Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  Ryan rubbed his forehead and said, “Grace, that’s Stephanie.”

  I turned to Jennifer. She rolled her eyes and held out her hand to me. “Sorry about her,” she said. “Stephanie does everything big. She’s like a human tornado sometimes.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said and smiled. “I have a friend like that.”

  Jennifer walked to Stephanie and asked for a turn to hold Johnny. She was a few inches taller than Stephanie but had a slender build. She had lighter hair and green eyes too. I assumed she took after her mother. Stephanie had a stockier build like Ryan’s and was clearly an athlete. While she and Jennifer bickered over who go to hold Johnny, Ryan leaned over to me and said, “I tried to warn you.”

  I put my hand over my mouth and tried not to laugh. “They must have been a handful,” I said.

  “They’ve always been full of energy. Raising twins isn’t easy, but they’re good girls. They make me laugh and keep me young. They took their mother’s death hard, but Stephanie’s bouncing back. It’s taking Jennifer a little longer.” He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I’m hoping you two become close. Maybe you can help her in ways I can’t.”

  “I hope so too,” I said and put my hand over his.

  When Johnny’s lower lip started to quiver, Jennifer took him to the rocking chair and tried to shush him. He cuddled against her and closed his eyes.

  “You sweet thing,” Stephanie said.

  “Are you feeling superfluous?” Ryan asked.

  I laughed and said, “You two must be looking forward to being aunts.”

  Stephanie turned and said, “We can’t wait. We wouldn’t mind being stepsisters either.” She kissed the top of Johnny’s head.

  Ryan’s face turned bright red. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. I grinned at him, knowing that the girls and I were going to get along just fine.

  Ryan and I had dinner with his family later that day. They were relaxed and welcoming. By the end of the night, I felt like a member of the family and wondered at Stephanie’s comment from earlier. I wanted to ask Ryan about it while he drove me home, but I was afraid that Stephanie spoke out on her own.

  Ryan came in with me and led me to the sofa. “So, what do you think of my family?” he asked.

  “I love them,” I said. “You are a fortunate man.”

  “Yes, I am.” He kissed me. After a few seconds, he said, “I’m not sure if this is the right time, but I have something I’ve wanted to say. You know how I am about speaking my mind.”

  I nodded, knowing I could always count on Ryan to be honest with me. Knowing that didn’t prepare me for what came next though.

  He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand and said, “I love you, Grace Ward.” When I gasped and put my hand over my mouth, he pulled away and said, “I knew it was too soon. Now I’ve scared you off. You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”

  I pulled him closer and said, “You caught me off guard, that’s all. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you too, but I kept chickening out. I love you too, Ryan Walker.”

  “I am a fortunate man.” He kissed me again before pulling back and looking into my eyes. “Now what do we do?” he asked.

  I’d been expecting some deeply romantic comment, so I laughed at his question. “If you don’t know, I certainly don’t,” I said. “Why don’t we kiss goodnight, wake up happier tomorrow, and go from there.”

  “Reasonable plan,” he said and stood, offering his hand to help me up. When we got to the door, he said, “I do love you, and I’m not going anywhere. Sleep well knowing that.”

  He kissed me on the way out. I closed the door behind him and sighed. There’d been little to trust in my life, but I was certain in my trust for Ryan. Meeting his family and seeing them interact had solidified that for me. I fell asleep confident that no matter where my future led, I wouldn’t walk the road alone.

  I woke the next morning thinking of Ryan and smiled. The warm memory faded two seconds later when I felt the pounding in my head. I got up to take some ibuprofen and realized I had a sore, swollen throat too. I ran the thermometer across my forehead, afraid to read the results. It registered 100.6 degrees. I groaned and pulled out the list to see who my backup for staying with Johnny was. It was an off-duty nurse named Allison. I dialed her number and got worried on the fourth ring, but she answered as I was about to hang up.

  “Can you stay with Johnny today? I’m sick and can’t go to the hospital,” I said.

