Step 2: Pose the question to the group and discuss for five minutes.
Step 3: Invite people to throw out responses to the large group to build a collective understanding. They suggest simply asking, “What struck you about those responses?”
This exercise allows people to connect before diving straight into content, learn about each other, and connect to the purpose of why they are there in under 10 minutes.
Why Connections Matter to Businesses
There’s a very, very good reason why the popularity of Netflix soared right out of the gate—and it wasn’t because people didn’t have the energy to drive to Blockbuster for their TV-binging needs. It is because Netflix builds a personal-feeling relationship with its customers. It remembers what you watched, where you left off, and recommends other shows that you might enjoy. That’s no accident: it’s an example of the membership economy, and Robbie Kellman Baxter (PeninsulaStrategies.com) literally wrote the book on it.
Robbie found that organizations like Netflix, LinkedIn, Spotify, and Amazon have valuations that are 5 to 10 times that of their transactional counterparts because they’ve built relationships with their customers.16 For them, membership is a mindset; it’s about giving new customers value right away and continuing to provide value for the long term. She explains, “The companies that can tap into serving customer needs and building relationships will win.” Many of those needs align with Maslow’s hierarchy: the need to mitigate risk, feel a sense of belonging, and be recognized for your contributions. Proof positive that connections matter to customers: the subscription industry has been growing at 200% annually since 2011, according to the Harvard Business Review.17
It works in reverse too. A lack of relationship or poor customer-service experience results in the loss of business and repeat clientele. We all have those companies we’ll never buy from again, based on how they treated us in the past or something that doesn’t quite sit well with us in the present. For me, it’s a certain cellphone company that, no matter what, I’ll never do business with. It doesn’t matter how good a plan or how great of a free phone they offer; the hours and hours of my life spent dealing with their less-than-pleasant customer service department is time I will never get back.
We have each experienced a business that tells you what it can’t do for you. And likewise, we all know of shops that may be more expensive, but focus on what they can do for you. Some people have shared reasons for a company or product boycott far more significant than mine; they support a cause you disagree with, they test their products on animals, and some source their materials from regions that use child labor. Whatever the reason, the result is the same: a strong sense of unwillingness to interact or support their business in any way.
I know you are reading this thinking about a store or company that you feel this way about. Maybe you are reliving the experience and feeling fired up. On the flip side, there are likely companies that you absolutely love. I am pretty loyal to United Airlines, despite the reputation challenges they have faced. It started because of their hub being close to home, and the frequent flyer miles helped. But what really has me a fan is the experience I have when I call.
When I call from my phone number, they know without authentication who I am and pull up all my reservations. I called once trying to change my flight which I originally booked through a third-party website. Well, I didn’t read the fine print and apparently my ticket did not allow any changes, not even for a fee. Without passing me along to the next person to say no, the customer service representative placed me on hold, spoke to her supervisor on my behalf, and came back and gave me the great news: I was getting home earlier and without being charged a fee! It is just the most recent example of how the airline has helped me navigate travel challenges. I don’t have any status on the airline, yet they still help me. As a result, I always try to fly United.
If you are trying to figure out if you are a relationship-based business, think about your business model. Robbie describes two ends of the spectrum as handcuffs versus magnets. With handcuffs, a company forces you to stay with long-term contracts and penalties. These organizations build loyalty by locking people in. Magnets like Netflix are proud of the fact that even though members can cancel anytime, most of them choose to stay. Who do you think wins in the long run?
Trust Trumps All
Relationships are just as critical in the nonprofit world. According to a study done at Columbia University’s teachers college, trust in the organization is the single biggest factor in determining if a person will donate. Trust level outweighed other factors—such as income, race, gender, education level, and the worthiness ascribed to a cause—as a predictor of their willingness to give.18
For anyone who has ever made an online purchase after reading five-star reviews, it is not surprising to know that 85% of people trust online reviews, based on the 2017 consumer review survey.19 Trust is even stronger with a known source: 92% of consumers trust referrals from people they know.20 It only takes reading between one and six online reviews for the majority of people to form an opinion about a product. Verified reviews allow potential consumers to get a sense of a company’s trustworthiness and how they treat their customers. It makes it much easier to figure out which businesses to avoid, saving consumers time and hard-earned money, two very precious resources.
