Her dad yelled from downstairs, “Ashley, could you come here for a moment?”
Replacing the picture on the shelf, Ashley rushed down the steps only to find her dad holding his arm, blood dripping down the side.
“Dad, what happened?”
“Oh, I was cutting a piece of trim and the saw slipped.”
“It’s deep. Really deep. We have to get you to a hospital and get this looked at.” Ashley covered the wound with a towel. She immediately grabbed the keys to Cy’s old truck and led her dad outside.
Cy walked up as Ashley was helping her dad into the truck.
“What going on?” he asked.
“Dad cut himself. We need to get him to the hospital.”
“I’ll drive.”
Ashley scooted in by her dad as Cy jumped into the driver’s side. Quickly, Cy drove directly to the hospital. In no time, they’d arrived at the emergency entrance. The staff raced her father to a room. She suspected he’d have stitches sewn into his arm. Cy and Ashley waited for what seemed like an eternity when the doctor came out outlining the severity of the wound. A nurse pulled back the curtain and handed Ashley discharge instructions. Cy helped James to the truck, while Ashley took care of her dad’s bill.
As the trio drove back to the cabin, her dad was silent. In fact, no one said anything. It was as if they had all been on automatic getting James to the hospital. Now, they were tired and ready to head to bed. Cy helped Ashley get her dad settled then he left for the lodge. Ashley sat in the recliner. Her mind drifted back to the boxes located in her mother’s office. If only she’d pitched them all in the garbage and not gone through them, she never would have found out about her dad. The stillness of her body gave into the sleep that her mind so craved.
* * *
The sun shone through the window flashing flecks of light across Ashley’s face. She stood, stretching out her body from a night’s sleep in a recliner. Opening the door to her dad’s room, she looked in to find him up and reading in bed.
“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Drowsy. I guess it is from the pain pills they gave me at the hospital. It looks like I’m out for the season.”
“Nah, you can just supervise Cy and I. Speaking of Cy, where is he? He’s usually up working for hours by now.”
“He was headed to town this morning to pick up some landscaping mulch.”
“Well, I guess I’ll fix us some breakfast.”
James replied, “Not on my account. I’m not hungry. If anything, I’m getting tired. I’ve been up reading for a while.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll let you rest.”
Ashley left and returned to the living room. She made herself a sandwich and tea for breakfast. After she’d eaten, she checked on her dad. He was asleep, so Ashley decided to make the trip to the lodge to check things out. As she walked the trail to the lodge, she noted the progress that Cy had made. Stepping-stones now followed along the trail. Solar lights lit both sides of the path with bushes placed throughout. The closer she got to the lodge, the wider the path became, leading into a sitting area with lighted deer figurines gathered around the swing where guests would sit outside. Cy had been busy. The outside speakers were now operational, and played traditional Christmas music.
Cy came down the trail. “Hey,” he said, pausing, “tell me what you think.”
“It’s beautiful, Cy. Breathtaking.”
“The figurines were the last touch for this area. Now, I can move onto the front of the lodge. By the way, how is James doing?”
“He’s fine. Actually, he’s sleeping now, so I decided to come pick up a few things from the lodge and check out the progress.”
“Okay, let me know if you need anything. I guess I’ll get back to work.”
“I’ll fix lunch, so be sure to come by and eat.”
“Fine. See you then.” Cy left, headed toward the front yard.
Ashley walked to the lodge, retrieved her mother’s diary, then returned to the beautiful pathway leading back to the cabin.
Once at the cabin, she looked in on her dad, who still slept. Returning to her bedroom, she settled onto the bed with her mother’s diary.
