“Perfect!” He jots down the name she gives him.
“Pin some ideas for bathrooms and bedrooms,” I tell her before shutting down the laptop. “If we are going to renovate the entire house, I want to do it right.” I pick up my wine again. “Besides, those bathrooms need to go.”
Sean laughs. “What, you don’t like the matching tile-tub-toilet combos? Yellow on the second floor, pink on the third and green on the fourth?”
“I think those were the colors form the sixties, when they first got the place.”
“Maybe I’d better check the plumbing after all.” He winks at me. “So, you want to look at designs?”
I can’t help it, but I want to. A small part of me feels a tad bit guilty because this is my grandparents’ home and they haven’t been gone a full day, but I’m excited for something new. A promise. Hope that not everything sucks.
“By the way, when was Moira back in the states?”
I’m really used to guys being drawn to Moira. She’s beautiful and vibrant. Half the time, guys don’t even notice me even when I’m standing right next to her.
“Last year. Why?”
Do I really want to know the answer?
“And, she’s going to be living here?”
Crap. He’s smiling. Did he turn down sex because he really is only a friend and that’s all he sees?
No, he kissed me. A knee-melting, clit-throbbing kiss.
“Yes. Why?” I ask again.
He tilts his head. He looks like the cat who swallowed the mouse. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Yes.” He has a secret about Moira?
“Seriously. Not a word because I want the timing to be right.”
“For what?”
“Promise.”
Okay, his grinning is infectious and I need to know what he knows. “I swear.” With that I make an “X” with my index finger over my heart. “I won’t tell anyone anything.”
Sean leans in close, like he has some great secret. “Moira is Ryan’s dream girl.”
I just stare at him as it sinks in. My mouth slowly opening. “Are you sure?”
“Ninety-nine percent.”
“Oh. My. God. But, why don’t you want to tell him?”
“If she wasn’t moving back, I would, but I want to see his face when she walks in the door.”
“That’s kind of mean.”
“So is teasing me about not being able to ask a girl out.”
I can’t help but laugh. “But, you’re sure?”
Pretty much. I’ll get him to show you the pictures but you can’t let on and you can’t tell her.”
That doesn’t feel right. If Moira found out some guy had pictures of me I would want to know. On the other hand, knowing the reasons, maybe not.
No. I would want to know. “She’s my best friend.”
His smile slips. “You’re going to tell her?”
“I’d want to know.”
“What do you think she’ll do? Be pissed?
“Let me see the pictures and hear Ryan’s explanation, then I’ll decide.”
“Okay, but you won’t say anything to him?”
“No. That is all yours.”
He grabs a slice of pizza and bites into it, chuckling a few times. This is what I missed by not having siblings close to my age, even if those guys aren’t blood.
“So, let’s see what designs are out there and see what you like.” Sean grabs his laptop, opens it and goes to his Pinterest page.
“What’s that?” I point to the Noelle’s Kitchen page.
His cheeks color a little. “So, I may have already been thinking about your dream kitchen.”
“When?”
“Since the courthouse when you mentioned renovating your grandparents’ kitchen.”
“Seriously?” I can’t believe him.
Sean shrugs. “I was sitting there, you wanted a kitchen….”
He is so freaking cute. “Well, let’s see what you got.”
The kitchens he found are beautiful and as I point out what I like and what I don’t, he makes notes. This is all fun because it’s not like he’s going to start tearing things out tomorrow.
“You do know that you’re going to lose the wall between the kitchen and dining room.”
I hadn’t thought about that. “Is that a problem?”
“Well, its load bearing, but we can work around it.
I don’t want to compromise space in the kitchen, but I could. If he designs something like they have, it would work too. I just really like space….except it won’t just be me. If we had a wedding or something, I’d have a staff.”
“And, you want the burners on the center island.”
“I can’t stand cooking while facing the wall. You can’t see what else is going on and if there is a lot of counter space around it, it’s easier to work and keep an eye on the stove.”
He nods. “How do you feel about it being open to the living, I mean reception area?”
“I think I’d like them separate.” I don’t want people to stop or have a meeting with Moira while I’m prepping or cooking.
“Okay.” He closes the laptop. “Let’s get measurements.”
“Now?” I thought we’d just hang out on the couch.
“Yes, now.” He stands and holds out a hand.
“Can I bring my wine?”
“Why not? I am.”
He tugs on my hand and drags me into the kitchen then reaches into a bucket of tools and pulls out a tape measure. “Let’s do this.”
I can’t help it and just laugh. It feels so damn good just to be free and doing something positive. Something for the future. This feels like hope.
22
Long, lingering kisses at the front door isn’t exactly how I wanted the night to end, but Noelle didn’t invite me to stay. Still, I can’t help but grin as I cross the street. This has to have been one of the best nights in memory. Pizza, wine, laughter, and measuring practically every room in her house.
I’m flying high and I’m going to start on plans tonight. This is Noelle’s house and it needs to be perfect. And now that I know what she likes, what she doesn’t, colors she prefers and things she hates, I think I have an idea of what I want to do.
