
Paul worked his jaw, unsettled. “So ... you would want to come with us?”
That was the last thing Quinn wanted. The idea of tucking his tail between his legs and racing off to an unknown location to hide was distasteful to him. It was, however, better than losing Rowan. “I would want what’s best for her,” he replied, choosing his words carefully. “I can’t make that decision without her, though. If you want to suggest running away to Rowan, that’s your right.”
“And you would simply allow that?”
“I’m not her keeper.”
“You’re her protector.”
“I will protect her. I’m not her protector, though. She’s capable of protecting herself. She’s good at it. She’s strong ... and unbelievably smart. She’ll make her own decision on the matter.”
“And you’re not going to give me grief if I ask her?” Paul looked dubious. “That seems to be the opposite of what I’ve discovered about your relationship.”
“Well, you don’t really know either of us, so I don’t know how you can say that with a straight face.”
“I know my daughter.”
“You know who your daughter was. You know the child. The woman is something else entirely, and she’s been forced to take care of herself for a very long time. The woman is not the child.”
“I’m going to bring it up. I can’t stand the idea of walking away again.”
“That’s your prerogative.” Quinn managed to bite back his rage as he turned back to watch Rosalind. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do. I don’t much care for your company right now.”
Paul wanted to continue arguing, perhaps find a way to cause Quinn to snap. That would’ve been easier, of course. Making him out to be the bad guy would make Paul feel better. Quinn’s resolve was such that he refused to be baited, though. Paul couldn’t blame the man for not wanting him around.
“I am sorry,” Paul said as he slowly got to his feet. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been wonderful to my daughter, taken care of her when I should’ve been the one rushing to her aid. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Just go.”
“I’m going. I just ... I’m sorry.” With those words, he turned on his heel and disappeared down the deck. He went off in search of Rowan — something Quinn recognized — but the security guru didn’t make a move to stop him.
In this particular case, Rowan had her own choices to make.
PAUL FOUND ROWAN INSIDE. She was heading toward her office to upload photos and he asked if he could accompany her.
“It’s not going to be very exciting,” she warned, leading him through the labyrinth of hallways that only employees were allowed to traverse. “In fact, it’s probably going to be pretty boring.”
“I don’t care about that. I just want to spend time with you.”
“Okay.” If Rowan picked up on the fact that her father was edgy, she didn’t let on. Instead, they lapsed into amiable silence as they cut through the bowels of the ship. Paul didn’t speak again until she keyed them into her office and the door shut behind them.
“This is a nice space.” He looked around appreciatively. “It’s fairly big. I was expecting a closet.”
“The offices on this level are all big,” Rowan explained as she plugged in her laptop and booted it up. Quinn’s office is right next door.”
“Oh, do you guys spend a lot of time down here?”
“Not really.” Rowan’s attention was fixed on her computer screen so she didn’t notice the furtive way Paul looked toward the framed photograph on her desk. It featured Rowan and Quinn, this time dressed for a night out, and they were beaming broadly at the camera. “He’s down here more than me because he has employee meetings and the like. I come down here and work if we have plans to go to dinner or something after, though. It’s nice to be close to him even if we’re not sharing the same space.”
“Yes, well ... .” Paul realized very quickly that he was losing his nerve. “You haven’t asked a lot of questions since we agreed to start anew. I can’t help being surprised by that.”
“What do you want me to ask?” Rowan finally flicked her eyes to him as she reached for a cord to connect her camera to the computer. “I thought you didn’t know any more than you volunteered.”
“I told you everything that I thought you would be interested in.”
“Yeah?” She inclined her chin toward one of the chairs on the other side of her desk. “Why don’t you have a seat? You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry.” He did as instructed, rubbing his sweaty palms over his shorts. “It feels closed-in here, doesn’t it? You have that little window, but it doesn’t allow for a lot of light.”
Rowan shifted her gaze to the porthole in question. Since her office was on one of the lower levels, the space boasted portholes rather than windows. It took her a bit to get used to it, but now she kind of liked it.
“Are you claustrophobic? I don’t remember you being claustrophobic.”
“I’m not claustrophobic,” he clarified quickly. “I simply don’t like feeling closed in. That happened during the college experiments, mind you. They put us in rooms during the drug protocol and locked the doors so we couldn’t escape while under the influence.”
Rowan furrowed her brow. “What drug protocol?”
“Didn’t I mention that part?”
“No. I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered that.”
“We had a two-week span where they tested various intravenous and psychedelic drugs on us. It was a very intense period.”
“You just let these people shoot you up with drugs?” Rowan was incredulous. “What kind of moron would do something like that?”
