by Ian Todd
“Naw, they won’t. It jist means we’ll hiv tae sit wae the gear fur a wee while longer than usual. In fact, when ye think aboot it, it’ll create a demand that we kin take advantage ae later oan. Gie the discos in the toon centre a month tae six weeks withoot any coke being available oan a Friday and Saturday night and we’ll be able tae name oor price…jist so long as Jake disnae snort it aw away in the meantime,” Simon added, as everywan looked across at Mr Saville Row and smiled. “And anyway, it shouldnae interfere wae Baby’s hash-train wae the school buses. Aw that gear is shifted through oor ain networks. Ah say we keep well oot ae whit’s happening till we see which way the wind’s blowing wae they bizzy basturts. Whit Wan-bob and that crowd ae his gets up tae, his fuck aw tae dae wae us. The last thing we need is tae get drawn intae aw that shite, especially efter that bit ae business across in the Woodside Road. As well as rearranging some business across tae Baby, me and Tony will be affloading some other stuff amongst youse as well, until we see the lay ae the land.”
Simon’s accumulation ae dosh wis always being speculated oan and he could see the tills in some ae the heids kerchinging.
Nice wan Simon, Tony thought tae himsel, pleased that others wur taking the sweeteners oan board.
“Ah still say we should take advantage. We’ll never get another chance as good as this, so we won’t,” Snappy bleated.
“Aye, well, point taken, Snappy,” Simon hit him wae, attempting tae wrap things up, as Baby, Ben and Peter smiled, while Snappy, Jake and Pat, nosedived intae a huff.
“So Tony?” Peter asked oan behalf ae them aw, sounding cheery.
“As Simon his jist said, we sit tight. Ah agree wae Baby. They basturts will be watching The McGregors and us like fucking hawks, so they will. If anywan is gonnae get caught dipping their dicks where they shouldnae, it isnae gonnae be us.”
“So, ye think The McGregors will try and get in there then?” Jake asked, pursing his lips, clearly no hivving thought ae that scenario.
“Ah’m no sure…probably. Whitever happens, we need tae keep everything above board oan oor part. So, noo that we’ve goat aw that sorted oot, we need tae find oot whit The McGregors ur up tae. That means trying tae track any ae their movements oan this side ae the river, especially in the toon centre. Baby, that’ll be your task o’er the next few days, alang wae taking o’er some ae Simon’s stuff.”
“Okay, bit Ah’ll probably be following in the footsteps ae Wan-bob’s crowd who’ll be oot and aboot daeing the same.”
“Aye, bit it’s important that Wan-bob or Charlie don’t find oot that we’re sniffing aboot. We don’t want tae gie them an in that we’re up tae something.”
“Bit Ah thought ye jist said we wurnae?” Snappy asked, looking aboot tae see if it wis jist him.
“Don’t worry, Ah know who tae talk tae oan the doors. They might be oan the payroll, bit maist ae these guys hate that fucking pair mair than youse,” Baby replied, as everywan ignored Snappy’s attempt at resurrecting the earlier discussion they’d moved oan fae.
“So, whit ur ye saying, Tony?” Snappy continued.
“Whit Ah’m saying, is that Ah don’t want any ae youse fucking aboot wae whit’s gaun oan jist noo, especially in light ae Simon and Ben’s carry-oan wae that prick McCaffrey. Everywan in the toon knows Simon and him wurnae the best ae pals. The plods will be eliminating their prime suspects and we’re bound tae be oan the list somewhere.”
“Well, remember, we hiv a wee bit ae business tae take care ae alang oan Springburn Road coming up, so we hiv. Ye’re no saying we should put that oan hold, ur ye?” Ben asked him.
“Look, Ah’m no asking youse tae take a fucking holiday, fur Christ’s sake. Aw Ah’m saying is tae cool it a wee bit until we see which way the wind’s blowing. Fur the next wee while, we’ll hiv the bizzies oan wan side and Wan-bob’s crowd oan the other. As Baby’s jist said, there’s a lot mair shit still tae hit the fan. Oh, and another thing, in case Ah furget, watch oot whit ye say in front ae the lassies. That Michelle wan’s stirring up the shit big-time against Graham Portoy efter she phoned that wee procurator fiscal up the other morning there at her flat, only tae discover Graham wis shagging her. Christ, she’s even convinced Kim Sui that nowan in Graham’s firm’s tae be trusted,” Tony cursed, looking across at Jake and Peter in particular and showing the first sign ae being irritated since he’d arrived, as everywan laughed.
