by S. Jones
I snorted, feeling anger boil in my body “Really? Do you always almost kiss all your friends?” I fired back, with the images of the two of them playing in my head.
“I did not almost kiss anyone. You have to believe me when I say there is nothing going on between Brogan and me.”
“Believe you?” I shouted, placing my hands on my hips. I was vibrating with anger. “That’s just fucking rich coming from you. Don’t you get it?” I inched my face close to hers. “I don’t fucking trust you anymore.”
Her body went stiff. “Why would I lie to you?” She was practically choking on her words. It brought me no pleasure to see her so upset. “If I wanted Brogan, I could have him, but it’s you that I want. Not him.”
I had so much rage flowing through me, I couldn’t contain it even if I wanted to. “Do you know what it felt like watching you with him? It fucking ripped me open from the inside out. I know he’s Tanner’s father. I know in my head he has every right to be here, but he doesn’t have a fucking right to touch you, to put his fucking hands on you.”
“The only person I want touching me is you!” she yelled, getting right up in my face. “I can’t stop him from coming around. He’s trying to build a relationship with his son. And I won’t stop him from doing that.”
I looked up at the sky, begging it for answers. “I don’t know if I can share you guys. It hurts too much.”
“You don’t have to share me.” Her eyes blurred with tears as she spoke. “Do you think this is easy for me? No matter what you think, I’m hurting too.” Her eyes closed. “He’s Tanner’s dad. I have no control over that, but I need you to listen to me. Really listen to me. When it comes to us, it’s only you. I don’t know how else I can make you see that.”
I shook my head, trying to calm the noise that was rattling around in my brain long enough to where I could think. They shared a bond that I couldn’t compete with. I loved her, and I probably always would. But seeing them together made me feel weak. I knew she was hurting, and I didn’t doubt that she loved me, but she didn’t realize how this changed everything. Tanner had a father now, and I was just his mom’s boyfriend. A stepfather at best.
On top of that, I didn’t want to always doubt what she was doing when we weren’t together. Worry about how much time they were spending together. Worry about her someday waking up and realizing that she chose the wrong guy.
I didn’t want Tanner to get caught in the middle either. I’ve seen what this kind of shit could do to a kid. The last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt. I loved her, more than I thought was humanly possible, but I knew I had to let her go.
I took her hand in mind. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
She looked at me as the tears fell. “So that’s it. You’re just giving up on us? After everything we shared, all the promises we’ve made, you’re just going to walk away?” Her voice trembled. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t keep letting you push me away. All I want is to be with you. I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I can’t force you to believe me. I can’t keep doing this.” She pulled her hand from mine. “I’m the only one fighting for us.” She looked away, and something shifted; I could feel it, and it made me sick to my stomach. “I’m not going to beg anymore. If you want to go back to your life in New York, then go. But just remember that this was your choice, not mine.”
She folded her arms across her middle and broke down. A few people walked by and started to stare, so I brought her in my arms as she cried against my chest. I was battling against everything inside of me because I didn’t want to let her go.
She pulled away, and I bent to kiss her. How the hell was I supposed to get on that plane and go back to my life in New York? A life without her and Tanner?
I hated myself. I wish things were different, but they weren’t. I never thought it would be this hard to leave a life that I never even knew I wanted until now.
I pressed a kiss to her lips. I wanted to savor the taste, remember everything about her because I knew I never would feel this way about another woman again. “I love you, Chloe. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter 33
Chloe
Kristen examined my face, pointing at the cold sore that took up half of my top lip. “What the hell is that?”
I swatted her hand away. “You know what it is, jerk.” I picked up the tub of cool whip from the shelf and dumped it in my grocery cart for Tanner’s birthday party tomorrow.
We were celebrating with a few friends and neighbors. Jack’s invitation went out last week, and I’ve spent the last seven days keeping busy and trying not to think about whether or not he would show up. I got my answer when a package arrived on my doorstep yesterday with a card inside telling Tanner that he couldn’t make it.
Even though I expected it, it still hurt.
“Aren’t those like herpes?” Kristen asked, getting a little too close to my face. I hated when these blisters popped up whenever I was stressed. Other than applying a little gel, there wasn’t anything I could do but let them heal on their own.
I rolled my eyes and pushed my cart over to the stationary aisle in search of a birthday card. “How was your date last night?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Please.” She reached for the stack of baseball trading cards on the nearby rack and threw a couple packs into her basket that Tanner would love. “I’m never going on another blind date again.”
“What happened?”
She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening. “We went to a really nice restaurant, had some great food, and shared an expensive bottle of wine.”
I titled my head to the side as we moved through the store. “Sounds like a perfect date to me.”
She huffed. “It was, right up until the check hit the table.”
I stopped pushing my cart and looked at her. “Don’t tell me he made you pay?”
She rolled her eyes all the way up to the ceiling. “He flapped his little alligator arms around and reached for his wallet that he conveniently left at home. What a turd.”
