She realized she was the victim in the matter and that a taxi driver should do his job and just drive her home, but the signs had been there and she’d chosen to ignore them. When had it become so hard for her to listen to her own voice? Her internal monologue was on point if she’d only have enough faith in herself to listen.
Tess stared out the window of the small plane on the short flight over to Cat Island, the sun reflecting on the blue of the ocean below piercing her eyes, until the plane bounced down the runway. A guy about her age, camera gear on his lap, turned and raised an eyebrow at Tess.
“It’s the landings in these little planes that always get me.”
“It’s usually worth the ride though,” Tess said, and laughed at him. “Shark diving?”
“Correct. Not much else on this island except for fishing.”
“I bet we’re sharing a taxi then,” Tess said, as they walked off the plane onto a runway that housed a single small hut and three waiting vans.
“That we are. The hotel’s on the other side of the island. Only a thousand people live here.” The man was lugging his dive gear toward a van where a woman held a sign with their names on it.
“Should be a fun week.” Tess smiled at the woman, unaccountably glad to see a female taxi driver.
“Miss Tess?” The woman smiled. “The hotel is fully booked, but we have you in a villa on the beach for the first four nights. You might want to stop and get some food though, as you won’t have a car and it be a long walk to the hotel from the villa.”
Tess nodded her thanks. “Is there a store on the way?”
“Only the two markets on island, miss.”
“Let’s stop at one.” Tess turned to the guy. “If you don’t mind…?”
“Taylor, and no, I don’t mind.”
They chatted easily on the drive to the villa, Tess stocking up on food and drink en route. The taxi driver informed her that two other women would be joining her – which, after her experience last night, was a relief. She wasn’t sure she was cut out to stay alone in a villa on an all-but-deserted island. Being around people would be good for her this trip.
The driver turned the taxi off the paved road, and bumped her way down a barely discernable dirt trail, the brush scratching against the car. Finally, after what felt like quite a long distance, as most roads do when you don’t know where you’re going, a house loomed into view, perched on a small cliff overlooking the ocean.
“Dang, nice digs,” Taylor said, and Tess nodded at him.
“A bit remote, but you can’t beat the view,” Tess said as the taxi driver got out to walk over and open the door.
“The other ladies should be joining you soon.”
“I’ll help with your bags,” Taylor said, pulling her gear inside while Tess got the groceries.
“Is there wifi? Or a phone? Anything?” Tess asked, her nerves kicking up after her experience last night.
“Yeah, yeah, right there. All in the book.” The woman waved to the table where a house book lay. “The tour company will call you shortly to discuss the dives in the morning.”
“You okay out here?” Taylor asked as he climbed back into the car.
“I think so,” Tess said, relieved to see her cell phone had a single bar of service. “Hopefully, the others will get here soon.”
“Hotel’s up the road about a thirty-minute walk if you need anything,” the driver called as they pulled out.
Tess watched as the taxi disappeared down the lane, the bush swallowing it.
She took a deep breath. Surveying the villa, she saw it was mainly a large kitchen and living area with three bedrooms tacked on. She left her bags in the common living space, figuring it would be rude to pick a bedroom before the other two women arrived. She slid the glass door open to stand on the wide deck that hugged the house.
There was a reason this house was in the middle of nowhere, Tess realized, and felt her heart soar. Perched above a long sand beach, there was nothing but sea, sky, and land for miles. Not another house to be seen, not a boat on the horizon, not a single person walking the beach. It was a place to tune out the outside world, to lose yourself for a bit. Tess was more than ready to embrace that.
A car door slammed and Tess jolted, shaking herself from her reverie. She peeked around the house to see a man getting out of the front seat of a van. Her heart slammed in her chest, and she darted inside. Looking wildly around for a weapon, she pulled a butcher knife from the block. She slid it into the waistband of her shorts as he rounded the house and climbed the deck.
“Hello!”
“Hi,” Tess said, standing in the doorway and not moving backward into the house.
“You here on your own?” the man asked.
Tess cocked her head at him. “What can I do for you?” she said, not answering his question. Her hand hovered near her waistband.
“I bring the fruit.” He gestured to his van. “How many people you have staying?”
“Three of us.”
“I’m the local pastor. But I’m also the fruit man. Come, come, I sell you some fruit,” the man said, a wide smile breaking out on his face.
Tess felt her adrenaline ease back a bit. Following him to the van at a distance, she found crates of fruit piled in the back.
“Ah, I see. You do deliveries,” Tess said, her tension easing a bit more.
“Yes. We heard you was out here, so I bring the fruit,” he said proudly.
“That’s nice of you. Um, I will definitely take some limes, the watermelon there, and some oranges. Thank you.” Tess gave him the money quickly, wanting him to be on his way. Once he was, she returned inside, her arms full, and walked around the house, checking every door and window to make sure it was locked. Placing the knife on a cutting board beside her, she put the fruit in a bowl she found in the cupboard, and sat down at the kitchen counter to wait. While the pastor had been nice, he’d said one thing that had made her nervous.
We heard you was out here.
It disconcerted her, the ease of the island gossip chain. She remembered how quickly it worked from her summer job years before.
