Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge.

by Tricia O'Malley

  “Love the shirt,” Elizabeth proclaimed.

  “Thought you’d like that,” Tess laughed. She’d taken a last-minute shopping trip the day before and had picked up a t-shirt that boldly proclaimed It’s not me, it’s you.

  “Are you sure you want to go on this trip?” Elizabeth asked, studying Tess’s face, concern in her pretty blue eyes.

  “Yes. I filed for divorce.”

  “Ah, sweetie, I’m so sorry. I know that had to have been a tough choice.” Elizabeth hugged her once more.

  Tess leaned into the hug. This was the response she had been looking for from her sister, she realized. Not someone telling her what to do, or accusations that she hadn’t worked hard on her marriage. All she’d wanted was for Vicki to acknowledge that Tess had the right to make her own choices in life. Mistakes or not, this was her life.

  But then, you can’t choose your family, Tess thought, and shrugged it away.

  “It was a tough choice. It is. But it’s the right one,” Tess said as their flight was called.

  “In that case – ready to go?”

  “More than ready. Get me outta here!” Tess laughed. Deep down, that was the only thing she really wanted to do – run away and keep running.

  “Care to share a taxi?”

  Tess beamed at the cute guy with his arm in a sling who waited in the taxi line outside the Key West airport. It wasn’t uncommon to share taxis here, and Tess was feeling a little carefree and loose from the rum punch they’d been greeted with upon arrival at the tiny airport.

  “Sounds great,” Tess said, smiling widely. She’d been smiling a lot lately, she realized. Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

  “I like your shirt,” Cute Guy said as the taxi driver loaded their bags, and Elizabeth climbed in the front seat, leaving Tess and Cute Guy in the back.

  “Thanks. I just filed for divorce yesterday,” Tess explained and then blinked when Elizabeth slapped her palm to her forehead. Both the taxi driver and the cute guy grinned at Tess.

  “Did you now? Key West is the perfect place to come then,” the taxi driver observed, eyeing Tess appraisingly in the rearview mirror.

  “I certainly hope so,” Tess said.

  “You’d be surprised how many people come down here to reboot their lives. It’s like someone pressing the do-over switch and then they leave here, ready to move forward. Or some stay… and this is their new life.” The taxi driver chuckled. “I’m one of them myself. I used to work in the mailroom back in Pittsburgh. One too many winters and I’d had it. Hightailed it to the Keys and haven’t left. Be careful, girly, or this place will suck you right in. Which is great if that’s what you want. It’s a different way of life… an island vibe, you know?”

  “I do know. I lived on an island once,” Tess said, smiling at the taxi driver. “I liked it. My family considered it a failure, but aside from having a horrific boss who tainted my experience there, I really liked the island vibe. I could see myself by the water.”

  “If you move to an island, you’d better have a room for me to come visit,” Elizabeth said over her shoulder as they pulled up to their hotel.

  “Here…” Cute Guy finally spoke up, handing Tess his card. “If you want to get drinks this weekend, I’m around. I’m here for work, but my evenings are free.” The double entendre was not lost on Tess and she laughed at Cute Guy, enjoying someone flirting with her freely for the first time in years.

  “Okay, let’s go,” Elizabeth ordered, waving at Cute Guy before slamming the door and whirling on Tess. “He’s got a bum wing, Tess. What’s he even going to do for you?”

  Tess laughed so hard she cried, and was still laughing after they’d checked into their room, changed into their swimsuits, and settled by the pool.

  “Afternoon, ladies.” A grinning waiter – twenty-one years old at best – stopped by to chat with them.

  “Jared? We’d like you to keep the drinks coming,” Elizabeth ordered. “Rum punch, please. This one just filed for divorce.”

  “Is that so? Well, if there’s anything I can do….” Jared’s grin widened, and Tess laughed, but also squirmed a little under his frank appraisal of her body. Gabe had always been highly critical of her weight, and him cheating with a girl more than ten years younger than her certainly wasn’t doing anything for her ego at the moment.

  “Just the drinks for now, Jared.” Elizabeth shooed him along and shook her head.