My frown was automatic. Kristen had a shitty track record with men. She kissed more than her share of frogs and never came close to finding her Prince Charming. I thought she was a great catch, but she had a knack for picking out losers.
My phone rang, and I grabbed it out of my purse without looking.
“Hello.”
“Hey, I’m on my way to your place now,” Brogan said, as I pressed my phone to my ear. “Do you need anything?”
I looked at my watch. “I thought your plane wasn’t getting in until dinnertime.”
“I caught an earlier flight out of Nashville. We were supposed to get some heavy rain later in the day, and I didn’t want to chance it.”
I smiled. “That actually works out great. I’m out running a few errands, would you mind swinging by the school and picking Tanner up for me?”
“Are you kidding me? I’d be happy to.”
Never in a million years did I think Brogan and I would get to the place we were. I was so worried that I had ruined everything, but over the past few weeks, Tanner was growing more comfortable with his dad. The situation was still far from perfect, but the transition was going a lot smoother than I had expected.
“Perfect. I’ll see you at the house in a few hours. Thanks, Brogan.”
I hung up the phone and glanced at Kristen who was openly staring at me. “Are you sure there is nothing going on between you two?”
“Jesus. What is it with everyone?” I scoffed, heavy with an attitude. I was sick and tired of people always assuming that we were together. Couldn’t two exes be friends and get along for the sake of their child? “There is nothing going on and why do you keep looking at me like that?”
We kept walking. “Oh, I don’t know.” She shook her long auburn hair. “Maybe because your baby daddy is People magazine’s hottest man of the year.”
I laughed while turning the corner for the checkout lan
e. “He’s not hottest man of the year.”
“Yet,” she said, pointing a finger at me.
“Hello, Chloe.” A deep voice said from behind me. I turned to see my neighbor Phil in the next lane over, loading his groceries on the conveyor belt.
“Hey, neighbor. You still stopping by tomorrow?” Phil has been coming around less and less. I still saw him quite frequently since we lived next door to each other, but our conversations were short, and our interactions were cordial. No doubt thanks to my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, or whatever the hell he was.
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it,” he replied and gave Kristen an appreciative once-over.
I raised my eyebrow. “Have you met my friend and coworker, Kristen?”
Phil eagerly reached over and extended his hand. “No, can’t say that I have. I’m Phil, nice to meet you.”
“I know who you are. You’re the hot neighbor who lives next door.”
Phil laughed while rubbing his tattooed hand across his jaw. “I kinda like that title.”
I pulled on Kristen’s arm, as the cashier was finishing up with my bags. “It was great seeing you,” I added and swiped my card through the machine. I really needed to get to a couple more stores and didn’t have time for Kristen to latch into an hour-long conversation. Most women were shy around hot guys. Kristen, however, didn’t know how to shut up. She could chat and flirt for days, and time was not my friend at the moment.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” she asked with a smile that even made me blush.
“I’ll be there.” He winked, and I swear I thought I heard her ovaries explode. I looked away, feeling embarrassed. These two were going to eat each other alive.
We walked out of the store and loaded up my car. “He’s hot.”
“He is,” I admitted, after closing my trunk. “You guys can flirt with each other tomorrow.” I looked at the clock on my dash. “But right now we need to finish up this shopping. I have a party to plan.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “You’re no fun.”
I hopped in my car, cranked up the air conditioner, and laughed as we drove to the next store. Kristen was the perfect distraction. She was funny, loud, and said some of the most outrageous things. It allowed me to focus on something other than the empty hole in my heart.
After a quick trip to the mall, and a last-minute stop at Target, I finally pulled into my driveway. Having Kristen with me allowed me to cover the ground twice as fast as I could have on my own.
I unbuckled my seat belt and noticed a white Mercedes parked in the road out front. Kristen looked at me. “Whose car is that?”
I squinted my eyes to get a better view. “No clue. Maybe a friend of Brogan’s.”
We grabbed all the bags and balloons and walked toward the house. Brogan met us at the door.
He pulled on the back of his neck. “You have company.”
I glanced over his shoulder as he opened the door wider so I could pass by. Jack’s mom sat in a chair in the middle of my living room, looking completely out of place.
“Mrs. Jenson.” I paused, setting the bags down by the door. “What are you doing here?” I adjusted my purse along my shoulder, feeling uncomfortable in my own house. Seeing her set off a layer of unease that I wasn’t expected to feel when I walked through my front door.
“Hello, Chloe.” She stood and folded her hands in front of her looking polished and perfect. “My son asked me to close up his house for the season, and I misplaced my key. He mentioned that you had a spare.”
My heart fell to my stomach as I let her words settle in. I knew this was going to be a long and painful road, but never once did I allow myself to believe that this was the end.
He told me he needed a break. Time to figure things out is what he said. I gave him the distance he asked for, but at what cost? When he left me at the baseball field, I still thought we had a fighting chance, even though he told me goodbye.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tears stung the back of my eyes with the realization that he wasn’t coming back. He was gone, along with any hope I had of us working things out.
