I hold my hand up. “Calm down. This is just a solution for a problem today. We’ll worry about your abilities later.”
It’s clear from the look on her face that Crystal wants to argue, but she thinks better of it. “Fine. Let’s try this.”
Grateful she didn’t decide to put up a fight, I offer a small smile. I’m not sure if the spell will even work. It’s possible that we really do need three people to cast it. But there’s only one way to know for sure. Before I can do it, Crystal turns to Dana to direct her about what to do. It’s one thing I’ve always respected about Crystal: her ability to understand even complex spells and break them down for others to comprehend. I’m actually glad she’s doing the explaining because I’m sure I’d miss something.
As she speaks, I lift my wrist and study the woven bracelet. The hemp fibers, which were originally scratchy against my skin, have worn smooth in the months since I made it. The Apache tears and snowflake obsidian glitter in the light from the nearest window. I have to take it off. Every time I’ve considered doing it before, I’ve stopped, afraid of what opening up myself like that might do. I’ve closed that part of me off so completely because I haven’t wanted to know what people are thinking, and I haven’t wanted them to be able to read me either. Still, there’s no getting around it: I’m going to have to remove the charm in order to do this spell. A psychic is required for a reason: Apparently even magic has its limitations when it comes to connecting the dead with the living. I do my best to loosen the knot with the fingers of my opposite hand, but it’s not easy. The simple solution would be to cut it off, but I can’t do that. I have a feeling I’ll want to be able to block out consciousnesses again once this spell is over, and I don’t have another charm prepared. I finally resort to using my teeth to undo the knot. Crystal and Dana both stare at me, Dana’s lip curled with distaste, but neither asks what the significance of the bracelet is.
I build a wall around my thoughts before removing the charm. A gentle pressure nudges at my mind, and I know I made the right move blocking myself off before breaking the protective spell. I’ll have to drop the mental wall to accomplish today’s goal, of course, but hopefully if I’m focused on Bess I won’t be too assaulted by other sensations. “I’m ready.”
Crystal begins the chant, but it’s immediately obvious the power I’ve charged the charm with won’t get her very far. Dana joins in, and I quickly link with the weak energy they’re wielding. I can only hope it’ll be enough.
Slowly, I drop my barrier. To my great relief, I’m not flooded with thoughts or emotions. I’m focused entirely on Bess. I don’t know what she looked like, but Seth once said Crystal bore a resemblance. In my mind’s eye, I pull up an image of Crystal dressed in clothes borrowed from another time—from Seth’s time. I also allow memories to seep in from the night Bess took full control of Crystal’s body, focusing on her behavior, her manner.
The spell was careful to warn the caster that it’s imperative the search be specific. Opening up to just any energy on the other side is dangerous and can have some bad consequences, like possession. That’s mostly why it calls for at least three people to cast the spell—for protection.
As we continue the incantation, my mind opens up to a bright white nothingness. For a split second, I’m afraid I’ve somehow slipped into a vision, but the blinding light doesn’t recede. A hum fills me and I realize what’s happening: This is where I can connect with souls. It’s not a physical place, more another plane, maybe. There are no features here, just energy. The buzz in my head continues to build, along with a pressure against my mind. There are so many spirits around—how will I ever find just one?
I can’t identify who is pressing. It seems focusing on Bess is enough to keep them at bay. But just concentrating isn’t getting me anywhere near finding her. Am I even in the right place? Is there even somewhere else I could be searching? I’m not sure how long any of this is taking. It feels like I’ve been here for a long while, but this might be one of those situations where time passes differently inside the spell than outside of it.
The noise in my head begins to crescendo and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. I can barely sense Crystal and Dana anymore. It’s possible the power in their charms is waning. If it disappears entirely, whatever protection they’re providing will be gone, and who knows what’ll happen to me then. I need to do something fast. If Bess won’t find me, maybe I can find her.