  “I swear, the D-word really gets a reaction,” Tess mused, stretching out on the lounge chair and looking out to the water, taking her first deep breaths of the week. “It’s weird to say it out loud, you know. I’ll get used to it. But it’s weird right now.”

  “I’m sure that’s normal,” Elizabeth said. “And I think these guys just hear that you recently filed and are thinking about a quick fling. Because you aren’t going to be in the place for attachments right now – you’re in Key West for a weekend, and probably ripe for a romp. I suspect it will be an interesting weekend.”

  “I… I couldn’t have a fling,” Tess sputtered. “Could I? I mean, it would just be weird.”

  Elizabeth shrugged and nodded as Jared sauntered back over, all tanned muscle and gelled hair. “Just let me know if you need the room.”

  Jared’s aftershave arrived before him, and Tess was brought back to her college days when guys hadn’t yet learned that less is more when it came to cologne.

  “I think I’ll be taking a hard pass on that,” Tess murmured, smiling her thanks at Jared as he deposited an extra-large rum punch in front of her.

  “I had them make it a double.” Jared winked.

  “You’re a doll, Jared, an absolute doll,” Tess said, and Jared crouched by her chair.

  “I have off tomorrow afternoon, if you want to go out on the sand bar – a whole crew of us goes. Just let me know.” Tess saw Elizabeth mimicking spanking behind him.

  “I’ll be sure to do that.” Tess nodded vigorously, at this point just needing him to go away. A man certainly didn’t have the answers Tess was seeking on this trip. She needed some time with one of her best friends to decompress and try and take some shaky steps forward – not dive headfirst into a drunken fling with a college boy.

  “He could be fun,” Elizabeth said, sliding her sunglasses down her nose as they watched him stroll away, all strength and cockiness.

  “He’s too young. I don’t want to have to teach him.”

  “That could be fun for you, too.”

  “Who has the energy? I’d probably end up crying in his lap. No, thank you, I am so not ready for this,” Tess said, firmly shutting the door on that thought.

  “The attention is nice, though.”

  “It is. It’s weird, I’ll admit, but it’s nice.”

  “Don’t let that asshole take everything from you, Tess. You’re awesome, and there is someone out there who will appreciate that.”

  “I can’t even think that far ahead right now. I just have to get through this, somehow, someway. This isn’t the future I had planned for myself.” Tess stretched out and let the sun warm her limbs.

  Elizabeth turned her head to look at Tess, the palm trees and ocean reflected in her sunglasses. “That’s okay. We all get a do-over, like the taxi guy said, right?”

  “Damn right, I get a do-over. And this time I’ll do it my way,” Tess said, clinking her glass with Elizabeth’s. Now, she just had to believe it.

  Chapter Eight

  “What should we wear out? Something fun?” Elizabeth asked, pulling two different dresses from her bag.

  They’d spent the afternoon drinking cocktails and napping by the pool, with no agenda other than hashing through the nasty details of Gabe’s infidelity and planning Tess’s future – much of which included retiring to an island where she could scuba dive her days away.

  Comfortably buzzed, they’d decided it was time to seek out food and had stopped in the room for a quick change of clothes.

  “Sure, I threw something sparkly in here,” Tes
s said, pulling out a dress with some fun sequins on it. Slipping it over her head, she stood in front of the mirror and the memory of when she’d last worn it hit her. She’d loved this dress – had felt so confident in it – and now she stood in front of the mirror feeling fat, unattractive, and outdated. Tears filled her eyes.

  “Oh, honey, what is it?” Elizabeth said, running over to put her arms around Tess.

  “I wore this dress for our anniversary dinner in New Orleans this year. He never even said I looked pretty.” Tess blinked, trying to stop the tears, but they fell of their own accord. “All night, he was pretty much checked out. On his phone, or quiet. He barely touched me – didn’t hold my hand, nothing.”

  “Even after he gave you those diamonds? And the balcony dinner?”

  “He just crawled into bed and was on his phone while I sat on the balcony and read a book. I’d even brought sexy stuff to wear and everything.” Tess hiccupped. “I came in from the balcony and he was on his phone. I thought he’d gone to sleep, but I realize now he was just texting her.” Tess wiped tears from her eyes, looking down at this dress she had so loved.

