“Because everyone in my life broke their promises and I ended up all alone.”
Rachel nodded. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I doubt any of those people intended to let you down. There are a lot of things in our lives that are out of our control. Is it possible that you’re using this promise gauge as a way of protecting your heart? It gives you a reason not to love someone, to keep from getting hurt.” Rachel gave her a little hug. “No one is perfect, sweetie. We all fail. I’ll bet if you think about it, you’ve broken a few promises yourself. Don’t forget, forgiveness is a two-way street.”
Sophie set aside her concerns over Zach and rejoined the crowd in the store. The opening was winding down and it was time to wind down her hopes, as well. Zach Conrad couldn’t be trusted. He wasn’t a forever kind of man. He was a man who avoided commitment. A man who lost focus when something more exciting than the opening of a charity closet came along.
Sophie closed the front door of the shop, dimmed the lights and retreated to her small office. The opening had been a huge success. The offers of donations and help would guarantee the closet’s success for the near future. There was nothing more she could do here. Refusing offers to help clean up, she welcomed the solitude the empty store offered. With each scrap of food she tossed, each spill she wiped up, a piece of her heart tore away.
Standing in the vacant store, the significance of her loss settled over her like a heavy blanket. She dropped onto one of the wooden benches, too heartbroken to even cry.
Why had Zach broken his promise? Was a helicopter so important that he missed this event and hurt her and the children? How could she have been so wrong about him?
But was she? She accused him of being unable to commit. But that wasn’t true. He had committed totally to the kids. He’d walked away from his dream job because it would have been wrong for the kids. He’d committed to the remodel and followed through to the end.
Had she put too much emphasis on keeping promises? Had any of the promises broken for her been deliberate? Or had they come about from a sudden change in circumstances? Maddie hadn’t known that her mother would get so angry and push her to move out. Her father hadn’t planned on leaving her with her aunt, but she’d learned later that he’d lost his job and had to move away to find another one. She’d forgotten that.
Greg had promised to love her forever, but if she were honest with herself, she’d always known he didn’t mean it.
What about her own promises? Had she broken any? She’d always tried to honor her word but there had been a few times when illness had prevented her from attending a special event for a friend. When Aunt Billie had become ill, she’d had to reschedule several things she’d promised to take care of. How had she forgotten those incidents?
She’d broken a sacred promise but the world hadn’t come to an end. Life had gone on. Her friend had understood, and the event had gone on without her and Aunt Billie had deeply appreciated her care.
Was Rachel right? Was Sophie using her high standards to keep from being hurt again?
She placed her elbows on the desk and cradled her head in her hands. Was she really that weak and fearful that she’d create ridiculous barriers to keep people at bay?
She could no longer deny the truth. The memory of her past pain had been like a permanent thorn in her heart. But no one had broken their promises simply to hurt her.
Why had it taken her to age thirty-one to see the truth?
Her gaze lowered to the desktop; the smooth satin finish reminded her that Zach had built it for her, tangible evidence of his commitment to the store. Maybe he had a good reason for not being here. The least she could do was wait and hear his side of the story.
If she’d learned nothing else through the ups and downs of working on her sister’s dream, it was that she had to roll with the punches. Rachel was right, forgiveness worked both ways. People make mistakes; you couldn’t hold a grudge, and you couldn’t expect everyone to be perfect.
* * *
Zach stared out the car window, his mind replaying scene after scene of things he’d lost today. Mostly he saw Sophie, angry, turning her back on him, withholding her forgiveness forever.
Withholding her love.
He exhaled. He’d known he was falling for Sophie but he hadn’t recognized the moment when he’d handed her his heart. Maybe Hank was right. Telling Sophie up front about his retina problem and surgery might have changed everything.
But the truth would have terrified the kids and left Sophie worried and preoccupied on her important day. The closet meant everything to Sophie. If he’d learned nothing else, he knew Sophie took other peoples’ problems to heart. She would have worried about him and about his ability to care for the kids.
“What do you think Sophie will say when you see her? Do you have a story ready?”
Hank’s probing question halted Zach’s troubled thoughts. “No story. Only the truth.”
“She’s going to be fuming. You know that?”
“She has a right to be.”
“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you this or not, but Sophie has been meeting with Blake Prescott.”
Zach looked at his friend. “How do you know that? What were they talking about?”
“Don’t know. Paula has heard her on the phone with him talking about the kids. I can only think of one reason she’d be talking to an attorney.”
“Me, too.” Custody. After his shady behavior today, she’d have every right to ask for guardianship of the kids. He knew in his heart that Sophie would be a far better guardian than he could ever be.
He touched the thick bandage over his eye. His flying career could be over and he might be facing a future alone. He rubbed his chin. The more he thought things through, the more confused he became. The various scenarios played out, each with a different and disastrous resolution. He needed help sorting it out.
