by Ron Vitale
Zeke tried to make eye contact with him, but he could not hold his friend’s gaze. Not now and possibly not ever again.
***
The sun broke out through the early morning clouds, and rays from the sun stretched out across the sea, lighting up the tips of the waves. I had had some breakfast and walked across the deck careful not to interrupt the other members of the crew who worked. I could see Ishmael’s large frame ahead. His hair tied back and wearing a clean shirt and trousers, he made for an imposing figure of quiet strength. My fate would be sealed in moments, and I had gone through what I would say to him many times in my head, but I didn’t know how he would react.
“Good morning.” I came up behind him, and he bent down, rolling up a length of rope around his arm and hand.
He glanced at me, and it only took him a moment to recognize me. Still, to his benefit, he kept quiet and patient.
“I’m sorry.” I kept my voice low and looked him right in the eye. “I needed to come find Nathan. I just had to.”
He kept up at his work, wrapping the rope around his arm with skill and dedication. “I saw you when I boarded and wondered how long it would take for you to come see me. I wasn’t certain if you were going to try to hide from me on the ship and watch me from afar or come talk to me.” He stopped wrapping the rope and said, “I’m glad you had the courage to come see me.”
“I’ve been paired with you for a few days.” I scratched the back of my head and fidgeted a bit. “You’re supposed to teach me what you know. If you don’t want to do that, I’ll go back to John and tell him that you didn’t think I’d work out with you.”
Ishmael chuckled. “You’ll do no such thing. If you want to find your brother, then you best do what I tell you and promise me that you’ll listen to what I say no matter what. Do you agree?”
“No, I can’t agree to that. If you tell me to do something stupid, I’m not going to follow you blindly. I’m not dumb.” The words flowed out of my mouth, and I thought it time he knew I would not simply be a blind follower.
“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed and then a slow smile grew on his face. “You’re going to be harder to teach than I had thought.”
“No, I’m a fast learner.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You think you know everything, and that’s sometimes worse than not knowing anything at all.” He finished wrapping up the rope and then handed it to me.
I took the heavy rope and held it in my hands. “I’m not saying that I know everything. I don’t. I just don’t want you to think that I’m some dumb”—I caught myself before I said the word and changed my train of thought—”person who doesn’t question what he’s told. I want to find my brother and bring him home. I’m willing to work hard and do what you tell me within reason.”
“Well, your record is good so far.” He turned away and stared off at the water. I started to talk, but he spoke over me. “I have seen things on the water that no one should ever have seen.” He clenched his jaw and leaned over to support himself on the side of a rowboat. “Your father never let go. He chased that damn whale around and around the globe, never giving up, and it cost him and everyone else on the Pequod their lives. I can’t bring them back. No one can. They’re all lost forever.”
I put the rope down on the deck beside me and could feel the heat coming up from within. “I grew up mostly without my father. Don’t you think I understand what it means to lose someone? I hardly ever saw him. He was away more often than not. And yet, he was my father and, in his way, treated me the best that he could. My mother learned to live without him. When my father was on land, after a few weeks, my mother couldn’t wait for him to go back out to sea. Once he left, she would be free again. She loved my father, but the sea changed him, and she tired of his stories and his controlling ways.” I inched closer to him but kept my voice low. “Do you think it was easy to have a sea captain as a father? He bossed us around like we were his crew. And when we didn’t listen to him, then he used the rod. I do not miss him as much as you might think. I only want Nathan back and don’t want to see him lost to the curse and stuck on some godforsaken island of nightmares.”
“Your brother has already made a choice, and maybe he doesn’t want to come back home.” Ishmael drummed on the side of the rowboat with his hands, and he shook his head. “You can’t force him to come back if he doesn’t want to.”
“I have to try. Our mother has lost a husband, and now she’s grieving the loss of her son. I’m his older sister and it’s my responsibility to try and get him back. If I don’t try, then I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to see Nathan throw his life away like others…” I stopped before I went too far.
“You mean others like me and all the other brave men on this boat?” Ishmael pointed at the nearest crew members who worked hard rolling a barrel over to the port side. “We are all but fools, and only you are enlightened. Is that what you really mean to say?” His anger rose up, and it blossomed like none I had seen before. Cold and direct, his words stung.
“I did not say that.” I pulled back a bit from the precipice. “I apologize if I sound ungrateful. I truly am thankful that you came this far.”
“Then why didn’t you trust me to do the job that I promised? I am here, am I not? I told you that I would bring Nathan back, and I would have done so.”
I pointed at him and stopped him cold. “I know how powerful the call of the sea is to men and the sailor’s curse that calls to them. I wanted to come with you to ensure that you completed the job and brought back my brother.”
He raised his voice in anger. “You don’t trust me alone and think me weak that I couldn’t come back with him?”
“Do you think that I believe you would be immune to the call of the sea yourself and that you wouldn’t get wrapped up in whatever is on that island? I wanted to go with you because he’s my brother, and I’m tired of being left out because I’m a woman. I’m here because I deserve to be!”