Great organizations are finding ways to build relationships and trust. Donors Choose (DonorsChoose.org) is a great example. Charles Best, a former history teacher in the Bronx, was spending his own money on supplies for his students and figured there must be people out there willing to help. He founded the nonprofit, which allows the giver to decide which teacher’s project they want to share their money with, based on whatever data they choose: their interests, passions, location, even the teacher’s surname. What he found was that the transparency of knowing exactly to whom and where your donations were going increased giving manifold. The organization further reinforces the trust in the organization by doing the purchasing on behalf of the teachers. A donor never worries the money isn’t making it to the students. Transparency leads to trust.
Relationships Impact Employees and Productivity
In their quest to build the perfect team, Google learned the number-one characteristic of a high-performing team was the degree of “psychological safety” in that team. The term was coined by Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson, meaning “a sense of confidence that the team will not embarrass, reject, or punish someone for speaking up. It describes a team climate characterized by interpersonal trust and mutual respect in which people are comfortable being themselves.”21 This trust is largely built and established through personal connections.
Rebecca Friese Rodskog, cofounder of FutureLeaderNow (Future LeaderNow.com), which consults on creating future-thinking workplace cultures, found a shift away from a hierarchy-centered organization—popular coming out of the Industrial Revolution and even into the ’80s—to people-focused or networked organizations. “There’s a recognition that work is no longer so discrete that you can just assign bits of the process to people and ask them to execute [it],” she shares. “Work is getting done through relationships and influence, and those individuals with the best relationships are getting the most work done and having the most success in their careers.” She has discovered that organizations that cultivate relationships within their staff are the most productive and; frankly, considered better places to work, resulting in the ability to hire the best people with ease. Her client, Kronos, a 40-plus-year-old technology company, focused on people strategy and genuinely caring about those relationships. As a result, they found themselves on the Glassdoor Employees’ Choice Awards Best Places to Work list for the first time in 2018. “One of the main tenets of their culture is people over process,” she explains. “They value the connections and the support of each other over hierarchy and process and believe deeply that this is the key to their success.” T
he data backs it up; according to research by the Temkin Group, 93% of engaged employees try their hardest at work. 22 Relationships result in a better bottom line.
Mindset Mission
Create a Culture of Connection
Michael Lee Stallard (MichaelLeeStallard.com) is an expert on how human connection in cultures affect the health and performance of individuals and organizations. In his bestselling book Connection Culture, Michael describes three types of cultures you need to be aware of and how each affect your health and performance.
Culture of Control: People with power, control, and influence rule over the rest.
Culture of Indifference: People are so busy with tasks that they don’t take time to connect and build supportive relationships.
Culture of Connection: People feel a bond of connection to their supervisor, colleagues, organization, and its constituents.
Not surprisingly, cultures of control and indifference make people feel disconnected, left out, or lonely. These cultures drain the energy and enthusiasm out of its people. The connection culture benefits organizations by boosting employee engagement, strategic alignment, quality of decision-making, and innovation, and it therefore provides a performance advantage. According to Michael, a connection culture is created when leaders communicate an inspiring vision, value people, and give each person a voice. Michael provides ideas for each concept, vision, value, and voice so you can create and reap the rewards of a connection culture.
Vision: Create a mission or values statement that makes people feel proud. The statement should be a guiding principle for internal and external interactions and decision-making. A great example is Costco’s “Do the right thing.” The company is consistently listed as one of the best large-company employers in America.
Value: Value exists when people are treated as human beings and individuals. Leaders can show they value people by taking the time to get to know their team, their work history, and what helps them perform best. Find out their career goals and try to align their work so that it advances them toward their goals. Get to know their background and interests outside of work.
Voice: Voice exists when the ideas and opinions of others are sought and considered before decisions are made. This reflects humility and honesty. Often the best ideas are from those closest to the work and the issues.
By communicating an inspiring vision, valuing people, and giving each person a voice, you too can bring out the best in people, individually and collectively, to accomplish great things.
Whether for personal reasons or to advance your career, connections undoubtedly make things happen faster, more easily, and often with a better outcome. This book itself is a testament to the power of connections, because it’s filled with expert advice from my own network—and my network’s network. Take Malcolm Gladwell, for example. I wanted to quote him and looked on various social media platforms, tweeted him, but got no reply. I thought about reaching out to his publicist or book publisher, but first I asked my trusted network and one of my contacts gave me his email. I reached out and he responded within a day. Rather than having to hunt high and low, I was able to go directly to him, thanks to my connections. This is what I mean when I say they make things happen faster, more easily, and often better. They do! And they can do the same for you.
Refresh Your Memory
Connections makes things happen faster, more easily, and often give you a better result than without them.
Connecting is important to you because connections can help you get a promotion, plum assignment, or new job; 85% of jobs come from who you know.
