That was the frame of mind Ryan found me in three hours later. I was on the bed in my dark bedroom. I heard Johnny jabbering happily in his crib when he first woke up from his nap, but the jabbering turned into whining. Ryan rescued him and came into my bedroom, carrying him.
Ryan flipped on the light, and said, “Get up. There’s no time to feel sorry for yourself. Paul’s on his way, and I brought dinner.”
I put my arm over my eyes and said, “Go away.” Then I sat up and glared at him. “How’d you find out what was going on?”
“I’m not going anywhere, and Paul called when you didn’t answer your phone. Alec called five minutes later. She heard about Kinsley at work and told me how you reacted after he suspended you. She ordered me to get over here because she couldn’t leave work. So, I’m here to get you back on your feet, so come on. On your feet!” he said.
I groaned and rolled away from him. “What’s the point? I surrender. Kinsley wins.”
“Nonsense,” he said.
He put Johnny in the playpen, which Johnny wasn’t too thrilled about, so he started wailing. Ryan grabbed the container of dry cereal off my dresser and tossed it into the playpen. Johnny picked it up and forgot about crying. While he tried to figure how to open it with one hand, Ryan pulled the covers off me and sat down on the bed.
He rubbed his hand on my back and said, “You know I’m not leaving until I see your old fighting spark. I’m just as stubborn as you are, so you might as well give in now.”
I rolled over to face him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s too late. I don’t have any more fight left in me. It’s over, Ryan. They should just take Johnny away now.” I put my hands over my face and started to cry.
Ryan pulled my hands away. “I know, Grace. You’ve been through more than most people would endure in ten lifetimes, but you have to go a little further. You’re almost there, but you’re not alone. I’m not abandoning you, and neither will anyone else. Let us help you help Johnny. Doesn’t he deserve that?” Ryan handed me a tissue.
I wiped my face. “Of course, but I don’t have control over this. What can I do? And what will happen to Johnny if I lose? No one will ever love him like I do.”
Without hesitation, Ryan said, “I’ll adopt him.”
“I'm serious.”
“So am I,” he said softly.
I looked into his eyes and saw that he meant it. “You would do that? Have you thought that through?”
“The whole way here. I love you and Johnny and so do my kids. We would do anything for you.” He tenderly placed his hand on my cheek. “When are you going to accept that you’re both a part of our family? This is what families do.”
I took his face in my hands and kissed him. “Are you real or just an amazing dream?”
“Want me to pinch you?” he asked, and I laughed.
“I’ll pass on that. I don’t deserve you,” I said and kissed him again.
He helped me up. “That’s settled. Now come have some of your favorite Italian food, and I have a surprise.”
“Juliana’s?” I asked. When he nodded, I said, “I guess I can face anything with the help of Superman and cannoli.”
Paul showed up as we finished eating. I was glad Ryan had thought to bring enough dessert for him since I knew he was a fan of Juliana’s too. As I handed Paul a second cannoli, the door flew open, and Alec burst in, followed by Adam, carrying a box from Juliana’s. She laughed when she saw our box on the table.
“Great minds and all that,” she said and sat down next to me.
I hugged her. “What are you doing here?”
“We’re second string in case Ryan wasn’t enough,” Adam said and shoved half of a cannoli in his mouth.
“Enough for what?” I asked.
“Of a cheerleader,” Alec said. “Let me guess, after you talked to Serena, you went to bed, pulled the covers over your head, and waited for the sky to fall.”
“Nailed it,” Ryan said. “Does she know you or what?”
“I’m so glad you all have me all figured out,” I said, irritated with their teasing. “We’re facing a serious problem, and you are all having a laugh at my expense.”
“You’re right. We’re sorry,” Alec said. “You know we love you, or else why would we be here offering moral support? So, Paul, what’s the plan of action?”
