by BL Mute
SATURN AND HER RINGS
Copyright © 2019 BL Mute
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or used fictitiously.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or by information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher or author.
EDITOR: One Love Editing
COVER DESIGNER: TRC Designs
FORMATTING: Clara Stone of Reader Central
Contents
Warning
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Epilogue
Also by BL Mute
Acknowledgments
About the Author
This book is not for those who are easily offended or have difficulty reading about tough subjects.
I dedicate this book to Sonni.
A woman who had a rough start in life, but still turned out to be so many people’s yellow flowers.
You are fierce, you are beautiful, and you are amazing. I love you!
I already don’t like this place, but I have nowhere else to go. A group home—that’s where my case worker sent me. I think she’s given up hope of me finding a good foster family to take me in, and I don’t blame her; I’ve lost hope too.
My name is Sonni—well, technically it’s Saturn, but I don’t go by that. That’s the name my birth mother gave me before she put me up for adoption. I took on the nickname Sonni when I was six. When you not only get picked on by the other foster assholes but become a target to disgusting old men too, you learn something more generic is better. I mean, I’d much rather be known as a star, the brightest one at that, rather than some useless planet.
I let out a deep breath and survey the room. Twin bed, basic wooden nightstand, and—fucking joy—a roommate. Right across from “my” bed is the same exact setup, just like a fucking mirror.
I roll my eyes and look back to Patricia, my caseworker, standing in the door. “Seriously?”
“What’s wrong with it? It’s a place to sleep,” she says, exasperated.
“Yeah, but I don’t want some bitch in my business. That’s exactly what’s going to happen, and we both know it won’t end well.”
“Sonni,” she starts. “If you screw this up, then you’ll go back to the foster home with all the other kids waiting for families. Is that what you want?” She levels her eyes with me.
Thoughts of what happened when I was eight rush into my mind. I was just lying in bed, minding my own business, but because a family showed interest in me and not Sara, the head bitch or whatever, I got jumped.
I don’t think people realize how bad those homes can be. The kids there aren’t kids at all. We all have minds that think quick and only focus on surviving. We couldn’t give a fuck less about the cheap presents people bring us on Christmas; all we want is a home—a real home. A place we don’t have to worry about being raped, jumped, or made fun of.
Foster kids are always made out to be some sad, tortured soul nobody wants, but that’s far from the truth. Foster kids are mean, ruthless, and fucking deadly. If you’re over five, you’re fucked. And God help you if you try and talk about their antics or get help.
I roll my eyes again. I got lucky getting into this place. It’s almost like a mix between a women’s shelter and foster home but with less kids. Maybe a roommate won’t be so bad, if she leaves me alone.
“Fine. I’ll be on my best behavior.” I roll my eyes again and throw my hand-me-down duffel bag on the bed.
“There is one more thing,” Patricia says.
I turn my body back toward her with a frown. “What is it?”
She lets out a deep breath. “One of the conditions of you staying here is mandatory therapy sessions.”
I scrunch my forehead. “Seriously?”
She smiles tightly. “Seriously. But don’t worry, Dr. Keller is amazing, and I feel you could connect with her. She’s been through a lot herself.”
I chuckle. “I don’t want to connect with anyone.” The last thing I need is some shrink picking apart my brain. I know I’m fucked-up; I don’t need anyone else telling me that.
“Sonni, you have to do it if you want to stay.”
“She can just read my file. Everything anyone would want to know is in there.” I wave my hand.
“She doesn’t have your file. This place, Harper Valley Safe Haven, focuses on anonymity. That’s why I thought here would be a good place for you. All they know about the kids and women who come here is that they need help or a safe place to stay. We don’t turn over our files unless a person is a risk. They feel everyone in the system is already under a microscope, so you only tell them what you want them to know.”
“Is that even legal?” I laugh. “It sounds like a load of shit.”
“Perfectly legal. Your first session is tomorrow morning, so get some rest. I’ll see you in a week.” She turns on her heel and walks out the door.
I’ve been through so many caseworkers it isn’t even funny, but Patricia is my favorite. She was in the system growing up, so she knows how it is and doesn’t pry. She’s kind of been like a mom to me. A mom who lives in a nice house, wears designer clothes, and only visits once a week, but hey, better than nothing, right?
I push my thin blonde hair behind my ears and turn back to my bed. The old black duffel bag is the only thing I have to my name. It contains all my clothes, a few books, and a hairbrush. All of which I bought myself with money from panhandling.
