by K. B. Wagers
“It’s not a matter of me not being able to help him, Hail. It’s that I won’t.”
“You won’t?”
Mia’s smile at the shock in my voice was fleeting. She lifted a shoulder and then carefully set her fork to the side. “I have agreed to lead the fleet. What Aiz wants—what he needs as far as the fight with the gods goes? That is not something I can give to him.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“There is killing and then there is killing, yes? You know the difference. Between firing the weapons of a ship, and firing a gun, and killing someone with your bare hands. Cutting their throat and watching them bleed out on the polished wood floor of your family’s summer home.”
Air clogged in my throat.
Mia got up from her seat, her movements echoing a restlessness I felt in my own chest. “I went down that road once. It was necessary to get us where we are now. If I do it again I will not return. If I try to do it again, it will lead us all to a place where everything is lost. I am not the one to do this. The futures I have seen where I fight at my brother’s side only bring us to disaster. Aiz understands and forgives me for my failure, but it means we need your help.”
“You want me to kill gods,” I said, the memory of Aiz’s words floating into my head as I pushed away from the table and crossed the room to her. “I don’t believe in gods. And even if I did, I am human, Mia. I have no special powers. I am not—”
“You are the Star of Indrana and they are not gods.”
“So everyone keeps saying.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my gray pants. “Not sure just what that’s supposed to mean, though. They are powerful, yes? And me?” I lifted a shoulder. “Star of Indrana is just a title, Mia.”
“No.” Mia poked me in the chest and Gita stiffened.
I pulled my hands free and held one up, stopping my Ekam before she could cross to us, and caught Mia’s hand in one smooth motion with the other. “You know enough about me to know what happens when people poke me, right?” I asked with a smile.
Mia’s reaction was minute, a slight widening of her eyes that told me she had, in fact, heard the story about my hapless cousin and her broken finger.
Hamah, by contrast, snapped something in Shen and brought his gun up. I was all too aware of the dangerous line I was walking. I trusted Gita not to move, but Hamah was an unknown quantity who seemed to lean more on the side of react first, think later.
“His reaction time needs to be better if he’s supposed to be keeping you safe,” I murmured.
“You’re touching my bare skin, Hail.” Mia’s eyes darkened into the color of rain-drenched stone. “I’m reasonably sure that I have the upper hand here.”
The memory of Aiz stopping everything inside me back on Earth flashed through my head, but Mia wasn’t as old as her brother, nor was she fully Shen, and I wondered what kind of odds that gave me.
“Being half human and younger than my brother doesn’t lessen my abilities,” Mia said as if she’d read my thoughts, her smile never wavering. “I will apologize for my rudeness, though.”
“Apology accepted.” I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand before I let her go. “Star of Indrana,” I said, spreading my arms wide and giving a sarcastic bow. “Enlighten me, since I am not up to date on just what this means and you all appear to be working off a different future than the one Fasé and Sybil told me about.”
Mia shook her head. “I think we can both acknowledge that this is a bit like explaining to a tiger just what she is. You are yourself, Hail. As for the future, yes. We are aware of the one Sybil has seen, I have seen parts of it myself. There are more, though, parts that impact the Shen, so either Sybil left them out or the Pedalion struck them from the record.”
“So you lied to me on Pashati?”
“We were dealing with the matter at hand, which was keeping you from helping the Farians.” Mia met my gaze without the slightest hint of remorse. “A lie by omission, maybe, but we were a little pressed for time. Plus, the Farians have us at a disadvantage where Indrana is concerned.”
I hummed. Caspel’s initial notes on the Cevallas were being re-sorted in my head with every conversation. Mia was far more politically savvy than I’d been led to believe, and I wondered if her competence extended to her battle strategies. The Shen didn’t seem the least concerned about how this war might play out, and I wondered if it was—once again—because I was at the center of whatever they were planning.
That was fine. I was game for a fight.
“You’ve seen me fight these beings.”
“I have.”
“And we win?”
Mia considered her answer for several heartbeats. “I have seen you win. I have seen you lose. I’ve seen you fight the gods to a standstill. I have seen the fight interrupted by treachery.” She shook her head. “It is too far out to see the outcome as a certainty. There are many choices between here and there.”
“But it’s where you and Aiz want me.” I took a deep breath. “You want me to fight because you won’t.”
“Yes.” Mia dipped her head. “Because despite the chaos in the futures I see, it is always you in the winning ones. You are the one who will stand at my brother’s side and defeat the gods.”
“I appreciate the honesty at least,” I murmured, and glanced in Gita’s direction, knowing my Ekam would likely protest my next words. “Will you send my people back to Indrana?”
“No.”
“What if I refuse to help unless you do?” I asked.
“Hail.” My name was a sigh on her lips. “I want you to choose to help us, not be forced into it. We are running out of time. The galaxy is running out of time. Your people need to stay with you.”
“As leverage.”
“As reminders,” Mia countered, looking down at her hands before she looked up at me. “You said everyone you loved had died, but that’s not really true, is it? You need to be reminded there are things in this galaxy worth fighting for. Believe me, you will need the reminder.”
