“Ruby.” He tips his cowboy hat at me down the aisle. “A fine Saturday to you.”
“How’s it going?”
“You swallow a lemon?” he jokes, sliding into the booth beside me.
“A crate of them.” I frown my answer then drop my head on his shoulder. “Hey, thanks by the way. For suggesting that Torrance call down to Las Cruces.”
“My pleasure.” He sinks into the booth, throwing his cowboy boots up on the seat across the table. “I hate seeing you so worried.”
Daisy shuffles over and takes Angel’s order. She fills my coffee cup and asks, “Any word?” All of La Luna knows about Ezra’s job in Las Cruces. No one ever cared about him while he was around, but they’re all fascinated by his absence.
I give Daisy my perfunctory he's-probably-swamped-with-work answer, then listen while Angel tells me about his late shift the night before—how he jumped a truck stalled on Interstate 25 and called in another abandoned one in a field near Glorieta. That’s it. For the better part of his shift, he and the other officers sat around and played Exploding Kittens.
“You want to rent a movie and come over? I’ve got frozen pizza,” he asks when he’s finished eating, pushing his clean plate aside.
“You just ate.”
“For later. We’ll have a marathon and nuke the pizza for dinner.”
“Sure.” I gather my stuff and throw it into my backpack. I could definitely use the distraction. “Just remind me to call Liddy in a little bit and tell her. She’s been super protective since my birthday.”
Angel leaves the table to pay, then stops and leans over the breakfast counter, looking down at something with Daisy and another customer.
“I can’t believe you brought it!” Daisy shrieks at a guy sitting at the counter. “I can’t find mine.”
“Hey, Ruby. Come here,” Angel calls to me.
I join them, leaning over to see what they’re gawking at.
“Look at Gina!” Daisy giggles, pointing to a picture in the middle of what looks like a yearbook page. “I had such a crush on her. And Michael. And Angel!” She taps Angel’s picture, smiling up at him. “You don’t look a day older.”
“It wasn’t that long ago, Day,” Angel laughs.
“Four years is long enough,” Daisy argues.
“You look really good,” I agree, leaning over to see his picture better. “What about you, Daisy?”
Daisy flips through the book. A small smile creeps across her face; I swear she even blushes a little. She leans over a page and points. “There.”
Daisy tilts the book sideways. In the picture, she’s wearing a sapphire dress. She looks pretty, but mostly she looks like Daisy. Four years has made no difference.
“Beautiful.” Angel nods. Daisy blushes deeper, snapping him playfully with a rag.
“He’s right,” I agree.
I scan the page, looking at all the smiling faces. Near the bottom, a picture catches my eye, but it’s partially covered by Daisy’s elbow. Tilting my head, I nudge her arm out of the way.
“Oh my god!” I squeal, pulling the yearbook a little closer. “That’s him!”
“Who?” Daisy and Angel ask in unison.
“Leo.” I point to the picture in the bottom right corner. “It’s Leo! Look!”
Daisy pulls the yearbook over, then looks up at me and scrunches her nose, bewildered. “Hon, that’s Ezra. Before his accident. You’ve never seen a picture?”
“Give me that.” I grab the book.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen a picture,” Daisy marvels.
“I’m not surprised,” Angel says. “I wouldn’t show her either, if I were him.”
I look down at Leo’s beautiful face and try to make sense of the letters aligned beneath the square. Ezra Lucero.
As I read it over and over, the room spins. My face flushes and I swallow, trying desperately to rid myself of the lump lodged in my throat. Ezra Lucero. But the picture is most definitely Leo.
“Kind of shocking, huh?” Angel looks sympathetic. “I mean, if you didn’t know.”
I look up at him, horrified. “But …”
Angel squeezes my shoulder. “Guess you can see why he’s so touchy about it.”
A tear slides down my cheek, and the air against my wet skin pulls me back into my body. “Does Ezra have a cousin, or a brother or something, who lives around here?”
