by S. L. Viehl
“Sajora.” He caught up with me. “Hear me.”
“I heard you just fine the last time, you bastard.” I sensed he wanted to grab me somewhere, and
stopped. “Don’t even think about it.” I tried to walk away again. “Get away from me.”
He paced me. “Fayne will kill you in the quad. I had to stop it somehow.”
“Next time, cut her.”
“She wishes to form an alliance.”
I laughed once. “Right.”
“I was obliged to listen to what she proposed.”
“It took her six hours to tell you? What does she do, stutter?” I didn’t wait for an answer, but entered the
timing training room, pushing through other trainees to get to my spot.
“Sajora, this is important. There are other concerns now that we must attend to immediately.” Kol
assumed his position beside me as the trainer walked the rows. “I have much to relate about it.”
I caressed the hilts of my blades, imagining both of them buried in Fayne’s chest. Or Kol’s. “I don’t want
to hear about how much fun you had fucking Blondie. Understand?”
“It was not like that.” He sounded mortally offended.
“Oh, right, I forgot. You’re supposed to be saving yourself for your wedding night.” With someone
besides me. Fayne? Would be Choose the little skink over me? She wouldn’t live very long if he
did. “You’re giving abstinence a bad name, you know.”
“Kol. Saj. Since you attend each other instead of me”—the trainer gestured to the center platform—“you
may demonstrate your physical prowess in avoidance.”
Since I’d had no sleep, and my eye was swelling shut, and I’d already expended most of my fury in the
quad, I thought I’d be slow to react. But as the beams began flashing around me and Kol, I moved into
the patterns of avoidance without thinking.
“There are rumors that the war has extended into this system,” he said as he brushed past me to dodge
two intersecting beams. “The Hsktskt and the League could be preparing to invade Reytalon. If they
surround the Tåna, we will be trapped.”
“Guess that wrecks the idea of taking her somewhere off-planet on your next date.” I ducked and rolled
my shoulder, feeling a beam so close the heat warmed my skin. “Maybe you should try a stroll on the
surface. I’d get her to put on a little more than that pink outfit, though. She might catch cold.”
“She attempted to initiate relations with me, however—”
I bumped into him deliberately, knocking him into a beam and enjoying the way he flinched as he took
the jolt. “Didn’t you hear me? I don’t want to know. Go brag to the other boys.”
“I did not touch her,” he said, furious now.
“She not into virgins?” I dropped as a cluster of beams shot over my head. “Let me guess, she doesn’t
want kids either. Poor Kol. What’s an honest Jorenian guy have to do to get laid around here?” I flicked
a finger at my cheek. “Cutting a woman doesn’t seem to work.”
He grabbed me by the front of my shirt. “You will not speak to me thus.”
I had a blade at his throat a heartbeat later. “You smell like Skogaq, ClanBoy. Don’t get it on me.”
The beams abruptly disappeared, and the trainer appeared beside us. “This session is focused on timing,
not bladework. Put away your tån, Saj.”
Neither of us moved. “We can take it out to the quad,” I offered. “Want to go one-on-one? Make my
day and say yes. Please.”
“No,” he said, his lips barely moving.
The trainer gave me a nudge. “If there is no challenge, there is no reason for this.”
There were all kinds of reasons, but I saw Galena watching me with wide eyes, and reminded myself I
still had five other reasons not to kill myself or Kol over Fayne.
“Fine.” I backed off and walked out.
“Why did Kol cut your face?”
I had sat by myself intentionally to avoid clan interrogation, but Sparky never was particularly sensitive to
someone’s mood. I looked over my shoulder, and briefly imagined punching her in the face. “Go light up
someone else’s life.”
“Answer me, or I shall make it yours.”
“He didn’t want me to fight his girlfriend. Now get lost.”
She sat down beside me and leaned in, close enough to make the hair on my neck rise. “You are out of
control.”
“No, but I’m getting there.” I dug my spoon back into my scanty portion of stew. When she didn’t leave, I
sighed. “Look, Sparky, would you just go and bug Nalek for a while? I’m not in the mood for another
bitch-slap session.”
“I have no desire to… bitch-slap… you.” Danea looked at her footgear. “When Kol cut you, was there a
threat to your life?”
I snorted. “Hardly. I was getting ready to fight the little midget, but he fucked that up.”
Her hair did a little dance. “I thought as much.” She muttered a particularly vile Jorenian obscenity.
“I totally agree.”
“There is something you do not understand, and Kol is not thinking clearly.” She bit her bottom lip and
glanced back at Nalek. “Nal is correct in thinking it will get one or both of you killed.”
