by SARA FREITES
“You okay?” Blake broke into my thoughts, his eyes staring back at me from the mirror.
“I don’t know,” I droned, all the while trying to ignore the gradually unsettling feeling in my chest. “Just saying goodbye to my human existence, I guess.”
His brow lowered over his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have a reason to cling to my humanity anymore.”
“Sometimes, it’s best not to say goodbye. It hurts more that way.”
“I can’t run from my feelings.”
“You wouldn’t be running from them. It’s okay to feel sad, but it’s not okay to torture yourself.”
“Maybe I just need closure,” I thought out loud.
“Closure. That’s just something we try to hold on to, something we tell ourselves we need in order to move on. But we don’t need it.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Closure doesn't change what happened. It only prolongs our path to healing, waiting around for something that may never come along. You can choose to wait for it, hope it will come, waste your time and energy chasing after it—all the while growing weary and resentful. The closure you get may not even be what you thought it would be and end up making things harder for you. Or you can choose to walk away—move on without it, stop dragging out the pain and start the healing process. There is a grieving period, so to speak, but it doesn’t need to last any longer than it’s supposed to. In the end, you can’t wait for someone or the world to heal you. You have to rely on yourself for that.”
“Sounds like you know the feeling.” I assumed.
“Maybe in a different way than you,” he said.
“How so?” I asked, intrigued.
“I realized I’d never get closure with Arlos. He isn’t sorry for the things he did. He never will be. I had to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never hear him say he’s sorry. Even if he was, it wouldn’t change anything. I still wouldn’t want him in my life again, at least for self-preservation purposes. I had to move on without it or I’d forever carry around a bitterness that would eat away at the person I was trying to become. I forgave him without getting an apology. It doesn’t mean I like him or want anything to do with him. I did it for myself so I could heal. I’m not completely over it, but I’m going to keep trying to move on.”
“That sounds impossible.”
“It is, and it isn’t,” he explained. “When you realize you’re only hurting yourself by holding on, it makes it easier. In your case, waiting for closure with your family and your human life will only hold you back from the new life you’re about to step into. You’re leaving a lot behind, but you’re also gaining a lot, too. But for now, it’s okay to grieve.”
“You know, for a one-year-old, you sure are insightful,” I lightly laughed through my tightening throat.
He smiled weakly. “I feel a lot older most days,” he admitted.
“Probably because you’ve been through so much in such a short time,” I observed, then felt guilty. “I’m sorry, Blake.”
“For what?”
“I can’t imagine what you and your mom went through. And here I am complaining—”
“Don’t say that. Emotional pain can be just as traumatic, if not worse. The pain I felt only lasted moments. This is and will continue to be hard for you for probably the rest of your life. You lost everything and now you’re moving on from everything and everyone you’ve ever known. My experience was different, but I’m fine now, so don’t be sorry.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, too. Eventually,” I forced myself to say.
“I know you will. Just allow yourself time to grieve and heal and don’t wait for closure, don’t live in the past and torture yourself over it. It’ll just take time and maybe a change of mindset. Becoming a vampire will help with that, too. It will numb your emotions some, numb your pain.”
Tears blurred my vision. My bottom lip trembled. I looked away, ashamed to cry. “This sucks,” my voice cracked as I spoke.
“We’re all here for you. I’m here for you. We’re doing this together. And when you change, we’ll still be here. Forever. Literally.” He smiled.
I couldn’t hold back a gentle laugh. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. My watery eyes dried the minute I blinked.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome,” he whispered.
“Get ready to land, everyone!” Thade’s voice boomed from the cabin.
We broke our embrace.
“Come on,” Blake said quietly.
I gathered my thoughts as we went to the main cabin. I didn’t want anyone to know how nervous I was, although I’m sure they could sense it.
“From what Blake has told us, it sounds like it’s going to be impossible to get Autumn into Arlos’ estate unnoticed, not to mention without it seeming suspicious,” Thade spoke up from the front. “We’ll have to come up with another approach that won’t scream ‘setup’. Any ideas?”
“Why not send the evnaut back in with her?” Harper asked. “Make it look like he’s bringing her back?”
“He knows I wouldn’t take her back there after everything that’s happened,” Blake explained. “He would know something was up.”
“I think I have a way we can do this,” I said to the group.
Every eye was on me in an instant, probably in disbelief.
“Terry sort of gave me the idea,” I nodded at Terry who looked confused as I went on to explain.
After landing in London, the first thing I did as we entered Neil’s safehaven, the Nova, was take my pocketknife off the dining room table where I'd left it and secure it to my back pocket. Eden made a food run for me while the others gathered in the next room. They spoke in hushed voices, filling in the gaps and forming the idea I’d given them on the jet into a solid plan. When Eden returned, I ate more in that one meal than I had in weeks.
“It’s a little reckless, but I think it may work,” Thade said as Eden and I joined Blake, the two head-clan leaders and Terry in the foyer.
Terry, with his arms crossed, held a look of concern. I felt relieved. I wasn’t the only one worried about all of this.
“There’s a car around back,” Thade told me. “Are you ready?”