A landmark sign flashed by. “Stop. Hank, pull over.”
The car slowed. “Here? At the bridge?”
Zach exited the car the moment it stopped. Hank called after him.
“Watch your step. You only have one eye working right now. Your depth perception is poor.”
Zach waved off his concern. He made his way along the overgrown path, taking care to watch his step. Daylight was fading and the bridge arched over the water in shadows, offering him the privacy and solitude he craved.
He’d come to this place several times since the death of his brother. He’d found a measure of comfort but he’d never needed it as much as he did right now.
Zach walked to the middle of the bridge and bowed his head, thankful that the Lord knew what he wanted to say because he could find no words. His life was so tangled he had no idea which wire to pull to begin unraveling it. His vision, letting Sophie down, loving Sophie, keeping his kids, were all one big Rubik’s Cube of confusion.
He raised his head and looked around, but with one eye covered, he was handicapped as to what he could see. He trained his eye on one spot to stop the faint dizziness. His hands clutched the handrail, the feel of the aged wood reminding him of the work he’d done on the store and teaching DJ carpentry. With the exception of his first solo flight, nothing had given Zach as much satisfaction as teaching his nephew the family trade.
Zach stared at the wood rail in his hands. The aged cypress was smooth and warm and gracefully carved and it had been here standing strong for over a hundred and sixty years.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Thank you, Father.” The solution to everything was suddenly clear. He knew what he would do and he might never have realized it with both eyes clear. It had taken a narrower focus for him to see what had been before him all the time.
One other thing was crystal clear: his deep love for Sophie. For the first time in his life, he understood what commitment meant and he wanted it—totally. Sophie and his kids, if it wasn�
�t too late. He’d messed up royally. But he had his priorities in order now. His kids would always be first but Sophie was equally as important. If he had a chance with her.
The only way to start cleaning up his mess was to face Sophie and pray she would hear him out and understand and accept his apology. He didn’t care how big a bowl of crow he had to swallow as long as she forgave him. He wanted her love but he’d settle for her friendship. Even though it would leave a hole in his heart for the rest of his life.
* * *
The grand opening for Maddie’s Closet had ended over an hour ago. Sophie finished cleaning up, secured the facility and should be on her way home. But tonight the closet felt like a safe haven. The silence gave her the opportunity to think about her sister and reflect on the dream she had begun and had now been completed.
It also gave Sophie a place to hide. She wasn’t ready to face anyone yet. Try as she might, her hurt over Zach missing the opening still stung. All the sensible reasoning she’d been through, all the logic and understanding she’d grasped didn’t ease her broken heart, and no amount of self-scolding made it go away.
But she couldn’t hide here forever. Walking into her office, she leaned over her desk and reached for her purse.
“Sophie.”
Her heart froze. Zach.
All her rationalizing vanished as a surge of anger took over. The nerve of the man to show up here now. “I don’t have anything to say to you.” She spun around, preparing to unleash her fury, but stopped when she saw the large bandage over his left eye.
Her anger quickly dissolved into concern. “Oh, Zach. What happened? Are you all right?”
He came toward her and she moved to touch his face but he pulled away. She lowered her hand, searching his face for an explanation.
“I had eye surgery today. They fixed a problem with my retina.”
The sense of being shut out washed through her. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want anyone to worry. I remember how upset the kids were when I was late that night. I thought I’d take care of it myself.”
“Did you injure your eye in the crash?”
“No, but the doctor discovered the problem on my follow-up visit. He sent me to a specialist in Jackson. Hank took me this morning for the surgery.”
“How serious is it? Will you be able to see? Can you still fly?” Being a pilot was a big part of his identity. She knew losing the ability to fly a plane would be devastating for him.
“I don’t know yet. The doctor is confident my eyesight will be fine, but we won’t know for certain until the bandage comes off.”
“Oh no. Zach, I’m so sorry.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed. This time he didn’t pull away. “I’ll pray that you make a full recovery.”
“Thank you. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He held her hand firmly in his.
Their eyes locked and Sophie saw sadness and regret reflected in his gaze. She searched for something to say but Zach spoke first, finally releasing her hand, the cool air chasing away the warmth of his touch.
“How did the grand opening go?”
Not the topic she wished to discuss. She put on a confident smile. “Wonderfully. We had a big turnout and dozens of people offered their help. I wish you could have been here. Everyone asked about you.” She crossed her arms. “I was so angry that you weren’t here. You should have told me about the surgery.”
He shrugged and glanced away. “It just seemed easier. Shutting people out is a habit.”
Sophie set her jaw. The man was infuriating. “Easier for you, not us. You don’t have to keep things from me or the children, Zach. It only makes it worse when you won’t talk about it. You don’t have to go through everything alone. That’s what family is for.”