“And this something is?” I made a rolling motion with my hand.
“Nalek believes you and Kol have warrior-bonded. After what I saw you do in the quad today, and
Kol’s attack on you, I must agree with him.” She met my gaze, and instead of the usual nastiness, there
was something like sympathy in her eyes.
“Sajora, if it is true, you will wish to kill anyone who violates your bond. As will Kol. It is extremely
dangerous to go on in this fashion, both of you denying what we can all see before us.”
I was so sick of the Jorenian bullshit. “And the reason I should care is?”
“You must declare the bond, and Choose Kol.”
“You know, I tried to do that before,” I said, with extreme patience. “He turned me down.”
She drew back a little. “You Chose, and he denied?”
“No. I suggested we do the Choosing thing, so we could have gratuitous sex without guilt, and he
refused.”
Sparky thumped a fist down on the table. “Why would he say such, when it is so obvious that you have
already bonded in every way but the word?”
“I don’t want kids, and he does. I don’t think you get any more basic a non-bond issue than that.” I
pushed my bowl away. “Satisfied now?”
“Wait.” She looked even more uncomfortable. “I have never done this. It was for your ClanMother to tell
you.”
“Jesus, Sparky.” I had to laugh. “Relax; I already know where babies come from.”
“The Mother’s blood runs through your veins, Sajora.” She got all serious on me. “I never knew how
strongly until now. You cannot deny this bond; you cannot fight it. It is the most sacred of things. Your
soul Chose, and it will not be denied or thwarted.”
“He’s not so hot. My soul will get over it.”
“That is not all. When you do not claim your Choice, as you are doing now, the chemistry in your body
changes. You will grow more and more aggressive as time passes. As will Kol. In the end it will kill you
both, and the only way to stop that is to declare your Choice.”
“Dying from unrequited lust.” I rolled my eyes. “Oh, sure, that’ll be the way I go.”
“How many times have your claws emerged in the past week?” she asked.
&n
bsp; “A couple.” I saw where she was headed, but only lifted my shoulders. “If I don’t use them, who cares?”
“More than the week before, yes?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Today I have seen you bare them
twice. It will grow harder to control the rage with each passing day now. In the end you will be in a
permanent state of fury. It will not matter if someone touches Kol. That they stand close to him, or gaze
upon him, will be enough to trigger your territorial instincts. You will attack, and you will kill.”
“I’m getting a serious migraine here.” I pressed the heel of my hand against my forehead, then dropped it
and met her gaze. “Let’s say you’re right about this rage thing. He doesn’t want me, Sparky. I can’t force
this on him.”
She didn’t blink. “You can if you declare your Choice openly before the HouseClan.”
“The Jorenian version of a shotgun wedding. Who knew?” I shook my head. “I can’t do it. Even if it
means someone has to kill me to keep me from going nuts.”
“Why? Why sacrifice yourself and Kol? Do you know what happens to the warrior-bonded of those
who embrace the stars?”
“You bond for life, I know. So he’ll be lonely.” Actually, I could enjoy the thought of that right now.
“No. Without Choice, Kol faces the emptiness of eternity. He will have no alternative.” Sparky rubbed
her temple. “Your death will take him with you.”
Bek sent me back to the infirmary to have my sutures repaired, then dismissed me from training for the
remainder of the day. I paced our quarters for about an hour, too tired to sleep, too angry to sit still. The
thing inside me that wanted blood wasn’t going to let me rest until I spilled some.
I found myself heading for Fayne’s rooms and decided to follow my instincts. Bypassing the panel
controls was next to impossible, so I waited for one of her roomies to show up.
The oversize red bug appeared, limping, and released the door. I waited a beat, followed him in, and hit
him over the back of the head.
He went down with a whomp, and stayed there.
“Pizza delivery.” I looked around corners. “Anyone order a double cheese with extra pepperoni?”
No one else was around. While I waited for Fayne, I amused myself by searching her rooms. She had a
lot of interesting garments and food stashed, as well as a few weapons. I wondered how she’d smuggled
them in, then decided she had to have connections within the Tåna. Finding out who that was, however,
proved unsuccessful.
As I crossed the room, the bug buzzed and lifted his head a few inches. I brained him a second time
before I heard voices and slipped behind a garment storage unit. From where I was, I could see the
whole room.
Fayne entered, secured the panel, and turned to Kol.
“We can talk here,” she said, her voice low and amused.
“What about him?” Kol nodded at the bug.