December 19th—Just as I predicted, the sisters have decided to stay through Christmas. Yesterday, I purchased candles for the ladies and a shaving kit for the men. I found a variety of board games on sale that I grabbed for the kids. And for my darling daughter, I decided to get her a play set of dishes and pots and pans along with a new doll. I also finished shopping for Christmas dinner. Lastly, after an exhaustive search, I have bought the watch for James that he has been wanting for a long time. I dropped some play tools off for Adam at his guardian’s house. He is such a pleasant child. James really needs to see him. I grow more sure every day that Adam is to be a part of our family. I believe God’s hand is on this. He will be with us.
December 20th—The countdown is on. Five days to Christmas. I finished some casseroles and froze them for Christmas day. Busy, busy, busy. But, I just had to write this down. Ashley was playing with her doll and one of the older guests, Mrs. Deborah, was watching her. My little girl noticed Mrs. Deborah was wiping tears from her eyes, so she got up and asked her why she was crying. With a sad tone, she stated that she’d not seen her granddaughter in two years and she missed her. Ashley looked puzzled, then asked why? “Well,” replied the older lady, “it’s a long story. I’ll just say my daughter got mad at me and won’t let me see my little grandchild anymore.” A smile crossed Ashley’s face. “We’ll pray to Jesus for your daughter, then she will let you see your granddaughter.” She bowed her head and said the sweetest prayer. My heart just beamed with joy. There is nothing greater than for a mother to know that their child has a personal relationship with God.
Her mother’s words jumped from the page. The reality of whom she’d become—and the parts of herself that she’d lost along the way— struck her soul like flashes of light. Anger and emptiness had consumed her for so long. Could she be close to God again?
Closing the journal, Ashley shut her eyes and fell asleep. As she tossed and turned, her mother’s voice seem to dominate her dreams. She awoke in a cold sweat. She knew there was only one thing to do— get right with God.
As soon as she could, she’d travel to town and meet with the pastor. Then, maybe she’d have the peace she so desperately sought. Her thoughts returned to home as she heard the door to her dad’s room open. Rising, she proceeded to catch him before he tried to use his arm.
“Dad, do you need anything?”
“I’m hungry, so I thought I would fix myself a sandwich.”
“I’ll fix you something. Besides, I told Cy I would fix lunch for him today.”
“Sounds good. I’m glad you two are finally getting along.”
“Dad, if you are trying to get us together as a couple, there—”
James interrupted, “No, I mean like family. Both of you caring about each other.”
“Well, I guess he has grown on me. Unless there’s anything else, I’ll start lunch.”
“Call me when it is done.” James returned to his room.
Ashley took a frozen chicken casserole out of the refrigerator she’d set out earlier to defrost. She placed the casserole dish into the preheated oven. As she sat the timer for an hour, the laundry consisting mostly of jeans and T-shirts had finished drying. After folding and hanging all the clothes, Ashley returned to the kitchen, washed some lettuce, cut up some carrots and tomatoes, and tossed a salad together. Cy drove up just as she took the casserole out of the oven. After helping her dad down the steps, the three sat down to a nice lunch and talked about the upcoming lodge opening.
After they had finished, Cy returned to his work outside. Her dad went back to his room to rest, and Ashley cleaned up the dishes.
Soon she was back in her room, resuming reading her mother’s diary.
December 21st—After Ashley and I returned from church, I received a call from the social worker handling
Adam’s case. She wanted to see if we had changed our mind about taking Adam. I told her I would call her back after I talked with James.
December 22nd—James, James, James, I want to shake him. He is the most stubborn person I know.
December 23rd—I called Adam’s social worker back. I could not let this little boy go to foster care, so I told her we would take him. I will deal with consequences later.
December 24th—James finally agreed. He doesn’t want Adam in foster care either. Everything is wonderful. Adam is coming. The turkey is thawing on time. I am going to pick up some Santa gifts for Adam. I’ve made arrangements to pick him up around six tonight. Thank you, Lord, for placing this precious child in our hands.
The last entry of the journal. Mom died going to get Adam. Who was this Adam that was responsible for the death of her mother? Frustrated and angry, Ashley tossed the diary across the bed. All this book had managed to do was give her more questions.