  “Take it off,” Elizabeth ordered.

  “Jeez, Elizabeth, I didn’t realize you liked me like that,” Tess joked weakly, and Elizabeth smacked her bum.

  “You’re sexy, but not my type. Now, put something else on and we’ll go out. You’re a beautiful woman with a million great things to offer someone. Don’t give him your power. It’s just a dress, Tess.”

  Tess took a deep breath and sighed, eying the dress that she knew she’d never wear again, then dug in her bag for something else.

  Hours later, Tess found herself sitting on the front porch of a bar surrounded by a rugby team that Elizabeth had proudly procured – seemingly out of thin air – for Tess. The mood was festive, as it often was in Key West, and a band played swing versions of popular songs in the corner of the garden. A few people stood to dance, while others sang along with the music. One of the rugby players, Luciano, continued his quest to flirt with Tess. There was nothing overtly wrong with him, Tess thought, leaning back and running her eyes over his tattooed muscular arms and dancing eyes that promised a load of fun for the evening.

  “We could get out of here, you know,” Luciano said, gesturing to where the team all laughed at a rude joke. “Go for a stroll.”

  “A stroll.” Tess laughed, leaning back to assess Luciano.

  “Or whatever you’d like, pretty lady.” Luciano ran a hand lightly down her thigh, testing the waters. His touch secured the answer for Tess.

  “Listen, Luciano – you seem like a nice enough guy. Though I wouldn’t recommend touching women without their permission,” Tess said, taking his hand firmly off her thigh. “But I’m not ready for this.”

  “I’m under the impression that I know how to make a woman ready.” Luciano flashed a cheeky grin at her and Tess laughed despite herself.

  “Better luck next time,” Tess said, and waved Luciano off after brushing a kiss to his cheek. She motioned for Elizabeth to join her at the bar.

  “He was cute! What’s the deal?”

  “This is too much for me, Elizabeth. Last week I was married and lying next to my husband. I just… it’s kind of a mindfuck,” Tess admitted, finishing her gin and tonic and placing it on the bar while Elizabeth settled the check.

  “I get that. But it’s not like Gabe gave much thought to that when he was playing fast and loose with the intern,” Elizabeth said.

  Tess winced.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, that was horrible of me.” Elizabeth immediately put an arm around Tess.

  “Nope, you’re absolutely right. He wasn’t thinking about me or about the fact he was married. He was thinking about himself and what he wanted. I just don’t know if I’m built that way. I can’t pretend that I wasn’t in a marriage just days ago and have a casual roll in the sheets with some random rugby player. I… I need time. I’m not even sure I could take my clothes off in front of another man right now!”

  Elizabeth patted her arm. “I’ve got just the solution. Come with me.” Elizabeth dragged Tess past the complaints of the rugby team and out of the bar, then headed down the street. They turned the corner off of the busy drag, continuing until they ended up at a dark restaurant outfitted in lush velvet and candlelight.

  “What is this place?” Tess asked, squinting in the darkness.

  “Welcome to Better Than Sex.” A waiter appeared and led them to two red velvet stools positioned at a sleek black mirrored bar.

  “It’s a dessert bar. All the desserts are named after sex acts and, well, if you’re not having sex on this vacation then you’ll get the next best thing,” Elizabeth declared.

  Chocolate? It was enough to defrost the numbness around her heart. She smiled in anticipation and she and Elizabeth howled their way through the menu.

  “I’m ordering a three-way,” Tess decided.

  “Perfect. I’ll get the morning after,” Elizabeth exclaimed, pulling out her phone to text.

  Tess looked around at the fun décor while Elizabeth kept typing away. She found herself becoming increasingly annoyed until it bubbled out.

  “Could you put your phone away? God,” Tess said. Then she looked at Elizabeth in shock.

  “Um… I just wanted to tell my boyfriend that if he saw a charge for ‘Better Than Sex’ that it was a dessert bar,” Elizabeth said, confusion lacing her pretty features.

  “I… I’m so sorry. I have no idea where that came from.” Tess felt tears well up out of nowhere. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  Tess slipped away from Elizabeth and found the bathroom – empty, thank goodness. She stared at herself in the mirror. What was wrong with her that she was snapping at her friend like that?

