by Katie Ginger
When he turned back, Sarah’s expression changed to one of anger and pain as she walked to the front of the stage and down the steps. She met the man a few rows back. Behind him, Nate heard Gregory whisper, ‘Who’s that?’
Cecil beckoned over the short blonde. ‘Lottie, do you know who that is? I’ve never seen him before and I didn’t think Sarah was in to older men.’ The blonde bent her head to one side, considering her response.
‘I think it’s her dad,’ she said quietly. Gregory and Cecil gasped melodramatically.
Nate desperately wanted to ask what was going on. What was the big deal? From Sarah’s body language and hand movements, she wasn’t pleased to see her father. After a few angry gestures she sent him away, watching him until he left the building. All was quiet in the theatre. When she turned, tears were pooling in her eyes, making them glisten, but with a dignity that Nate had never seen in anyone before, she came back, calmly picked up her things and walked out. Lottie threw her keys at the gangly bloke. ‘Sid, can you lock up, please? I’ll see if she’s okay.’ Then she grabbed her stuff and followed Sarah out.
‘Bloody hell’s bells,’ said Gregory. ‘She’s never mentioned him, has she, Cecil?’
‘No, not to me. A no-go area whenever we’ve tried. He went away, didn’t he? Just before her mum died?’
‘Yes, well. I don’t know about you, my darling, but I need a drink after that.’
Nate nodded. ‘Sounds like a good idea.’ You didn’t have to be a genius to know that whatever had just happened wasn’t good.
For a moment Gregory was silent. ‘I was actually talking to Cecil, but you can be my darling too, young man, if you like.’ Nate laughed at his mistake and trailed them out of the theatre, all the while listening to their gossip, trying to figure out what the big deal was. The rehearsal had made him forget his own situation but as reality came crashing back, he hoped the players would stick to their word and keep his being there a secret. It seemed there was enough drama going on in Greenley-On-Sea without him making the situation worse.
Chapter 10
‘Sarah, wait! Sarah?’ Sarah slowed her pace and Lottie’s footsteps grew louder as she caught up. Though her body still throbbed with anger, she stopped. Panting a little, Lottie rested her hands on her hips. ‘What happened back there?’
The breeze blew Sarah’s hair all over her face. She hadn’t minded at first; it hid the tears misting her vision, as she held back sobs. She didn’t want to cry over her dad. He didn’t deserve it. Angrily, she pushed the strands back and held the ends down with her hand. Lottie watched her, her clear eyes kind and understanding. ‘That was my dad.’
‘I guessed.’
‘He just keeps showing up asking me to forgive him but it’s not that easy.’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘All I want is for him to leave. Why can’t he just go?’ They began walking again, Sarah needing to move to release the tension in her muscles. ‘I can’t believe he thinks it’s all so easy to fix. Like just saying sorry is enough.’
Now level with the pier, Lottie threaded her arm through Sarah’s. ‘Come on, let’s go for a walk down here.’ Turning right they headed up the long curving ramp that led to the gated entrance. A large wooden sign, battered and bruised by the weather, read, ‘Bait and rods available’. Sarah had a sudden flashback to the one and only time her dad had taken her fishing. She’d hated it. It was cold and boring and took hours and hours. As a little girl she’d spent most of the time making up dance routines and getting in the way of other fishermen, but they’d still had fun. She’d loved performing to everyone; her dad had cheered and clapped, and she’d received a few pound coins in recompense. Ben had jovially conceded that maybe fishing just wasn’t as much fun for girls and they’d stopped at the shops on the way home, where she’d bought a new outfit for her Barbie doll with the money she’d earned. Why did these memories keep popping up to complicate things? Stirring up old feelings and causing confusion.
The wind was stronger on the pier and though they had to stop now and again for a fisherman to cast his line, the walk was pleasant, calming Sarah’s temper so she could finally speak, rather than shout, at Lottie. ‘He came to my house on Friday night.’
Her head turned. ‘What did he say?’
‘He said he was sorry. That he was ashamed of himself. That it was too late for him to apologise to Mum, but he could still apologise to me.’