Businesses need relationships. People are four times more likely to buy when referred by a friend.
Connected people are happier at work and beyond. Relationships advance your impact and innovation.
Trust is critical to organizations. Relationship-focused businesses, such as in the subscription industry, have been growing at 200% annually since 2011.
Likability Enables Connection
“Basically, likability comes down to creating positive emotional experiences in others... When you make others feel good, they tend to gravitate to you.”
Tim Sanders
Likability and connection are, well, connected. Likability enables connection and is often the foundation for lasting connections. In my book The 11 Laws of Likability, I delved into ways to fully engage the power of likability, illuminating what it is and how it works. We are all, obviously, different, and that’s a fact to be celebrated and embraced. What makes each of us likable is distinct to us. But the basic drivers of likability are the same for everyone, and that’s what my book discovered. It gives an in-depth look at each of the 11 “laws” of likability, breaking them down to show how they function in both business and social settings and how to fully incorporate them into your life.
Because likability and connection are intrinsically linked, I provide a summary of need-to-know background on each law of likability below. If you want to read further, you can pick up a copy of the book, but it’s by no means necessary. With the exception of the stories told, everything you need to know to understand the references to likability and connection made in this book is included in this chapter. If you’ve recently read The 11 Laws of Likability, you may choose to jump to chapter 3.
The 11 Laws of Likability
1. The Law of Authenticity: The Real You Is the Best You
Authenticity is who you are—your honest reactions, your natural energy. Sharing what is real about you is the key to building real relationships with others. When you show your authentic self, people will respond in kind, which lays the bedrock for mutual understanding, connections, and growth. The Law of Authenticity is about being your true self. Authenticity is about being your natural self both to yourself and to others. It is woven into all of the other laws and it is the keystone to likability—the most essential tool for forming real connections.
Be Your True Self: The “right” way to be is what feels right for you, whether that’s leaving an event early or staying all night, being the life of the party or mingling in smaller groups. Do what feels authentic, and people will respond positively.
Make the Connections You Want to Make: The relationships you genuinely care about are the ones that will form the strongest network you can build.
Do It, Reframe It, or Delete It: Understand your choices and adjust your attitudes to reflect your authentic self. When there are things you Have To or Should Do, convert them into things you Get To or Want To do by finding what feels real in them. If there any Have Tos or Shoulds that aren’t imperative, delete them. You have choices!
When You Need to Fake It, Make It Real: Find the good in difficult situations or personalities, which allows for more productive and positive interactions.
2.The Law of Self-Image: You Have to Like You First
To make meaningful connections in an authentic way, you have to project the best parts of your true self. In other words, before you can expect others to like you, you have to like you. Many of you are aware of your basic strengths and can often exude confidence in a variety of situations, but even the most self-assured among you have moments of self-doubt. Take time to assess your value and strengthen your self-image by connecting with what you know you can contribute.
You Believe What You Perceive: Just as the ways you perceive other people become your reality about them, the ways you perceive yourself become your reality about you.
Be Nice to Yourself: This isn’t just a warm fuzzy idea, it’s scientifically grounded. Positive self-talk paves the way for authentic productivity and success.
Change Your Tune: Convert self-talk from negative to positive by reminding yourself regularly of your genuine accomplishments, reframing obstacles or challenges by creating clarity about your intended outcomes, and celebrating each step of the way.
Fake It ’til You Mak
e It Real: Acting as if you have already changed your thinking or achieved a desired goal is a powerful way to grow accustomed to new thought patterns and strategies. Keep acting “as if” until you have fully absorbed them and made them real.
3.The Law of Perception: Perception Is Reality—Yours and Theirs
Whatever impressions a person gathers of you, as they consciously or unconsciously interpret your words and actions, become their reality about you. What we perceive is what we believe to be true.
Each person has their own experiences and understands people based on their own realities. Their perception is right. The Law of Perception focuses on the realities of how others see us and the impressions you make when you first meet people. In order to understand the Law of Perception, you must also understand the sub-law of first impressions. We human beings love to be right. First impressions are critical. It is the first experience I have of you and it’s how I will most likely experience you on future occasions.
The Sub-Law of First Impressions: It is much easier to make a good first impression than to change a bad one. Do it right the first time.
We Create Our Perceptions: Just as we create first impressions, we create the perceptions based on them. Be your authentic self to transmit that to others and impact their perceptions of you.
Know Your Style: Learn your dominant communication style, and pick up on the styles of those around you to create effective perceptions and avoid misperceptions.
The Connector’s Advantage Page 3