by JJ King
But I wasn't in the mountain, anymore. I could rage, and scream, and throw all the breakables I wanted, but something stopped me. I didn't want to be that girl, the one that lost control of her temper and let anger control her. I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed down a lump in my throat, searching for balance, and only opened my eyes when my heart had found a steady rhythm.
His gaze was on me when my eyes opened and in his dark orbs, I saw a battle being fought that confused me even more. There was passion behind his eyes, but he was holding it back. Why, I didn't know, but now that I'd calmed my mind, I realized he couldn't possibly know, and, somewhere deep down inside, I knew that if he didn't know, it wouldn't change a thing for him.
"Why do you keep pushing me away?" I asked in a voice brimming with emotion that I could no longer hold back. "Why do you keep pulling me in, then shoving me aside?" I ground my teeth together to hold back a sob and bit down on the inside of my cheek until blood filled my mouth.
I looked up towards the ceiling and blinked rapidly, barely holding back everything I was feeling, then gave up and let the tears fall. I'd already embarrassed myself beyond reparation in front of him, what did tears matter in the scheme of things?
"I can't do this anymore," the words rasped from my throat before I even thought to say them. Immediately, my heart squeezed as if in a vice, as if it would burst from pressure at any moment and kill me on the spot. Grief and panic swelled inside me, pushing me precariously close to the edge of control. I blew out a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut for one final moment of silence, then smiled sadly at him and turned towards the doorway. "Goodbye, Dimitri," I said without looking back.
A growl so dark and desperate that it made my knees shiver split the air. Before I could turn, before I could remind myself not to look or care, Dimitri was up and across the room. He hovered behind me, chaotic energy pouring from his entire body, barely containing the emotion I'd only glimpsed in his endless eyes.
"Fuck it," he growled again and spun me around.
All sense of self-preservation evaporated and the grief I've been feeling a moment before poofed as his hands moved to my hips and pinned me against the door.
The last thing I saw before his mouth descended on mine was his dark eyes staring straight into my wounded soul.
Chapter 14
My body came alive.
Dimitri surrounded me, his taste, his scent filled me and drew me from the darkness into the light that exploded behind my eyelids as his mouth ravaged me, driving all thoughts of self-preservation from my mind.
I arched my back, lifting my mouth to give him better access, and slid my arms up and around his neck to tug him down. The decadent taste of him filled my mouth again, making me want to beg for more. But I wasn't the begging type, so I took more.
I tore my mouth from his and brushed my lips along the sharp edge of his jaw, loving the way his stubble bruised my lips and made them swell. I wanted to taste him, so I traced the length of his neck to his collarbone and nibbled at the skin there.
It wasn't enough. I wanted, needed, all of him, even if for just this moment. I'd deal with reality later.
His body shuddered beneath my lips, spurring me on, loosing something wild inside me that had remained hidden for far too long. I grasped the edge of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head in one sinuous motion.
His chest heaved and, for one long, endless moment, he just stared down at me, incredulity written across his face like the most beautiful love letter ever written.
"I need…" he whispered and drew in a shuddering breath.
"I know." We didn't need words anymore. They just seem to fuck things up, anyway.
His fingers closed around my waist, encircling me easily, making me feel sexy as hell. Then, without any sign of exertion, he hoisted me into his arms and turned away from the door, carrying me across the room to the couch.
I expected to be tossed, that seemed like a Dimitri thing to do, so when he laid me gently on the old cushions and lowered to the seat beside me to softly lay his lips on mine, I nearly lost my breath.
He hovered above me, held up by the strong arms I’d admired from afar since we’d met, and pulled back just enough to gaze into my eyes for what felt like an eternity. It felt like a gift, like I was being given a glimpse into his soul through those dark eyes. It touched me so deeply, I couldn’t stop a tear from falling.
A moment later, his mouth crushed mine and began to move, dissolving all coherent thought in my melting brain.