‘And what did you say?’ Her voice was calm and soothing. Enquiring, rather than judgemental. For so long Sarah had never imagined having a friend like Lottie and she found herself profoundly grateful she was here now.
‘I said I didn’t care.’ At this Lottie looked into Sarah’s face. ‘I know it’s harsh,’ Sarah replied. ‘But when Dad’s around it’s like there’s this monster inside me and every time I open my mouth this cruel horrible thing speaks for me. To be honest, he’s been out of my life for so long I didn’t know I felt like this about him and it scares me. I’m the worst version of myself when he’s around.’ She gazed at the horizon. ‘I thought I’d dealt with everything and moved on but … I didn’t tell you everything the other night.’ Sarah took another breath, readying herself to let out the worst bit. The bit she’d kept shut inside, the hurt was just too much. ‘Just as Mum moved to the hospice near the end, rumours started about Dad having an affair with a colleague. That’s what I can’t forgive more than anything, Lottie.’
‘God, that’s horrible.’
‘As naive as it sounds, I honestly didn’t expect him to ever try and see me again. I made it very clear I never wanted to see him.’ She turned to Lottie. ‘And now it’s brought it all back – the pain and hurt – like no time had passed at all. Please don’t think I’m a bad person.’
‘I don’t,’ Lottie replied, gently, her eyes kind. ‘Did he have an affair?’
Sarah had thought about it a lot at the time until it had torn her apart and for the sake of her health she’d locked it all away. ‘The woman worked with Dad, and afterwards I realised he’d been working late a bit more and he’d been distant at times with Mum. At first I thought it was because he was scared. Men do that, don’t they? Close down or back off. When they don’t know what to say they say nothing.’ She scoffed at her own foolishness. ‘But when I thought back, the woman had called a few times too. Dad said it was about work but all I remember is he’d laugh when he’d speak to her. When I found out that Dad had stolen, I realised he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Before I’d never have thought him capable but I got him wrong once …’ The wind whipped her hair onto her face. Now she’d unburdened herself there was a weightlessness in her mind. Lottie had listened so patiently and Sarah laughed at herself for bottling it up for so long. ‘So, in short, yeah, I believe he did have an affair.’
‘Did you ever confront the woman?’
Sarah shook her head. ‘Her marriage broke up not long after Dad went inside, and she moved away. It pretty much put the tin lid on it for me. There was no doubt after that.’
‘I’m so sorry, honey.’ Lottie took her arm. ‘I can’t believe you’ve had to deal with so much, but do you think he means it when he says sorry?’
Sarah nodded. ‘Yes, I think he does.’ That Ben was genuinely sorry had never been in doubt. His expression, his words, everything showed Sarah that he meant what he said. ‘I do think he means it, which makes it worse. When it all came out about what he’d done it was like I was dealing with a different version of my dad because the one I’d known would never steal or cheat.’ Out at sea, the vast expanse of water shimmered and glittered under the midday sun. ‘The anger inside made it easy for me to not see him as my dad anymore, but now …’ Her voice faded, unsure how to finish the sentence. ‘But now he’s back it’s like – sometimes it’s like he’s my dad again and I keep thinking about all the things we did when I was a kid.’
‘I’d have loved memories like that,’ said Lottie and Sarah felt selfish. Lottie’s parents had upped and left when she was a teenager and
hadn’t been particularly great before that. She’d lived with her nan who had sadly died the year before. Elsie had been chairman of the committee to save the theatre before Lottie and was a wonderful, if somewhat formidable, old woman. Lottie was exactly like her. ‘Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive him?’ Lottie asked.
Sarah sighed, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing on her chest. ‘I don’t know. I really, really don’t know. It just feels too much to forgive.’
‘It is a lot,’ Lottie agreed. ‘But you do need to think about how you’d feel if something happened to him.’
‘What do you mean?’ A jolt of fear broke through the anger and she looked up.
