Kate had said this was necessary.
Chambers had agreed it was the only way.
Xavier had returned my accusatory gaze with hardness and steel. He would do whatever it took and expected me to do the same.
Forest had said nothing, but pain had swirled in the glacial depths of his eyes.
We were all monsters, me more so than them, because I hurt the one I loved.
And I hadn’t even begun with the true depravity Clara must endure.
Chapter 30
I thought I understood My Monster.
I thought…
Never mind what I thought. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The days blended together after everything changed. Curled up in the shower with steam billowing all around me, I traced the deep lines on the back of my thighs as I recovered from our most recent session.
That was how I thought of them.
Sessions with a beginning and end.
My job was to endure until I reached the end. Nothing else mattered.
The welts raised hard lines on my legs and overlaid dark purplish-black marks from previous sessions. They formed a lattice of pain extending from my ass down the backs of my thighs.
Putrid green and blotchy yellow, some marks had faded. Others were fresher, a deep purplish red. They covered my entire body. Nothing was spared.
He used that horrible cane on me daily, laying down new lines of torment until there was more bruising than normal skin.
He only used the cane on my legs, but marks on my buttocks revealed where his hand had been. Paddles, crops, and other things I didn’t understand were used with equal abandon to decorate my flesh in a rainbow of yellows, greens, purples, reds, and even gruesome blacks.
I didn’t know what had set him off, except one moment we were discussing philosophical themes buried in The Watchmen and the next moment… Hell, I didn’t know what happened.
What I did know was that none of it felt right. His eyes didn’t flash with passion when he struck me. Instead, they filled with torment, as if hitting me hurt him. It made no sense, but I felt something break within him.
Maybe I was just insane? Maybe I needed to believe the lie?
The possibility existed.
When he wasn’t beating me, I hung in increasingly complex rope contraptions. Thankfully, I had always been limber. He forced my body into the most uncomfortable positions and I dangled in the air for him, a living sculpture of bruised flesh.
He’d just released me from our latest session. Tied into the same pose for the umpteenth time. It felt like he practiced on a handful of poses. Why he would do that escaped me, but that’s what it felt like.
Chambers rapped on the shower door.
“It’s time, Miss Clara.”
My Monster told me something special was happening. No details. Chambers remained tight-lipped about it too, but then he rarely spoke to me.
“Thank you.” I pushed off the tile floor and held back a moan.
They were taking me out of my room. I knew this because while My Monster whipped me, Chambers entered my closet and departed with a suitcase packed with everything inside.
When My Monster released me from the intricate rope work, he spoke to Chambers. ‘Get her showered and cleaned. We leave in two hours.’
Leave?
That one word had rattled around in my head for the last hour. I was going into a fresh new hell. I knew it. This would be the Others he’d warned me about.
Others, the voice in my head whispered.
Yes! I know! He won’t let them touch me.
He might.
With no one else to talk to, I resorted to conversing with myself. Most days, I didn’t like what I said during these exchanges.
Another rap on the shower door made me jump.
“You must hurry, Miss Clara. We still need to get you dressed.”
A shiver worked its way down my spine. I didn’t want to leave the security of my shower. It was the only place where I had any privacy. At least, I’d never found any evidence of a camera inside the shower.
When I exited, Chambers held out a towel. I thought nothing of being naked in front of him. My Monster had stripped me of that dignity.
I spent most of my awake time naked, either suffering through his torment or hanging as his latest living sculpture bound in rope.
As I absently dried myself, Chambers left the bathroom, giving me a moment of privacy. The door to the bedroom remained open and I didn’t dare close it. When I looked into the mirror, I quickly turned away. I didn’t know that girl anymore. Her eyes held too much hope.
Exiting the bathroom, Chambers gestured to the clothes laid out on the bed. Linen slacks and a cornflower-blue silk blouse sat to one side. A thong and lace bra sat in the middle. A white cashmere sweater and wool overcoat sat to the far right, along with gloves, a scarf, and matching beret.
A glance outside the window showed the same view I’d had for, what had it been? A month or two? I hadn’t been very good at tracking the phases of the moon, but it had been at least that long.
Chambers sat in my chair while I dressed. Oddly, with each layer I put on, I felt more exposed than when naked. It was as if, in giving me clothes, I was being sent a message about how easy it would be to take everything away.
I slipped on a pair of wool socks and shoved my feet into the mid-calf boots with a sense of finality. Chambers stood to help with the coat as I grabbed the scarf and gloves.
Perspiration beaded my brow. Dressed in so many layers, I began to sweat. No surprise, the temperature of my room had been kept suitable for a naked person, not a woman fully dressed for the chilly temperatures outside.
Chambers swept past me and let the scanner read his retina. With a whir and a click, the locking mechanism disengaged. He opened the door and gestured me out into the hall. This would be the first time I saw what was beyond my room, and I couldn’t help a surge of excitement with the chance this represented.
I could escape. There was a chance I could be free.
You’re not free, idiot.
Oh, shut up!