Suddenly, she realized the way to get the answers she needed without confronting her father. She had to go see Reverend Clark. Surely, as troubled as her mother had been over this Adam, she’d confided in the man and asked for his prayers. Picking up her purse, she left a note for her dad and Cy. Then she found the keys to her car and proceeded to town.
As Ashley pulled into the church’s parking lot, Reverend Clark was closing the church door. Ashley hopped out of vehicle, glad she’d caught him. “May I talk with you, Reverend?”
“Of course.” The reverend stared as Ashley walked toward him. “Lord, give me strength to minister to this child,” he uttered in an almost undetectable voice. He clenched his Bible as Ashley reached the door. “Let’s go into my office.” Ashley followed behind Reverend Clark and they entered. Reverend Clark sat behind his desk, while Ashley took the chair in front. “What can I help you with?” the reverend asked.
“I need some answers. About my mom. I thought perhaps you might know some things…”
“What about your dad? Have you asked him?”
“Well, no. I…I’m not sure I should. Or that I want to. I’m not sure about anything at all, really.” She glanced to the floor, then back at him. “Even God.”
“Did you attend church with your aunt?”
“No, and honestly, I was glad we didn’t.”
“Why is that?”
With a sigh, Ashley proceeded, “I guess I’m not where I should be with God. I feel empty, worthless, unable to connect. I don’t know how to get close to God again. I realize now that I blame the Lord for what happened in my life—my mother dying, Dad sending me my aunt’s to live. But, I know that it is wrong. Bad things happen to people all the time. I wasn’t just singled out.”
“Do you want God in your life again?”
Tears streamed down her face. “I do. I feel so lost and confused. I have so many questions and…I want to be able to pray again, without feeling like I don’t have the right.”
“You have the right, Ashley. Always. Anytime.” Reverend Clark tapped his thick fingers on his desk. “You know, Ashley, I was there in the restaurant with you on the 4th of July. I started to walk over to talk with you. But I chickened out, and instead I just stared…” He paused. He picked up his Bible and read from it. “So you see, all you need to do is ask God to forgive you and He will. I know this because I have been forgiven. You see, Ashley, when I was younger, I knew something was not right with me. I was having trouble with my vision, experiencing weakness. Instead of going to the doctor, I ignored it. If I was doing God’s work, how could I be sick? The symptoms got worse. Then, on Christmas Eve, as I drove to the church, the unthinkable happened. I had a seizure and hit a car. A young mother was driving the car. She was on her way to pick up the little boy they were adopting.” The reverend stopped, unable to finish his story.
Ashley wiped the tears streaming down her face. “It was you. I never knew.”
Reverend Clark cleared his throat. “It was a long road for me. I knew God forgave me but it was hard to forgive myself. I felt so guilty. If only I had gone to the doctor, they could have found out what was wrong with me, and I would not have been driving. Now, Ashley, I need to ask you…will you forgive me for my stubbornness and stupidity?”
She’d come here for answers. Resolution. Forgiveness for herself. This she had not expected.
Taking a long breath, she found herself saying, “Yes, Reverend. I’m acquainted enough with the Bible to know that God tells us to forgive, and I forgive you, Reverend Clark. Actually, knowing what happened, and why, kind of helps to close the chapter of her death, to forgive her for going out that night.” The reverend handed a tissue to Ashley, and she wiped her eyes and nose. “If only I knew…can you tell me who Adam is?”
“I think that your father should. You’ve forgiven me. Can you forgive him too?”
“I know I need to.”
“Would you like to pray now?”
“Yes, I would,” Ashley said.
Reverend Clark proceeded with wise words of strength, gratitude, and forgiveness. When the prayer was finished, she felt the weight of the world gone from her. She hugged the reverend, the man behind the car wreck, something she never could have envisioned doing before. Ashley left and returned to the cabin.