I also feel like I’m starting to get to know the Noelle from before her mom was killed.
Well, some things are permanently changed but tonight was good. Real good.
And, I’m falling for her. Falling hard.
Alex fell fast.
Dylan fell fast.
Christian fell fast.
I stood back, worried that it was too fast and that my friends would be crushed in the end. Not that I told them that, of course. But I worried.
I didn’t get it then.
I think I do now because I may be falling quicker than they did.
I’ve only had a few girlfriends in the past. But it was all surface: physical attraction, some of the same likes, easy, but nothing of substance. We hung out, went to movies, bars, dinner and had sex, but we weren’t close. Not close enough for me to think it was important enough to tell them how my mom died, or why I was an orphan.
It’s different with Noelle and has been from the moment I met her. A click of something right. The unexplainable.
Maybe it’s because she’d protect her brother with her life. Or, that she’d give up everything to have kept her grandparents in their home, sacrificing to take care of them until she did realize that it’s better for them to be taken care of somewhere else. Or, her determination to find a job, even though it isn’t the one she wants but she needs to work. How she put her life on hold for her family.
She’s beautiful. She’s sweet and has a gorgeous soul who has put all dreams on hold for others. Until she allowed herself to dream again tonight.
Everything about Noelle is just right and I hope to hell I don’t screw it up.
Ryan is working on his laptop when I walk in and it’s all I can do not to laugh, or tell him that I found his dream girl. A
nd, if she wasn’t moving back to New York I would, but I’d much rather see the look on his face when he finally meets her.
But, can I hold that secret for months?
“Good night?” he asks.
“The best.” I head upstairs before I end up telling him. Secrets are usually really easy for me to hold, but this one is bursting to come out.
Stopping at the window at the top of the stairs I look out at Noelle’s house. The only light on is on the third floor. I hate that she’s over there all alone. Stupid, of course. This is a safe neighborhood and the place is locked up tight, but it’s such a big house for one person.
My phone dings when I get to my room and my smile just gets bigger when I see her name.
Then I read the message.
Noelle: This house is really big. It’s weird being here alone.
Me: Anything wrong
Noelle: Noises.
Me: Odd noises?
Noelle: Old house noises, but I’m not used to them yet.
Noelle: You think I’m being a baby, don’t you.
The grin comes back.
Me: No. Do you want me and Ryan to come over and search the place?
I’d offer up the rest of the guys but Zach is judging another contest tonight, Christian’s playing at Bee Bee’s, and who knows where Alex and Dylan are, but I know they had plans of some kind.
Noelle: The two of you don’t have to do that. I’m being silly.
Me: I’ll come back.
I’m typing the question as I head back down the stairs.
Noelle: Do you mind?
Me: Not at all. See you in a sec.
Noelle: Meet you at the door.
Me: I have a key.
I don’t want her to come all the way downstairs just for me, especially if she is a little scared.
By the time I get back across the street and unlock the front door, Noelle has come down and is sitting in the middle of the stairs with a blanket wrapped around her.
“You think I’m being silly, don’t you?”
Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell her. “Of course not.”
“Stay with me?” She’s searching my face. I’m not sure if she wants me to stay because she doesn’t want to be alone or for other reasons. But, there is a little worry in her eyes.
“Of course, I’ll stay.”
Her shoulders drop like she’s relieved. “It’s just really strange being here all alone.”
“I get it. Houses make strange noises and all of that.”
I head up the stairs. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Thanks.” She holds out her hand and I pull her to her feet.
This is not how I anticipated my night ending, with me and Noelle walking to her bedroom, but I’m not going to complain. I shouldn’t assume anything, though. “Do you want me to sleep in Kaden’s room?”
Noelle pauses and looks at me. “Do you want to sleep in Kaden’s room?”
“Not exactly.”
“Good.” She shakes her head.
I need her to know that I do want her and that I’m not rejecting her in any way but I’m going slow and being careful because honestly, I don’t want to fuck this up. Some things are worth waiting for and I’m not going to make the same mistakes I did in the past.
Noelle tosses the blanket back on the bed and my mouth goes dry. She’s wearing cute little shorts and an oversized t-shirt and even though it’s big, it hides nothing.
I kick off my shoes and sit on the bed, not sure if I should undress. I’m not sure I can keep the control. This is unlike the other situations we’ve found ourselves in.
“Talk to me.” I pat the bed.
Her eyes darken with worry. “Okay.” She sinks down on the other side.
“I like you.”
A small smile pulls at her lips.
“Like a lot.”
“Me too.”
“Which is why I don’t want to mess this up.”
Noelle frowns.
“I want you too, but we aren’t going to have sex.” Maybe I’m assuming a lot here but a guy doesn’t get in bed with a girl whom he spent a good portion of the night kissing without the thought being there.
Her eyes widen. “I didn’t call you over for that. Seriously. I just kind of freaked being alone.”
