by Katie Ginger
‘And the model?’ asked Sid.
‘He was lonely,’ Sarah replied, her heart hurting thinking of how low Nate must have felt then, how alone, and she yearned to take away his pain. She’d spent a long time feeling the same way too. Feeling lonely because her mum was gone and her dad had left them, alone because she’d closed herself off from the world, then alone when she’d fallen so hard for Vince only to have her heart crushed.
Gregory also came to Nate’s defence. ‘He was desperately lonely from what we could see. And he wasn’t lying to us.’
‘No way,’ added Cecil. ‘We can tell.’
‘Poor Nate,’ croaked Lottie. ‘And poor you,’ she added, reaching out for Sarah’s hand. ‘I really liked him.’
‘Me too,’ added Conner, speaking for the first time.
‘Me too,’ Sarah replied, realising just how much. It wasn’t just some crush, it felt even stronger and more powerful than her feelings for Finn, who she still had to talk to. She owed him an explanation. All this time she’d told herself her feelings for Nate were heightened by the soap-opera-style events surrounding them both, but they weren’t. Now Nate wasn’t here, she wanted him to be. She missed him already. Missed talking to him, missed hearing his voice. The thought that he’d be hurting alone in London hurt her too. There must be something she could do to help him.
In the silence the Greenley Players watched on. Debbie still looked harsh and disapproving, Conner, sad. An idea occurred to Sarah and she turned to Lottie and Sid. ‘You’re journalists, what if I go to the papers and say it was all my fault?’
Lottie seemed confused so Sarah explained. ‘What if I act like I’m some crazy fan-girl and say I kissed him and he didn’t kiss me back?’
‘They’d leap on the story,’ said Sid.
‘But the picture?’ Lottie replied, her voice quiet and strained. She cleared her throat but it made little difference.
‘It’s as grainy as my sister’s custard,’ interrupted Cecil.
Sarah smiled. ‘Not a saying I’ve heard before but okay. Cecil’s still right and that’s the point. It’s really grainy, you can only just tell it’s me.’
‘That’s because Nate has his tongue down your throat,’ teased Sid and Lottie batted him with her script.
‘I’m not named in the article either, so they still don’t know who it is – it would be a scoop.’
‘It could work,’ said Gregory, nodding. ‘He’d still have to deal with the fall-out, but in a way, it might actually help him.’
‘How?’ asked Conner who had been lurking at the back and was even paler than usual with his hangover.
‘It’ll show people that he’s still got a fan base, that he’s still desirable in the eyes of the public. That people still want to meet him and snog him and see him naked on TV. That sort of thing.’
‘I think you got a bit carried away there, didn’t you?’ said Sid, and Gregory nodded, pretending to fan himself. Then Sid turned to Sarah. ‘If you do this, we can help find some contacts.’
‘Cecil and I will help you practise,’ added Gregory. ‘Mrs Andrews can advise on the crazy-person aspect, can’t you, darling?’
Mrs Andrews narrowed her eyes and smiled. ‘Of course. I’ve learned so much from you over the years, Gregory.’
Overwhelmed by all the support she was getting, Sarah grinned at them. For once something felt right. ‘But what about the play? This is supposed to be our first dress rehearsal.’
‘I’m sure we can miss one rehearsal,’ said Conner, giving a single nod.
‘Are you doing it then?’ asked Lottie, and without hesitation Sarah stood up.
‘Yes. Definitely, yes.’
***
Walking back into his house after four weeks away was one of the strangest feelings Nate had ever experienced. It didn’t feel like home anymore and the eerie silence he was met with made the large mews house feel empty, just like his heart. A bunch of reporters were waiting outside as his taxi pulled up but with only one small bag to deal with, he was able to get in and unlock the door without too much trouble.
As he went through to the kitchen, he noticed for the first time how bereft of colour his home was. There were period features, but all the furnishings were grey, modern and very, very expensive. The kitchen had every possible convenience and swanky gadgets, but nothing made it feel comfortable. He missed the homely feel of Gregory and Cecil’s cottage, the smell of the sea and the bright, vivacious colours of their small chaotic courtyard garden. Perhaps when he and Emma sold the house he would find somewhere in Greenley. Somewhere he could disappear to when he wasn’t filming. In his head he saw Sarah’s smile. If he moved there with his child, it would be hard seeing her then leaving all the time. He was missing her already, but he dropped his bag and forced himself to think of something else. No, Greenley was out of the question. The doorbell sounded and after a quick look through the spy hole he was relieved to see it was Robin.
