by Amaya Black
Padding to the night stand I scooped up some Victoria Secret lotion and slathered it all over my body. My skin was still getting use to the climate on this side of the world I supposed. I especially paid attention to the heels of my feet and my legs. They became shiny and smooth from the lotion immediately.
As I was easing into the my flesh colored underwear, Darien came out. Water dripped down his perfect physique and my mouth watered at the sight of him. He really could have been a Greek god.
“We should hurry,” I said eventually and nodded towards the clock. The minutes had been ticking down and we were even closer to the wedding starting without us.
“We’ll be fine,” he stated and went over to his own suit bag that was hanging near my own.
We were heading out the door with fifteen minutes to spare. Darien had cleaned up nice and I was looking cute as hell. I had went light on the makeup, just a little eye liner. My dark strands had been pulled into a low sleek looking ponytail. The limo driver had been waiting down stairs when we got there and he took us to our destination quick fast and in a hurry. It seemed like when in Monaco, the speed limit didn’t mean a damn thing.
I could feel the car slowing down as we approached our destination. I rolled the window down because I wanted to get a few pictures of the mansion where the wedding was taking place for my facebook that I hadn’t updated in forever. As the window came down, air pelted me in the face. I couldn’t believe the view, as the stone mansion took my breath away.
“The Duke and Duchess of Windsor have been rumored to have stayed here a few times,” Darien volunteered as I snapped away in awe.
“Who?”
“You know the king of England that abdicated the throne for the divorced American woman?”
“Never heard of them,” I stated. “Now, I have been keeping up with Meghan and Harry. Those royals I do know.”
“Well those would have been his great uncle and aunt,” Darien shrugged.
He took the phone from my hands and then flipped the camera around. He pulled me in close to him, kissed me on the cheek and without a second thought took a photo. Our hands brushed one another’s as he handed the phone back to me.
He was always doing something that shocked me lately. I looked at the photo and could see a literal twinkle in his eyes as he smiled against my cheek. The natural light that had filtered into the car made us look amazing, his olive skin and my ebony complimented each other. We were like night and day meeting for the first time.
The limo came to a complete stop, and I felt the lurch in my stomach. I heard the driver’s door click and he was out and suddenly letting us out. Darien helped me from the car and I looked around. There were about fifty steps to climb leading up to an open door. I climbed them with ease even though my foot was already going numb in the nude colored four inch stilettos, I’d chosen to go with this dress.
We reached the top and wedding attendants handed us programs.
“The wedding has been moved inside due to the threat of rain,” one of them said.
“At least you can relax about your hair now,” Darien smiled taking my hand and pulling me along.
“Shut up, my hair was touched by Zeus himself.”
“If you say so,” I could hear that stupid chuckle he did whenever something worked out in my favor.
Moving swiftly, we found where the wedding was taking place. There was a sizeable crowd in the huge ballroom but we found seat and got comfortable. I spotted Paul in a black and white tuxedo looking dapper. He looked nervous like there was a wolf in the room ready to devour him but I knew it was just wedding jitters. I could tell he really loved Aria and she really loved him within the first ten minutes of meeting them.
He spotted both Darien and me, and I gave a little wave and smile. Darien nodded and I mouthed, “Good luck.” This got him to crack a smile and I think some of his nervousness melted away.
Soon, here comes the bride began to play and Aria emerged on her father’s arm. He was a short man with salt and pepper hair who was looking at her with great pride. She reached Paul and her father handed her off to him. Aria was dressed in a glowing white gown that reached the floor. Here and there a shimmer would catch the light of the room and reflect back to us in the audience. Paul clearly only had eyes for this woman; I got a little teary eyed at the scene.
Weddings were a weakness of mine. Back in New York, I would bartend local weddings to make extra coins when I needed it and sometimes, I got to be a part of the whole celebration and watch the entire thing from start to finish. My eyes would go crazy on me and I would let the tears flow. Love, when done right, could be pretty grand.
After the exchange of vowels had been made and every woman with hopeful thoughts of marriage had stopped weeping, we were invited to reception. Except this was no regular reception but instead, a grand reception. Lace was winding down from the ceilings. Feathers were floating on the floor. No expense had been spared for Aria’s second wedding.
“Was your wedding like this?” I looked to Darien after grabbing a cool thing of champagne and cradling it.
He shrugged, “She has expensive taste.”
I looked around some more as a feather floated past my head. “She definitely has her own style. What is this, goose feathers?”
Darien grabbed champagne this time as another server came by. “Have you enjoyed the wedding?”
“It was lovely,” I smiled and leaned into him a bit. He brought his arms around my waist and lazily rubbed my sides.
“I am glad you met, Aria. She is a wonderful woman, we just weren’t compatible.”
I looked up at him and he was watching the bride and groom who seemed super cozy. I could tell that everyone in the room was happy, except probably Darien. I could never tell if he was happy, he had brooding down. The only time he was really happy was when he was with Alex. Almost as if reading my mind, he looked down to me and spoke.
“Should we leave tonight?”