“Aye, well, Ah’ve gied up,“ Jake admitted. “Wance Michelle gets something intae that heid ae hers, she’s like a wummin possessed, so she is. Whit is it wae that crowd? Ah’ve telt her straight. Whit Graham Portoy gets up tae and who he’s humping, his goat fuck aw tae dae wae any ae us.”
“Aye, bit that’s jist a smoke-screen,” Peter butted in. “According tae Jean, Senga’s turned against that wee tasty lawyer, the wan Simon’s goat the hots fur, whit’s her name…”
“Elspeth Jefferson…” Simon chipped in, smiling.
“Aye, her. She’s the wan who’s being gieing the campaigners legal advice oan that wee nurse’s behauf that Wan-bob and Charlie Hastie ur up fur. Jean says that Senga and Geraldine Baker telt her that she’s been drapped fae anymair involvement in the campaign.”
“Whit, aw because the senior partner in the firm wis hinging oot ae that wee poisoned dwarf, Glenda Metcalfe? Bit stiff that, is it no?” Snappy slung in.
“Aye, it wis…seemingly,” Jake quipped tae mair laughter. “The wee saucy trollop.”
“According tae Jean, there’s confidence issues.”
“Confidence issues?”
“Trust…they don’t trust her anymair since they discovered Graham’s dirty wee hide the sausage sessions. Seemingly, Senga’s poisoned everywan against using Simon’s new girlfriend.”
“Whit Graham Portoy gets up tae his fuck aw tae dae wae us,” Simon reminded them. “The fact that this Elspeth wan jist happens tae be attached tae the firm seems bloody petty tae me. According tae Donna The Prima Donna, she gied that wee nurse’s crowd good advice. Why take it oot oan her? And jist so everywan’s clear, Ah don’t fancy her…in fact, Ah’ve never even spoken tae her.”
“Is she no the wan that’s been clocked oot and aboot oan a Friday and Saturday night wae some undertaker wae a bad limp?” Ben wondered oot loud.
“She’s single, ya jealous prick, ye,” Simon reminded him.
“Fuck, ye seem tae know an awful lot aboot her fur somewan who hisnae spoken tae her,” Pat smirked.
“Anyhow, Jake, jist you make sure that Michelle knows that oor part in whit’s been gaun oan his played oot and that whitever her and that mad bunch get up tae fae noo oan in, his fuck aw tae dae wae us. Johnboy’s oot, which means so ur we. Right then, unless anywan’s goat anything else, Ah’ve goat a wee bit ae business Ah want tae try and take care ae the day,” he said tae them, nodding across tae Baby, indicating that he wis needed behind the wheel.
“Aye, well, Ah still think youse ur aw making a big mistake, so Ah dae,” Snappy retorted, as everywan laughed, heidin fur the door.
Chapter Five
“Where the hell hiv you been?” Wan-Bob scowled, looking up, as Charlie picked up the paperback book, The Atalian Job, aff ae the slate flair, as the cell door banged shut behind him.
“Whit, ye hivnae finished this awready, hiv ye?” his cellmate and right-haun man asked, throwing the book back tae its owner before he stretched oot oan the iron bed wae the lumpy horsehair mattress and brick-hard pillow across fae him.
“Naw, it’s shite. Ah thought the film wis guff, bit the book takes the biscuit, so it dis.”
“Aye, Ah never could staun that false cockney prick, Michael Caine.”
“Ye’re only supposed tae blow the bloody doors arrff!” they baith chimed thegither in a cockney accent, before bursting oot laughing.
“Aye, that wis the only slightly funny bit in the whole ae the fucking film. And, as fur that fucking Noel Coward? Whoever thought ae casting that poncie prick as a gangster needs their fucking heid looked at,
so they dae.”
“Mr Bridger.”
“Whit aboot him?”
“Noel Coward. Did he no stroll aboot in the nick wearing a silk evening gown while aw the screws wur running aboot efter that suave arse ae his?”
“Look, don’t remind me or Ah won’t get back intae this shite,” Wan-bob scowled again, peering at the cover. “Ah mean, who ever heard ae some Mr Big getting special treatment in a dump like this, eh?”
“Two in a cell?”
“Eh?”
“You and me, here oan the bottom flair ae C Hall oan a capital charge? We urnae supposed tae be locked up in pairs,” Charlie reminded him. “Look at the rest ae the condemned oan either side ae us.”
“Ah’d hardly call you and me being locked up thegither in the same cell special treatment. Christ, Ah widnae want tae come across their crap treatment, if this is the special deal.”
