“I used to—before you.”
“But not while we were together?”
“No.”
I almost cried with relief, choosing a mature and composed demeanor instead. “Did you have sex with them—before me.”
“If that’s… if I was ‘picking up’, yes. But… the kill was never about sex.”
“What was it about?” I asked instead of dredging up the discussion about him and Emily, dragging with it all the hurt for the fact that he told me I was the first human he’d had sex with.
“Closeness,” he said with a shy half smile and a one-shouldered shrug. “The excitement of the skin, the pulse of their desire as they’d beg me to touch them.”
I could accept that easily enough, remembering one of the first things he ever told me: that vampires like human skin.
“It’s almost the same as fear,” he added.
“What is?”
“That pulse of desire.” He held my gaze intently as he spoke, not breaking away, like our souls were meeting for some kind of lustful dance in the description of his desires. “It makes the blood warmer, richer, but without the tangy taste fear gives it.”
“So, if you don’t like the fear taste, why do you tie them up?”
“That’s… not to scare them,” he said, eyes breaking from mine to travel across the room with a hint of mischief.
“What does it do?”
“Excites me.”
I nodded slowly. “The submissive thing?”
“Yes,” he said sweetly. “But what you saw that night when you walked in—it was the first time I even attempted sex with anyone since we… since…”
“Since we broke up.”
He wouldn’t look at me then. “I know that… when I walked into the lab, I know you were crying because of that: because of what you saw.”
I bit my lip, holding my breath so I wouldn’t sob.
“I’m sorry.” His long, delicate fingers made gentle impressions against my hand, a touch so firm and yet so gentle he needn’t have used words as an apology at all. “I’m still angry at you… and hurt, Ara.” His voice trembled on the last word. “And I still find myself trying to hurt you back. But that’s not… I don’t want to—I… for what it’s worth, it kills me to see you cry.”
“Really?” As I looked up, a plump tear snuck past my lashes and slipped down my cheek.
David caught it against a curled finger. “I married you. I loved you once. And as much as I hate it, Ara, I still feel for you when I see your tears. I still…” He dried the tear on his jeans, his shoulders tensing until a long breath sunk them into a relaxed position again. “Anyway. I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“Because you still care about me?” I said suggestively, trying not to grin.
His eyes darted quickly up to mine, then he closed them, wiping his thumb down the bridge of his nose. “You remember last night.”
I tapped my temple. “You’ll have to try a bit harder if you want to make me forget.”
“It didn’t mean anything,” he said quickly. “Don’t read into it, Ara—”
“I won’t.” I drew my hand from his and sobered myself quickly, just a breath away from completely falling into his loving arms. “I get it. You just slipped into old habits, right?”
“No.”
A few seconds ticked by, the sun warming the cold room with a gorgeous golden ray of sunlight, while I held my eyes to where his would be if he dared to look up. But he didn’t. “What do you mean?” I probed, knowing I shouldn’t.
“I mean…” His emerald gaze landed on mine, soft and kind, but guarded. “I’m angry at you. And the pain of what you did will—can never go away, Ara. I won’t let it. But, for God knows what reason, I still care.”
“Care about what?”
“Don’t. Okay?” He grabbed his book again, crossing his ankle atop his knee. “I can’t talk like this with you.”
“You mean you can’t be open with me.”
As his spine straightened, I noticed his fist balling slowly, turning white around the creases, his eyes closed and scrunched in a head that was angled awkwardly away.
“Would you like me to change the subject?” I offered, littering the gloom with my brightest smile.
“Please,” he said, his voice strained.
“Arthur did an ultrasound.”
The tight eyes opened and the heat smothering his aura faded from volcanic to watery-cool. “I thought those machines wouldn’t work on you. How did he—”
“He did it intra-vaginally.”
“He did what?” He lurched forward in his seat, the book hitting the floor with a thud.
“A probe, you know—”
“I know what it is.” His lip lifted in clear disgust. “I just don’t like the idea of my uncle with his hands, or anything, on your… were you covered?”
I snorted out a rather embarrassing laugh, rolling my eyes as though none of it was that big of a deal. “I wanted to show you something.”
He noticed my hands come from behind my back then and cross tightly to my chest with a small square of silky paper folded between them. “Did he… it worked. He saw the baby?”
I nodded and gently passed the picture across the half meter of space between us.
David drew a breath and covered his mouth, his thumb pressing a little too firmly into the page, bending it slightly. “This is…”
“Our baby,” I said factually.
He nodded once and stood up, walking quickly over to the window with the picture in hand. “She has toes?”
“Yeah.” I laughed. “And it almost looks like she’s waving, too.”
He ran his fingertips down the image, moving his hand up to his own mouth after.
“Pretty amazing, huh?” I skipped over and stood beside him. But as my smiling eyes went from the picture to take in his face, I stepped back a bit, giving him space when I saw the tears sparkling at the brim of his lashes. “Um,” I said, continuing backward. “I gotta run. You keep that, okay. I have another.”