“I wouldn’t mind if we left right now….I miss that baby so much.”
Two days had been the longest I’d ever gone without him. Darien grabbed my hand and smiled. His touch was warm, and I realized there was kind of a chill in the air even though it was more than enough people filling the large room to warm it. “Let’s sneak away.”
Chapter 19
Three days later…
Over and over, I was restless and crying. My hair had been all over my head. I couldn’t focus my thought. Alexander’s coos were turning to screams and I couldn’t even comfort him. Darien or Helena would have to come and take him from me and then leave with sad and sympathetic looks.
I lay down in the bed, the curtains were drawn as tight as they could be. Still, light found a way to peak through. Just a small sliver of it creeped through the room and landed on the edge of the bed.
My fingers inched out to touch the spot where the light was. Was it some metaphor for life? That even in the dark, there could be a tiny ray of light, a spark of hope?
All I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn’t sleep just yet though. I knew she was waiting for me in my dreams and I didn’t want to talk. She would be asking me to talk to her about being Alex’s mom and to be a good parent. I couldn’t do any of those things when I hadn’t been a good sister to her.
On the way home from Aria’s wedding, death had visited, and it had taken Dana. A nurse had noticed that she was begging to bleed from her nose and there were signs that something else was going on internally. Her heart had also been weak.
While I had been off, shirking my responsibility, dancing and having fun, my sister had been dying without me. I knew that in the back of my mind, there would have been nothing I could have done anyway.
I rolled over onto my back and scrubbed my hands over my face. I was getting pretty smelly; it was like my body was producing its own form of smelly garlic. I don’t think I’d showered in at least two day. Alex was probably upset to the stench I was giving off. However, I couldn’t drag myself
out of bed just yet. I literally couldn’t bring myself to move.
The door to my bedroom cracked open and even more light flooded in. I groaned like a vampire being destroyed by the rays of the sun. Just as quickly as I heard it open, heard it softly click close. Footsteps sounded across the wooden floors.
“Please get out,” I mustered in a cracked voice.
“Allanah, you need to eat.”
It was Darien and I was not in the mood. I blamed him just a little bit. If he had carried me away to watch his ex-wife get married again, I would have been with Dana.
“No. Go away.”
The bed shifted under his weight as he crawled into bed with me. He pulled me in close and kissed my head.
“I won’t.”
“I don’t need you. I don’t need anyway. I want you to go the fuck away.”
He said nothing further and I struggled to get away from him then. The scent of his Armani cologne demanded my senses pay attention. It made me feel safe and I hated him for it.
“You made me leave her,” I said, and tears were beginning to start again.
Darien shifted on the bed and then sat me up and made me look at him. Gripping my chin, in his hand he forced my eyes to his. With his other hand, he smoothed my hair that was in a ponytail down.
“I know that pain in your chest your feeling, Lana. Even when we mourn our dead, we still have to keep going. Alex needs you….I need you.”
He got up off the bed and went into my bathroom that was off to the side. I watched him flip on the lights; they flooded through the room hurting my eyes. From where I was, I could see him doing something and then the sound of running water filled my ears. He stood up and caught me eyes. Rolling my eyes at how polite he’d been just now about my body odor, I waited for him.
He came back in and led me from the bed and into the tiled room. He helped me peel away old clothing and when the water was just high enough, just hot enough, he helped me step in.
I lay back in the white claw footed porcelain tub. Water wooshed over my body as I completely submerged myself, hair and all. It needed to be washed anyway. I had my eyes clenched tight as liquid entered into my ears, putting a stop to my thoughts. I could stay under here forever. I could drown under a sea of suddy water and be where my mother and sister were…
Gasping, I came up for air. Darien had in that time, had rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. I didn’t want to the look of sympathy I saw on his face.
“You don’t have to chaperon me, I can wash myself,” I almost didn’t recognize the tone of my voice. It was sharp and cutting like a winter wind in New York.
He bit his lip and then took a wash cloth and filled it with some liquid green soap. The smell of cucumbers hit my nose as he took my arms and began to cleanse my body of dirt. He scrubbed me down and all I could do was sit and watch the water turn cloudy.
He went to shampoo my hair but I stopped him. I didn’t trust him to handle my delicate coils and took over doing that myself.
“When I had to make arrangement for my brother….I had no one,” Darien stated. He had leaned back against the sink and was watching me lather up my tresses.
“And now I’m making arrangements for my sister…and I have no one,” I said.
He sighed. I stopped the scrubbing of my scalp for just a moment when he spoke again. “That’s not true. You have Alexander. And….you have me.”
“If I hadn’t of gone to Monaco with you…”
I watched him rub the bridge of his nose. He knew what I wanted to say. He knew that I wanted to blame him for leaving Dana. Never finishing the thought, I stood and turned the shower on so I could block out everything. Under the water it was quiet as hell. I could think, and summon my thoughts.
I heard Darien muttering outside the shower. I gave my curls a final rinse to make sure all the product was out and slidding down the drain.
“Huh?”
“I don’t want you to shut me out,” he said and his voice was barely above a whisper.