Angel looks at me funny. “No. He’s an only child. Not that it’s not obvious. Why?”
“I … Angel,” I swallow, “I have to go.” Frantic, I break free of his hold and pull my car keys out of my pocket, shaking as I grasp them.
Angel seems confused. “What about our movie?”
“Rain check, please,” I mumble quickly.
I bolt out the door and rush to the car down the street, but I’m too shaky to drive. Instead, I make friends with the driver’s seat, hyperventilating myself into a panic. When I can breathe without hiccupping, I pull away from the curb, heading home in a daze.
In what world could Leo and Ezra possibly be the same person?
Desperately, I try to remember everything about both of them. They’re the same height and have the same coloring and similar hair, though Leo’s is a little wavier and more kempt. But their voices are different. Ezra’s is rougher, a little gritty; I’ve always just assumed the accident damaged his chords. And Leo has golden eyes.
It can’t be possible. Ezra can’t possibly, humanly, be Leo.
But if he is …
The way people describe Ezra when he was younger, before his accident, is Leo to a T. Leo seems to know me in a way I never could put my finger on. And I’m painfully attracted to him, despite the fact he’s so despicable. The same way I’m physically attracted to Ezra in a way I never could rationalize.
They have the same tattoo, Ruby.
A train wreck of irrational thoughts party-crash my mind. What if Mom isn’t a hallucination and the Ancients are real? What if Leo is a monster? Or what if Leo is just Leo but somehow stole Ezra’s identity? What if Leo caused Ezra’s accident? And, if by some crazy chance, Ezra and Leo are the same person, how in the world does that work? And just what—and this is a hard one—does it make him?
In my driveway, I park and sit, staring at the trees through the windshield. Remembering all the things I’ve said and done with Leo sends my heart crawling up my throat. If Ezra and Leo are the same person, it means Ezra knows how attracted I am to Leo’s stupid face, and that I kissed him.
It means Ezra is still in La Luna.
Twenty
You Have to Leave to Come Back
Leo looks me up and down when I step into the clearing, tearing his eyes away from a crumbling ruin wall. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.” He makes a show of looking down at his watch. “But here you are. Two o’clock on the nose.”
I drop my backpack on the ground next to a tree, pointing to the wall he’s examining.
“What are you doing?” I’m not sure what I’m doing or whether I should do anything at all. The whole idea that Ezra could be Leo is crazy.
Leo’s perfect face and perfect golden eyes stare down at me. His perfect nostrils flare in amusement over his perfect mouth when I blush. Even if I’m right about him, he still affects me. “Just waiting for you, Ruby.”
“I’m not even sure why I’m here. You do know I hate you, Leo?”
Leo’s posture changes like Ezra’s does when Ezra is uncomfortable, hunching sideways slightly. His eyes take on the same faraway look Ezra’s do when he’s trying to force himself to stop thinking about something. And he bites his lip. If I didn’t know to look for Ezra’s ticks, I’d miss them. But there they are, glaring at me. In a moment, I stop wondering. I’m certain. Leo is Ezra, just maybe not the same Ezra I know.
Leo steps closer, stopping at my side. “Want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t think so. I’m tired of talking.” I sigh, then shudder. “We should make out instead.”
; Leo laughs until he sees I’m serious. “Really?”
“Truly.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“For real?” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him, using his jacket to pull his body against mine. Leo kisses me tentatively, then insistently, pushing me back against a tree. My hands run under his shirt down to his button fly. He groans when I unbutton it but makes no move to stop me.
“You’re impossibly beautiful,” I whisper. “I think about you all the time. Every day. Imagine what it’s like being with Ezra when you’re always on my mind.”
Leo draws back, pulling out his plastic smile. “Aren’t you still together?”
“Forget Ezra. I want you, Leo.” I take his hand, pressing it against my chest, holding it there. “And since when do you care anyway?”