Couldn’t I let myself enjoy one brief fantasy?
No!
I didn’t know whether to turn left or right. Fortunately, Chambers offered his guidance.
“This way, Miss Clara.”
The opulence of the place was wasted on me. I twisted my fingers as Chambers led me down one hall and then the next. I barely noticed the rich tapestries decorating ornate rooms as he led me through and past them. Eventually, we reached a foyer, and before I knew it, we were outside in the freezing temperatures.
Snow crunched beneath my boots and the chilly air pricked at my cheeks. Tears formed, not from sadness or fear, but simply due to the intense cold. A dark SUV waited in the circular drive with its engine running. Chambers opened the door and my heart leapt to my throat.
My Monster waited for me in the back of the car. He held a phone to his ear and glanced at me with his mesmerizing eyes. My reaction was both instantaneous and confusing.
Heat bloomed in my cheeks and a smile filled my face. I clenched my fingers and bit at my lower lip. How was I supposed to greet him out here? And where was he taking me?
For a moment, a fantasy filled my mind. Maybe he was setting me free?
Not likely.
“Get in.” His cutting words burst my bubble because the chill in his voice reaffirmed the distance he had placed between us. We spent nearly every moment of every day together, yet he felt more withdrawn with each passing day.
I didn’t know whether to feel happy or sad about that, except there was a strange sense of abandonment which coursed through me. Perhaps it had been wrong to think we had connected at all.
To him, I was nothing more than a slave, something purchased for pleasure alone. Unfortunately for me, he was my world.
I scooted in beside him and pulled the shoulder strap over my body. His discerning gaze watched as I buckled myself in, then before I coul
d react, he grabbed my wrist and slapped a handcuff around it. My mouth gaped as a metallic snick snapped, but then my eyes bugged when he attached the other end of the handcuff around his wrist.
“If you think to run, my sweet Clara, I would suggest you reconsider.”
It hadn’t occurred to me at all.
A lump rose in my throat, and I swallowed against the sudden constriction. With a shake of my head, I tried to say I wouldn’t run, but we both knew the truth.
He wasn’t someone I trusted. Not anymore. Given an opportunity, nothing would keep me from running away from him. Well, at least now that he mentioned it.
“Thank you, Sir.” He’d become lax over the past few days with that requirement. I rarely called him Sir, unless he asked a direct question, but I sensed in this too, everything was changing.
Be smart!
Those were great words of wisdom. I would do whatever I could to play the game, but I would run. Given an opportunity, I would take it, but I would be smart about it.
Chambers shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side of the vehicle. The car rocked as he settled into the driver’s seat. He glanced in the rearview mirror and My Monster gave a nod.
Snow crunched beneath the tires as Chambers drove us away from the prison which had become my home. I tried to put my hands in my lap, but my handcuffed wrist dragged My Monster’s hand with it. My entire body stilled, and he let out a low laugh.
“The handcuffs are a precaution.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He turned his hand toward mine, taking it in his as he threaded our fingers together. His massive hand engulfed mine. How would I ever run from him? He was faster than me, stronger than me, and might be more determined to keep me than I was to run from him.
I couldn’t help that last part. Despite everything, there was a little piece of me which knew there was some good in him.
You’re a fool!
I know.
With my hand clasped in his, we drove down a tree lined drive. Bitter cold outside, bare trees reached toward a cloudy sky. Tiny flakes drifted down, but they were nothing more than a tease for the storm that would come.
“You’re nervous.” He shifted in his seat and placed my hand on his muscular thigh.
My thighs squeezed together. It wasn’t something I could help. Despite everything, his aching beauty spoke to my body on a primal level. Ignoring my body’s responses simply wasn’t possible. I squirmed beneath his attention and tucked my chin to my chest.
“Do I have any reason not to be?” I hoped he would return with an answer I could live with, but a deep sigh escaped him.
He released my hand, and it dangled on the side of his leg. Bound to him through the metal links, I had no escape. Even if that escape was placing a few inches of distance between our bodies.
“You have every reason to be nervous, and by the end of this you’ll understand.”
What was there to understand?
“Won’t you just tell me? What does it matter if I know now or later?”
“It matters.”
“Why?”
His brow arched and I knew I shouldn’t push, but what did I have to lose?
“Why do you want to know?” He looked genuinely confused. “When you know I’ll only bring you pain, what good does knowing do for you?”
“Everyone wants to know what’s coming.”
“You don’t want to know this.”
“Don’t presume to tell me what I do and don’t want to know.”
I crossed my arms with an indignant snort, or tried to. His hand bounced against my boob. He didn’t pull away, but then he didn’t try to cop a feel either. I didn’t understand this man who bought me but never used me in that way.
Several times a day, and I hated to admit this to anyone, I wished he would just get it over with. This constant fear of whether he would rape me or not was unbearable.
Realizing my mistake, I lowered my hands. When I put my hands in my lap, he turned his hand over and gripped my kneecap.
“Sometimes knowing something is worse than not.”