I stepped out of the shower then. My body was glistening with water. My nipples felt the air hit them and came straight out to attention. Darien was instantly ready with a hard on.
“Towel,” I demanded softly.
He handed my a pink towel, which I wrapped around my body quickly. I wasn’t interest in sex right now.
“I’ll leave you to relax. I’ve got to go into the office but Helena is making you dinner. I should be back in time to eat with you.”
He came forward and kissed me softly on the forehead. He pulled my chin up to make me meet his eyes.
“Sleep, Lana. We will figure this out….together.”
He strode from the room, his six foot frame moving swiftly. I wondered briefly what he needed to take care of in the office but I didn’t care. My reflection spoke and said even with a bath, I looked like a disaster. I needed to sleep.
I dried off until there was no trace of water left. I found Darien’s gray Wharton tshirt, under ware and pajamas waiting for me on the bed. He must have pulled them out when I’d been contemplating drowning myself in the bathtub.
The sheets were fresh and clean too. Helena mustve come in as well. That woman was literally a God send. I could tell by the way she cared for Alex she must love him a lot. Whatever she was beginning to prepare for dinner was already hitting my nose as I slipped back under the white down comforter.
The feeling of tired was coming over me. It had had been there for days now but I had really been fighting it. It was like a boulder ready to roll me over and pin me in place. I tried to fight and keep my eyes open. I knew Dana was waiting for me….
Chapter 20
The beach wasn’t crowded. I could feel the sand shifting beneath my feet and how warm it was covering my toes. It was even covering my hands. I gave my fingers a wiggle, but they almost seemed rooted in place. There even seemed to be a slight ocean breeze blowing and I could smell the water: full of salt and death.
The ocean seemed so far away. If I could just get up and go in….
“You have to sit,” she said.
I sighed. I knew she was right. Sometimes, every once in a while, she was right about things.
“You have to drink in all this beauty. You have to take in every moment. And you need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop with Darien.”
I turned and looked for her. She was there. Dana was dressed in a pretty white gown, and she was sitting in the sand with me, her face tilted up to the sun. She was drinking in all the sun had to offer.
“You know you’re dead right?” I asked finally.
“Small technicality,” she gave a shrug and then laughed. She looked over at me and her hazel eyes took me in. Only Dana would find death hilarious.
Men had always thought Dana was beautiful. She had legs that went on for miles and unblemished chocolate skin. Her two pearly white front teeth had a slight gap between them that gave her a Bridgett Bardott look and quality about her. She had gotten her hazel eyes from our mother.
She stood up then and began walking but she only went a little ways. The ocean was lapping around her toes and I was getting pissed I couldn’t stand in the water too. She glanced over her shoulder.
“I told you that you have to watch, drink it in,” she rolled her eyes at me struggling.
“I don’t want too,” I said becoming annoyed with my dead sister’s ghost. “Go haunt other people’s dreams.”
She turned back to me. Her gown was getting soaked. The tide seemed a little closer now and I wriggled my feet out to try touch; my toes remained wedged in the sand, stuck.
“You know, now that I’m dead….there’s no one to remember me,” her voice was soft. “No one that loved me. Really loved me.”
“This is why I didn’t want to sleep.”
She laughed again. “Damn, let me be dead and somber, sis.”
“How could you?” I asked finally. “How could you not tell me about the baby?”
I think she remembered the
n that she had a baby. Typical Dana, always forgetting important shit. The look on her face changed. “Baby?”
My hands finally came up out of the sand and my feet were free too. I stood up quickly to face Dana. “Yes. Now he has no one.”
She smiled. “He has you. Allanah….Alex was always meant to be your child. I…check the paper work. You were too blind to see it the first time. You didn’t see.”
I blinked for just a second and Dana was halfway down the beach. I tried to run after her, but she was getting further and further away. I just wanted her to come back. What was she talking about? I tried to call out to her, but my voice suddenly didn’t work.
I woke up then, tangled in the sheets. I was mid-sentence whispering Dana’s name. The red numbers of the clock read 5:00 p.m. and that meant I’d been asleep for an hour. I rolled over onto my back, my breaths were coming out in weird puffs. Finally, my breathing settled but the dream remained with me. It had almost felt as though Dana was in the room with me.
You didn’t see, her words rang through my mind.
“It was just a fucking dream, Allanah. Get a grip.”
I realized I was sweating from the dream. I guess my adrenaline had been running on high or something while in the dream. I forced myself to get up, the bed moving under my weight. I scrubbed my palms over my face to wipe away some of the sweat, my hair still slightly damp. It was going to take all day to flat iron it back into shape. I sighed, Greece was lacking on hair products for black hair.
I eyed the night stand which is where I had placed a bunch of paperwork, such as Alex’s birth certificates and my passport. Among those papers had been hospital papers. Dana’s words kept repeating themselves. Alex was always meant to be your child.
Running my fingers over the black wood, I pulled the drawer open and reached inside. The crème colored hospital folder with the hospital emblem starred back at me. I flicked on the bright lamp beside the bed and began combing through the folder and there it was.