She heard the sound of another vehicle approaching, and jumped up. She watched through the window as another car pulled to a stop in the yard. Two women got out and began unloading their luggage. Relieved beyond what she’d even been willing to admit to herself, Tess went out to greet her roommates.
Chapter Forty-Eight
It turned out that Stella and Natalie, the two women joining her, were highly-regarded underwater photographers. Tess watched in awe as they unpacked their gear, their cameras taking up the wide berth of both the kitchen counter and the table across the room.
“Wow, that’s some major gear you’ve got there,” Tess said, wandering over to look at the different lights and lenses.
“Try lifting it,” Natalie grumbled, her curls wild around her head. “It’s helped me define my arm muscles, that’s for sure.”
“Do you have any idea what you’re in for today?” Stella asked, as she put her camera together.
“Shark diving?”
“Not just any shark diving. These bad boys are the big guys. We’ll be about two hours from shore, hovering in the deep blue water where you can’t see the bottom, and these are the sharks that pick off shipwreck survivors. We’re lucky to see them, to be honest. They’re amazing.”
Nerves flooded low in Tess’s stomach.
“You don’t have a big rig, either.” Natalie nodded at Tess’s small hand-held camera.
“What does that have to do with it?”
“These sharks are not nervous animals. They’re intensely curious, and they’re going to see if they can bully you. Usually, if you have a big rig like ours” – Natalie indicated her massive camera – “you kind of just push it into their face and they’ll move on, knowing you won’t let them bully you.”
“But I don’t have a big rig.” Tess crossed her arms over her chest.
Stella shrugged. �
�Just put your arm out then. Let them know you’re in charge.”
Sure, like it’s that easy, Tess thought.
The boat ride out to their dive site in the middle of the ocean took almost two hours, which was more than enough time for Tess to question her choices in life. Maybe it was foolish to go on this dive, to even come on this trip alone. Her stomach bounced about the entire ride. She curled up alone at the front of the boat, her eyes on the horizon, and forced herself to breathe slowly.
She hadn’t told Aiden about the assault when he’d checked in with her this morning, not wanting to worry him. Plus, she still had some lingering embarrassment over her choice to get in the car with a man who creeped her out. She wasn’t ready to hear a lecture. Anything he would say to her, she’d already said herself. Besides that, he’d seemed a bit out of sorts over Messenger today.
I don’t like it here, he’d begun.
Why not? I thought you were still loving the diving.
I do, the diving is beautiful. It’s the only time I’m somewhat happy.
Are the cities not beautiful?
I’m just… annoyed with it all, I guess. Nothing on land is fun for me. This isn’t how I thought it would be. I’m…frustrated.
Why? What’s going on?
I thought I wanted to travel this way. It’s how I’ve always traveled.
And?
I don’t think I want this anymore. I don’t like living out of a backpack, or having to pack up and leave a hostel every morning. It’s not as exciting as it once was. Or maybe it’s just because I’m not with you.
Well, of course life is better when I’m around! Haha, but in all seriousness, it sounds like you are learning a few things about yourself.
I miss my bookshelf. I know that’s weird, but I miss having a place for my stuff. I think I’ve settled down a bit.
There’s nothing wrong with that; you can settle and still travel.
I miss you, Tess. I think about you constantly. I wish you were here with me; there’s so much I want to show you. Please don’t give up on me.
I miss you too, Aiden. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t. I can’t talk any longer now, I have to go out on my shark dives.
Please, promise me to dive safe? Buddy up with someone smart, not someone who talks too much or brags a lot – they usually know the least.
I will, Aiden. Chat later.
It wasn’t the first time Aiden had expressed some discontent with his travels, but he’d seemed particularly grumpy this morning and she wondered what was going on with him. It was tiring to travel out of a backpack – she’d done it through Australia and New Zealand for six months or so, and she knew how it could get to miss the comforts of home.
The captain slowed the boat, and Tess’s head popped up, realizing that the divers were gearing up.
“Pool’s open!” the instructor called, and everyone laughed, a nervous thrill of excitement shooting through the group as they all leaned over the side of the boat to see the first of the fins approaching.
“You just jump right in with them, huh?” Tess whispered to Natalie.
“Yup, you’re going to love it. Promise. Just remember – don’t let them bully you.”
Tess gulped as she clipped her BCD on and put her regulator in her mouth. She glanced at the captain for the go-ahead. When it was her turn, she held onto her mask and reg, and jumped into the deep blue abyss, sinking softly in a cloud of bubbles, her heart in her throat.
There were twelve sharks, at least, Tess realized, her adrenaline spiking as she kicked over to where the other divers were. Now, she could see why the big camera rigs came in handy, for these oceanic white-tip sharks were no shy wallflowers. Tess jolted as one brushed right against her shoulder, surprising her from behind, his sheer size heart-stopping. Before she had a chance to react, another one brushed her left shoulder, nudging her deeper in the water. Tess’s eyes widened as a third came directly at her from the front, wanting to join the fun.
Don’t let them bully you.
Tess took a deep breath, calming her heart. She knew they could sense her anxiety. When the next one passed close, Tess confidently held her hand out, nudging it away when it bumped its head against her. The next one tried and Tess turned, her arm straight, and let the shark know that she wasn’t going to be picked on.