His eyes shimmer with what may be tears before he tilts his head forward, slowly pressing his lips against mine. He kisses me cautiously, but his heart beats as if he’s just jogged ten miles.
“Why now?” he whispers in my ear, burying his face in my hair.
“You never had much of a conscience about it before,” I answer breathlessly. “What’s the big deal?”
“It’s … this isn’t you, Ruby.”
I pull my head back, meeting his eyes. “Look, you don’t have to be my boyfriend. I just want to mess around. So can we get to it? Because you’re starting to bore me.”
“Did I do something?” His striking face crumbles, and for a moment, I feel terrible.
“Not yet,” I say. “But we can change that.”
Leo lets go of me, stepping backward. He buttons his jeans, but his eyes never leave my face. “Forget it.”
“Since when did you turn all hearts and chocolate? It’s perfect, Leo. Something meaningless with someone inconsequential.”
“That’s not fair.”
I start laughing, nearing hysterical. The words sound so absurd coming from his mouth. Fair. What does fairness, or anything else involving reason, have to do with it?
“All’s fair in love and war, right? You’ve spent the last couple of months toying with me. Now it’s my turn.” The fact that I’ve started crying makes me madder. “I hope it was worth it. Because messed up as things are, if you’d told me the truth, I think I could have loved you anyway.”
“Ruby.” Leo looks stunned. He lowers his voice, pleading. “Let me explain.”
“I don’t want to know,” I hiss.
“I wanted to tell you. I planned on telling you today. It’s why I asked you up here.”
“You’re months too late! And you know what!” I shout, covering my ears like a child. “I don’t care!”
Before he can answer, I turn and run down the mountain faster than I’ve ever run anywhere, leaving my backpack behind. I run past my house and keep on going down the road into La Luna, sprinting from the ruins into town without stopping. Trees and houses whoosh by, cluttering my already chaotic mind with fuzzy shapes and colors. I can’t think or focus and don’t even want to. Finally, I find myself on Luna Street, in front of the Sheriff’s Department. Doubled over on the sidewalk, my lungs feel like I’ve inhaled acid as I work to slow my breathing.
Inside the station, it’s warm and mostly empty. To the right of the lobby, I can see Torrance inside his office through an interior window, sitting at his desk reading. Of the five desks scattered around the front room, only one is occupied. Angel rocks side to side in his chair while he works at his computer. I rap on the reception window and he looks up, startled.
“Ruby! How long have you been standing there?”
“Aren’t you supposed to have stealthy hearing, or like, know when someone’s staring at you or something?” I ask through the window.
“I’m a deputy, not a spy.” He laughs and stands up to unlock the door dividing the waiting area from the rest of the station. “Come on,” he motions at me.
I follow him back to his desk, plunking down on an old wooden chair across from him. “What are you doing here?” He gives me the once-over. “You look wrecked, what happened?”
“I was up in the mountains … and … and …” Like that, I’m overcome with sobs.
“Hey. It’s all right. Breathe.” He rolls his chair up next to mine. “What were you doing up there? Was it that stupid cat? Did you see it again?”
“No, Angel. No. I just … I just.” What do I say, that Ezra isn’t Ezra but some … something? “Yeah,” I finally whisper. “I ran all the way here. Crazy, right?”
“You ran here? From your house?”
“From the ruin,” I sob.
Angel looks at me like I’ve gone crazy, and odds are good he’s right. He runs a hand over my arm and squeezes my hand. “Okay. Calm down.” Gently, he unzips my jacket and slips it off my shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you some water.”
At the watercooler, he hands me a cup. Taking it, I mutter, “You think I’m a nut-job.”
“Yeah, kinda,” Angel answers affectionately. “The way you rushed out of Margarita’s yesterday. And now, running here? Going up to the ruin again. What’s going on?”
“I’m really sorry about yesterday. It was just … seeing Ezra in the yearbook, I guess.”
Angel holds his arms out. I let him hug me, grateful for his friendship.