“I wish you’d let me decide.”
“I wish you’d allow me to know what’s best for you.” A wistfulness tugged at the edges of his words. It almost seemed as if he truly wanted me to trust him, but how could I?
“Are you giving me away?”
“Are we playing twenty questions?”
I gave a shrug. “If you won’t tell me, then at least tell me what you won’t do. Give me something.”
“And why should I do that?”
“Because…” I made a vague gesture and pressed my lips together as I debated the next words out of my mouth.
“Maybe I like to keep you guessing?”
“If I’m not allowed to lie to you, you shouldn’t be able to lie to me.”
“That’s not how things work between us.”
“And why shouldn’t it? You demand my honesty without giving me anything in return. Maybe if you gave me something…”
“Be very careful with the next words out of your mouth, Clara. I don’t owe you shit and you shouldn’t offer to give me anything you’re not willing to lose.”
Silence descended between us as we both considered the ramifications of what I said. Blurting it out that way may not have been the best thing on my part because it revealed too much about what I wanted. There was a growing need within me to level the playing field between us. Despite everything he did to me, I didn’t hate him.
Yes, he was brutal.
Yes, he hurt me.
But, he also listened and respected my opinions. He enjoyed spending time with me. If he didn’t, then what had he been doing all this time? A man like him had to have tons of other, more important, things to do than spend all day with his slave.
Honestly, I was getting tired of him not touching me. If we could just get that over with, then maybe I could hate him for real. This in-between place confused me.
I couldn’t forget the tenderness he showed during the worst of my withdrawal from the dreaded juice. If he was a real monster, he would have let me suffer alone, or worse. He could have kept using the drug to force me to do whatever he wanted.
But he didn’t.
“I’ve never lied to you, by the way.” He pressed his palms to his thighs. My captive wrist followed the movement. “I wouldn’t do that. You know the kind of man I am and my intentions.”
“But that’s it. I don’t know your intentions at all.”
“My sweet Clara, I have told you.” He looked not only disappointed in me, but a little sick to his stomach.
“No, you haven’t.” I don’t know why I continued this argument, but I couldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t. Not until I understood what he hid from me.
He leaned back and tilted his head against the headrest. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.
“It’s simple. I’ll destroy you.”
“I don’t believe you.” I didn’t really know what destroy me meant. There were many variations on that word. Did destroy mean he would rape me? Degrade me? Somehow break my will and turn me into a mindless slave?
Actually, that seemed the most likely option.
Did it mean he would kill me?
My blood ran cold.
“No, that can’t be it.”
“What?” He lifted his head and his stormy gaze cut down at me.
I refused to believe he would kill me.
“Nothing.”
But what if that was it? That possibility resonated too much with what he had said over the past weeks. I swallowed past the constriction in my throat and refused to believe the worst.
We drove for over an hour. I glanced out the window, caught in the tangle of my thoughts as I replayed every conversation we’d ever had in my head. What had he said to me?
Over and over, all the times he said he would destroy me flooded my mind. But how?
We pulled up to a small airport and Chambers turned of
f the main road following signs for commercial freight. I leaned forward, hampered by the cuffs, eager to look out the window.
“Where are you taking me?” I turned to My Monster expecting an answer.
He didn’t answer.
Chambers drove us to a small building and pulled to a stop. Butterflies danced in my belly as he climbed out of the car. He opened the door opposite me and My Monster exited the vehicle. Since I was attached to him through the cuffs, I had no option but to scoot across the seat and exit on his side of the car. Chambers went to the trunk and removed two suitcases.
“Come.” My Monster set off toward the building. “Say nothing.”
“Yes, Sir.”
What would happen if I shouted to those inside the building? If I yelled that I was being abducted, maybe this was my one chance.
As we stepped across the threshold, I took in a deep breath, ready to shout. When I saw the three men waiting for us, I blew out the wasted breath.
My Monster came to a stop as Chambers breezed past us.
Chambers set the luggage to the side and grinned at the men. “May I introduce my business associate, Mel Abrams.” A gruff man shoved out his meaty palm and shook with My Monster. “And this is Chad and Bay. They’ll assist with…with the next phase.” Chambers cleared his throat, covering what had to have been a slip behind his fist. “Is the plane ready?”
“Yes.” Mel responded in a gruff monotone. “All is in place, sir.” The Sir was directed not at Chambers but rather to the man who had cuffed himself to my wrist.
My Monster jerked me forward. He marched across the room and out a pair of sliding glass doors where a jet waited with a set of air stairs lowered to the ground.
I don’t know why, or what came over me, but something about that plane elicited a reaction. I yanked back, digging my heels in, and a low keening wail escaped my lips.
“No. No. No…Noooooooo!” I pulled and twisted at the handcuff, desperate to escape. The hard metal bit at my wrist, cutting into the tender flesh.
My Monster said something. I only know because his lips moved, but I didn’t hear anything over my screams. I tugged and pulled until my arm socket burned. I would have ripped my arm off if it meant I could free myself.
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