by JJ King
My lips curved up in the mirror as I leaned in to get a better look at my smudged mascara. Every touch today had called to my wolf. Every look and gentle caress, every stolen kiss, every whispered word. I’d been riding a rollercoaster of awareness and emotion all day, and they all knew it. They could smell it on me. They could smell each other.
My deepest wishes were beginning to blossom into something a little more erotic than I’d first thought.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the thought of being with them. Kissing Lucian, frantically making out with Chase, making love with Dimitri; each of those experiences had made me deliriously happy and horny, but the idea of being with more than one of them at a time.
I shivered with anticipation.
We were wolves. Sex was a normal part of our lives and they were three hot young guys. Surely, the concept of group sex had come up at least once in their conversations. I chewed my lip and wondered if best friends who were as close as brothers ever thought about crossing swords.
A breathy gasp escaped my lips as a deep rose blush stained my cheeks. Old Ones, the very thought made my blood sing!
I took my time, washing my face and calming my racing heart, then wandered back into Chase’s room with a relaxed smile. They were sprawled on the bed, leaning against the wall with piles of pillows cushioning their backs. A Lexi-sized empty spot between Dimitri and Lucian beckoned, so I crawled until I was snuggled in the middle of my guys and sighed.
“Oh, I love this episode!” I said with a squeal as Chase clicked on the remote. He reached past Lucian’s leg and touched my knee, shooting me a devastatingly gorgeous grin that made my heart flop. I couldn’t help noticing the way his wrist skimmed Lucian’s thigh before reaching mine, or the way Lucian simply smiled at the touch, then leaned down to press a kiss to my shoulder as if this was completely normal.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep but, when I woke, sometime in the middle of the night with a full bladder, I was sprawled across Lucian’s lap, my head on his thighs, with Dimitri’s face cradling my back. Lucian was slumped against Chase’s shoulder, his face slack and beautiful in repose, with Chase’s head resting atop his dark hair.
I yawned and wiggled my way out of the sexy nest and padded on bare feet across the room, taking a moment to glance back and memorize the sight of them like this, so innocent and free. My heart swelled with love for each of them then went cold as a memory of my nightmare crashed the party, infiltrating my happiness with fear. I frowned in the darkness and pushed hard at the negative emotion. I wouldn’t ruin what I had, what we had with the darkness from my past.
Still, as I closed the door with a quiet snick, I couldn’t quite banish the remnants of fear that had taken up residence in my gut.
♀♀♀
“Yes!” Chase cheered when my shot hit the backboard and ricocheted directly into the basket, putting us just one point behind Dimitri and Lucian’s score.
Dimitri wiped his head with the shirt he’d tucked into the waistband of his shorts and shook his head. “Where’d you learn to play like that? You’re a beast.” He laughed and took a swig from his water bottle then crossed the court to offer me a drink.
I retrieved the ball and dribbled it expertly between my legs so casually I might as well have been on the Harlem Globetrotters. “Some people are just born with superior skills,” I said with a shrug, then shouted and raced away when Dimitri’s eyes went dark with challenge and he lunged forward to grab me around the waist. I narrowly missed his attempt at capture but was promptly scooped up by Chase and delivered, over a shoulder, to my dark demon, whose grin was as bright and easy as the midday sun. I let him kiss me softly, then murmured, “If you keep this up, you’re going to lose your demon title,” under my breath.
His eyebrows drew down. “Demon?”
I chuckled and shrugged again, not so easy to do while hanging over a broad shoulder and was rewarded with a smack on the ass.
A zing of intense hunger flushed my skin at the love tap, thoroughly surprising me and Dimitri, whose face went taut with arousal as soon as my scent hit him. Beneath me, Chase’s muscles tightened as he, too, inhaled the shift in my scent.
Everything in me wanted Chase to cart me off the court right then and there with Dimitri and Lucian in tow and have their collective way with me. Hunger burned through me like a flash fire.