  “Oh no, I’m sick too,” she said in a raspy voice.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. “You rest and get better. I’ll find someone else.”

  I called three more people from the list. Two were sick, and one was out of town. Alec, Adam, and Ryan were all working. Trying not to panic, I called Brad to check on Johnny. When he assured me that Johnny was fine, I racked my brain for someone else to call. I was about to give up and ask the peds nurses to cover as best they could, but Stephanie’s face popped into my mind. I called Ryan to get her number and ask if he thought she’d want to help.

  Ryan answered with a croak.

  “You’re not sick, too?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “I am,” he said and sneezed. “I feel like death.”

  I explained what was happening and asked about the girls.

  “They’re fine so far, but we were with them all day yesterday. It might just be a matter of time,” he said. “On the plus side, Stephanie has the constitution of a horse. She never gets sick.”

  “It might be worth the risk,” I said. “She could wear a mask and gloves. Will Jennifer be offended if I don’t ask her too? I might need her tomorrow.”

  “No, she’ll insist on staying here to take care of me. Maybe you should come over too,” he said and went into a coughing spasm.

  “I’m going to use all my strength to get to the doctor. You should too. Alec will be over here fussing over me as soon as she gets off work anyway. We probably ought to keep our distance for a few days,” I said, sad to be separated from him right after declaring our love to each other.

  “I hate to admit it, but I agree. The phone will have to do.”

  We hung up, and I called Stephanie. She answered and said, “Dad already told me. I’m sorry you’re sick, but I’d love to help with Johnny. Jen says she’ll go tomorrow if you need her to.”

  Relieved, I gave her detailed instructions and told her the nurses would help too. I asked her to thank Jennifer and tell her I’d call after I’d seen the doctor.

  My doctor was booked up, so I dragged myself to urgent care where I found out I had a virus that was going around. I’d hoped it was bacterial so I could take antibiotics and be better in a day. I talked the doctor into giving me an antiviral even though I knew they didn’t always work and that I could be sick for days.

  I spent the next two days in a fever haze but started to feel better after that. It was agony to stay away from Johnny, but I knew I could still be contagious for another forty-eight hours. I contented myself knowing that Stephanie was taking good care of him. Jennifer woke up with a fever on the second day and hadn’t gotten a turn with Johnny. Ryan told me she was heartbroken. I called and told her not to worry. She’d have plenty of chances to help with him in the future.

  I woke up the sixth morning feeling like my old self. I showered and disinfected my house so I wouldn’t carry the infection to the hospital. My excitement grew the closer I got to my Johnny. It was the longest I’d been parted from him since the quarantine. I put on a mask and gloves before I went into his room. I went in to find Stephanie holding a box filled with Johnny’s belongings. His quilt was folded up in the crib, and Johnny was wearing an outfit I’d bought him the week before. His face lit up when he saw me, so I scooped him up and held him close.

  “I’ve missed you,” I said, as he struggled to get loose. I turned to Stephanie and said, “What’s all this about? Is Dr. Carter moving Johnny to another room?”

  �
��In a way,” she said and winked.

  Brad walked in before I could ask what she meant. He smiled when he saw me and said, “Good to you see back in the world of the living. How are you feeling?” He shined a light in my eyes and asked me to pull down the mask and stick out my tongue.

  I did as he asked and said, “What’s going on?”

  Instead of answering, he put on gloves and felt the glands in my neck.

  I pushed his hands away, and said, “I’m fine. Are you moving Johnny?”

  Johnny reached up and grabbed hold of his light.

  Brad handed it to him and said, “Yes, I’m moving him, but not to another hospital room. He’s going home with you today if you’re up for that.”

  Johnny tried to stick the light in my mouth.

  I gently pushed his hand away. “I can take Johnny home? Today? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Alec spied out your house while you were sick and said you’d be ready for Johnny as soon as you were well. She made me promise not to say anything. She said you’d be here today, so I asked Stephanie to pack up Johnny’s things. If you don’t feel strong enough, we can wait another day or so.” He patted the top of Johnny’s head to distract him while he retrieved the light.