‘If he left again, as you’ve asked him to, and you never saw him again, how would you feel? Do you think you’ll feel the same when the anger’s worn off?’ Sarah stared at the ground then walked to the edge, peering over to see the waves roll up the legs of the pier, driving the salty smell into the air. She’d never thought of it like that. ‘Do you think you’ll wish you’d forgiven him or at least talked to him calmly about what happened? You know, tried to sort it out?’
Sarah’s mouth opened to automatically protest but the burning anger hadn’t flared as much this time. ‘I don’t know. I guess I’d need to think about it.’ Sarah squeezed Lottie’s arm. ‘I’m so glad I’ve got you. Thank you for listening to me.’
‘That’s what friends are for,’ Lottie said with a grin.
‘Shall we have a coffee at the café? My treat?’
‘As long as it’s an iced one. That breeze is nice, but it’s still bloody hot. And I’m sweating like a pig from running after you.’
Sarah smiled, and arm in arm they made their way to the café at the end of the pier. The walls were made of glass with views over the English Channel. The day was so clear you could see France on the horizon and ships travelling from the nearby port. The sea sparkled in the bright sunlight and a pale-blue sky was peppered here and there with big fluffy clouds like bubbles scooped up from the bath. A very sullen waitress came over and they ordered their drinks.
‘So what did you think of Nate Hardy turning up at rehearsals then?’ asked Lottie, a twinkle in her eye.
‘It was horrible.’
‘Horrible?’ Lottie couldn’t have looked more surprised.
Sarah ran her hands over the plastic table top. ‘Yes! Horrible! You didn’t have to sit next to him and recite lines. It was like taking my driving test all over again. I was sick in the footwell the first time, I was so nervous.’
Lottie giggled. ‘Bet that was nice for your examiner.’
‘He wasn’t best pleased. I think that’s partly why he failed me.’
‘You think?’ The waitress delivered their drinks and they both took a big glug of their iced frappucinos. ‘Did he smell nice?’
‘My examiner?’
‘You know perfectly well I mean Nathaniel Hunky Hardy.’
Sarah smiled. ‘He did actually. He smelt of Gregory and Cecil’s washing powder and something citrusy.’
‘Gin and tonic?’ asked Lottie and Sarah narrowed her eyes.
‘He didn’t seem like a drinker to me.’
‘Who could blame him though? Poor man.’
‘Don’t you think he’s in the wrong for cheating on his wife?’ asked Sarah, scowling.
‘Yeah, but …’ Lottie gave a half shrug. ‘Haven’t you been reading the papers? Apparently, they’ve been on the verge of splitting for months.’
‘You can’t believe the papers, Lottie.’
‘Hey!’
‘Sorry,’ Sarah replied, stirring her drink with the straw. Lottie and Sid worked on the local paper, Lottie as the photographer and Sid as the one and only reporter. Though there wasn’t much in the way of scandal in Greenley-On-Sea.
‘If you can’t believe the papers,’ Lottie countered, ‘then how do you know it’s true about him shagging the model?’
‘Why would he be hiding out here, alone, if it wasn’t true?’
Lottie considered for a moment. ‘Okay, I’ll give you that one. I’m just saying that there might be more to it than we think, that’s all. He even said as much, didn’t he?’
‘Maybe.’ Life was rarely simple, as Sarah herself was finding out.
‘Anyway, did you actually sniff him, or did he just waft near you?’ asked Lottie, leaning forwards over the table.
Sarah felt her cheeks begin to burn but happy to share the secret, she leaned in too. ‘Might have done.’
‘When?’
‘When Cecil was whispering to him, he leaned over to whisper back and I had a little sniff. You should try it if we ever see him again.’ Sarah couldn’t help the grin spreading across her face. She couldn’t believe she’d actually sat next to Nathaniel Hardy. ‘He’s really bloody handsome. I almost couldn’t look him in the face.’
‘He kept looking at you, you know.’
‘No he didn’t,’ Sarah replied, shaking her head.
‘He did, when you were reading your lines.’