“Kin ye remember The Big man used tae stroll aboot that flat ae his in a silk dressing gown in the 60s, back in the Toonheid?”
“He still dis across in Spain. His favourite wis the Paisley pattern wan wae the tear in the arse ae it,” Wan-bob said, as the pair ae them chuckled.
“Ah wis next door in D Hall hivving a wee tour.”
“Oh?”
“Unbelievable, so it wis.”
“Whit wis.”
“The hinging cell.”
“Whit hinging cell?”
“The gallows where they hung big Shuggie Thompson fur shooting that Charlie Henderson back in the early fifties doon in Dundas Street. The stupid basturt insulted that sister ae his by calling her a fat cow in Reid’s, in front ae everywan. Dae ye no remember?”
“Of course Ah remember…Ah went oot wae her fur a while…before she goat fat. Aye, she wis a lippy basturt as well. Couldnae keep that tongue ae hers in her heid…wid get ye bloody hung, so she wid,” Wan-bob said straight faced, before they baith cackled. “Ach, we shouldnae laugh. He wis awright, wis big Shuggie. Being a war hero, he wid’ve probably goat a reprieve if he hidnae tossed a mug ae hot tea across the governor’s face fur his cheek a few days before they topped him.”
“Anyhow, Ah goat the grand tour, so Ah did. It’s up oan the second flair at the far end ae the hall. They even widened the end ae the gallery because the condemned cell sat opposite the hinging shed, so they did.”
“So?”
“So, they’d tie the condemned’s hauns behind his back in his cell before they frog-marched the poor basturt across the landing wae a screw haudin each erm ae his. Ye widnae get three people walking three abreast at the end ae the gallery in oor hall.”
“Aye, Ah suppose. Ah heard that that wee Manual prick shot across that landing so fast, he practically left the escort and Pierrepoint behind, he wis that eager. Ah widnae hiv minded tae hiv witnessed him popping doon through the flair, the sick wee basturt. So, whit’s it like then?”
“Basically, two or three cells knocked intae wan, wae a big wooden beam slung across the middle ae it. The trap door oan the flair is bigger than Ah imagined it tae be. They’ve used two doors, the size ae yer ordinary kitchen or living room doors, side by side as the trap. Basic, bit lethal. There’s bird shit aw o’er the place. Wan ae the wee panes ae glass up oan the windae is broken. It widnae take much tae put the place back intae operational mode though. Ah goat taken doon tae the drap-cell underneath the trap doors tae. Much the same set-up as above, only this wan his a slab where they examined their work efter letting it dangle fur up tae twenty minutes.”
“So, why the fuck wis Ah excluded fae the wee tour then?”
“You wur too busy talking, while this wee pompous upstart ae a senior screw asked me if Ah fancied a wee tour. It wis obvious the prick wis trying tae ingratiate himsel in wae me.”
“Ye could’ve gied me a shout, ya tosser, ye.”
“Ah’ll gie him a shout the morra and get him tae take ye roond.”
“Furget the morra. Tell him Ah’ll take a tour, bit Ah’ll save it up fur when Ah’m bored shitless,” Wan-bob said, looking aboot. “We’ve goat a hunner and twelve days ae this shit, so we hiv.”
“A hunner and eight.”
“Ye know whit Ah mean.”
“It looks like the efternoon break in the yard his arrived…wowee!” Charlie coughed, staunin up, as the sound ae doors getting unlocked and opened reverberated aboot the landings as some screw’s tackety boots drew nearer tae their cell.
“All present and correct, Mr Blank,” the wee SO, who’d taken Charlie oan the tour, bawled fae the far end ae the hall.
“Right, move them oot…single file, lads, single file,” Chief Blank reminded the untried prisoners shuffling towards him and Principle Officer Johnston, staunin observing the flotsam, at the gate ae the hall. “Hoi youse! Aye, youse, ya pair ae haufwits, ye. Whit did Ah jist say, eh? Single file!” he bawled.
“Oh, er, that’s Wan-bob Broon and Charlie Hastie, Mr Blank,” PO Johnston turned and whispered intae the chief’s ear.
“Eh?” the Chief yelped in fright. “Why the fuck did ye no point them oot tae me before Ah opened that gub ae mine, Mr Johnston?” The Chief hissed fearfully, as the two gangsters, wae three henchmen following in their wake, sauntered past wae their hauns in their pockets, side by side, gieing The Chief a steely stare oan the way past.