I grab the duffel and dump it onto my bed. I fold the few shirts and two pairs of shorts I have and shove them into the small drawer on my nightstand. There is a dresser, but it’s on the wall across from the other bed. Must be my roommate’s, whoever she is, and I don’t share.
I stack my books and put them on the nightstand, then lay my brush beside them. A Love Letter to Whiskey by Kandi Steiner, Bad Habit by Charleigh Rose, and Sweet Revenge by Mia Ford scream at me with their beautiful spines, but I don’t have time to read them for the millionth time right now.
Right now, I need to shower, change, and sleep. The thought of sleep is almost foreign. I’ve slept in foster homes where you have to keep one eye open, on smelly mattresses thrown on the floor in trap houses, and even park benches.
I can’t remember the last time I got peaceful rest, but maybe tonight, I can.
A rustling sound wakes me. I open both eyes and don’t even bother to wipe the crust out of them before jumping from my bed. It’s kind of instinct at this point, to always be prepared for the worst.
I look to my left and see a shadow hovering over the bed next to mine. “Hey!”
The shadow jumps and lets out a yelp. It moves from the bed to the wall by the door and flips on the light. “Sorry, didn’t
mean to wake you.”
The girl is standing there sheepishly, her brown hair falling limply around her shoulders and her gray eyes bouncing all over the room. They land everywhere but on me.
I tip my head back and let out a breath. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble.
The girl steps closer to me and extends her hand. “I’m Alex.”
I look at her hand with a raised brow but don’t shake it. “I’m Sonni. Any reason you’re creeping in here at…” I look around for a clock, but there isn’t one. “Fuck, I don’t know, late?”
She pushes her hair behind her ears. “It’s only 11:45. I just turned seventeen, so my curfew is midnight.”
I roll my eyes. “Good for you.” I plop back onto my bed.
She reaches behind her, shaking her head, then flips the light and walks back to her bed. She crawls under the blanket and turns her back to me.
It’s only my first day here, and I already hate it.
“Rise and shine!” a perky voice chirps.
I ignore it and pull my blanket up over my head. I’m not sure of the time, but I know it’s too early.
“Come on, Saturn. A new day awaits! Breakfast is waiting for you in the common room.”
I push the blanket down aggressively to see who is talking. An older woman with gray hair and a wrinkled face is smiling down on me.
“My name is Sonni, not Saturn,” I deadpan.
“Alrighty then, Sonni. Get up and get a move on. No one likes cold eggs.” She smiles with twinkling eyes. “I’m Gloria.”
I shake my head and crawl out of bed, then push my feet into my Chucks as she walks out of the door. I look at the bed next to mine. It’s perfectly made with crisp clean sheets, and no one is there.
I double-check my nightstand and make sure all three of my books, my hairbrush, and clothes are still there. I don’t know Alex, and if being in the system has taught me anything, it’s to trust no one.
Once I see everything is still in place, I throw my hair into a ponytail and walk out.
This place is just one huge house. A compound basically. There are numerous rooms down one hallway, a big living room with three blue couches, and a common room/dining room. The common room has a table that seats eight, along with small tables for playing games.
I stand in the doorway and look around. Only women, no men. The big table is full, and two of the three small tables have people at them too. I spot Alex at one of the tables by the window, sitting alone. It’s either I sit alone too or sit with her, and I think I’ll fare better alone.
Gloria comes out of a door that I assume leads to the kitchen with a plate piled high with food. I slide into the empty table as she approaches.
“Here you go, Sonni. Once you finish up, you’ll meet with Dr. Keller. After your session, you’re free to do whatever you want. Curfew is at ten.” She sets the dish on the table, then glides back into the kitchen doors.
I was lucky and got my GED three months ago. When I was called to court for truancy, the judge gave me the option of a GED, going back to school, or jail. I’ve never been one to like school, and fuck jail, so I went to the three weeklong classes, then tested and passed.
I look down to the plate and see bacon, scrambled eggs, and a couple of pancakes. If I could eat like this every morning, maybe I could grow to like this place. In the foster home, all we got was cereal, plain bologna sandwiches, and TV dinners.
I start with the bacon and work my way around the rest of the plate. When everything is gone, I stand and walk back to my room.
Alex is standing at her dresser pulling out clothes. “Oh, hey.”
I give her a tight smile. “Hey.”
“Today is your first session with Dr. Keller, huh?” she asks as she walks to her nightstand and starts pulling out shampoo, soap, and other shower necessities.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”
She jerks her head back with wide eyes. “I get you don’t want to be here, but there is no reason to be a bitch to me.” She shakes her head.
I ignore her comment and walk to my bed and lie down, then throw my arm over my eyes.