  My legs wobbled, so I dropped into the rocking chair with Johnny on my lap. As I stroked his hair, I said, “You mean it, Brad? Johnny’s ready to come home with me?”

  “Yes, but not until Serena gets here and we finish up the paperwork. Johnny’s ready to go, and I’d like him out of here before the virus gets him. You’ve already had it, so he’ll be safer there with you,” he said.

  I tried to thank him, but the words caught in my throat. I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. Johnny giggled, and I cried even more. Stephanie took Johnny from me and danced around the room. He squealed in delight.

  “You’re going home with Mama today,” she said, and he squealed again. “I think he understands.”

  Brad started to contradict her but was interrupted when Serena walked in with Alec following her, carrying a car seat. I ran to Alec and hugged her. When she pulled away, I said, “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been a lot less miserable if I’d known I’d be bringing Johnny home soon.”

  She laughed. “You know me and surprises. I hoped to get here before you to see the look on your face when you got the news.” She studied me for a second. “What do you know? It’s still there.”

  Serena came up and hugged me too. When I thanked her for all her help and support, she said, “Don’t thank me yet. We still have a long way to go, but I’m thrilled that Johnny is ready to go home. It’s time he learned about life outside of a hospital. I’ll be coming with you to do a final home check, and then I think we’ll only need one more home visit before the adoption.”

  “I’m coming too,” Alec said. “You’re not getting out of here without me.”

  Stephanie tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Can I come?”

  “I’ll tell you what: come over tonight with your dad and Jen if she’s well enough. I don’t want to overwhelm Johnny.”

  She looked disappointed but nodded. “We’ll bring some dinner to celebrate. I’ll call Dad right now,” she said and went into the hallway.

  I started laughing and crying at the same time. “It’s incredible. I worried this would never come. Now that it’s happening, I can’t believe it’s real. Let’s get the paperwork started. I want to get out of here. If I ever see this room again, it’ll be too soon.”

  Serena opened her briefcase and pulled out a stack of papers. While I signed and she explained the legal considerations, Brad printed off Johnny’s discharge papers and had a nurse bring in Johnny’s temporary oxygen concentrator and nebulizer. He gave me the lists of Johnny’s prescriptions and told me he had already called them into the pharmacy.

  An hour later, I pushed Johnny’s stroller to the parking lot with the troop following behind, carrying all the gear. My eyes were too blurry with tears to strap Johnny into the car seat, so Alec had to do it with Serena looking on.

  Alec drove my car, so I could sit in the back with Johnny. He started to scream the second I put him in the car seat. He quieted to a whimper when we started moving and was soon gazing, wide-eyed, out the window. I took him on a tour of the house when we got there, explaining every room in detail. Our last stop was Johnny’s bedroom. I laid him in the crib with his favorite quilt and rubbed his back. He was asleep two minutes later.

  Alec stopped in the doorway and said, “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I need a picture.” She took out her phone and whispered for me to smile. She didn’t have to tell me. I felt like I’d never stop smiling again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Having Johnny home with me made life easier in some ways, and monumentally more difficult in others. I loved not having to sit in the hospital room for hours every day and had fun playing with him on the floor of his room or in the park. Mealtimes were special too, especially when Ryan was with us.

  On the other hand, our days were filled with repeated trips to various doctors and therapists. Johnny never got used to the car seat and screamed every time I strapped him in. That made for some nerve-racking car rides. It was also always a struggle to get Johnny to take his medicine and do his therapy exercises, but that all paled in comparison to my joy at being Johnny’s mother, and I had no regrets.

  I had to remind myself of that on occasion, like the day when Johnny decided he’d had enough of getting his diaper changed. He tossed his upper body from side to side in a valiant attempt to escape. I won the battle and taped down the second tab just as the doorbell rang.

  “That’s Serena,” I told him as I pulled up his pants and lifted him off the changing table. “Let’s go show her what a good boy you are.”