Chapter Six
“Aw present and correct, Mr Blank,” the Medical SO said tae The Chief, staunin there in his white coat, nodding through the glass windae towards the three nervous, frightened-looking untried prisoners, sitting huddled roond the table, playing cards in the middle ae the room.
“Whit wan’s McPhee…The Stalker?” PO Johnston asked.
“The wan sitting by himsel at the far end ae the room, staring intae space.”
“Aye, he disnae look like an inspector, dis he? Mair like some auld jakey.”
“His he been mixing wae his co-accused?” Chief Blank asked.
“Naw…no that we’ve noticed.”
“So, whit’s this complaint aboot?”
“He claims that when he bit in tae whit he thought wis a nice wee lump ae beef in his soup yesterday, it turned oot tae be a lump ae shite.”
Silence.
“And wis it?” The Chief eventually asked, looking towards the untried inmate, as the other three prisoners, aw resembling condemned criminals, followed his stare.
“Well, it certainly wisnae beef, no in the soup that’s offered up in a place like this, that’s fur sure,” The SO sniggered, eliciting a few wee smiles fae the braids.
“And the others? Why is he no sitting wae them?”
“Ah’m no sure. They hivnae fallen oot, fae whit Ah kin gather. He’s been like that since his arrival fae the special sitting ae The Sheriff Court oan Saturday morning wae the two sergeants and Wan-bob Broon and Charlie Hastie. He dis look a wee bit withdrawn, so he dis.”
“So, ye don’t think that sweaty putty pallor ae his is his normal then?”
“We think he might be a suicide risk.”
“And whit precautions ur we taking?”
“Jist the usual…keeping him under observation. Alang wae him, there’s another polis inspector…Bare. He’s oan oor watch list as well.”
“Whit wan’s he?”
“The wan sitting in the middle ae the other two, trying, bit failing, tae look like Elvis Presley.”
“Is that the wife murderer?”
“Aye.”
“And the other two…Ah take it they’re the infamous Gruesome Twosome?”
“That’s them.”
“Well, they don’t look too gruesome tae me, so they don’t,” The Chief growled, puffing oot that coloured medallion ribbon encrusted chest ae his.
He wis always quick tae point oot tae unknown victims who hidnae awready heard, that he wis wance a screw in Spandau Prison jist efter the war, guarding aw the famous German Nazi War Criminals. The fact that aw the other screws throughout the prison system knew fine well that he’d sat oan his arse in wan ae the watchtowe
rs, well away fae where they’d kept Hess and Speer fur his twelve-month deployment, wis neither here nor there. He wore the special Spandau Veterans Club issue ribbon ae black red and yellow wae unashamed pride.
“Well, Ah widnae be fooled, looking at them. That pair ae dirty basturts hiv kept us guys in overtime fur the past twenty odd years efter setting up people whether they wur innocent or no. Their reputations hiv certainly gone before them.”
“So, back tae the shite in the soup?”
“Whit aboot it?”
“Whit ur we gonnae dae tae make sure that it disnae happen again?”
“We don’t hiv the manpower tae check everything that comes oot ae the kitchens. They’ll jist hiv tae take their chances, alang wae the rest ae the child stoat-the-baws and granny shaggers that ur banged up oan the bottom flair ae D Hall. If we wur tae staun here taking oot every suspicious looking greaser floating aboot in their bowls, the food wid be cauld before they goat tae eat it,” The Medical SO pouted.
“Aye, Ah suppose,” The Chief reluctantly agreed. “Bit we’re gonnae hiv tae look efter this four. The Governor and The Department in Edinburgh hiv categorised them as High Profile Prisoners between noo and the end ae their indictment when they go up tae The High Court. They’re only four days in tae their hunner and twelve days remand. If any herm should come tae The Stalker and The Gruesome Twosome during that period, it’ll no only be ma baws that’ll get nailed tae the mast.”
“Aye, well, Mr Blank, Ah widnae worry. That three and the wife murderer will be up here in the hospital wing fur the duration ae their remand period. Nothing will be allowed tae happen tae them under ma watch. Ye kin sleep in yer bed at night knowing that Ah’m in charge up here, so ye kin,” The SO assured The Chief confidently.
Chapter Seven
“Whit’s wrang?” Jean asked The Sarge, efter gieing the two bearded students the wance o’er, as they strolled past the closemooth oan the other side ae the street, as she turned doon the crackling radio in the unmarked car.
“Nothing.”
“So, why ur we sitting here insteid ae heidin up the stairs then?” The Detective Constable asked, peering across at Collette James’s closemooth, at number forty three Lawrence Street, across in Hillheid.