Paul’s smile turned rueful. “You really need to learn to form an opinion.”
Instead of smiling, Rowan doubled down. “I’m serious. You were very strident when it came to talking to me about drugs. I’m pretty sure one of the first things you ever told me was to make sure I didn’t accept something from someone and take it without question. You said, even if it’s Advil, to make sure I’m a hundred-percent positive what I’m shoving in my mouth.”
“Yes, well ... I guess you could say I was so militant about that because I knew a little something about it. If you think I’m proud that I let them experiment on me that way, I’m not. They swore up and down at the time that the drugs were harmless, but after the fact, I’m not so sure that was true.
“There was a time I believed the drugs might have been involved in your mother’s death,” he continued, his expression turning cloudy. “I don’t know that my belief was warranted or realistic, but the doctor couldn’t find any reason for your mother to be as sick as she was.”
“She had cancer,” Rowan pointed out, her heart rolling painfully. “She died of cancer. I ... you said she died of cancer.” She searched her memory. “I heard you talking to the doctor. If it wasn’t cancer, what was it?”
“It was cancer,” Paul said
hurriedly, hating the way her cheeks flushed with color. “It’s just ... the cancer was very resistant to treatment. When she was first diagnosed, her chances were good. Every single thing that could’ve gone wrong with her treatment went wrong.
“I found myself sitting by her bedside, holding her hand, and wondering if whatever drugs they fed us during that clinical trial somehow led to her death,” he said. “She was too young to die. I loved her so much, though, that I can’t decide if I really believed that or if I simply wanted someone to blame.”
The photos on her laptop seemingly forgotten, Rowan leveled her gaze on him. “Did you have an autopsy?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“She died of cancer. Nothing abnormal came from the autopsy.”
“Well ... I guess that’s good.” Rowan said the words, but she wasn’t sure if she meant them. In truth, she went through a period where she wanted to blame the world for her mother’s death, too. She managed to overcome the feelings, but it was a long slog. “You really believe this Phoenix Society is something to fear, don’t you?”
“I wouldn’t have left you otherwise.”
“I’m starting to see that,” she acknowledged, sympathy washing over her. This man wasn’t the one she remembered. He was a broken-down version of her father who had obviously been through hell. That didn’t mean she wasn’t keen to know him. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure something out. I’m sure there will be a way for us to see each other again ... somehow.”
“I’ve already figured that out.” Paul recognized his opening and barreled forward. “You can come with me. Once we dock back in Florida, you can pack your things and disembark. We’ll be out of the country before anyone knows you’re gone.”
The suggestion was so absurd Rowan could do nothing but openly gape.
“I have a big house in the country,” he continued, oblivious. “It’s a manor house in the English countryside. Do you remember when we used to have tea parties when you were little? You always said you wanted a manor house ... so that’s what I bought.
“There’s plenty of room for you there,” he said. “You don’t have to work. I have more than enough money. You can take all the photos you want, maybe focus on the scenery so you don’t have to worry about the omens, and we’ll live the rest of our lives in hiding. It will be perfect.”
Rowan finally found her voice, although it was weak. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. I’ve already talked to Quinn about it, if that’s your worry. I explained I didn’t want to hurt him, but I planned on giving you the option. I know it’s a big change for you — and it will hurt a bit to let him go — but you’ll see it’s for the best over the long haul.”
“Have you eaten a big plate of crazy since lunchtime?” Rowan challenged, her cheeks flushing. “I mean ... seriously?”
Paul worked overtime to tamp down his frustration with her attitude. “It’s best for both of us.”
“It’s best for you,” Rowan countered, echoing Quinn’s earlier words. “It’s not best for me.”
“Because of Quinn? Is it that you don’t want to leave him? He didn’t come right out and say it, but he insinuated he would go with us if it came to it. I’m sure if you ask ... .”
“We’re not living our lives in hiding.” Rowan was firm as she rested her palms on her desk and stared hard at her father. “I’m building a life with Quinn and it’s going to be out in the open. Eventually we’re going to get married and have kids.”
“Things change.”
“That won’t. We’ve already talked about it.”
Paul’s expression turned dark. “And what will you do if the Phoenix Society comes for your children?”
“We’re going to settle whatever we need to with them before it becomes an issue,” Rowan replied without hesitation. “I don’t know who these people are. I recognize you’re legitimately terrified of them. Perhaps I’m stupid for not feeling the same fear, but I have no doubt that we’ll solve this particular problem before it becomes an issue.