I moaned into his mouth, arching my spine to let my head loll back on the cushions as his demon lips rushed over my skin, branding me, bruising me, and making me soar. His hands traced deadly fires over my flesh until it felt as if I would go mad if he didn’t touch all of me, right now.
I didn’t want sweet whispers or tender strokes, not from him, not from my dark demon. He lit something inside me, drawing out the darkness in a way that made it part of me, a part I’d been afraid to claim before. With him, though, I felt strong. The darkness wasn’t going away anytime soon, so I might as well learn to appreciate her.
My hips bucked as his hands reached for my skirt, tugging it up over my hips to reveal the matching black lace I wore. The low growl that reverberated from his chest filled me with an almost feline satisfaction. My wolf preened. I lifted my hips to let him pull the barely there panties off.
When his lips pressed to the scorched skin of my thigh, I saw flashes of color that made my head spin and left me floating. I rolled my head back and gasped in a breath as his mouth found my heat.
I lost the ability to think, talk, move, or breathe. A gasp caught in my throat and stayed, locked there, as waves of sublime pressure built with every flick of his tongue on my sensitive flesh. After a moment of complete paralysis, my body rebooted, and wonder exploded through me. My fingers dug into the worn fabric as my hips moved in a rhythm I didn’t consciously set and mewls escaped from my throat. My eyes rolled back, and the brilliant lights reappeared.
My skin grew damp and hot, so fucking hot, I wasn’t sure if I could handle much more. Something deep inside me strained forward, urging me up, desperate to relieve the delicious pressure. I lifted my head to look down at him and locked eyes as he lifted his glistening mouth from between my legs.
His lips lifted, quirking to one side in that devastatingly cocky grin he always wore around me. His eyes narrowed in challenge as he slipped fingers inside me.
I moaned and rolled my hips, taking him in deeper as he lazily thrust into my body, never tearing his gaze off mine. My sight flared white then burned off until I could see him again, watching me with that fucking smile.
It drove me insanely wild.
I pulled back, almost sobbing at the loss of him, then reached out a hand. I was breathing too hard to say what I wanted.
He understood. The smug glint in his eyes disappeared and that desperation I’d seen earlier, the unspoken need to be with me when something, Old Ones knew what, was keeping him from just giving in and letting go.
Dimitri rose off the couch and unbuttoned his jeans, shoving them over his lean hips and thighs along with his boxer briefs, leaving him naked and fully aroused. My mouth went hot and wet, as did other parts of me that throbbed for him to pounce. I opened my legs and grabbed his hand, pulling him forward.
When he sunk into me, stretching me with his thickness, I cried out in ecstasy.
It was like touching the sun. Heat rolled through me like an inferno, making my skin crack and sizzle. Every stroke, every tilt of his hips, sent me reeling higher, too quickly for my mind to catch up. Before I could even understand, brilliant lights exploded behind my eyelids and sent me careening over the edge. I ceased to exist on this plane, going, instead, to a place where nothing dark could touch me and it was only him and me in perfect unison.
I think I stopped breathing, because my next breath came in ragged gasps that stretched my lungs, dragging me back down to earth from the strange paradise that
wrapped around me. I clung to Dimitri's back, digging the tips of my fingernails into his flesh as he thrust into me, over and over, ignoring my cries and too-sensitive body until my orgasm faded and fresh pressure began to build anew.
I held on as if my life depended on it, and maybe it did. I didn't know it could be like this, none of my books had prepared me for the reality of his body in mine. His mouth skimmed constantly over my damn skin, and Russian spilled from his lips in murmurs that I didn't understand but, instead, felt like promises deep in my soul.
I opened my eyes to see him watching me, those dark depths staring so intently, as if searching for answers to questions not yet asked aloud. I desperately wanted to give him those answers, to whisper my feelings, to shout them from rooftops, but I knew he wasn't ready. There was fear and something unreadable in his eyes, too, but I didn't want to think about that right now, so I strained my head up and captured his lips.