He frowned. “I’m not good at talking about my feelings.”
“This isn’t about your feelings, this is about your life. You have people who love you and who want to support you and stand by you when you’re dealing with things. We can’t do that if you shut us out all the time. At the very least we could have been praying for you or come with you and rescheduled the opening.”
“That’s exactly what I didn’t want. You’ve worked too hard to change things up for me.”
Why didn’t he understand? “You’re more important than this closet.” She sighed, tamping down her irritation. “When will you know about your vision?”
“I go back to Jackson tomorrow for the follow-up.”
She moved away. “I wish I could go with you but I won’t be here. I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
“What? No, you can’t. Not until I’ve told you...” He stopped and ran a hand through his hair.
“Told me what?”
“Nothing.”
Typical of Zach. Avoid talking at all costs. “I’ll come back and visit as often as I can if you’ll allow me.”
A deep frown appeared on his forehead, calling attention to the thick bandage over his eye. It tugged at her heart and spiked her concern. She hated seeing him like this.
“What do you mean, allow you?” he said. “Of course you can visit. Why would you think otherwise?”
“Why would I think anything else?” She couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice. “You’ve been reminding me often enough that my time here is short.”
“No. I didn’t mean to give you that idea. I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to stay here.”
“You mean you didn’t want to share the children.”
He took a step toward her. “No. I was afraid you might try to take them away. Sophie, I know I haven’t been the best dad to the kids. I’m still learning but you have to believe I love them.”
“I do believe. I never doubted that.”
“Good. Because I thought we could work out an arrangement. I’ll do whatever is best for the kids, even if that means giving them up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know you’ve been talking to Blake Prescott about gaining custody of the kids and—”
“What? Who told you that?” The downside to small-town life was dealing with gossips and busybodies.
“Hank said Paula heard you talking to Blake about the kids.”
Sophie nodded. “Yes, but not about custody of the children. I wanted to talk to him about setting up financial accounts for them. I’ll have money from the sale of my aunt’s shop and her home and I wanted to set it aside for them. I would never take the children from you, Zach. You’re their anchor.”
Zach was relieved to hear her say that, but not for long. He couldn’t imagine a life without her in it. She couldn’t leave yet. Not when he had so much to say.
“What will happen to Maddie’s Closet if you leave?” he asked her.
“Not my problem. Besides, you’ve hired someone to take over. Though I’ve never met her or had a chance to train her.”
Zach winced at the sharp tone in her voice. Another strike against him. “She didn’t accept the job.”
Sophie turned away. “I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
“You could stay and run it, couldn’t you?”
She tilted her chin upward and his heart sank. He knew that gesture and it meant she’d made up her mind and there was probably no changing it.
“No. I think I’ll travel. Take one of those river cruises in Europe and see all the castles and old towns.” She picked up her purse and moved past him.
He watched her walk away but couldn’t let her leave. “Don’t go.” Slowly he walked toward her.
“Why not? There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore.”
“I can think of three.”
She shook her head “The children will be fine with you. You’ll find a job flying and it’ll all work out.”
“Actually, I have a new plan for the future. I’m
going to take over Dean’s contracting business. It’ll provide steady employment and allow me to be home each night. Buck has hinted that he’d be glad to come back to work with me.”
“But you said you hated the domestic life.”
“That’s before I had kids. I realized that if I had to choose between flying and taking care of the kids, I’d choose them every time.”
“That’s not what you said to me when I arrived.”
“I know. I was scared you’d see what a lousy father I was and take the kids away.”
“I told you I’d never do that.”
He waved off her comment and moved closer. “I know. It was an idea that Hank threw out before he even met you. That whole thing with Maddie not telling us about her family, then you showing up suddenly, it was suspicious.” He stepped closer. “Sophie, I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve messed up with the kids and broken promises to them and to you. I never wanted to do that. You were right about how to deal with the kids’ grief and about finishing this closet. It helped the kids and it helped me, too.”
“I’m glad. Those kids mean the world to me.”
“Me, too. Sophie, I hope someday you can forgive me for not being here today. The surgery ran late.” He had no reason to think she’d understand, let alone forgive.
“I should apologize to you. I think I’ve placed too much emphasis on keeping promises. A friend suggested I was using it to keep from giving my heart away. I think she might have been right. Things happen and sometimes promises get broken.” She lifted her hand toward his face and gently touched his cheek. “Like delayed surgeries.”
His chest filled with hope. “Does that mean you’ll think about staying in Blessing?”
“Why should I stay?”
He took her hand in his and pulled her closer. “Because the kids need you. Everything got better when you arrived. You drew us together and made everyone feel safe and full of hope. The children are thriving now thanks to you.”
Her fingers fluttered in his. “Is that the only reason I should stay? To make the children happy?”
The Orphans' Blessing Page 17