The spell instructed to simply concentrate on the person, but maybe there’s a nuance to the language I misunderstood. I’ve kept my consciousness firmly in my own head, but maybe I’m supposed to actively seek Bess out. It’s worth a try.
I press out with my abilities with the intention of locating Bess somehow among the countless spirits swelling around. It only takes a split second to realize I’ve made a mistake. Once I’m outside of the protection of my own head, the buzzing morphs into sounds, voices, words. In an instant, a billion people are talking, each trying to be heard over the other. It’s too much—I can’t make anything out and I’m losing touch with Crystal and Dana. I’m losing touch with myself. One voice vies for my attention more than the others.
When the blackness overtakes me, I welcome it.
***
I’m floating in a formless void. There’s no light, no sound. I’m neither warm nor cold. I simply am.
Pressure. I feel pressure—but how is that possible? I don’t have a body. I’m simply floating… floating…
Sharp pressure. Vibration. Pain. A murmuring sound.
I come back to myself by degrees. Fingers dig into my upper arms and someone is calling my name.
Jodi.
It takes a considerable effort to open my eyes, and when I do, my room is so bright I have to close them again immediately. It takes several tries before I can focus on her face.
“Krissa? Are you with us?”
Jodi’s voice is finally starting to make sense. There are other sounds in the room, too—whispers coated with concern. Crystal and Dana.
“What happened?” My voice is scratchy.
“You’re an idiot, that’s what happened.” Jodi’s face is pinched in anger. “The girls started screaming, and when I came up here, you’d fallen out of your chair and you were convulsing like you were having a seizure. Exactly what the hell kind of spell were you trying?”
I open my mouth but no explanation comes out. I don’t want to tell her about Brody and the Amaranthine, but I can’t come up with a plausible lie, either—not with my mind feeling all squishy.
“It’s one I found online,” Crystal says, her voice low and apologetic. “I’m sorry. Krissa said it didn’t look right, but I made her do it anyway.”
Jodi’s eyes flicker to Crystal before returning to me. I can’t tell whether she believes Crystal’s story. An echo builds in my head, the way it always does before a person’s thoughts clarify themselves in my mind. Jodi’s wondering if she can cast some sort of protective charm to keep me from doing stupid things.
The corner of my mouth twitches. “I’ll be more careful,” I murmur. “I’m okay. Really.”
Jodi’s expression is dubious, but she stands, offering a hand to help me to my feet. “Something like this happens again and I tell your folks.”
Although I’m not entirely sure what my parents would do if they found out I was being reckless with magic, I appreciate Jodi giving me a free pass on this one. It’s because she feels guilty for pressing me to help Crystal and Dana. I scan the floor for my bracelet. I need to put it on again soon. Even with my brain a squishy mess in the aftermath of whatever just happened, I’m sensing Jodi’s thoughts and emotions pretty clearly. Once I return to normal, there’s no telling the kinds of stuff I’ll pick up on.
My aunt turns to Crystal and Dana. “I think it’s best if the two of you take off for today.”
Crystal nods. “Of course. I’m so sorry.”
Jodi gives a curt shake of her head. She wants to give us a warning, t
ell us not to take risks, but she’s afraid if she does we’ll just do spells like these somewhere else, somewhere she can’t keep an eye on us.
As Jodi leads the way toward the stairs, I bend down to pick up my bracelet. The charm should still work—I didn’t cut it. All I need to do is tie it back on my wrist and I should be able to block people out again.
When I stand, a memory swirls around in my head. There were so many voices echoing inside me, but one managed to be heard above the din. Alec Crawford, Dana’s dad. He had a message for her.
She’s at the top of the stairs now. Should I tell her? Of course. Were I in her position, I’d want to hear from someone I lost. “Dana.”
She pauses, her foot on the top step. Her eyebrows draw together. “Yeah?”
I bite my lower lip. “Could you hang back for a minute?”