I hate it when the bad guys have good points, Hao whispered in my ear, and I jerked away from my brother’s ghost.
“I want you to make this choice on your own, Hail. The circumstances are not ideal, but we will make the best of them. We had planned to try to speak with you again at the party and try to convince you—to show you what would happen. Obviously, that didn’t go so well. I am sorry for the loss of your people; I know how much it hurts.”
It was hard to focus on Mia’s words as Hao’s ghost strolled around us and leaned in close to study the Shen. He looked back at me and winked.
How you always gravitated toward the prettiest and the most dangerous ones I’ll never know, he said, and I hissed.
Mia arched a delicate eyebrow. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” I gritted the word out and rubbed both hands over my eyes. When I removed them, Hao’s ghost was gone, and Mia was frowning at me. “Thank you for breakfast,” I said, and headed for the door.
Gita followed me out without a sound and we made it halfway back to our rooms before she said anything. Her voice was pitched low to prevent Hamah from hearing where he trailed behind us.
“Majesty.” The beleaguered sigh was a painful reminder of Emmory, and grief poured through me again. “You said you wouldn’t—”
“I know where this is headed, Ekam.”
“Shiva, I wish you would stop calling me that.”
“You’re my Ekam.”
“Emmory is your Ekam, ma’am.”
“Emmory is dead!” I knew we had Hamah’s attention now. Seething, I continued down the corridor and into our rooms. Johar and Alba jerked in surprise as I came through the doorway with enough force to make the door slam against the wall. “Fires of Naraka, Gita, I’m just trying to keep the rest of you safe.”
“You’re trying to sideline us. You said you wouldn’t send us away, but first chance you get you’re trying to bargain with
them by selling yourself for our lives!”
Johar raised an eyebrow at me, and I dragged a hand through my hair with a muttered curse. “It was worth asking the question.”
“Majesty?”
I only just kept myself from shouting at Fasé’s sudden interruption. Ignoring the look that passed between Jo and Gita, I strode back out the door into the silence of the hallway.
Hamah didn’t follow; instead a smaller Shen whose name I couldn’t remember took his place. I was both relieved and disappointed by the change in guard. Hamah I could have provoked into a fight. This woman behind me had far too much awe in her eyes.
My stomach was a sharp-edged mass of grief and anger all tangled together. It cut so deep I was surprised I hadn’t bled out.
You’ll keep going, ma’am, it’s what you’re good at. The rest of us die but you just push forward untouched by the chaos.
Willimet’s ghost strolled beside me down the corridor. My BodyGuard looked the same as she had before she died, crushed by a wall on Red Cliff when the king of the Saxons had attempted to kill me. The tiny, dark-skinned woman winked at me as we turned a corner and went the opposite direction, vanishing a moment later.
I didn’t know if her words were meant to be comforting or a challenge. Either way I couldn’t argue. I kept going, somehow, through some cruel twist of fate. That was what Gita and the others didn’t understand. Being near me was deadly. The only thing I had left was to try to keep them safe.
“Majesty, I need you to focus, this is difficult.”
“You think it’s difficult? You’re dead.” I shook my head and kept going, thankful when Fasé fell silent once more and my guard didn’t say a word.
The calls and sounds of fists connecting with flesh filtered down the hallway. I followed them until I came to a dead end and a wide, arched entrance.
The room had all the trappings of a bare-bones military gym: weight benches and punching bags but little else. A rack of weights in the far corner. The mats under my feet had stains on them that were decidedly old-blood in color.
Aiz and Talos fought, both Shen stripped to the waist and streaked with blood. A handful of men and women watched from the side, none of them noticing me as I slipped through the doorway.
Talos had a longer reach than Aiz, and he used it, driving his opponent back several steps. But he took one swing too many and I winced, seeing the hit before Aiz threw it.
The sound of breaking ribs shot through the air.
“D’asto,” Aiz said with a shake of his head, grinning at Talos’s muttered reply. “It was your own fault,” he continued in Indranan. “Even she saw it coming.” He jerked a thumb in my direction and six pairs of eyes swung my way.
“So much for not being noticed,” I muttered.
“Thíno Aiz notices everything, Star of Indrana,” my guard murmured.
Aiz didn’t break off the fight as I expected, but gestured to Talos and barked an order in Shen. The pair collided again, fists flying with a speed I could barely follow. My breath stuck in my lungs, clotted by an unexpected desire to be in the middle of that fight.
If I was fighting I could stop thinking for a little while. If I was fighting I could stop feeling.
It would wash away these unpleasant feelings, but at what cost, Majesty? Emmory whispered in my ear, the words like a blade carving out my heart.
Aiz caught Talos, snapping his neck with such cool precision that the gasp which tried to escape from my throat got lodged there and I stared as he lowered the Shen’s lifeless body to the mat.
7
Aiz went to a knee, touching a hand to Talos’s chest, and I watched in fascinated horror as the man came back to life.
There was no ceremony, no words. Aiz didn’t look the least bit exhausted, whereas Fasé had been wiped out both times she’d brought someone back from the dead. Aiz merely leaned in and touched his forehead to Talos’s, a smile peeking through his dark beard.