“Even if you want to blame Quinn for my decision — which is stupid, but you seem determined to blame someone — he’s not the reason,” she continued. “I love him. There’s no doubt about that. Even if there was no Quinn, though, I wouldn’t go with you.”
“But ... why?”
“Because I don’t want to live in the shadows. I love the sun and I want to be in it.”
“There’s sun in England ... sometimes.”
“You know what I mean.” Rowan turned rueful. “I’m sorry if you had some grand plan and I’m crushing it, but I can’t believe you honestly thought that would happen. I’m not living in a world where it’s necessary to constantly be afraid. That’s not who I am.”
“Quinn knew,” Paul muttered, shaking his head. “That’s why he told me to go ahead and bring it up. He knew you wouldn’t agree.”
“I would say so. He knows me better than anyone.”
“He said that, too. I didn’t want to believe him. I mean ... you’re my daughter.”
“I am, but I’m an adult now. Maybe you can’t see it because you missed the transition. I don’t need someone to protect me. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life. You could work with us to face this problem if you wanted, you know. We could do it together ... and then live in the open together.”
Paul’s face went ashen. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if they come after us?”
“You make it sound as if that’s inevitable. Perhaps we should be planning for it rather than trying to hide from it. That’s just a suggestion, though.
“Either way, I’m not going into hiding,” she said. “My life is with Quinn. For now, that means we’re staying here. After that? I’m not sure what will come. I know we’ll be together when we face it, though. That’s enough for me.”
Paul was impressed with her fortitude but remained worried. He didn’t know if he had the strength to join them, and that was a small tear that he feared would widen to the point where it swallowed him whole.
He wasn’t a coward and yet he was afraid. Could he come back into the light like she suggested? Did he even want that?
15
Fifteen
Paul didn’t bring up the idea of Rowan leaving with him after the cruise again. Instead, he watched her work for a bit and then excused himself to take a nap before dinner.
Worried, Rowan called out to him before he could disappear through the door. “Will I see you again?”
The fear in her voice was enough to cause Paul’s stomach to clench. “Why would you ask that? Of course you’ll see me again.” Even though he feigned ignorance, he knew exactly why she would ask the question. He was never going to be nominated for Father of the Year, and that was a vicious rip compared to the small tears he’d been enduring since showing himself to Rowan.
He had to fix what he’d broken, and he had no idea how.
“I’ll see you for dinner. We have to keep using the ruse that I’m getting information from you for a book, but you’ll definitely see me for dinner.”
Her relief was palpable as some of the stress vacated her shoulders. “Okay. Great. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
Paul was meandering down the hall, his mind busy, when Quinn landed on the office floor. He exited the elevator and pulled up short when he caught sight of Rowan’s father. The anger he thought dissipated after their previous conversation returned with a vengeance.
“Is Rowan in her office?”
Paul nodded as he studied the taciturn security guard. He could feel the rage rolling off him in waves. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?”
His eyes suddenly glassy, Paul held out his hands in capitulation. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have said what I did ... or even suggested taking Rowan with me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Surprisingly, Quinn felt the leading edge of his discontent ease. Paul was a father, h
e reminded himself. He loved Rowan. Even though he left her, Quinn had no doubt that Paul believed he was doing the best thing possible for Rowan. It turned out to be a mistake, but his motivations weren’t in question.
“I know what you were thinking,” Quinn said quietly. “You were thinking that you screwed up and want to correct it. You can’t do that in five days. It’s impossible. You think if you have time with Rowan that she’ll eventually get over everything and go back to being your daughter.”
“She’s still my daughter.”
“She is,” Quinn agreed without hesitation. “She’ll always be your daughter. She’s not a child any longer, though. She has her own ideas about her future.”
“That’s pretty much what she said.”
Quinn tried to bite back a smile ... and failed. “She didn’t take it well, huh?”
“She wasn’t mean or anything. She simply said it wasn’t going to happen, that you and she were going to find a way to handle the Phoenix Society together, and she refused to live in hiding. That’s not the life she wants for herself or any future children.”
“Do you blame her?”
“No. It’s just ... I’m afraid.”
The naked anguish on Paul’s face was enough to cause Quinn’s anxiety to ratchet up a notch. “I don’t want you being afraid. I don’t want her afraid. We’re going to figure this out. She was right about that.”
“She’s planning on having children with you. That doesn’t surprise you, does it?”
Quinn shook his head. “Not even a little. We’re nowhere near following through on that, for the record. A cruise ship is not a place to raise a child, but we’ve got time to come up with a plan. I can work anywhere. If she finds a business that offers her what she needs, then I’ll move with her. That’s down the line, though. We need to deal with the here and now.”
Farewell Seas Page 14