Paul swallowed his food and said, “Not much of a plan. I’ll send a copy of the board-hearing transcript to DSS in the morning. Since Serena was already here and knows the whole story of your breaking quarantine, they probably won’t want to interview you again. It wouldn’t hurt to get a few more character references from people you’ve worked with at the hospital. Other than that, there’s not much else to do. The judge who presides over the case will review the new material and probably question you at the finalization hearing.”
“So we won’t know anything until then?” I asked. “Waiting for two months to find out will be torture.”
“If DSS decides it’s a big enough issue to disqualify you, we’ll know within a week. I’d be shocked if that happened. They’re still reeling from having filed the petition against Johnny. What you did is small potatoes. I think Serena is overreacting,” Paul said.
“But what if you’re underreacting? What happens if the judge rules against me?” I asked.
“That’s not going to happen, but if it did, DSS would take Johnny away from you, and he’d go into the foster system until Ryan adopts him,” Paul said.
“Ryan? He’s not going to adopt Johnny. I am. Adam and I already decided,” Alec said and crossed her arms.
“We didn’t know Ryan was willing to adopt Johnny,” Adam said. “As great a mother as I know you’ll make, I think it would be better for Ryan to adopt him.”
I sat in quiet awe as I listened to the conversation around me. The selflessness of my friends was breathtaking. I glanced at Johnny in his high chair. He was trying his best to grab the dessert box off the counter. I took him out of his chair and sat at the table with him on my lap. No one noticed in the heat of their discussion.
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side,” Alec said. “Besides, he might be too old.”
“Hey,” Ryan said, “that was uncalled for.”
“I’m not taking sides. Think about it, Alec. Can’t you see why it would be better for Ryan to adopt him?” Adam said and cocked his head at me.
Alec looked at me and then Ryan, and back at me again. “Oh, you’re right. That would be better.”
“I’m glad you got that settled, but the discussion was pointless,” Paul said. “Grace is going to adopt Johnny. I’m right. You’ll see.”
They all turned their eyes on me. I just nodded and smiled. I wanted to believe Paul, but there was no way he could be sure. For once, I decided to let things play out the way they would. After all, what choice did I have?
I was running late to meet Paul at the courthouse two months later. Johnny decided he didn’t want to wear clothes that morning, so he screamed and fought me while I tried to dress him. He howled even louder when I put him the playpen in my room so I could get in the shower. I stared down at him with my hands on my hips and wondered if all eighteen-month-olds acted that way. My phone rang in the midst of the chaos, and I frowned until I saw that it was Ryan.
“Please tell me you’re on your way,” I said, continuing to put on mascara.
“Five minutes out. Rough morning?” he asked.
“Is it too late to change my mind about today?”
He chuckled. “You don’t mean that. I’ll be there in a sec to rescue you.”
“Not soon enough,” I said and hung up. I picked Johnny up and tried everything to calm him, but every time I started to lower him into the playpen, he screamed. In a flash of genius, I handed him my phone with a photo of Ryan open on the screen. He quieted immediately and chatted contentedly with Ryan’s picture. I put him in the playpen and threw my clothes on as fast as I could. I heard tapping on my bedr
oom door as I finished getting dressed.
“Aw, the man himself,” I said, as Ryan came in.
Johnny squealed in delight when Ryan picked him up and swung him around.
“That’s it; you’re moving in here,” I said and froze, wishing I could suck the words back into my mouth. I glanced at Ryan to see if he’d caught what I said.
He was staring at me, but then he smiled and said, “If you insist.”
I gave a nervous laugh and threw things into the diaper bag. When it was packed, I carried it and the stroller to the car. While Ryan put Johnny in his car seat, I loaded the trunk, pretending nothing had happened. Johnny rescued me from having to talk about it by screaming the entire way to court.
Paul, Alec, and Adam were waiting for us in the lobby when we arrived. Alec hugged me and said, “How are you doing, Mama? I was awake all night. I bet you didn’t sleep a wink.”