I said my piece and the strength ebbed out of me. I backed down and turned away. I could feel the conflicted emotions rising up within me, but I would not let him see me cry. I would not allow that.
He spoke in a softer and more accepting tone. “And what if we do find Nathan and he does not wish to come back?”
“Leave that to me.” I took a breath and then exhaled quickly. “You are right. I don’t know if he’ll want to return with me. He might be pulled by this curse and driven to stay out on the waters like our father. I don’t know. I truly don’t. But I have to try and sitting home with my mother on the couch by my side, well, that didn’t sit well with me. I am tired of waiting for things to happen. I decided to go out and be part of the world, to embrace it and to find my own way.”
“But women don’t do such things.” Ishmael fumbled for the right words. “It’s not right for them.”
“Exactly.” I wiped my eye and stood up at my tallest. “It is time to change that.”
A cloud of troubled emotion crossed his face. “You do not know what you wish for.”
“Are you saying that as a woman I should be limited and stay at home?” I sized him up, wondering where he truly stood.
“The sea is a hard life for a woman, and with your monthly…” He let the words trail off and glanced away.
The ship turned toward starboard, and the wind caught me without warning. I grabbed my cap before it blew off, catching it in the palm of my hand. My short hair, tall height, and thin build made me resemble a teenage boy, but I still needed to be careful. I secured my cap back on my head. “I thank you for your concern, but I have been on my own enough to take care of myself.”
“But the men, they’ll know. When you’re on a ship, there is not much that they will not see.” He pointed at my body. “It will be hard enough to hide your…” He searched for the right word but could not find it. “The men will find you out.”
“No, they won’t. I will take care that they never know.�
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Ishmael looked me in the eye. “Good. Let’s hope the weather is good and we’ll make good time. Maybe we’ll be lucky enough to catch up to him before the ship he’s on makes the island.” He stopped himself and said, “I called in some debts before I left. I’ve been told your brother went out on the Truelove. Now we just have to keep on this whaling route, and we’ll catch up to him soon enough.”
“The ship’s named that because the sea is the sailor’s true love, right?”
He nodded and replied, “The call of the sea is strong. Finding him will be hard enough, but if he is of a certain type of man, then the ocean deep might be his only love—greater than family—and you’ll need to accept that.”
“I know that, I do. It’s a curse that calls to men in their beds at night.” I shrugged and laughed it off. “I know all about that.”
Ishmael spun me back around and spoke in a dreadful tone. “No, you know none of what you speak. The obsession of wanting to come to sea is separate and different than the curse. That is of the devil and of darkness that has wrecked asunder many a family. I have seen it myself. The evil and the blood. If your brother is cursed as such, then he is unfit to come home because he is no longer human. You know nothing of this curse that you speak. Don’t mix up the call of the sea and the curse. Trust me.”
At his words, fear spread through me like a morning chill. My fingertips went numb. I might have underestimated what I had involved myself in. I knew nothing of this curse that Ishmael spoke. “You speak of this as though it is unnatural and from the nether world. Do you try to scare me off and send me home?”
“It is too late for all of that now. We are on this ship and headed to the island of nightmares. Do you think it’s called that out of jest?
“No. I just thought it was an exaggeration.” I shrugged.
“If we encounter the curse, then, yes, it is unholy and not from the earth.” He bent down to look me in the eye and said, “It is vomited up from the devil himself.”
He said no more then and walked away, leaving me with the fear that maybe I had misjudged him and everything that I did.
Chapter 4
I woke the next morning achy and tired. Careful not to stretch out my legs too far, I hopped out of my hammock and walked down the hallway to go to the bathroom. At such an early hour, I did not see the morning light, but I would only have a few precious moments of privacy before others woke. I cleaned myself up as best I could and relieved myself, wanting to hurry before being disturbed. I wondered how long I could keep the lie going until someone guessed that I was not a boy. I hoped that if I kept to myself and did my work I could stay out of the limelight for a few weeks. Maybe by then, I’d become a fixture on the boat that the crew looked to, and they would accept me no matter what.
I told myself such lies to give myself hope. Men were men and some would want me cast into the sea or for me to become their plaything. I cast off my dark thought, washed my hands, and headed up on deck. The cool breeze of the early morning air greeted me, and I saw John in his usual spot.
“Morning.” He spit a wad of tobacco off the side of the boat and then scratched himself in a place I’d rather not say.
“Good morning.” I joined him and took a deep breath of the morning air. From the east, I could see the growing glow of the sun, still beneath the horizon, but the clouds there were orange and slightly pink in color.
“I heard that Ishmael gave you a hard time yesterday.” He offered me a pinch of tobacco but I declined. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“I expected that he just wanted to test me since I’m new.” I shrugged, showing it didn’t bother me much, and I leaned over the rail and stared out at the glorious sky.
“You’ll learn a lot from him, but I don’t expect that one of those things is patience.” John coughed and then pounded his chest with his fist. He turned to a barrel sitting upright and took up a mug there. Having a sip, I could smell the chicory in the coffee. Just smelling the drink woke me up. “He is a bit set in his ways, but that’s a good thing for a sailor on a ship. He knows how to get the work done. If you follow what he says, you’ll not have any problems with him. He’s a good man.”