  There was a tentative knock at the door. “Honey? Are you okay?” Elizabeth asked.

  “I’m so sorry,” Tess said, pulling it open and hugging Elizabeth. “I just realized how much Gabe was constantly on his phone the last few months. No matter where we were or what we were doing, he was always typing away at his phone. I think I just flashed to it when you pulled your phone out. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  “It’ll be okay, Tess. We’ll get you through this,” Elizabeth whispered.

  “I don’t know what to do. I can’t flirt, I can barely think of being with another guy. I know I’m supposed to be all like, ‘woohoo! Key West!’ and sleeping my way through men and burning Gabe’s stuff on the lawn, but I just feel numb. It’s like I’m broken. I have no confidence, I don’t feel comfortable in my own body, and here I am snapping at my friend for no bloody reason.”

  “You’re being too hard on yourself.” Elizabeth laughed consolingly, wiping Tess’s tears. “It’s been one day since you filed for divorce. Let’s just take this in baby steps for now, okay? We’ll eat those decadent desserts, go sing some karaoke or something, and go home. Tomorrow we can lie on the beach all day long and sleep. That’s it. Nothing else is required of you for the rest of the weekend. You have nothing to prove to anyone other than taking one step forward at a time, understand? And maybe, we’ll come up with a plan for your future while we’re here.”

  “I think I just want to move to an island…” Tess trailed off and laughed at Elizabeth’s look.

  “What?”

  “I one hundred percent can see you moving to an island and finding some cute scuba guy to spend your days with.”

  “One can only dream,” Tess said. As they walked back to their seats, impulsively, she pressed a kiss to Elizabeth’s cheek. “I really love you.”

  “You too. And now that guy thinks we’re a couple.” Elizabeth pointed to where another waiter openly appraised them.

  Despite herself, Tess winked at him.

  Chapter Nine

  She’d taken to pacing the house since she’d come home from Key West. The days blended into each other in a sea of phone calls, avoidance, and a touch too much vodka, if Tess admitted it to herself. Circling
back around the foyer and through the hallway that led to the backroom where Gabe’s desk sat, Tess finished up another phone call with yet another friend, the answers coming automatically now.

  Yes, Gabe had an affair.

  Yes, with a young intern.

  Yup, what an asshole.

  I filed for divorce.

  Of course, it’s a shock.

  I’m fine, I can handle this.

  Over and over, she reassured friends that she could handle this, and of course she could, but something Mae had said to her the other night had become her mantra.

  “I know this may be ridiculous,” Mae had said, “but I keep thinking about something my doula told me when I was pregnant.”

  “You’re comparing my divorce to your pregnancy, got it.” Tess rolled her eyes, but Mae knew her well enough to know she was teasing.

  “I am and if you’d shut your mouth, I think the example holds up,” Mae insisted, and Tess had waved her on. “Okay, so my doula was counseling me on giving birth and something she said really stuck with me.” Mae relaxed back into the cushions on the couch and put her dainty feet up in front of her. “She said you can’t avoid the pain – that’s what labor is. But, if you want the end result – which for me is a happy, healthy baby – you have to go through the pain to get it. So, basically, what I’m saying is that with your divorce, you can’t avoid the pain. You have to go through it to get out of it. Does that make sense?”

  “You know, Mae, if I didn’t love you so much, it would annoy the shit out of me how on point and reasonable you can be with your advice sometimes,” Tess had griped. “But you’re right. I can’t avoid this pain, so I just have to feel all the feels, and hopefully, there will be light on the other side of it.”

  “That’s the hope, at least. I think everyone responds to trauma differently,” Mae said, her tone gentle.

  “I just want this to be over. I know it sounds awful, but I just want to be through with this and have it all behind me. I don’t want to do all this.” Tess had swiped her hand out to encompass the house. “I don’t want to pack the house myself, and move, and change my name. I don’t want to start all over and go out dating and just… do all the newly divorced things. I’m exhausted thinking about it and that doesn’t even include the fact that I have to go to therapy to deal with the emotional fallout that I know for sure is going to explode at some point with me.”