  Serena visited us more often than her usual cases. When I asked her one day if she’d been ordered to keep a closer eye on us, she laughed and said she came because she liked to. When I opened the door that afternoon, she didn’t look like she was there for a pleasure visit.

  I invited her in and said, “How bad is it?”

  She sat in the armchair and said, “You’ll want to sit down.”

  I put Johnny on a blanket on the floor and sat on the sofa across from her. I leaned forward and ordered myself to keep breathing.

  “I have good news and bad,” she said. “Good news first. Kinsley got fired. The board brought someone in on a temporary basis until they find a permanent replacement. I thought you’d want to know.”

  I sighed and sat back. “Finally! I hope it’s only the first step on his road to ruin.”

  “I’m sure it is, but I can’t comment on that because of the ongoing criminal investigation,” she said.

  I considered Serena as more than Johnny’s caseworker. She was my friend, but that made our relationship tricky at times. “Give me the bad news,” I said.

  “It has to do with your background investigation,” she said and looked down at her clasped hands.

  “My background? I thought that was completed,” I said in confusion. I wouldn’t have been allowed to bring Johnny home otherwise. I racked my brain for what could have come up. The only thing I’d worried about was what had happened at the river, but Ryan and Alec were the only two who knew. They would never have betrayed my confidence.

  Serena interrupted my thoughts and said, “It was completed, but new information has come forward. As Kinsley’s last official act, he submitted an affidavit detailing your actions during the quarantine. He claims you’re unfit to be Johnny’s mother because you acted without regard to Johnny’s life or safety.”

  I jumped up and started pacing. “The Hyena. I should have known. He’s just doing this to get revenge.” I stopped pacing and faced her. “The board cleared me. I served my probation. How much can this hurt me?”

  “I can’t answer that, but this isn’t the same as trying to keep your job. This is about a child’s welfare, placing him in a safe and loving home.” I started
to protest, but she held up her hand and said, “We all know that’s you. If this were solely up to me, I’d dismiss this. In my mind, it proves your devotion to Johnny, but others may not see it that way. They could consider it reckless, at the very least. The decision is in the hands of my superiors and, ultimately, the judge who presides over the case. You need to contact Paul, and soon.”

  I covered my face with my hands and sank onto the couch. The adoption had been sailing through without a glitch. It should have been a warning sign. And Kinsley! I should have anticipated that he’d interfere. He hated me. I thought back to the days after Kinsley suspended me. The board hadn’t fired me like he’d wanted, and they put him in his place. His plan to get rid of Johnny had backfired. He’d been biding his time, waiting to strike, and he’d wielded his last weapon like a pro.

  “How can I fight this? They have my confession. They’ll have my personnel file,” I said, searching desperately for a way out.

  Serena picked Johnny up and sat next to me. “We already had that,” she said. “This isn’t over, Grace. The opinion at DDS is in your favor. They’re not looking for ways to stop the adoption. Talk to Paul. He’ll guide you in the right direction.”

  Johnny grabbed a handful of my hair and shoved it in his mouth. I tried to pry it free, but Johnny pulled harder. I slipped my index finger into his fist and freed my hair. Johnny squeezed my finger and looked up at me with his crooked grin.

  “I won’t give him up. After all the trauma and sacrifice, I won’t give him up. He’s my son. I love him. I won’t give him up,” I said and tightened my arms around him.

  Serena handed Johnny to me and got up to leave. The sadness in her eyes betrayed her worry. “You’ve been through the worst. We’ll overcome this too.”

  After she left, I put Johnny in his high chair with some snacks and called Paul. When he didn’t answer, I assumed he was in court and left him a message. I called Ryan, but he didn’t answer either. I didn’t leave a message. I put Johnny down for his nap and climbed into my bed, letting the fear and despair take hold. I’d proved to everyone that I’d do anything for Johnny. What more did I have to give? I was tired of fighting and wondered if Johnny would be better off with someone else.