“Hey, Ruby!” Torrance calls behind me.
I let go of Angel, turning around. Half of Torrance’s body eclipses his office doorframe. “Hi,” I answer softly.
“You okay? I didn’t see much of you last night.”
To Angel, I whisper, “Please don’t say anything,” under my breath, then tell Torrance, “Sure, I’m fine. Just stopped by to see Angel.”
“I’m taking Liddy into Santa Fe in a couple of hours.” He pauses. “Do you two want to join us? We can wait until Angel’s off.”
Angel looks at me, waiting.
“I don’t think so,” I say quietly. “But thanks for asking.”
Torrance nods, waving out the door before he closes it. Angel takes my hand and leads me back to his desk. “Sit,” he says, and I sit down.
While Angel finishes his end-of-the-day paperwork, I fiddle with a game on his cell phone. Not an inch of me wants to think about Ezra-slash-Leo. Less than an inch of me knows where to start.
After Chuck finally shows up to relieve Angel, Angel leads me out of the station like a rag doll. He keeps an arm around my shoulder, maneuvering my limp body to his jeep, and drives me home.
“Do you want me to come in?” he asks after he pulls into my driveway.
“Yes, please.”
He kills the engine. “Let’s feed you then. Come on.”
Angel makes us green chile grilled cheese sandwiches. We sit together in the window alcove with our plates on our laps, and the cramped space feels cozy.
“This is nice,” I tell him. “Thank you.”
“You going to tell me what happened today?”
“I did.”
He gives me a look. “I mean what really happened.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Ruby, you ran from the ruin to the station. You shouldn’t have been up there. You know that. It must have been a huge deal.”
I look down at my toes. “I spooked myself. That’s all.”
Angel sets his empty plate on the floor and scoots closer. “I’ll get Torrance to put another call into the conservation office.”
Out the window, only a sliver of moon lights the sky. The forest is blacker than the night. “Angel, I accidentally left my backpack up at the ruin today.”
“I don’t want you going back there alone.”
“No,” I shake my head, looking out at the dark forest. “I don’t want to either.”
“I’ll go up with you after school tomorrow. I’m on duty until five. But I can pick you up at three-thirty. It shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Thanks.” I nod gratefully. “I really appreciate it.”
I gaze out at the trail leading up the hill. Th
e ruin is a part of Ezra’s history—I know it in my heart. But I’m terrified to go back up there and figure it out.
“You really miss him, don’t you?” Angel asks softly.
“Yes.”
“Think he’s coming back?”
“I don’t think he left,” I say, holding back tears.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I think he’s still here.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You warned me to stay away from him. I didn’t believe you. But you were right.”
Puzzled, Angel shakes his head. “The way he is with you, I can’t reconcile it with the Ezra I knew, but you’re right that he’s different, Ruby. Maybe you finally pulled him out of his shell.”
“You have no idea,” I stutter, “how right you are. Or how wrong.” I suck in my breath, then blurt out, “What if I told you he’s two people?”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been saying all along?” He frowns. “That he’s not really the Ezra we all knew? I’m agreeing with you. I’m saying you’re right, maybe we never really knew him after all.”
“I don’t think there’s a soul who really knows him,” I whisper. “I’m not even sure he’s human.”
Angel leans forward. “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?”
“I’m dead serious.”
He frowns, perplexed. “What is it you’re not telling me?”
Angel’s green eyes home in on mine. I try to resist his questioning face, but he won’t look away, and I’m not stubborn enough to outstare him. “What?” I finally ask.
“You didn’t run all the way into La Luna because you saw a lion, did you?”
“No,” I admit. “I saw something else.”
“What?”
“Ezra. Or Leo. I don’t know, Angel. I’m so confused right now.”
He sits up straighter. “Ruby, you have a lot on your plate.”
“You think I’m crazy.”
Angel’s broad smile lights up his face. “Well,” he teases, “maybe tonight.”
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