“Cheev, you lazy roach. Get up.” Fayne kicked him, but he didn’t move. “Hmmm. I hadn’t thought him
that badly injured from his bout.”
“We should signal medical.” Kol went to the room console, but Fayne caught his arm.
“Wait.” She pressed herself against him, wriggling her torso for a better fit. My claws punched out of the
ends of my fingers, and I jammed one heel into the top of my other foot, trying to suppress the beast.
“You don’t have to play this game with me, Jorenian. Your pet Terran isn’t here now.”
His pet Terran was going to personally inspect some skink intestines in a few seconds.
“I thank you for your compliment, lady.” Kol took her hands from his neck and pushed them down at her
sides. “Yet I must decline again.”
“Are you still concerned with those cultural taboos? No one has to know, I promise you.” Fayne
unfastened and shrugged off her shirt. “I was made to fight and pleasure, Kol. I am weary of fighting
now.” When she would have thrown herself on him, he stepped aside. “You cannot mean to deny me
again.”
Slowly the red mist dimming my vision cleared. He declined. Again.
“You offered to form an alliance with the white neutrals. That is why I came to you last night, and why I
am here now. You have spoken at length about many things, particularly yourself, but nothing of truce.”
Kol folded his arms. “I am waiting.”
The Skogaq’s eyes narrowed. “And what if I told you I would not form an alliance with the white neutrals
unless I have you for my pleasure?”
“Then I must offer my regrets, and leave.” He went to the door panel.
Fayne intercepted him. “Don’t be a fool, Jorenian. Deny me, and you will all die under our blades.”
“Is this how you lure males to your bed? Offering one thing, promising another?” Kol shook his head. “I
came in fairness to negotiate, Skogaq, but I am done with you.” He left.
I silently applauded. Take that, you little bitch.
Fayne stood staring at the closed door panel, her dead-white face mottled with an odd, grayish tinge. I
nearly knocked over the unit when she threw back her head and screamed without warning, then
slammed her fist into the panel.
Although I wanted her dead, I knew just how she felt.
She went over, kicked Cheev a few times, then stalked out of the room. I waited a few minutes before I
followed, too smug to be a slave to my inner beast—for the moment, anyway.
Kol slipped into our quarters later that night, and dropped onto his mat as if exhausted. I knew because I
couldn’t sleep until I saw him walk through the door.
Then when I saw him, I didn’t want to sleep.
As soon as I heard his breathing deepen to a regular rhythm, I rose from my mat and walked without
sound to where he lay sleeping. In the dim light from the console, his face looked different—younger, less
austere.
I knelt beside his mat and watched him breathe, and wondered why that seemed more important than
sleeping.
“I did not touch her,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, his eyes still closed.
Somehow I’d known he’d be awake. “I know.” I simply wasn’t going to tell him how I knew.
He rolled to his side, resting his head against his arm as he looked up at me. “This becomes more difficult
by the day.”
He reached out, then drew his hand back. “Being unable to touch you, it torments me.”
I glanced over at Danea. “Sparky seems to think we’ll end up killing each other if we don’t claim this
bond or whatever it is.” I ran a fingertip along the cut on my cheek. “I think she’s on to something.”
“Who is Rijor?”
I blinked. “How do you know that name?”
“You say it sometimes, when you are sleeping.”
“He was a crossbreed I grew up with on Terra. He watched out for me and my mother when we were
underground. He talked me into trying out for the StarDrivers, too.” I looked down at my hands. “He
was murdered on Terra a few years ago. I loved—I honored him a lot.”
Kol frowned. “Was he your Choice?”
“No. It wasn’t like that.”
“But you had relations with him, did you not?”
I could have gotten up then and gone back to my mat. “Yes. We had sex. There were a couple of others,
too, before him.” I sensed his disapproval. “That’s how it works on my homeworld, Kol. You don’t have
to get married, or have kids, or spend a lifetime together. It doe
sn’t have be eternity. You can just enjoy
the moment.”
“I have never wished I were Terran, until now.” He put his fingers against the wound on my cheek. “Your
pardon for this, lady.”
I wanted to sink into him, drown myself in his scent, suffocate myself with his flesh. “None is required,
warrior.” In that moment, being so close to him became more than I could stand, and I pushed myself to
my feet. “Good night.”
“Sajora.” He curled a hand around my ankle. “Had you and Kalea stayed on Joren, I would have found
you. I would have Chosen you.”
“You keep saying stuff like that to me, and then shoving me away.” I moved my leg, and his hand fell
away. “If you don’t want me, damn it, don’t talk about what might have been.”