No more would she let others in her life bully her, Tess realized. She relaxed, tears springing to her eyes as she took in the haunting beauty of the sharks. They circled in the water, the grace with which they moved and their strength so proudly displayed. Maybe the people in her life hadn’t necessarily bullied her, but they’d spoken over her, the loudest voice winning, until Tess had held her hand up.
Stop, Tess whispered into her regulator, her hand up as another shark approached, eyeing her up and then dismissing her as it moved on.
I am the captain of my ship, master of my destiny… I’m just me, flawed and awesome as I am. I’m more than enough on my own and I can trust myself to guide my life in the direction I want.
The power washed over her, energizing her, as Tess finally accepted what she’d been working toward all year. She was more than enough, just as she was, and life could both be beautiful and awful at the same time. There was no way to numb herself from pain, nor did she need to. Pain was a way of indicating to her the areas she needed to learn from or fix in her life. But it was her life to live, and no matter what the future would hold, Tess realized she had the power to make herself happy, just by being wonderful and weird Tess.
Blinking the tears from her eyes, Tess hovered in the water, watching as the ocean gifted her a lesson she needed to learn. When another shark drew near, swimming lazily toward her, Tess flashed back to her bull shark dive with Aiden.
Holding out her hands, she formed a heart, sending her love to the shark, to Aiden, and to all those in her life who had taught her lessons that had hurt to learn, but formed her into the woman she was today.
Chapter Forty-Nine
They stayed up late that night, going over images of the sharks, laughing over the beauty of what they’d seen, swapping stories about life. Tess, after a glass of wine, confided her story about Aiden and was surprised to find both of her roommates were hopeful they would end up together.
“You never know… these things work in their own time,” Stella said, patting her shoulder as she went in to sleep.
“You can’t rush love,” Natalie agreed, leaving Tess to sit on the deck, alone, contemplating the night sky. The beach villa at night was dark like Tess had rarely seen in her life. There were no ambient city lights, not even the light of another house, for miles. Leaning back in her lounge chair, she relaxed as the night sky unfolded above her, the stars shining like crystals flung on a bed of inky velvet. She let her mind drift, content with her day, happy to know she could handle what life would bring, even if it was a gorgeous shark swimming at her face. When her phone buzzed, she smiled.
How was diving?
Beautiful, really. I’m in awe of these sharks. I swear it was a life-changing moment for me.
That’s great! I had a life-changing moment today, too.
Why? What happened? Are you okay?
Oh, I’m more than okay, I’m great. I’m leaving, Tess.
Wait, what?
I don’t want to be without you anymore. I’m leaving the trip and coming to you.
Excuse me? Are YOU SERIOUS?
I wish I could call you right now, but internet is complete shite. I was reading a Steinbeck book and there was something about a line in it that made me realize that home is with you. I’m seeing all this amazing stuff and I can’t get you out of my head. You’re just constantly there and I realized that I don’t want to be without you anymore. It doesn’t matter where we go or what we do, it just matters that we are together. I want to be with you, start a life with you. Home is with you, Tess.
But… what about your travel buddy? I thought you couldn’t just up and leave her?
I
told her I’m leaving, but that I would stay until she has a job lined up. She submitted some applications today and should hear back tomorrow. I just want to make sure I don’t dump her here all alone. Once that’s sorted, I’ll figure out a way back to you.
Holy shit, Aiden, I wish I could talk to you right now. My heart feels like it is exploding in my chest. I can’t believe you’re leaving your trip – you have so many more months planned.
None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that I don’t lose you. I’m scared if I continue on this trip that you’ll give up on me completely. I don’t care about missing out on the rest of my travels here. I’ll bring you back with me and we’ll go explore the places I missed. I just can’t keep going on without you, Tess.
I can’t believe this is happening.
I’ll be on a plane to see you soon, Tess, I promise.
A tear dripped down her cheek and splattered on her phone, the glow the only light in the darkness. She knew her future was forever changed with a single message. Aiden had rocked her world. She took a shaky breath, her insides tingling. She suddenly felt as though she’d just sucked down eight power drinks. Tess wanted to race across the sand, or dive into the water, or something – anything. Instead, she let out a delighted squeak, knowing her roomies were sleeping, and tilted her head back to laugh at the night sky.
But – did she want this? It was a huge step to take, Tess realized, feeling a momentary frisson of panic burst through her happiness. This man was changing the course of his life to be with her. She had no idea what the future held other than that it would be defined by her relationship with Aiden and the decisions they made together. Was she ready for that? It seemed like she’d finally started getting comfortable out on her own again, finding her own happiness – filling her own well, so to speak. Would it be wise to base her future decisions on a man?
Tess checked in with her gut. Instinctively, she wanted to be with Aiden, whatever that future would look like. It felt different to her than it had with Gabe. So much of her marriage had been bowing to what Gabe wanted, but Tess knew she wouldn’t have to do that with Aiden. They could build a future based on what they both wanted, and Tess wouldn’t be forced to dim her light for anyone.
Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge. Page 27