He slowed his movements, switching from the frantic pace he'd set, which had driven me high and fast, to something slow and languid. Even his kiss slowed, deepening as his hands moved to the back of my neck and cradled my head. I sighed into his mouth, sinking into this new side of him, a side I was sure nobody else ever got to see. One of his hands moved down my body, skimming over my curves. His fingers dug into me, dipping under my lower back to tilt my hips up. His next thrust hit something so magical, tears sprang to my eyes and trailed down my cheeks.
He chuckled, darkly and satisfied, then shifted back and moved his other hand down to gain the perfect angle. I sucked in oxygen and watched him rise to his knees and lift my hips into the air, never stopping that slow, torturous, rhythm.
He was so breathtakingly gorgeous, I thought, my heart straining against my ribs as love and desperate need built inside me with each passing moment. I watched him for a moment longer, tracing the contours of his face with my gaze, burning them into my memory, then let my eyelids flutter shut as another orgasm rolled through me like a freight train.
I arched into it, held up only by his hands and the tip of my head as my body spasmed and convulsed with the purest of pleasure. His fingers dug deep into my hips as my release squeezed him tight, shooting him over the edge with me.
When he collapsed over me, I cracked my eyelids enough to smile and murmur something about sleep, then let exhaustion drag me into a sea of soft light and mist.
My dreams were sweet and filled with flashes of the three men that filled my mind, waking and asleep. In this one, I lay, curled like a satisfied kitten between Lucian and Chase, while Dimitri loomed over me with eyes that sparked with desire. There was no guilt, no fear, no awkwardness, just love and languid happiness.
My sweet boys whispered words of sensual encouragement, making my mind swirl with love and desire, while my demon boy dipped his head between my thighs to drive me to insanity.
Exquisite pleasure spiked through me, arching my back, making colors explode behind my eyelids as I melted into the bed.
“Elena…”
My body stilled, going rigid beneath their loving hands, as my subconscious recognized the voice that forced itself into my utopia and destroyed my dreams. My eyes flew open.
The monster that haunted my dreams, like a dark void that floated in the depths of my soul, stood above me with hands that dripped with blood.
My heart went cold.
Fear burst through me as I pushed up, reaching for my guys, searching for them in the spreading darkness that was too cold to survive. My hands spread out, meeting empty space where Lucian and Chase had been a moment before. Cries of terror spilled from my lips and were swallowed up by the darkness that had stolen my sight.
“Chase! Lucian!” I screamed, climbing to my knees to tear the sheets from the bed. “Dimitri!” My hand slipped into something wet and thick just as the tangy scent of copper filled my nose.
Brilliant white light flooded the room, searing my eyes, sending sharp pain radiating through my brain. I threw up my hands, covering my face, realizing a split second too late what that would mean.
Hot blood dripped from between my fingers, from my chin, onto the white sheets, creating obscene Rorschach blots that changed as my sight cleared enough to see. I stared down at my blood covered palms and slowly lifted my head.
They were piled together, all three of them, brothers, all unseeing as they stared at me with eyes that saw no more. Their skin was pallid, cold, and their throats gaped wide.
Screams burst from my throat as laughter filled the air and the darkness exploded towards me with hands tipped with razor sharp nails.
I woke wild and hoarse with his laughter ringing in my ears, already reaching for Dimitri, and found nothing but an empty room.
Chapter 15
I stared down at my notebook and blinked in confusion, then rolled my eyes as I realized I'd stopped taking notes from my assignment and had, some time ago, apparently, started doodling question marks on the paper, instead.
I didn't have to question my subconscious on this one. It was pretty damn obvious. My life was one big question mark right now, filled with endless confusion and angst. I'd been prepared for angst, even looking forward to it on some level, but not like this.
Being with Dimitri last night had rocked me to the core, touching places inside my soul that I'd feared didn't even exist. It was like his darkness saw and recognized mine. It made my stomach ache to think that someone in his life had affected him so negatively that he'd built up walls to protect himself, walls that he'd thrown up between us at almost every turn. Walls that he kept trying to use to keep us apart.