He didn’t even look at me. Just nodded, wiping his face downward. I knew he didn’t want me to see him cry. And I was okay with that. It was damn cute as it was. I didn’t need to embarrass him by rubbing it in his face or pointing out that he obviously had a heart somewhere in that stone chest of his, and he sure as hell didn’t see our baby as an abomination he’d like to personally abort from my womb.
I left him alone with his regrets and joys, closing his door, and practically floated down the corridor. Wherever I thought My David had gone, he certainly wasn’t very far away. The Mother Lilith might have been right—that maybe he’d never come back to me. But at least my daughter would have her father. There was no doubting that.
* * *
The warmth of fireplaces around the manor brought the scent of roast chicken and baked potatoes up the stairs with it. I checked my watch, noting that I still had at least an hour until dinner, and trotted down to find the piano in the Great Hall and spend that time lost in a sea of melancholy notes.
But a voice calling my name stopped me on the first-floor landing, Arthur moving toward me at a bit of a run. He grabbed my arm gently and drew me closer. “My dear, how are you today?”
“Fine. Why?”
“David came to me this morning.” He let go of me, his blue eyes cold with a gray palette. “He said you were talking in your sleep last night.”
“I do that.”
“Yes, but you were calling out for your father.”
I nodded sadly.
“My dear, it was not my intention to cause any undue harm when it came to the memory of your father, I—”
“It wasn’t you, Arthur.” I smiled to reassure him. “I called Vicki after you left the library last night. What she said… I guess it gave me nightmares.”
“What did she say to you?” he asked, nodding once to prompt me onward.
My throat filled with saliva, the liquid forming a muddy lump. “She said Dad had a
scar.”
Arthur watched my fingertip make a moon shape under my breastbone. “She’s sure?”
I nodded. “She said it’d faded over the years—”
“Faded?”
“Mm-hm. So, maybe it’s just a coincidence.”
“My dear,”—he laid a hand to my shoulder—“I do not believe in coincidence.”
“Then, what? You think it’s him—you think my dad is Vampirie?” I laughed loudly, but a bubble of dread formed like a mound in my chest, rising and popping in my throat.
“I think it’s time I make a call.”
“A call?” I asked as he walked away. “What call? To whom?”
“I shall find you later, my dear. We’ve much to talk about,” he said, then disappeared in a flash, leaving only a gentle breeze and the soft, faded scent of cologne behind. I glanced back to ask Falcon what he thought of Arthur’s odd behavior, but the corridor was empty. With David returned and suddenly being nice and with the threat of Drake now below the red, Falcon and Mike had backed off on security to an almost immeasurable quantity. I almost had personal space again.
It felt sort of empty not being followed though, so when Blade popped around the corner unsuspectingly, I grabbed his arm.
“Hey,” I chirped.
“Hey, what’s up, little queen?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, letting go of his arm. “What you up to?”
“Just going over some new procedures to address tonight at the House meeting.” He flipped a page over on his clipboard, keeping his attention there, too.
“Sounds fun.”
“It’s not,” he muttered in that dreamy accent, flashing me a coy grin. “I assure you.”
“Do you want some help?”
“No, I got it. Thanks.”
“Well, maybe some company then?” I linked my fingers behind my back, cocking my head to one side in attempt to be cute.
He eyed me critically. “Ara, you have nowhere to be until after dinner tonight. Why not go and enjoy the sunset?”
I shrugged. “That just seems kinda boring.”
“Yeah, ’tis a bit dull around here without the threat of imminent death.”
“You get bored?”
“Sometimes.”
“What do you do now that you’re not on full-time Me Duty?”
He smiled softly down at me, like I was this sweet little kid he adored. “Falcon keeps us plenty busy. We’re still on the case of the missing venom—no leads at present, but we’re pretty sure we know where it is.”
“Where?”
“Elysium, of course. And I reckon the next time it’s on manor grounds it’ll be aimed at our guards.”
“You think Drake plans to attack?”
He shook his head. “I think it’s an insurance policy. If he needs to.”
I cupped my hands over my belly. “Like when the baby’s born?”
He patted my arm. “Don’t worry about it, Ara. That’s our job, remember. It’s why you pay us a handsome sum of greenback every week.”
“I don’t pay you anything. The people do.”
“Still, it’s enough to motivate us not to let anything happen to our pay-packet.” He winked at me. “You’re in good hands.”
“Good hands?” I motioned around me. “I don’t even have day-guards anymore, unless I’m leaving the manor or walking anywhere other than the forest.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yeah, but—” I shrugged. “It gets kinda lonely sometimes.”
He stepped into me and wrapped his long arm around my head, giving me a tight squeeze. “We’re all still here, Queeny. But you don’t need us following you around. You’re a better fighter than Ryder in close quarters, and the halls are lined with more men than curtains.”
I laughed.
“Think of this as a good thing,” he said, drawing me out from his chest. “Your lack of overprotection demonstrates both Falcon and Mike’s trust in you. That’s not something you have to fight for anymore.”
He was right. It was a good thing, but… “I just miss everyone, that’s all.”
“I know.” He squeezed my shoulder firmly. “Why not go hang out with David? He’s—”
“Blade. He is the last person that would want my company right now.”