The way he stared at me then, he seemed confident in me or like he was counting on me. At that point, I knew they all were.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Blake, what’s the address?” Terry asked.
He handed his phone to Blake to type it into, I assumed, his GPS. The three escorted me into the small overgrown backyard. That’s where Terry opened the passenger door to a maroon sedan for me. Reluctant, I slid in across the leather seat. As Terry came around the car, Blake handed back Terry’s phone. Thade came to the driver’s side door. Terry got in and started the car. Thade reached into his trench coat and pulled the Soleil Dagger from it. He carefully unwound the towel wrapped around its blade. He handed it handle-first to Terry who set it on the console between our seats with obvious caution.
“We’ll see you in a few, Terry,” Thade said as he patted him on the shoulder.
He made his way back to Blake who now waited at the back of the Nova. Terry studied the map on his phone before turning the radio on.
“We’ve got quite a drive ahead of us. What kind of music do you like?” he asked me.
I tilted my head at him curiously.
“Music helps me relax,” he explained. “Maybe it will do the same for you?”
“Yeah, it might. I like a lot of electronic music, I guess,” I admitted, not thinking too hard about it. I could have been more specific, but my mind wouldn’t focus.
“Good choice.” He flipped through stations on the radio.
“Seriously? You like that kinda music?” I questioned.
“Yeah, why not?” he asked.
“I thought you’d be more into something a little…” I stopped myself.
&
nbsp; “Older?”
“Yeah. Weren’t you born in the seventeen hundreds or something?” I asked, half-joking.
“Well before then,” he corrected me with a light laugh. “And I like to evolve with the times. I like the older generation music, but just because I’m old doesn’t mean I have to be stuffy, too. The new age music appeals to me, as well.”
The car started moving. I looked back at Blake, wishing he could ride with us.
“It’s okay. He and the others will be right behind us,” Terry assured me as if he knew what I was thinking.
“Okay,” I said, relieved.
He turned the volume up and maneuvered the car through the tiny backyard and alleyway. It wasn’t long into our drive across the city when rain started pounding on the windshield.
“I’m glad we decided to drive. I wondered when this storm would hit us,” Terry seemed to say to himself.
“Me too. Can I see that?” I asked, nodding at the dagger.
He turned the radio down. “What, the dagger? Yeah, here.” With his free hand, he lifted the Soleil Dagger from the console, careful to pass it to me. “Be careful not to touch the blade.”
Taking it, I could feel the heat radiating from its blade that ran the length of my forearm.
“Do you feel that?” he asked. “The heat? Only a being of vampire blood can feel that, and you, Latresma’s reincarnation,” he explained.
“You’re keeping this hidden while we’re in there, right?” I wondered.
“Yes,” he confirmed. “Arlos won't know we’ve brought it in with us until we need it to unite his dagger with his one, which we’ll confiscate from Arlos. I also have a vile of Blake's blood in my pocket just in case he can't reach us in time.”
“Ok, good. So, what’s it going to be like? When I turn?”
“At midnight, when your soul is at its most vulnerable, it will hit you like a freight train. It’s an overwhelming feeling but only at first—like having the flu but much worse. Your temperature will rise, then plummet. You’ll sweat cold and hot, feel dizziness, nausea, may feel some muscle tremors, and then, an emotional numbness will set in. You’ll see and smell things you couldn’t before. And when your body dies, your subconscious is more alive than ever. Reborn, you’ll acquire the strengths and attributes of a full-blooded vampire being. That’s when Latresma will awaken inside of you. Or so it’s said.”
He didn’t take his eyes off the road the entire time he spoke. I wasn’t sure how he could even see the road. The rain hit the windshield so fast the wipers couldn’t keep the water away long enough.
“I must warn you,” he went on. “If I have to turn you too soon, your body will become significantly weak until midnight. You won’t feel the awful effects I mentioned for very long, but the wait until midnight might be unnerving for you.”
I noticed the digital clock on the dashboard. 11:05 PM.
“Wait, I’ll be weaker than I am now? Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do until then?” I asked, nervously gripping the dagger.
“Pray we get the timing just right. If I turn you too early, we run the risk of Arlos killing us before midnight. He won’t want anything to do with you once you’re bitten. But I can’t wait too long to do it. If I bite you after midnight, you won’t turn for another twenty-four hours. And
Arlos will make sure we aren’t around by then.”
“That would be bad.”
“Very. Arlos and I will make the trade, but before I release you, I’ll turn you. That will be the sign for the others to come in for the ambush. Once I bite you, we hope that will cause Arlos to draw the Lumière Dagger as he will want us all dead at that point. Blake will be closest, so while you’re turning, he and I and probably a few others will relieve Arlos of his dagger to unite it with this one. Latresma will take it from there. In the meantime, our group will get Rosetta and the starving vampires you mentioned out of there while keeping any attacking havidens at bay. There is one thing we’re all worried about.”
“What?”
“That Arlos won’t entertain the trade, that he’ll try to take you by force.”
“You think he won’t go along with it?”
“Rosetta isn’t as important to him as you are, but if he’s anything like Blake has described, that won’t matter. He’ll simply take what he wants and do away with the rest of us.”