Opening the door but hiding behind it so the reporters couldn’t snap him, he let Robin squeeze in through the gap. Nate had forgotten just how rotund he was and almost trapped his belly in the door. Robin, dressed in pale beige trousers and a huge voluminous shirt that made him look even shorter and rounder, pulled Nate in for a hug. ‘Come here, mate. Christ, you are one lucky sod.’
‘Me? What do you mean?’ he asked as Robin released him. The last he’d seen the papers had gone up a gear in their loathing and were pulling out their thesaurus’ to find new names to call him.
‘I don’t know how you managed it. You should have just told me she was a nut and I could have issued a statement.’
Ignoring the empty feeling in his heart, Nate said, ‘Robin, what the fuck are you talking about?’
‘The fan-girl.’ Nate shrugged. ‘The crazy lady who kissed you on the beach.’
‘Sarah?’
‘Sarah? Don’t tell me you actually talked to her?’ What the hell was he talking about? Sarah wasn’t crazy. He’d met deranged fans before, ones who tried to lick his face or pinch his bum, but she wasn’t one of them. Seeing his nonplussed reaction, Robin took out his phone, tapped and swiped at the screen for a moment before showing it to him. ‘Look. I assumed you already knew about this.’
Nate took it and read a newspaper article. He had no idea that the silly photo someone took of him last night had hit the papers but somehow it had. Sarah had got in touch with the tabloids and was acting like some loopy, psycho fan claiming to have attacked him on the beach. She was saying she’d kissed him, rather than the other way around. From the demented way Sarah had repeated herself over and over again in the article, she was acting like an absolute loon. A swirl of emotions swept around his brain in mounting confusion. Why? Why would she do that for him? He already knew that she was a lovely person but why make herself look like that just for him? Could it possibly be she had feelings for him too? Deeper feelings than he’d ever thought possible. No, it couldn’t. She was just starting to see someone. Gregory and Cecil had mentioned it in passing. She’d pulled back from his kiss the first time and the second was just a mistake. Her hasty retreat had told him so, and the way she’d marched off without looking back. But Nate couldn’t think about the kiss or the way it had rocked his body and soul, sending his heart pounding against his ribcage with a deep heavy yearning.
‘You’ve certainly got a way with the ladies,’ Robin said, then laughed to himself. ‘Anyway, this crazy lady might just have saved your bacon.’
Nate handed back the phone. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can’t tell you the amount of phone calls I’ve had this morning asking where you are, when you’ll be working again, what you’ve got lined up – people are going mad for you again. And in a good way this time. I’m being sent a million and one scripts for you to read and consider, but we can go through all that later.’ Robin’s phone rang again and he answered straight away. ‘What? Really?’ Robin moved up and down the hallway. ‘Are you joking? Danny, mate, I owe y
ou big time.’ He hung up, a huge grin on his face and let out a deep laugh. ‘It is your lucky day, fella.’
‘What now?’ Nate rubbed his forehead, pinching his temples. He had no idea what was happening. Robin’s small eyes behind large glasses pinned on Nate.
‘Hot News are breaking the story that Hannah Salgado is not, in fact, pregnant.’
Nate stared at him, unable to speak, and his tongue fell to the bottom of his mouth as a mixture of relief and disappointment flooded his system. Relief at the thought that he hadn’t created a child with someone he didn’t respect. If he was going to be a father with anyone, he’d want it to be Sarah. Wait, what? He shook his head, unsure where that thought had come from. Then disappointment struck because he’d come to like the idea of being a father, of the idea of tiny hands holding his own. ‘How do they know?’ he asked at last.
‘Her assistant’s gone on the record and exposed her as making it all up. Hannah won’t be able to deny it either. She’ll probably come up with some excuse that she just thought she was and it was a genuine mistake, but no one’s going to buy it, and in terms of public support, you’ll be the one everyone sides with.’ Robin’s balding head was becoming shiny from the excitement and his top lip had beaded with sweat. He took his handkerchief out and wiped. ‘Right, you call Emma and let her know what’s going on, try and get her to come back, it’ll look better. And I’ll get on with sorting out some of these job offers.’ Robin marched through to the kitchen and Nate heard him fill the kettle and switch it on.