“That’s not true. He might play it tough, but his eyes still light up when you enter a room.”
“They so do not.” I slapped his chest. “He’s being nice now, but he’s nowhere near ready to be friends.”
“Why don’t you try him?” he suggested, tucking the clipboard behind his back. “Maybe he’s just, in his mind, made one too many mistakes and doesn’t feel brave enough to reach out anymore.”
I thought about that for a second. I knew the feeling so well, and I also knew it would be very like David to think that way. And so easy for me to extend the olive branch. I didn’t suffer pride like he did. “I saw him this morning. He kinda seemed like he wanted to be left alone today.”
“Last I saw him he looked more lonely than in need of alone time.”
“Really?”
“Yep.” He slapped the clipboard against his palm and went to walk away.
“Well, where is he?”
Blade’s shoulders moved up, his lips going down. “Dunno. Everyone else is out shopping today—”
“How do you feel about that?” I smiled cheekily. “About Em shopping with her ex-fiancé and David’s tortured soul.”
He tossed his head back, the bulge under his throat vibrating with his laugh. “I’m fine with it. She’s falling pretty hard for me. Last thing she wants is to go back to Mike.”
“You say that like he’s a drop-kick.”
“He is—when it comes to her.” He rubbed his mouth with a firm palm. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk about this stuff with you—”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s your friend. I know it’s hard for you to think he might be a bit of a dick.”
“I know what he’s like with girls. I’ve seen him be a dick. I just thought he loved Em more than to let her go so easily.”
“Love?” Blade made a face. “I’m pretty sure Em was the fallback girl—not the love of his life.”
I nodded. “I think it was more along the lines of the challenge—you know, the girl he wasn’t good enough for.”
“No one’s good enough for Em, not even me.”
“She’s not that hot, jeeze.” I shook my head, turning away a little.
“You’re a girl,” he called after me. “I don’t expect you to get it.”
“Oh, I get it,” I said, walking away. “She’s blonde. What else matters?”
“See? Knew you weren’t as stupid as you look,” he said and disappeared before I could turn back and slap him.
A guard on the wall stifled a small chuckle, composing himself when my glaring eye turned on him. I thought better of scolding him though, and moved to a more private section of the stairs to drown out all the energy electrifying the air. Piano playing could wait. Every cell in my body just wanted to find David now.
With my eyes closed, the sounds in the world hollowing out around me, I focused hard on that tingling feeling I got in a room with a vampire. I felt the presence of Arthur in the library, two vampires trotting down the hall beneath my feet on the ground floor, but no David. He wasn’t in his room, wasn’t in the kitchen, the common room or even the Scroll Room. Which meant there was only one other place he was likely to be at this hour.
I turned on my heel and let my hand guide me down the rail, my eyes still slightly closed, searching a wider grid for that soft, tickly blue light I seemed to associate with him. And as I reached the Great Hall and crossed the floor, my eyes now open but unfocused, I caught the sensation of David meandering up the garden steps from deep within the maze, then all the way past the border of the Enchanted Forest. I could sense the path he took about an hour ago—could still sense the mood he was in as he walked, in a weird kind o
f way—not enough that I trusted my instincts on the feelings yet, but enough that I felt like I knew he was in a state of great confusion or possibly even despair at the time. So I walked a little faster, skipping down the terrace steps and taking a shortcut to the left and through the garden to the forest. He was with the Damned, well, the now-human children. Whatever was bothering him, it seemed he felt he could forget it there among the young.
* * *
As the words flowed softly from my lips, I suddenly knew in my heart that this little lullaby would be the one I sung to my baby when she was born. It soothed the little guy in my arms to sleep so quickly I thought maybe I’d hypnotized him.
“Goodnight, little man.” I laid him gently in his crib, stroking his fat little cheek as he stirred, his lip flickering in the tiniest smile under the gentle glow of his night lamp.
David leaned over to take a look. “You’ve got the magic touch.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Human babies are easy. They want to sleep.”
A sadness swept across his eyes then.
“What’s wrong, David?”
“I was just thinking about how things were for him before he was turned human again.”
That thought made me sad, too. I’d never seen anything quite like it in my life—never heard a child cry with such ferocity, as if it’d been loved all its life and was suddenly left cold and injured in a noisy street. The sound haunted me to my core, even now as I stood here among ten happy, breathing and mostly sleeping children. “We can’t think about that now, David. If we focus on all the suffering—”
“I know.” He leaned over the cot railing to watch the little baby sleeping. “It’s hard sometimes to forget.”
I wanted to lay my hand against his back and smooth away the tension, but I knew it’d only add more.
“I will never be able to express how… grateful I am to you, Ara,” David said out of the blue.
“For?”
“Ignoring my doubts when it came to your powers.” He turned to face me. “For continuing the search for a way to save these children.”
I refused to look at him, even though I could feel his eyes dead on me. I smiled instead and reached out blindly to pat his arm. “I’m just so happy to see them all doing so well.”
Echoes & Silence Part 1 Page 30