“Okay,” Chase lowered me carefully, drawing out the word in that sexy southern drawl of his. “Let’s just put you down before I caveman the shit out of this situation.”
Dimitri barked out a laugh.
I pressed my palms against my cheeks, willing away the heat that stained them, and blew out a deep breath. “Well, then,” I said, switching to fanning my face with a hand. “Who’s up for a swim? I think we all need to cool off a bit.”
“Understatement of the century,” Dimitri muttered. “Hey, Lucy!” he called out. “We’re going to head to the swimming hole. You in?”
Lucian wiped sweat from his forehead. “Sounds good.” He jogged over, hesitating when the scent of pheromones wafted across his nose. He arched an eyebrow and eyed us speculatively. “Do you guys need to go get swimsuits or are we just jumping in like this?”
I glanced down at my sweat soaked tank top and shorts and frowned. “Swimsuit. I’m all gross.” I considered my stash of suits and decided with a flash of evil genius to go with the skimpy blue one I’d packed just in case I went to a beach at some point. It really wasn’t useful in terms of swimming, which was why it was shoved to the back of my dresser drawer, but it would make the gleam in my guys’ collective eyes intensify and drive them half mad. I grinned and pressed a water bottle to my neck at the delicious thought then faded into daydreams as I imagined them wet and in swim shorts.
“Come on, spaz,” Chase joked, bumping up against me. “Let’s go get our stuff.”
The blue bikini worked like a charm, negating the cooling effects of the swimming hole. By the time we’d cooled off, played for hours, then made our way back to campus with the rest of the students who’d headed to cool off, we were all hot and bothered again. I walked between Lucian and Dimitri with Chase beside us and smiled contentedly as we made our way back to Chase’s room.
It had been a perfect day. I was going to either make it even better or blow this shit sky high. I crossed my fingers and crossed the room, giving myself a few extra seconds to compose myself before turning and facing my three gorgeous guys.
Fuck, they were beautiful, I thought as my knees went weak.
"So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something," I started, nervously chewing on my nails as I ran over my thoughts for the millionth time so I wouldn't stumble over my words.
Lucian sank into the computer desk chair and swiveled to face me, while Dimitri and Chase sat side-by-side on the bed, watching me intently. Having them all focus on me so completely without any distractions was intense, but nothing I couldn't handle.
"I know you guys have talked about what's been going on between us," I said slowly, measuring each word while my hands floated around my face in gesticulation. "And I just want you to know that while you guys were thinking about it, I was thinking about it, too." I took a deep breath, knowing that this was where our paths had diverged. "And I think that we kind of went in different directions with our conclusions."
Chase sat forward, brows furrowed, and tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
Here it was, the moment I'd been waiting for, the moment I'd been dreading. I straightened my shoulders and just went for it.
"I don't want to choose," I said quickly, glancing at each one of them then away to chew on my lower lip. "I know it's a little unorthodox, but we're wolves so it's not completely outside the realm of normalcy." I heard myself starting to ramble and reined it back in. "The truth is that I have feelings for each of you, really strong feelings that I'm not ready to ignore so I can choose just one of you." I slipped my hand down to cover my stomach, which was churning painfully at the thought of losing them
. "I don't want to lose any of you and I'm really hoping that by not choosing, I don't make that happen."
Three sets of eyeballs stared at me in varying degrees of shock and confusion. Chase was the first to break.
"What do you mean?" he asked, still looking at me with that adorable head tilt that made him look like a cat. He started to say something several times then stopped before finally saying what everyone was so clearly thinking. "Do you mean you want to have sex with all of us?" His eyes brightened for a moment in intrigue, then shifted to look at Dimitri and Lucian. "At the same time?"
Eyes widened as blood rushed to my cheeks once more as it was wont to do lately. My hands abandoned my stomach to press against my heated cheeks as I shook my head. "I don't mean anything by it," I said so fast it came out garbled. I should've expected Chase to be this blunt and prepared for it. Instead, I was embarrassed and overwhelmed by a notion that made my core flame to life but, I knew, was a huge step that might never happen in what I was now privately thinking of as my potential mate harem.