“You’d lose that bet,” I said. “Johnny and I both slept through the night for the first time since…ever. He must have sensed this was his big day. I’m a nervous wreck now, though.” I turned to Paul. “Please, run me through this again.”
“Relax, Grace. Brackman is the judge,” he said. “She insisted on being the one to preside. We’re familiar with her, so that’s good. The hearing will take place in her chambers. Serena’s waiting for us there. The judge will ask a few questions, including about your breaking quarantine, I’m sure, but that’s a good thing. It’ll give you a chance to explain your actions in person. Then she’ll sign the adoption order. That’s it. We’re a few minutes late. We should get going.”
As we started moving, Brad ran up behind us.
“Just in time,” Adam said, shaking his hand. “We were afraid you weren’t going to make it.”
“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything short of death,” he said. “Had to sneak away. Glad I made it in time.”
I smiled and squeezed his hand. “Me too,” I said.
Once we were all sworn in, Judge Brackman asked Serena, Paul, Ryan, and me to stand in front of her desk, with Ryan holding Johnny.
Judge Brackman looked at me and said, “Presiding at these occasions is my favorite duty, but never more so than today. I shudder to think that this day almost didn’t occur. I remember my distress at having to approve the petition to remove Johnny from life support.” She paused and shook her head. “Officiating at this occasion is the highlight of my career. I considered holding it in the open courtroom, but I didn’t want to turn this into a spectacle. I’m sure you’ve all had enough of media intrusion.”
We all nodded in agreement. It was the understatement of the year, and I was grateful she’d decided to hold the hearing in private with only my dearest friends present. Alec sat behind me. I turned and smiled at her. She smiled back, and her lower lip quivered. I looked away to keep from crying too.
“Ms. Ward,” Judge Brackman said, “I’d like to ask you a few questions to make sure you understand the seriousness of what we’re doing here today. If I agree to sign the adoption order, Johnny will be as much your son as if you’d given birth to him. Do you understand this?”
That did it. The feeble dam holding back my tears crumbled and let loose the flood. Serena handed me a tissue and kept one for herself. As Ryan reached for my hand and entwined his fingers in mine, I could hear Alec sobbing quietly behind me.
“Take a moment, Ms. Ward. There’s no rush,” Judge Brackman said.
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “No,” I said, “let’s keep going. In answer to your question, I do understand how serious this is. If you knew my life story, you wouldn’t have needed to ask. There’s nothing in the world I want more than to be Johnny’s mother.” I blew my nose and smiled at her.
“I believe you. You’ve proved it to all of us in this room through your selfless sacrifice on Johnny’s behalf. There is an issue we need to discuss, however. I’d like to hear, in your own words, what happened the night you broke the hospital quarantine,” she said and sat back with her arms crossed.
It was my chance to give the statement that I practiced and refined for two months, but my mind went blank. Paul glanced at me with raised eyebrows, and whispered, “Just give her the statement you practiced,” but that didn’t help. I couldn’t remember what to say.
“Is there a problem, Ms. Ward?” Judge Brackman asked. I shook my head, and she said, “Please respond aloud.”
“I had a statement prepared, but all I can think to say is that I did it because I love Johnny. I hated being separated from him, and I’d promised not to leave him alone, but they wouldn’t let me see him. I was desperate. I had to get to my baby, and nothing else mattered to me. That’s the truth. That’s why I broke quarantine,” I said and started to cry again.
Judge Brackman didn’t respond to my outburst right away but sat staring at me with her arms folded. When I regained my composure enough to look up, I searched her eyes but couldn’t gauge what she was thinking.
After another full minute of keeping me in agony, she said, “If I’d never met you and knew nothing of Johnny’s story, I might have my reservations, but that’s not the case. I see no reason to deny this adoption based on this incident alone. I believe it was a small moment of indiscretion and that you’ve learned from it. As I stated before, you’ve more than proved your devotion to Johnny since.”