“The key is in the other room. Let me grab it.”
I walked into the kitchen feeling tired, exhausted, and completely gutted.
I’ve gone back and forth, trying to find a way to make him understand. Prayed to God that he could forgive me. I hated myself for the pain I’ve put everyone through. I couldn’t change the fact that Brogan was Tanner’s father. Just like I couldn’t erase the doubt he had about us.
I pulled open the junk drawer where I kept his key and stared at it. My bottom lip trembled as a powerful ball of anger pulled at my insides. How could I fight for someone who didn’t believe in us?
I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to come to terms with the realization that my relationship was really over.
I didn’t blame him for having doubts. I told myself that this could happen, yet I found myself unable to accept it. How could he walk away so easily? I know I’ve fucked up, but he’s supposed to love me. He’s not supposed to give up on us.
I played with the keys in my hand. They were the last thing I had of his, and I wasn’t ready to give them up. I wasn’t ready to give him up. Something inside of me snapped.
I marched back into the living room feeling more determined than I had in a long time. Everyone turned when they saw me.
I wasn’t going down without a fight. I had too much to lose. He might not have believed in us anymore, but I did. He could push me away all he wanted, but this wasn’t the end. At least not for me.
I balled the key up in my fist as his mother silently watched me. “I’m sorry, but tell your son that if he wants his key back, then he’ll have to come get it himself.”
She surprised me when she smiled. “Is there anything else you would like me to tell my son?”
“Yes … no…” I sighed. “I don’t know.” I shook my head, feeling the bravado from just a few minutes disappear.
“Can I give you a piece of advice?” She paused and waited for me to respond. I nodded my head, not wanting to offend her. She was Jack’s mother, after all.
“Umm… I’m going out back to check on Tanner.” Brogan jerked his thumb toward the slider. “You going to be okay?”
“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” He snuck one last concerned look over his shoulder as the dog followed him out the back door.
Kristen looked at her watch. “I’m going to make a few phone calls and start the wrapping,” she said and picked the bags up off the floor. She exited the room so fast you would have thought Sephora was having a buy one, get one free sale.
I folded my arms across my middle as the room slowly cleared out, leaving me alone with Jack’s mother. I was an emotional wreck even before she showed up and her presence wasn’t making things any easier.
“So, what is it that you wanted to say to me?”
She stood tall and firm like the confident woman she was. “My son can be stubborn sometimes. I’m afraid it runs in the family. I do know that he loves you and Tanner. I think you still have a chance if you just give him some time.”
Well, that was unexpected, I thought as she continued.
“He’s under a lot of pressure right now. He was left with a huge responsibility. Truthfully, I think you’re good for him, and you’ve helped him learn a lot about himself. Don’t let him turn into his father. Please, love him enough to help him see that there is so much more to life and that he doesn’t have to pour his soul into a business that will never love him back.”
She walked over and gave me an awkward hug. My body was stiff at first, but eventually, I hugged her back.
She was trying to help her son, and she was basically giving me her blessing. Not that I needed it, because well, he broke up with me.
“Don’t give up on him just yet.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded.
After she left, I dropped down
onto my sofa.
What the hell just happened?
The cushion dipped beside me. Brogan looked over at me and grinned. “You still get those when you’re stressed, huh?” he asked, pointing to the cold sore on my lip.
I smacked his leg and laughed. “Shut up.” I looked around and noticed we were alone. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough to know that there is some unfinished business between you and Jack.”
I pulled my legs up to my chest and leaned my head back. “I don’t know what to do, Brogan. How do you convince someone to take you back when they’re determined to keep you away?”
He coughed in his hand. “I’m not sure I could be much help with that one.”
I cringed. “I’m so sorry.” I smacked my head. “I’m such an idiot.”
He picked up his glass of water from the coffee table and started to crush up his ice with the straw. “It’s okay. I just want you to be happy, and if Jack is your person, then you do everything you can to make him see that. If that’s not enough for him, then fuck him. And I can tell you from first-hand experience that if he lets you walk out of his life, it will be his biggest regret.”
Brogan and I had a love. A great love. The kind you wrote songs about, but every song has an ending. And just because our song ended, it didn’t mean our story had ended with it.
He set the glass back down, and I placed my hand on top of his. “I will always love you.”
He winked. “I know, and the feeling is mutual.”
“What about Sienna?”
He blew out a breath and stretched out his long legs. “We’re over.”
My lips turned down into a frown. “Is it because of me and Tanner?”
“Yes,” he said, folding his hand underneath mine. “But not for the reasons you think. This whole experience has helped me figure out what I really want out of life. And I don’t think what I’m looking for I will be able to find with her. Our public life is too crazy, and I’m looking for a little bit more calm and balance. Not to mention, I need to get through this tour and focus on my son. It’s for the best anyways. She’s a great girl, and I wish her well, but I need to make a fresh start. You know, start over.”