"I'm not suggesting orgies or setting any boundaries. I'm just telling you guys the truth. I never felt this way about anyone before in my entire life and, all of a sudden, I'm bombarded with feelings for not just one guy, but all three of you, and it's confusing, and aggravating, and really scary. But, the only time I'm more scared, is when I think about not being with you, Chase," I said to my southern Playboy, "or you, Lucian," I turned to stare into the soulful eyes of my quiet poet, "or you, Dimitri," I ended with my dark demon.
Tension and emotion bounced off the walls of the room, amplifying each moment of silence until my heart pounded like a jackhammer in my chest, screaming that I'd ruined everything and that I'd end up alone. Tears gathered in my eyes and spilled onto my cheeks as all three of them stared at me without speaking, their eyes dark and unfathomable.
Panic loosed in my gut and climbed me, like a drowning man, pulling me under with each desperate step to salvation. My breathing came in ragged gasps that filled the room and echoed like drums inside my skull.
I didn't think, I couldn't, so I did what I did best when the darkness was nipping at my heels.
I ran.
Chapter 17
The sound of my shoes hitting the pavement as I ran echoed back and sent thrills of fear racing up my spine, just like when I'd been a child. Only, there's always been a monster chasing me back then, lunging after me to throw me back into the darkness and throw away the key. Now, there were only the mildly interested faces of Omega Wolf Academy students and faculty staring back at me when I glanced over my shoulder and pounded harder on the concrete as I ran away from my problems.
I'd fucked everything up. I'd jumped the gun too soon, before they were ready, and now… Old Ones, I didn't want to think about what they were saying about me right now.
Dimitri didn't share, I could tell that about him in the way his face hardened, and possessiveness had gleamed in his dark eyes. Lucian had just looked shocked. Chase had seemed interested, at least, but that was probably because he'd experienced threesomes, or foursomes, or, who knows, maybe even orgies.
I didn't want orgies, my mind argued, filled now with rebuttals that had slipped the gaping holes in my brain earlier, when they would've been useful to have. This wasn't about sex for me, not really. Yes, I was half desperate to sleep with them, but the reason I was desperate was because they were in my mind, and gut, and heart, constantly. They were everything to me and I'd left them staring in utter confusion, without any explanation.
I slowed and gasped in deep breaths as a moan slipped from my lips. Not only had I moved too fast, but I'd forgotten the fact that I'd had plenty of time to come to terms with this idea, yet I'd freaked out almost immediately when they hadn't been gung ho to leap into a polyamorous relationship with me. I moved off the walkway and onto the grass, then bent over and supported myself on my thighs as I tried to calm my racing heart.
"Shit," I muttered, kicking myself for jumping to conclusions because of my own insecurities.
They needed time. They deserved time. So, I'd give them time, and answer their questions, and be patient and understanding of their feelings. We were in what felt like uncharted territory. Wolves were possessive and protective, and I was asking them to be okay with sharing me.
I wondered if their closeness would help or hinder the situation.
I needed to go back to Chase's room and apologize but, first, I needed to find my balance, so I could remain calm and focused, instead of a huge mess of emotion and stress.
I sank down onto the grass at the base of the tree, glancing around to see if anyone had taken interest in my meltdown and was staring, but no one was watching. Everyone had their own lives to live, their own dramas to endure, and their own mental health crises to work through.
I crossed my legs and wiggled my ass against the earth to settle my sit bones just like Dr. Bennett had taught me. My eyelids fluttered shut, separating me from the world, and letting me focus on my internal reality.
The reality of my internal life was that I was often a mess, but I was working on that and, really, that was all anyone could ask.
My pulse settled and the queasiness in my stomach calmed as I worked my way through my usual meditation, imagining my breath as a light of positivity, working its way through my system, pushing out the darkness and negative thoughts. After ten minutes or so, I exhaled, opened my eyes, and climbed to my feet, ready to head back into the fray.