I nodded. “I’m not worried about him. I expect he’ll come around to me and see that I have something to teach him as well.”
John laughed outright. “You’re a bold one, aren’t you?”
“I may be young, but I have watched many a sailor in growing up, and I know that it takes a lot of hard work to run a ship. But I also know that there isn’t just one way to get something done.” I rubbed my hands together to keep warm. The early morning chill faded quickly, but the breeze still chilled the air a bit.
“And you think you’re going to be the one to change him?” John shook his head and then took a big sip of his coffee. “I’d focus on yourself and doing the work you were told rather than trying to change another man. That’s if you don’t want to get yourself hurt.”
“He won’t give me a hard time. I’ve seen his type before. He does have a lot to teach, but he also understands that he doesn’t know everything. If given the right time, I bet he would be open to change and learn something new.” I stared out at the brightening sky and could hear more of the crew coming up on deck to stretch and greet the day.
“And what would you want to teach Ishmael? A man who’s traveled the world and seen hell itself?” John put his coffee down and faced the morning sun with me.
“Hope. I’d teach him the power of hope.” I did not turn to John but watched as the first bit of the sun rose up over the horizon. For the first few moments, I could only see the top of the orb. Its orange brilliance rose up, and the clouds appeared to be on fire with the almost magical brightness. The contrast between the dark clouds and the orange glow behind them lit up the eastern sky.
John kept quiet for a moment and then leaned closer to me and said, “Hope can also be a dangerous thing. Too much hope can break a man when what he wishes for doesn’t come true.”
“You speak from experience. Did something make you lose all your hope?” I asked.
“You definitely are a bold one.” He settled in on the rail next to me, and for a moment, I wondered what it would have been like if my father had ever listened to me like this. But the moment faded soon and John said, “I thought that I’d be married to a girl I once knew. I had saved my money, made myself presentable, but when I got back on my tour, she had already chosen someone else. I asked her why she didn’t wait for me, and she told me true. The sea. She didn’t want to be second fiddle to the sea. She could see it in my eyes that my first love would always be out here. She wanted someone to be with her and to help her, but I would be off on my adventures, often leaving her alone. She made me see what I really was, and so I gave up all my hope, and maybe that’s a good thing because now I know what to expect.”
I listened to him, and when he had finished, I replied, “But what of the future, you might change or try a different trade. Just because you’re here now doesn’t mean you will always be a sailor. You might come back from this tour and decide to try something new. There is always hope. Always.”
“Spoken like a young man. I remember when I used to feel that same way. When the sky would stretch out far out of my reach and I thought I could do and be anything. But there’s a cold truth that sinks in on you when you get older, and I’ll not ruin the story for you, but once you’ve been disappointed one too many times, well, life changes a bit and becomes a bit more sour.” He turned away from the sun so not to be blinded by the light. “Well, enough talking. I think it’s time that you get to work this morning.”
The sun had fully risen over the horizon, and to be honest, I could have sat and watched for another hour. I had never seen such a clear view of the ocean and the rising sun. Seeing a sunrise on land just wasn’t the same. I turned away and blinked my eyes, looking to the north, so that I could clear the burning orb from my vision. When I closed my eyes, I could still see
the sun, like a fuzzy yellow ball, in my field of sight. I blinked a few more times, and then off in the distance, far to the north, I caught it. A ship was headed toward us. Facing us directly, the boat had its three main sails unfurled, and there could be no mistake that it was coming at us.
“John, do you see this?” I did not take my eyes off the ship and tried to make out more of the ship. In the morning light, catching the ship on its starboard side, the sails looked aglow. When John didn’t respond, I looked back around and raised my voice. He had already turned away and had headed to the other side of the ship. “John!”
He heard me this time and turned around. On seeing my face, he jogged on over, and there was no need for me to point the ship out to him. He could see it glowing on the horizon like a fiery bird risen from the depths. The higher the sun rose, the more its rays lit up the sails. He scratched his beard on his chin and thought a moment. “Now that’s odd. We’re not that far out yet, and it looks like this ship is chasing us.”
I squinted and used my hands to block the sun from my eyes. “They just raised a flag. Can you see it?”
John pulled a small spyglass out of a pocket and opened it. He focused it and nodded. “They want to gam with us. This is highly unusual.”
The ship came at us with its full speed, and I could hear the calls from a few other members of the crew who had also seen the ship. “What do you want me to do?”
He handed me the spyglass. “Keep an eye on the ship. Tell me if you see any cannons or men who look like they’re getting ready to board. You shouldn’t see that, but if you do, blow this whistle.”
I accepted the whistle from him. “You don’t think they mean us harm, do you?”
“I’m going to bring the captain up to speed and will be right back. Do what I say, and get as much intelligence about them as you can.” He didn’t answer my question and headed off.
With John gone, I positioned myself on the deck where I had a more open view of the ship. I used a barrel to steady the spyglass in my hands and looked out. For such a small device, I was impressed with the magnification and the clear view.