So, why did I keep coming back to him?
I frowned and chewed diligently on my lower lip as I worried over that question. From the outside looking in, the push and pull of whatever it was between us, probably looked a lot like an abusive relationship. It felt like one sometimes. But there was more to it than that, more to him than what he was pretending to be, and I needed to find out why before it tore us apart for good.
"Is this seat taken?" A deep voice interrupted my drama laden musings.
Instantly, my skin flushed, and a smile lifted my lips as I turned to look up at Lucian. It struck me, as it did every time I saw him, that he was simply beautiful. His skin shone as if the sun dared never leave, even in the dead of night. Since I'd taken a seat at a table near one of the long lines of windows in the library, I was blessed with a view of him backlit with only a sea of evergreens as his backdrop.
I gestured for him to take the seat because my tongue had gone suddenly and irrevocably thick with emotion.
"What are you working on?" He said so casually no one would've possibly guessed at the sexual tension ratcheting up between us or the way my stomach fluttered when he casually reached out and tucked the strand of hair behind my ear. I had to exhale slowly to find my balance before speaking.
"Just something for my English class." I moved my arm over my pages of question mark doodles and notes on Shakespeare's comedies.
Lucian grinned and peeked past my blockade then winged up an eyebrow. "Interesting," he said quietly, tapping his finger against his full lips.
"Huh?" I asked, struggling to focus on anything other than his lips. I blinked and smiled. "What's interesting?"
"That you chose the comedies rather than the tragedies." His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, then relaxed. "Most people prefer Romeo and Juliet to All's Well That Ends Well.”
I shrugged, realizing for the first time that, while I enjoyed the tragedies, I much preferred Shakespeare's lighter fare. Maybe it was because I'd spent far too much of my life living in a tragedy to want to spend much time reading about others now.
But I couldn't exactly explain the depths of my realization to Lucian without confessing the whole of my past and delving into the darkness that I'd been born into. Of all of them, he was the one that made me consider sharing that part of me. There was something in his eyes, just the slightest flash sometimes, but enough that I saw and recognized that
he knew pain and grief, just like I did. My fingers itched to reach for him, my tongue was tempted to ask, but how could I ask of his pain when I wasn't ready to share mine? So, I offered him something light and flippant, nothing more than a shiny answer with no depth.
"I went with A Midsummer Night's Dream, actually," I said, offering him a wide smile. "Because fairies." I shrugged and laughed.
He grinned back at me, laughing with me, but those eyes saw more, and the smile died on my lips.
Silence hung between us, like a living, breathing thing, churning my stomach with need that had nothing to do with the passion he stoked in me and everything to do with the way my heart thumped painfully against my ribs as if trying to reach out and connect with him.
I swallowed and took a deep breath meant to cleanse my chakras and balance my chi, but when I fixed my gaze on Lucian's face once more, words leaped from my soul and spilled from my lips.
“My life wasn’t easy,” I murmured, keeping my voice low as I chipped away at the surface of my life, giving Lucian the first glimpse I’d offered anyone in my life. “I’m not all bubble gum and sprinkles, as much as my hair color suggests.”
Lucian remained silent and still, just giving me his entire attention. His quiet acceptance and patience warmed the chill that had raced up my spine.
I looked down at my knotted hands and chewed my lip for a moment. Was I really going to do this? Lucian’s hand reached out and covered mine, eclipsing me. It made me feel tiny, delicate, and breakable. I frowned and almost pulled my hands back as fear and regret awoke with a vengeance, but then I caught his gaze and saw absolute confidence in my strength. He didn’t see me as a wilting flower or a delicate bloom. He saw me, the real me, and, even now, offered a glimpse of his own pain. I flipped my hand over and slid our palms together. “Will you go for a walk with me?” I asked, needing fresh air and nature to get through this.