Dana glances down the stairs, presumably at Crystal, and gives a little nod. Footfalls continue to sound, growing quieter as Crystal and Jodi make it to the second floor. “What?”
“I have a message. From your dad.” I try to ignore her sharp intake of breath. “I was trying to find Bess and he found away into my head and—” I stop. She doesn’t need the details.
Her eyes dart around like she can’t quite process what she’s hearing. “What’d he say?”
I take in a breath, closing my eyes in an attempt to recall the words perfectly. “‘Don’t forget you’re already whole. Don’t chase after things you don’t need.’”
Dana’s lower lip trembles as the words hang in the air. Tears well in her eyes and she brings her hand to cover her mouth. Before I can say anything more, she’s rushing down the stairs so quickly I’m afraid she’ll fall.
Guilt swells inside me. That was a stupid move. I have no idea what kind of relationship she had with her father. Sure, after I lost my mom I would’ve given anything for one last message, but I’m not Dana.
The spell failed. I upset Dana. Even when I try to do the right thing I end up hurting people.
Chapter Twenty
Crystal
I sip my increasingly cold latte through the thin plastic barrier as I scan the contents of yet another website. I feel like I’ve exhausted all sites promising to increase magical abilities, so I suppose it’s good that’s not the focus of today’s search. Instead, I’m looking for how to connect with a long-dead relative who recently possessed me.
Easy, right?
I tap the screen of my tablet in an attempt to make the text on the page large enough to read. This would be easier on my laptop, but third quarter grades just came in and my parents are not happy. My computer’s on lockdown, only to be used for school-related assignments under direct parental supervision. They wanted my tablet, too, but I was able to convince them they’d already taken it when my grades began to slip. For the moment, they believe me.
That’s why I’m here at Wide Awake Cafe instead of in my room. I’m out in public for a little privacy. How crazy is that?
After Krissa’s epic failure contacting the great beyond the other day, we haven’t made any further attempts. I should be nice. She tried. It’s not her fault she started having a seizure or whatever it was. We should’ve had more people there—an actual witch and psychic at least. But, if I’m honest, I didn’t want anyone else there any more than she did. So if I’m doling out blame for the spell failing, I can take a heaping mound myself.
My folks are having a date night tonight, and I’m under strict instructions to stay home and not have company. So naturally Krissa and Dana will be coming over to discuss next steps. If I play my cards right, I might even be able to have Krissa spell my homework assignments so they’re completed in the blink of an eye. That should go far in convincing my parents I was a good little girl and followed their instructions.
The incantation on the site promises to bring lost loved ones close to the veil in order to communicate one last time. I don’t know if this will work on many levels. First, Bess isn’t exactly a loved one of mine. It’s not like we ever really met. Having her in my head wasn’t like having a roommate; we didn’t chat. Besides, Bess already got a chance to communicate from beyond the grave. Would this spell work for someone who’s already had that kind of experience? It’s impossible to know, so I bookmark the site, just in case Krissa wants to give it a go.
I reach for the latte again, but a flicker in my periphery makes me jump, almost knocking it over. Standing beside me, clad in his signature leather jacket, is Tucker.
A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He shifts slightly, radiating a kind of unease. I’ve always saw him as self-assured, the kind of guy who couldn’t care less what others think of him. To see him anything less than one hundred percent confident is a little disarming.
“It’s okay,” I mumble. I pull the paper cup across the tabletop, setting it up like a barricade between the two of us. I should say something else, but nothing comes to mind.
Tucker seems just as uncomfortable as I am. After a beat, he slides into the empty seat across from me. He doesn’t ask for permission, which is much more like the guy I came to know. I remember like it was yesterday the first time he kissed me. He just came up behind me in the deserted stairwell I like to take between classes and grabbed me around the middle. I squealed—of course—but when his hot mouth found the curve of my neck, somehow I knew he wasn’t there to hurt me. I fit against his body like I was meant to be there.