Turning on the spot, Nate ran both hands through his hair and rested them on the back of his head, linking his fingers. He felt muzzy and lightheaded. In the last five minutes everything in his life had turned around. The life he thought was crumbling around him was suddenly patched back up. He knew he should be smiling. He knew he should be happy. But his face didn’t want to move and his soul felt leaden. The simple fact was when he took a step back and examined his life, there was a Sarah-sized hole and he had no idea how to fill it.
Half an hour later they were on their second cup of coffee and had moved to the living room. ‘So what do you think?’ asked Robin.
Nate threw the script down onto the sofa and checked the clock again. It had moved on by just under two minutes since the last time he’d looked. Nate wondered how Sarah was feeling now and banished the thought away. Stretching his arms above his head he moved his neck from side to side. The air-con was up high, and large floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked a manicured-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life back garden, bereft of life or character.
Robin threw his hands in frustration. ‘Don’t any of these appeal? They’re all great opportunities.’ Robin’s phone hadn’t stopped ringing or pinging with email notifications and Nate was inundated with offers both here and across the pond. Hannah would disappear back into obscurity, and Emma had said she was staying with her mum. Divorce would follow and for once, life was settling a little. All he had to do was decide which jobs he was genuinely interested in, but for some reason he felt empty and bored.
Nate was glad to be back in London among the hustle and bustle of the city but every sound rang hollow and ironically, coming back to the large, empty house felt claustrophobic. As he sat there with Robin the walls closed in on him and he found himself wishing for pebble beaches and the sea.
‘Come on, Nate. There must be something here you fancy doing. Look.’ He tossed a script over and it landed in Nate’s lap. ‘This one’s produced by Jeffrey Rolo. You’ve always wanted to do one of his films and he’s emailed to say it’s back on the table.’ Nate sighed. ‘Or this one. It’d be great to get you back into costume dramas.’
Thinking of costumes, he wondered what the Greenley Players were wearing for The Tempest. He hadn’t had a chance to see them all, only Mrs Andrews’ crazy creations. Gregory had been doing such a good job as Prospero, Nate wished he’d talked to him more and learned more about him and his time on the stage. And Cecil too was so kind and caring. He missed sitting in their garden, a glass of crisp white wine in his hand, listening to birdsong and chatting about this and that. ‘What was Gregory like back in the day?’ asked Nate to Robin’s surprise. His eyebrows were lifted high in his crinkled forehead.
‘He was great. Did you like him?’
‘Yeah. He’s a nice bloke. Cecil too.’
Robin let the papers in his hands tip towards his belly. ‘Gregory was a very good actor. If he’d have really put the effort in, he’d have made it big.’
‘What happened?’ Nate straightened a little.
‘He wasn’t cut-throat enough, really. And he was also too busy enjoying himself.’ Nate smiled. Now that, he could believe.
Actually, Nate missed all the Greenley Players, now he thought about it, and the town, and especially Mr Bennett. He wanted to go back and see all the parts of Greenley he’d missed. Take walks along the pier breathing the salty air, listening to the sea. A picture of him strolling hand-in-hand with Sarah formed in his mind. She wouldn’t stop popping up. Her laugh echoed in his brain even though she was miles away, a siren’s call to make him charge back to Greenley.
‘Nate? Nate?’ How long had Robin been calling his name? ‘Nate, wake up, fella. Come on, get your head in the game. You’re not the only one they’re looking at. Not anymore. I really don’t think you can pass up this one.’ Robin threw another script at him that landed on the floor. ‘This could be the new James Bond. And the money’s good too. In fact, the money’s great.’
Nate looked down and tried to muster some sort of enthusiasm. ‘It’s in America.’
‘So?’ Robin shrugged. ‘There’s nothing to keep you here is there? It’s too good an opportunity to miss. You turn this down now and you may never get the chance again. This is a real once-in-a-lifetime type thing.’