* * *
Later that afternoon at home, Ashley went downstairs for a cup of tea, and discovered Cy sitting at the table on the phone.
“Hello, Aunt Jane,” Cy bellowed out, “how have you been feeling?”
Ashley paused at the bottom of the steps, listening in.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Aunt Jane. I just wanted to call and say hi and to tell you that I will try to get by soon and check on you.” His raised voice indicated he was talking to a person that was hard-of-hearing.
“You don’t know who this is?” Cy chuckled. “It’s your great nephew, Adam.”
Ashley’s head spun, and she gripped the banister for support. Adam, he couldn’t be… Cy finished his conversation and hung up the phone. Ashley barged into the kitchen.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Your name is Adam.” Her voice trembled.
“Well, Adam is my middle name.”
“Your family calls you Adam.”
“Yes, why?”
Ashley felt her world swirling. Lightheadedness overcame her, darkness engulfed her. Him. The person whom her mother went out for that night. He’d been right in front of her the whole time. How was he here now with her and her dad? Why? She’d come to think of him as family.
The next thing she knew, Cy was picking her up and carrying her to the couch. “You took a hard hit,” Cy murmured as he dabbed a cold cloth on Ashley’s forehead. “The back of your head nicked the corner of the table. You are probably going to have a bump. Maybe I should drive you to the hospital.”
“No.” Ashley tried to lift her head, only to feel her skull throb. “I’m okay.”
“Take it easy. You’re going to be woozy for a while. What happened? You just fainted.”
“I’m not sure.” Unable to tell him the truth yet, she held back the questions and accusations on the tip of her tongue. Adam. The day’s news was just too much for her to handle.
“Rest. I’ll stay close by and check on you periodically.”
“Thanks, Cy.”
As Cy left to return outside, Ashley managed to sit. She watched some television to pass the time, but her mind would not let her rest. Standing, she found herself determined to gain some type of explanation. The only person that held the answers she so needed was her father. Now, the time had come to confront him and Cy/Adam or whatever his name is. She managed to walk a couple of steps, but her head pounded even worse. Instead, she detoured and headed to the bathroom cabinet. Taking a couple of aspirin, she decided to lie back down. Besides, she would not be at her best interrogating with this headache.
Ashley woke at twilight. The cabin seemed too quiet. Easing herself up, she stood. The swelling on the back of her head was gone, as well as her headache. She
walked upstairs and knocked on her dad’s door. When no response came, she opened the door to discover her dad gone. Checking each room, she wondered throughout the house looking for him. “Where could he have gone?” she mumbled to herself.
Returning to the couch, she settled in, watching some TV and eating some cheese popcorn from a bag she had bought earlier in the week.
Worry consumed her. Agitation gnawed at her. She hit her head and they left her? Why? For dinner?
Hours later, the door opened and Cy and James strolled in. She leapt to her feet. “Where have you two been? I’ve been worried sick!”
“At the city counsel’s meeting. They are trying to deny our application for a business license to open the lodge.” Cy opened the refrigerator, only to quickly close it. James retreated to his recliner, shaking his head. He looked tired, causing the lines in his face to showcase his age.
“I know who is behind this. It’s Charles Turner. He has been after this land for a long time, and now that he is on the counsel, he’ll try using his position to stop me from re-opening.”
Ashley could see the deep concern on both men’s faces. “Is there anything we could do to stop them? Maybe take them to court?”
“Yes, that’s what we need to do.” Cy jumped up. “My cousin is one of the top attorneys in the state. I’ll see what he says. I’m going back to the lodge now to call him. I’ll see you both in the morning.”
“Do you think it would work, Dad?”
“I don’t know. We’ll just put it in the Lord’s hands.”
It still seemed strange to have her father mention God. Even with everything she needed to ask, he seemed too vulnerable right now to confront. Not being able to open the lodge in a couple of weeks as planned had surely crushed his spirit, even though he acted okay.
The Christmas Journal Page 4