I take a hasty sip of my latte, doing my best not to cringe at the tepid temperature. I can’t be thinking of the way Tucker makes me feel when we’re together, not if I want my head clear.
“Didn’t mean to ambush you the other night at Krissa’s.” He doesn’t apologize for being there, for surprising me—of course he doesn’t. That’s not his way. He drums his fingertips against the edge of the table. “You know she and I aren’t… You know, right?”
It never crossed my mind that Krissa and Tucker might be involved romantically or physically, but now that he’s assured me they’re not together, my mind can’t help whirling with images. I give myself a slight shake to clear them. “Yeah. I mean, why would you be with her?” I don’t mean it to come out as catty as it does, but there’s no taking it back now.
His mouth twitches. Is he trying to hold back a smile? But then he’s talking. “I think it’s good the two of you are hanging out again. Maybe it’s a sign things are changing. Getting better. For both of you.”
I want to tell them they are, that I’m doing just fine, thank you very much—but it would be a lie. Instead I offer a small nod.
Some of the tension in his face drains. “Good. I’m glad to hear it.” He leans forward, pressing his forearms into the table. “I know things were messed up before. I get it now.”
I shake my head. Whatever he wants to say, I’m sure I’m not ready to hear it. I’ve seen this expression before—when I woke up from being possessed, in the days to follow. This hopeful look in his eyes isn’t a good thing. “Tucker…”
“I was pissed when you broke things off with me the way you did. It hurt. But there was so much other stuff going on behind the scenes. There was the whole Seth thing, you being possessed. And I get that you’ve needed time to deal with everything. But when I saw you at Krissa’s… It’s been months. And stuff’s still messy—I get that. I see it with K all the time. She’s messed up over everything that went down. You are too. But it’s not a problem. Nothing we can’t deal with.”
He stops short of telling me we can handle it together, for which I’m thankful. I don’t know how I’d take such a romantic idea from him. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, it is.” He reaches across the table, stretching until he covers my hand. “I miss you, Crystal.” He states it baldly. Simply a fact. There’s no sappiness, no tear in the eye. That’s not Tucker’s style. “I’ve tried giving you your space. I figured you needed it. But, honestly, I don’t want to wait anymore. I know you, and you’re stubborn as hell. Pro
bably why you and K were always so close—you’re cut from the same cloth. I started realizing she’s not gonna change until something pushes her, which made me think the same’s true for you. So here it is. Consider this your push.”
His fingertips stroke against the top of my hand gently. I want to flip my hand over, press my palm to his. I want to press more than my palm to him, if I’m honest. Being with him felt so good. But as fantastic as all the physical stuff felt, actually getting to know him was beyond what I ever imagined, too. He’s funny, with a sharp, sarcastic wit. He’s straight to the point—there’s no subtext with him. Just like now. And he doesn’t expect or want me to be coy either.
But that’s part of what scares me. If he thinks I shouldn’t be trying to get my abilities back, he won’t pull punches. If he thinks I’m wasting my time, he’ll let me know. What kind of stress would that put on us? And then there’s the other thing. With Brody’s threat hanging over my head, do I really want to start things up again with Tucker? At the very least, he’s a distraction. Even now, instead of telling him to leave because I’m busy, I’m listening to what he has to say. I’m considering his offer. If we’re back together, how much less time will I be spending on finding a solution to my problems?
I could tell him no. I could cut everything off now—tell him to find someone else. But my heart clenches at the idea. I’ve been doing my best to push Tucker from my head for months, to ignore him when he shows up to school, to tamp down memories when they surface in my mind. But despite doing that, I always knew he was there—a possibility. I’m not ready to shut that door entirely. I consider my next words carefully. “Okay… You’ve pushed me.” I take in a breath, releasing it slowly before continuing. “Can you give me a little while to see where I land?”
Disappointment flashes across his face. He doesn’t bother hiding it. But he also doesn’t remove his hand. “I can,” he says, his tone measured. “But don’t expect me to wait around another four months.”
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