“Unless it entertains him,” I added.
“Exactly. And that means unless there’s blood. If he doesn’t go along with the trade, we’ll do everything we can to keep you alive until midnight.”
“Do we have a backup plan?”
“We have several, each depending on how Arlos reacts to the trade. Is your seatbelt on?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Why?”
“We’re here. Hold on,” he warned.
He accelerated. A large gate came into view in our path, lit up in our headlights. In the rain, two men waited just beyond it. I heard the engine roar. I braced myself. We barreled through the gate and onto the front lot. The two men, each with odd ash-colored skin and glowing eyes, lunged at the car. I freaked out when one tried stopping the car with his bare hands. He ended up smashed against the top right panel, causing the windshield to crack. Terry abruptly spun the wheel as we pulled up to the large house. Three more men jumped out at us. Terry hit the brakes. The tires screeched. We skid to a halt less than a foot away from the building’s large double doors. Bodies shuffled back and forth behind the curtains of the first floor windows. Terry took out his phone. Several more havidens with grayish complexions neared from both sides.
“What’s wrong with their skin?” I asked Terry.
“They’ve probably fallen into Arlos’ demonic hold,” Terry replied while waiting for his call to be answered. “Remember, that’s how it was described in Latresma’s journal.”
I could hear someone pick up on the other line.
“Thade. We’re in,” Terry said into the phone. “Looks like Arlos has control over the havidens here, so be careful when you come in. I don’t know if that means they’ll be stronger or what. We’re going in.” He looked to me and said, “Go.”
I hopped out of the car, screaming hysterically. I ran but tripped over my feet. I heard Terry’s door open. The rain soaked me through and through right away.
“Get back here!” Terry shouted at me.
His tone made me shudder, but I had to remind myself this was all an act. I made it to my feet and dashed toward the mangled gated entrance we came from. Terry jumped over the car in one bound, coming to rest directly in front of me.
“Hey!” one of the havidens hollered as he came for us.
“It’s Latresma!” another yelled.
Terry shoved me, and I fell on my butt.
“Not so rough!” I hissed through a stressed whisper.
“Sorry,” Terry whispered back.
“Let me go! Get off me!” I screamed, pretending to fight when Terry took me by the arm.
“What is the meaning of this?” another gray haviden questioned Terry when he came upon us.
“I want to see Arlos. I’ve come with the reincarnation,” Terry announced.
“I see that. Anyone else with you?” the man asked, looking about.
“No,” Terry answered flatly.
“Good,” the man said and turned to the others. “See to it that the front gate is secure!”
With that, two men broke off from the group and ran toward the entrance.
“No! Stop! Let me go!” I screamed for added effect.
The men motioned for us to follow him. The others moved in close behind as Terry half-dragged, half-carried me toward the mansion. I flailed around the entire way. As it grew painful, I was sure Terry’s grip would leave behind bruises. The haviden knocked on the tall double doors, and they flung open. He briskly led us inside. Terry walked in, hauling me behind him like he owned the place while pushing past havidens who got too close.
The smoky-skinned havidens got up from th
eir seats in the large foyer and living room, which was practically the entire downstairs of the estate—if that’s any insight as to the immensity of the room. The ceilings here were three stories high, cutting in half the size of the second and third floors. Colossal crystal chandeliers hung from high above, and they glistened in their own light. Besides the overly large windows at ground level, there wasn’t another one in sight except for one single stain glass window high above in the middle of the front wall. I’d gotten so lost in the vastness of the estate that I forgot to act like I was being taken in against my will.
Terry’s voice boomed over me, snapping me out of it. “Where is Arlos? I must speak with him!”
One of the havidens gawked at us. “It’s Latresma!”
Another haviden arose from downstairs. “Bring her and come with me,” he demanded.
Terry and I trailed the man. We were quickly followed by several others. The wide staircase led us to a basement, but we stopped on the landing at the sight of Arlos. My stomach rolled with anxiety to see his face again. He stood there in the middle of the dimly lit room, a fine black suit clinging to his form. Around him, hundreds of havidens waited at near attention.
This room was nothing like the lower levels of the vampires’ Sanctum. The boards in the ceiling were exposed and warped, covered in cobwebs. The walls were dusty, bare cinderblocks splotched with what could have been rust red paint…or blood.
“What is this?” Arlos shouted for all to hear. “Why was this man allowed inside?” He caught sight of me through the crowd. “Oh, I see. You have returned her.”
“Where is my wife?” Terry sounded uneasy now.
I knew he wasn’t acting anymore. Arlos’ eyes floated about the room before returning to us. I struggled again in Terry’s tight grip.
“I’m sorry. Who?” the demon asked disrespectfully.
“My wife, Arlos,” Terry repeated. “Don’t screw around with me. You know damn well who I’m talking about.”
Arlos’ eyes went to the havidens as a smug grin stretched across his face.
“I assure you, vampire, your wife is not—” he began.
“Rosetta. Her name is Rosetta,” Terry cut him off. “You stole her from me nearly three centuries ago. The human said she was here.”