‘He was probably thinking how shit I was.’ Sarah almost shuddered. It had been incredibly embarrassing but the chances were she wouldn’t see him again. Gregory said he had only come there as he’d locked himself out. He should be under house arrest.
‘I bet he thought you were good. I did.’ Sarah raised her eyebrows, sure Lottie was only trying to make her feel better. ‘I found it hard to look at him too though.’
‘Did you? Why? You were over the over side of the circle.’
‘Because,’ said Lottie, already grinning, ‘every time I did, I kept remembering when we watched that BBC thing he was in and he did that semi-nude scene.’
Sarah spluttered her drink just as she was tipping it to her mouth. ‘Oh my gosh, I remember now. That shower scene! We kept rewinding it and watching it over because we thought—’
‘We thought we could see his bits!’ Lottie and Sarah descended into hysterics. They’d been at Lottie’s – Sid was out teaching at the adult education centre – and there was a scene where Nate came out of the shower. They’d rewound it, watching it again, leaning forwards, tipping their heads as if that would help them see better. Then they’d missed a crucial plot twist because they were too busy laughing. ‘He gave us some good advice though,’ said Lottie once they’d calmed down. ‘I thought what he said was very helpful.’
Sarah nodded. ‘Me too. I’m going to re-read my lines tonight with that in mind.’
‘Did he give you any other tips? You were getting quite chatty at one point.’ Lottie was mischievously wiggling her eyebrows.
Thinking back, Sarah couldn’t believe how easily they’d talked together. Even though he was so handsome it was almost intimidating, he’d been kind and funny, and Sarah had felt strangely at ease. His eyes had softened when he’d laughed or whispered with Cecil and he was so normal. She felt a weird bubbling in her chest and admonished herself for her schoolgirl crush. She was 31, for crying out loud. ‘He was just commenting on Mrs Andrews,’ she said to distract Lottie. ‘She was on top form today.’
‘She certainly was. And what the hell was that noise she made? I thought the fire alarm had gone off.’
Sarah toyed with her straw. ‘I thought we had a ghost.’
‘Some sort of banshee?’
‘Yeah. If she does that on the night, we’ll get complaints from parents with terrified children or old people who’ve had heart attacks.’
Lottie suddenly perked up. ‘I’ve just had a great idea. I can tap him for some funding before he goes. If The Tempest doesn’t make enough money we’re going to struggle. Nate could really help and we are doing him a massive favour keeping schtum.’
‘Are we still applying for charity status?’
‘If I can get the paperwork done,’ said Lottie, rubbing her forehead. ‘There’s so much to do and the mayor’s being his usual helpful self. But if Nate could be our patron it would really help. Oh, and I wanted to show you these.’ From her huge hand
bag Lottie pulled out a programme and an A5 flyer. ‘There’d also be big posters for the frames out the front of the theatre and this is a mock-up of the programme. What do you think?’
Sarah took the flyer and studied it. She and Gregory were photographed in costume. ‘What size will this be out front?’
‘A0.’
‘Urgh, my face will be absolutely enormous.’
‘Then it’s a good job it’s such a pretty face.’ Sarah eyed Lottie over the top of the flyer.
‘Can’t we be in silhouette?’
‘No, it’ll look crap.’
‘Oh. Okay then,’ she agreed reluctantly, not relishing the prospect of a blow-up of her face being on a huge poster for everyone to see. ‘I love the programmes though.’
‘Great. I’ll get these off to the printers then.’
Sarah’s phone beeped with a message and she checked it, worried that somehow her dad had got her number. He was being quite persistent, and she wouldn’t have put it past him. But she was surprised and pleased to see it was from Finn.
‘Who is it?’ asked Lottie in concern.
‘It’s Finn,’ she said, smiling as a warm feeling replaced the depression that had settled before.
‘The sexy doc?’
‘Yeah.’ Sarah tried to read the message and keep calm but an image of his gorgeous face and curly strawberry blond hair kept popping up.
‘He is lovely,’ agreed Lottie. ‘He treated Sid’s ingrown toenail.’
Sarah scrunched up her face. ‘Eww, too much information.’