Picking up the script he glanced at it again. It was true there was nothing to keep him here anymore and a complete change of location might be just what he needed. A chance to move on. To forget all about the last month and everything that had happened. A niggling at the back of his mind told him something wasn’t right, but he put it down to nerves. It felt like a lifetime since he’d acted. He’d spent so long sitting around thinking, he’d forgotten to actually get on with life. Time to start making decisions again. And a fresh start in the US was about as fresh as it got. If Sarah was seeing someone else, as Gregory and Cecil had said, there really was nothing for him to stay for. ‘Okay then,’ he said to Robin. ‘You’ll make the call tomorrow?’
Robin smiled and clapped his hands together. ‘Get packing tonight and I’ll tell them you’re flying out immediately.’
***
Sarah parked just down the road from Finn’s house and took a moment to collect herself. As he hadn’t called, she presumed he hadn’t seen the news but then he probably didn’t read the celeb pages. Still, it had given her time to figure out what she needed to do and what she was going to say. It was just after lunch now, but the morning had been manic with activity. Everyone had been spurred into action finding telephone numbers and contacts, and calling like crazy trying to sell the story. Sarah had been interviewed over the phone by a few papers with Gregory by her side, coaching. She’d nearly lost her temper a couple of times as he’d been writing down things she should say, or making crazy person gestures, telling her she needed to sound more bonkers. It had been hectic and had left her with a pounding headache and a tightness at the base of her skull. It was too hot to be getting worked up like this. Even her ear was sweaty where the phone had been pressed against it for such a long time. When it was all over, everyone had disappeared to the pub, the all-important dress rehearsal abandoned, but Sarah had something more important to do and she was not looking forward to it.
Finn’s house was on a row of Victorian villas with bright white walls and beautiful architecture. As she neared, she took a deep breath before climbing the stairs to the front door. Using the large lion-shaped knocker, she banged it down. Guilt thudded through her
and squeezed her throat. It was all such a mess. She liked Finn a lot, but she’d liked Nate too – though ‘like’ didn’t seem a strong enough word to describe it.
This morning Sarah had decided she had to call it quits with Finn. She clearly wasn’t ready for their relationship. Finn had been all she’d wanted for the past year, but Nate had gone and messed everything up and she wouldn’t lead Finn on. He deserved so much more, so much better than her. And even though Nate had gone back to London and out of her life altogether, she couldn’t be with Finn while her heart longed for someone else.
When Finn opened the door, his strawberry blond hair was slightly messy where he hadn’t combed it and he still seemed half asleep. He was wearing joggers and a T-shirt that looked like it had been slept in. He was clearly having a lazy Sunday. ‘Oh, Sarah. Hi.’
‘Hi,’ Sarah said tentatively, still unsure what else she was going to say, or how she was going say it. ‘Can I come in?’
He hesitated, casting a glance over his shoulder. ‘Umm, sorry but now’s not really a good time.’
That was odd. He didn’t seem that pleased to see her and something about him was different. His normally easy, relaxed manner had gone and there was a tightness to his features and voice. Had he already read the papers but not called? God, she hated herself right now. ‘Please? It’s really important.’
With another swift glance over his shoulder, in a weirdly loud voice he said, ‘Okay. But it’ll have to be quick, I’m afraid.’ They went through to the living room and Sarah gingerly lowered herself onto the sofa. A noise from upstairs caught her attention but before she could mention it Finn said, ‘So, what’s up?’
Sarah’s stomach erupted into a fizzing mess. This was it. She wondered if Vince had ever felt this guilty and he’d gone full-on bedroom gymnastics level of cheating. She doubted it. ‘Umm, I really need to talk you about something.’ Sarah took a deep breath for courage then outlined everything that had happened, beginning with Nate appearing at rehearsals, finishing with the kiss last night. The words tumbled out at lightning speed. When she finished, unable to meet his eye she looked away. At first Finn didn’t speak and Sarah cast her eyes around to avoid looking at him. The plain cream walls of the living room were bare apart from a large art print above the period fireplace and some photos in an alcove. The painting was of a lake, the waters calm and still. The exact opposite of how she felt right now. Her fingers were clenched so tightly they were about to cramp up, but then her eyes settled on the floor at the corner of the sofa.