I take her hand in mind. “I believe you, but we are about to get in bed together.”
“Yeah.”
“Look.” I pick up her other hand. “This, whatever this is, is important to me and I just met you. It’s special.”
She relaxes more. “I was hoping it wasn’t just me.”
Whew. So far, so good. “Because of that, I don’t want to rush a thing. I want to enjoy the ride and see where this is going.”
She slowly starts to smile. “Are you an old fashioned guy, Sean?”
My face starts to heat. “When it’s important.”
Noelle is just looking at me, like she’s not sure what to make of me. Her blue eyes are intense and I’m starting to get uncomfortable. What if she just wants sex and isn’t thinking beyond tomorrow?
“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you.”
My gut tightens. Maybe I did just fuck this up. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
Her eyes brighten as she smiles. “A really good thing.”
Sex is off the table, which I’m kind of really glad about. My body may not agree because there is just something about Sean that it reacts to, but sex can get in the way too often.
“My mom tried to tell me something, more than a few times, but I didn’t want to listen.” Now that I’m thinking over all of those conversations from a distance, I have a clarity that I didn’t before. What she was saying was so important, but I was young, stubborn and didn’t get it. Or, I thought that she hadn’t gotten it because she was older and times had changed. “I think I understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Don’t let sex get in the way of a relationship.”
“Most moms tell their daughters not to have sex, or wait, or in some cases wait for marriage,” Sean says.
I get off the bed and pull the covers back to plump the pillows so I can lean back.
Sean pulls off his shirt and I nearly lose my concentration and thoughts of where I’m going with this. Damn! I was thinking of him as a teddy bear since he’s so nice to cuddle against, but he is all muscle and big.
Heat rushes through my body and my girly parts are telling me to forget everything my mother ever told me.
I’m staring and I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself.
Sean doesn’t even seem to notice as he takes off his watch and puts it on the nightstand. I hurry up and get under the covers, afraid that he’ll notice that my panties got damp just by looking at his chest, arms, abs and further down. I’ll be lost if he takes those jeans off because I’m pretty sure he’s hard. If not, then his package is huge.
No don’t think about his package.
Do not think about it. His junk does not exist.
He turns his back on me and undoes the fly of his jeans and then slips them off and I about loose it. “Oh Bother.” That’s what’s written across his tight ass.
His face starts to color as he slides in beside me.
“Winnie the Pooh.”
But do guys buy themselves that kind of underwear and do I want to ask?
No. None of my business.
“Zoe got my name one Christmas.” He turns to me. “We draw names and set a limit, and these were her idea.”
Zoe the dog walker.
“We had been at a street market and a used book store had the books. I bought them all.”
This big construction guy buys Winnie the Pooh books.
Damn, that makes me hotter than how he looks.
“Mom used to read them to me when I was little. I loved Pooh.” He’s grinning like a little kid, then adjusts a pillow and gets in bed. “I read them all when I got home. Pooh’s the best, and his friends.”<
br />
I love that he has such a passion for Winnie the Pooh. So unexpected and so wonderful.
“So, is that what she told you?”
I totally lost track of what I was saying when he took his shirt off.
“She didn’t ever tell me not to have sex. Just not to have it for the wrong reasons or with the wrong person.” Which is why if we would have had sex after the massage it would have been wrong.
“That’s always good advice.”
“It means nothing without friendship. That before bearing my body for intimacy, consider if I’d also be willing to bear my soul.”
“Wow!”
I sit up to turn to look at him. “I just thought she was being old-fashioned.”
“Like me?” he grins.
“More than you.” I laugh. “Like how Grams doesn’t believe in alcohol and that nobody should have sex before marriage.”
He nods but I’m not sure he gets. I didn’t even get it until tonight.
“Dad was her best friend in grade school. They dated in high school. They had sex and she got pregnant with me her senior year. I’m not sure if they married because Grams insisted, but they were best friends before everything else and assumed it would work. It did, for about five years, but in the end, they realized that they weren’t meant to be together, or maybe if they hadn’t had to struggle so hard in the beginning maybe it would have been different. She didn’t have the answers, but because of that friendship, they remained friends. Close, as in I never understood why they weren’t still married.”
“They were young,” he points out.
“I kept hoping that they’d get back together. Dad never married again and has had a handful of relationships. Mom admitted that Gary came along when she was lonely and she was tired of being alone and he checked off all the boxes of security and passion.”
“Not love?”
“Not friendship,” I answer. “There was no foundation. Passion and whirlwind and marriage then Kaden.”
“So, she admitted that it wasn’t a good marriage.”
“It wasn’t what she’d hoped but they were working on it.” Mom knew at least five years ago that it was a mistake. Why didn’t she just leave then? “She didn’t want to be divorced a second time.” That conversation comes back to me. “Some things take more work than others.” It was something else she told me. “That’s when we had the conversation of bearing bodies and souls and why she’s still friends with my dad but had to work at it with Gary.”
Rattling Around: The Baxter Boys #5 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 19