I couldn’t hear what Aiz said to him and it was probably in Shen anyway, but Talos laughed and Aiz hauled him to his feet, giving the Shen a gentle shove toward the others before crossing the room to me.
“You killed him.” I hadn’t meant to let the words out, but they found their way into the air regardless.
Aiz smirked, grabbed a towel, and scrubbed at his face. The white surface came away red and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it.
“We’re in a fight to the death, Hail. We practice like we fight.” The smile continued to play across his face as he rubbed the towel across his torso.
“You’re not the least bit winded.” I frowned at him. “You’re not injured. You brought him back from the dead and healed yourself as if it were nothing.”
Aiz’s smile grew. “Mia will answer your questions about that.” He gestured at the mats. “I was going to do this tomorrow, but the universe appears to have different ideas.”
“Do what?” I asked, still frowning.
“Mia said I should convince you to help us. She said I should be charming and explain things to you, show the ropes and see what you think. I am too old for charming and you have no patience for it anyway.”
“You’re not wrong about that.”
“I thought of something that would be more suited to us. Something that would allow us to get to know each other better. Showing you is easier than explaining it all.”
“So, what was your plan?” I asked. “Challenge me to a fight? Best two out of three has to join the campaign or you let us go?”
“I didn’t think about best two out of three,” Aiz replied with a smile, and spread his hands wide. “But the fighting part is right. It’s what I know. It’s what you need to learn. I am the best one to teach you.”
“I don’t want to fight you.”
“Liar.” He shook his head, tossed the towel to the side. “It’s written all over your face, you’re practically vibrating with the need. You’ve needed to kill someone since Earth. Here is your chance. Consequence-free.”
I felt the tone of the room shift, the other Shen suddenly watching us with interest.
He was lying. There was always a price.
“I thought you didn’t want to fight me?” It was a desperate bid to distract him, but the easy challenge had reminded me too much of Emmory and it hurt.
“I didn’t, and still don’t, want Indrana to help the Farians. I don’t want you anywhere but here.” He lifted a shoulder. “I have been waiting a very long time for this. It’s a great honor to get to fight the Star. Even greater to fight at your side against the so-called gods.”
“You want this from me without giving me anything in return,” I replied. “Send my people home safely.”
“I’m giving you something back, you just don’t want to admit it.” Aiz shook his head. “Mia already told me you asked, Hail. You need them here. My sister is right about that. What we are attempting to do, it is not easy.” He moved in on me and I backed away toward the center of the mat. “I will push you beyond what you can stand because it must be done. You need people you trust around you to balance that out.”
“You’re acting like I’ve already agreed to help you.”
“You have,” he replied. “Your heart did it already because you are the person who will put herself between the chaos and all she loves. You will stand against the tide. Sacrifice everything to see the galaxy safe. You have always made that choice and you always will.”
Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew what he was doing, that his taunting words were designed for dragging a singular response from me. I just couldn’t bring myself to care when my fury was snarling to be let out of its box. “I am not supposed to fight for you.”
“Maybe once,” Aiz admitted, and then spoke the words as if he had pulled them from my head. “You stayed out of the fight and what did it bring you? Nothing good. You and I both know a few moments of peace before the storm isn’t worth much when you can see the destruction coming.”
I scrambled for pu
rchase on uncertain footing. “You’re very good at speeches. It’s a pity I can’t trust a single thing coming out of your mouth.”
“If you fought me you’d know I was telling the truth.” He shrugged, grinning at the flat look I shot him. “You know as well as I do the best way to understand someone is to fight them. Shen fight, it’s who we are. It’s all we’ve ever known.”
“I promised your sister I wouldn’t hurt you,” I said, this time holding my ground when Aiz moved in.
“I release you from that promise.”
My blood surged with the desire to drive my fist through his throat. Johar’s warning about not letting him get to me beat it back down into a quiet whimper. “Tempting. Still not interested.”
“Come on, Empress, it’s just a friendly sparring match to start. You’ll need to learn how to fight our way to defeat the gods.” He reached out, laughing when I slapped his hand away.
“Nothing about us is friendly.”
“True, but I respect you. And I would value the chance to earn your respect in return.” Aiz tipped his head, smiled. It was a cold look. One that said he knew exactly how to twist the knife. “You want to fight. I can feel it rolling around inside you like a caged monster.” He shook his head. “Why are you resisting?”
Less violence, not more, is always an option. Dailun’s ghost whispered the words in my ear, but they were drowned out by the rush of blood in my head. Aiz was right. I wanted the fight. There wasn’t anything I wanted more in this moment.
I threw the punch without thinking. My fist connected with his mouth and Aiz staggered backward, laughter and blood flying into the air. With my rage off the leash, I rushed him, tackling him to the mat and knocking the air out of both of us.
Aiz punched me in the head with such force I don’t know how it didn’t break most of the bones in his hand and crack my skull. He didn’t react, or at least I didn’t see him react as I rolled away, my ears ringing.
I pulled myself to my feet with the help of a bench, aware that the other Shen were watching now, fully engaged but apparently without any intent to join the fight. I caught a flash of Talos’s smile as I straightened just in time to block a flurry of punches from Aiz.