I slapped at the back of my neck, annoyed by the bug that had caused the sharp prick, but missed the annoying little bloodsucker.
"Ow," I complained, as the small prick of pain grew and intensified until my entire neck throbbed and my head grew fuzzy and light. "What the fuck?" I muttered, rubbing my neck as the world began to spin.
I turned slowly as if in a dream, wondering if maybe it had been one of those murder hornets or maybe a tracker Jacker, like in The Hunger Games. Why else would I feel so…?
I didn't get the chance to finish the thought before the world started to go dark and my legs trembled and gave out beneath me. Before I hit the ground, though, strong hands caught me.
I smiled sleepily and turned to see which one of my guys had caught me, then opened my mouth in a silent scream as I stared into a face from my nightmares for an endless moment before the oily darkness swallowed me whole.
Chapter 18
I was trapped, under water, fighting to find my way back to the surface, which moved closer than receded every time I nearly broke free.
My chest was heavy, as if someone sat on it. My lungs struggled to fill enough to wash away the dregs of confusion and lethargy from being oxygen deprived.
Shadows lived beneath the surface, watching me, brushing up against me with their dark claws that grated like knives against my mind. Nightmares came to life, and I knew they weren't real because they'd been with me all my life but there was something more to these. Terror gripped me in a vice and wouldn't let go.
You're stupid and worthless. I don't know why I keep you alive.
Voices echoed in my mind, dredging up memories I'd fought to move past. Inside the shadows, they were clear, and loud, and pressed down on me, pushing me farther beneath the water.
No, I thought furiously. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm not there, in the dark, anymore. You can't hurt me!
The chuckle made my stomach clench violently.
Oh, but I can. Who's going to stop me? You?
I shrank into the corner of my mind, throwing my arms up around my head to protect myself from the blows that didn't come. More laughter echoed around me, then drifted away like smoke as my unconscious mind floated towards the surface.
Panic filled me as I reached for that surface once more and found myself sinking. Summoning every ounce of strength and resilience in me, I pushed forward and broke through the veil into a horrible reality.
Something hard pushed against my stomach, pushing hard against what little food I’d eaten a
nd sending it up and out my throat.
I heaved, pushing up onto my hands and knees shakily as I emptied my stomach onto the floor, then collapsed as my muscles seized painfully. I bit back a moan and focused on getting enough air into my lungs so that I could think straight.
Where am I? What happened? I had plenty of questions but no answers. Why does my neck hurt so bad?
I moved my hand slowly to my neck and moved my fingers slowly over the sensitive skin there. It was raised at the center of the pain, as if I'd been stung by something. The words tracker jacker and murder hornet flashed back, followed by the sickening memory of a face I'd recognized from my past.
My stomach spasmed again but there was nothing left to come up.
I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling of a room I didn't recognize as hot tears filled my eyes and familiar resignation tightened my chest.
I'd convinced myself I was seeing things the other night and, now that I thought back, all the other times I'd felt that skitter of nerves and fear up my spine. But I hadn't been seeing things or making things up. The danger was real and had finally tracked me down.
Except, it wasn't Raphael. It was his son, my half-brother, Randall.
The voices in my head changed, becoming younger, more boyish, but still hateful and manipulative. Of all the boys raised in the mountain stronghold, Randall had been my personal villain.
He was three years older than me, born to Cassandra, a pretty young wolf who'd been a dear friend to my mother and me. Her daughters had been some of my best friends. But, of course, boys weren't allowed to be raised by the women kept in captivity. No, Raphael made sure they were taken immediately and raised in his image, with his interests at heart, and his despotic goals as their sole purpose in life.
Raphael was dead, killed by Katherine when she, Daphne, and Rose, along with their mates, had infiltrated the mountain and freed us. Some of the boys had died there, during the attack, and many were taken into custody but, obviously, at least one had gotten away.