There was a collective sigh of relief in the room. Paul had been right that the incident wouldn’t be enough to prevent the adoption. As usual, I should have trusted him instead of only envisioning the worst-case scenario. I wondered if I’d learned as much as Judge Brackman thought I had.
She saved me from having to ponder that by saying, “You’ll have unique challenges as Johnny’s mother, but as a medical professional and a strong, loving woman, I know you’re up to the task. In light of that, I hereby grant this adoption order.” She picked up a pen to sign it. “Some parents like to take a picture of me signing the order. I’ll pause if you’d like to do that.”
Alec had her phone ready before the words were out of Judge Brackman’s mouth. After Alec took the picture, the judge signed the order and held it up for us to see. “Congratulations, Ms. Ward. Johnny is now your legal son.”
I took Johnny from Ryan and squeezed him to me. He looked up and put his hand on my cheek, touching my tears. “I love you, my little man,” I whispered. “You’re mine forever.”
Ryan put his arms around us and kissed my cheek. When Johnny giggled, Ryan kissed him too.
Judge Brackman cleared her throat, so we turned to face her. “The last order of business is to let you know that a new birth certificate will be issued. Since we don’t have access to Johnny’s original birth certificate, we need to know the name you’ve chosen for him.”
Without hesitation, I said, “Jonathan James Ward.”
“Lovely,” she said and jotted the name on a paper. We are adjourned,” she said and tapped her gavel. “May I get some pictures with you?”
We all congratulated one another and took several pictures. Johnny got cranky, and not even Ryan could quiet him, so we decided it was time to go.
As we were leaving, Serena asked me about the significance of Johnny’s name. “I get the Jonathan part, but what is James for? Was that your father’s name?” she asked.
Alec beat me to it. “It’s for the James River,” she said and looked at me knowingly.
“I love that,” Serena said. “Now he’s officially tied to this place.”
“That he is,” I said and smiled.
Chapter Twenty
Ryan called me the following Friday and ordered me to clear my calendar because he was taking me out.
“Oh yes, I’ll have to cancel my myriad of social events.” I laughed. “Besides, who’s going to babysit Johnny now that the girls are back at school? Man, I miss them, and not just for the babysitting.”
“Me too,” Ryan said. “It’s always too quiet the first few weeks they’re away, and Mark and Valerie are so busy w
ith their own lives. I’m glad I have you and Johnny this time. But as for a babysitter, Alec’s going to do it.”
“Alec? She’d rather be out with Adam on a Friday night, not babysitting,” I said.
“Adam’s fishing with Paul and some other college buddies, so she’s free,” he said.
“Then I’d love to go out with you. I could use a break and some adult conversation.”
“Exactly my thought,” he said. “Be ready at eight, and dress up a little.”
“Dress up?” I asked. Ryan didn’t like anything fancier than jeans most of the time, which was fine with me. I thought it would be fun to get dressed up for him though. “Where are you taking me?”
“That’s a surprise. See you tonight. Love you,” he said and hung up.
I spent the day in happy anticipation, and not even Johnny’s little bouts of fussiness got me down. Alec got there at six to help me get ready. She knew where Ryan was taking me, but I couldn’t pry it out of her.
“I promised not to ruin it,” she said. “You’ll love it. Trust me.”
We dug through my closet to find the right dress. The only positive thing left from time with Jay was that I took more care of my appearance. That gave Alec and me a much bigger selection. She reached in the back and pulled out the black dress I’d worn on my first formal date with Jay. I thought I’d thrown it out.
Alec held it up. “This is cute. Wear this.”
I took it from her and threw it on the floor. “Not that one.” I climbed back into the closet.
“Oh, must be a Jay holdover,” Alec said and followed me in.
We settled on a form-fitting maroon silk blouse and knee-length black pencil skirt. I had bought the outfit in Baltimore, but it didn’t have any significance with Jay. Alec pulled my hair up in a style I liked and advised me on my makeup. I added a necklace and earring set Ryan had given me for my birthday and stood back to admire myself in the full-length mirror.
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