“And to think I was going to invite you to a party,” she mumbles.
“A party?” I peek from under my arm.
She nods. “If I invite you, will you stop being a catty bitch?”
I roll my eyes and chuckle. “I can’t promise, but maybe I can try.”
She shrugs. “That’s good enough for me. Meet me here at seven. You should be done with your session by two.”
I nod and she walks out of the door with a towel and shampoo in hand. Alex doesn’t seem like the party type. She’s quiet and shy, but maybe she could be a friend. Maybe.
I push the thoughts away and stand from my bed. I guess it’s time to meet Dr. Keller.
I stare at the door that says “Dr. Keller” on it for a moment. Before I can knock, it opens and a woman is standing there.
“Hi.” She smiles. “You must be Sonni.”
She’s beautiful. She has long blonde hair waving around her face, blue eyes, and a curvy frame. She’s wearing a flowy top with skinny jeans and a pair of Chucks that have seen better days than mine.
“Um, yeah.” I look around the hall, then back to her. “That’s me.”
A smile spreads over her lips again. “Great. Come on in.” She moves to the side and sweeps her hand in front of her.
Walking in, I look around the room. There is a desk, a small couch, and some plants in bright colored pots in front of the window. There are framed pictures all over the walls—some of a little boy, some of Dr. Keller with a man, and a few that seem to be letters. I don’t take long to study everything. I walk to the couch and sit down and wait for the questions to start.
I already know the routine. I talk, she listens, then asks questions. I went through all of this for years with Dr. Beck.
She closes the door and walks to the chair beside me and sits. Letting out a deep breath, she speaks again. “How’re you today, Sonni?” She smiles.
“I’d be better if I wasn’t here. I don’t like random strangers picking my brain.” I huff.
She shakes her head. “I’m not here to pick your brain. I’m only here to listen and help if I can.”
“Sure.” I laugh. “So, what do want to know first? The rape? The accident? Or maybe you want to hear about my shitty birth parents.”
She keeps a stone face. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to tell me. I’m not going to pry or try and pick your brain. If you don’t want to talk, then we don’t have to. I’m not your enemy, Sonni.”
I chuckle. “You sound like every adult I’ve encountered. I couldn’t care less what you have to say. I have nowhere else to go, so I’m here. And that’s the only reason I’m here.” I move my eyes to the colorful pots. “I don’t want to talk, but I don’t want to be kicked out either, so tell me where you want me to start.”
“I want you to start by dropping the attitude,” she says sternly. “I get it, you don’t want to be here, but that doesn’t mean you can be rude to me.” She scoots her chair closer to me and demands my attention with her eyes. “We’ve all been through shit, Sonni. I was just like you at one point. I hated the world and pushed everyone away, but it was a mistake.”
“Just like me?” I laugh. “You’re nothing like me, Dr. Keller.”
She shakes her head again. “Whatever you say, Sonni.” She stands from the chair, then walks to her desk and types something into her computer. “You can go.”
I raise my brow. “Go?”
“Yes. We will try this again when you’re more willing.” She waves her hand toward the door.
“So, that’s it? That’s my session?” I question.
She raises her eyes from her computer to me. “That’s it. I’ll see you tomorrow, and hopefully the attitude is gone.”
I roll my eyes and stand. Once I make it to the door, she speaks again before I can turn the knob.
“Oh
, and don’t make a habit of this. These sessions are mandatory. You know what that means, don’t you?”
I glance over my shoulder and nod.
“Good. Enjoy the rest of your day.” She smiles with hard eyes.
I walk out of the door and back down the hallway to my room. Alex is nowhere to be found, but I’m happy about it. I could use a nap before I get ready for the party.
I push the heels of my Chucks off and kick them to the floor, then slip into my bed and under the covers.
“Sonni, wake up.”
I groan and turn away from the voice.
“Sonni, come on!” The voice grows louder, and a hand starts to shake me.
I rub my eyes and open them. Alex is standing in front of me. Her brown hair is in a high ponytail, and her lips are painted red, contrasting perfectly against the short black dress she is wearing.
“What time is it?” I ask. Being woken up last night had me tossing and turning all night, so the nap was needed.
“It’s almost eight. We need to go.”
“Eight?” I look around the room. The sun is no longer peeking through the window.
“Yes, eight. Come on. We don’t want to be late.”
I yawn and stand from my bed. “Do I have time for a quick shower?”
She rolls her eyes. “A quick one.” She walks to her nightstand and pulls out the same bottles from earlier this morning. “Here, use these. I noticed they haven’t given you any yet.”