by Eric Filler
Karidecidedthebestthingshecoulddoatthemomentwastoleadby example.Sheheftedatelephonebookfromadeskandthencarrieditoverto herchair.Shehoppedontothebook,herfeetdanglingintheair.Shefoundthat allhernotepadshadturnedtoconstructionpaperwhileherpenshadbecome crayons,bringingthatdisastrousdayinpreschooltomind.
Whiletheotherthreecontinuedtowhineandbawl,Kariheardthephone ring.Sheleanedovertopickitup.“Mr.Wecau’soffice.”
“Excuseme?”amansaid.
“Mr.Wecau’soffice.MynameisKawi.CanIhewpyou?”
“Isthisajoke,littlegirl?Putyourmommyonthephone.”
“Itnotajoke.I’mhisExecutiveSecwetawy.”
Themansighedandthengaveheramessageaboutcancelingameetingfor thisafternoon.Karitriedtowriteitdown,butfoundshenolongerhadthe cognitiveskillsforit.Withabluecrayonshedidherbesttodrawthemessage
onasheetofconstructionpaper.
ShehoppedoffherchairtoscurryovertoTai’sdoor.“Comein,sweetie,”
Taisaid.Onceshewasinside,hegrinnedather.“Well,whathaveyoudrawn forUncleTai?”
“Younotmyuncweoranythingewse.”
“Now,now,younglady,youbestwatchthattongue.Unlessyouwantto endupbackindiapers.”
“Yougonnaputusthereagainanyway.”
“Youweresuchacutebaby.It’sashameyouhadtogrowup.”
KarisawthewinkfromTai’sring.Momentslaterthelegsofheroveralls pooledaroundhershoes.Herpantiesthickenedintoaclothdiapersheknew wouldbeheldinplacebycuteduckypins.Herpigtailsandbangsthinneduntil shehadonlytwostubbytuftsstickingoutfromthebaseofherneck.
Shetriedtospeak,butcouldonlychirpgibberish.Shehadbecometoo littlenoweventotalk.Taicamefrombehindhisdesk.Shetriedtorun,but couldonlygetastepbeforecollapsingtothefloor.Hescoopedherup,along withherdrawing.“Thisforme?”heasked.Shenodded.“It’spretty.Sucha talentedbaby.”
Oncehetookthepicture,hedroppedhertothefloor.Bythetimeshe landed,shehadgrownbackintoatoddler.“Youchangedmeback?”
“Ijustwanttoremindyouthatthere’snowayyoucanwin.Youmightas wellgetusedtoit.”Heflickedoneofherpigtails.“Weren’tyouhappierwhen youthoughtyoureallyweremysecretary?”
“Itwasawie.”
“Sometimesliesarebetterthantruth,aren’tthey?”
“No.”
“YourfriendValmightdisagree.”
“WhatyoudotoVaw?”
“That’snotanyofyourbusiness.Shewasapoopyhead,remember?”
“Justtewme!”
“Soundslikesomeoneneedsanap.”
“Whatyoudotoher?”
“ThesameasIdidforyou:Iofferedherachoice.She’salothappier now.”
“HowdoIknowthat?”
“Youdon’t.Andit’snotimportantinanycase.”Taistudiedthedrawing.
“Thisisverynice.IthinkI’llhangitonthewall.”Hewavedhishandather.
“Youcangonow.”
Kariretreatedtotheouteroffice,whereshewasrelievedtoseetheothers
werestilltoddlers.Atleasthehadn’tturnedthemintobabies—yet.Shewaited forhimtodoso,buthemusthavegottenhisfunforthemoment.“Comeon, wet’sgettowork!”shesaid.
***
Ittookthemonlyaweektogetasystemworkedouttohandletheirnormal workload.Thephonecallswereeasyenough;theyjusthadtorememberthe message,usuallybyrepeatingitaloudandtheothergirlscontinuingtorepeatit.
Fordictation,Kariwouldessentiallycreatehieroglyphicsonapieceof constructionpapertoremindthemofthekeypointsandthenshewould reconstructtheletterlater.
Tousethetypewritertheyhadtogobacktoschool.Afterthesecondday, Kariconvincedtheotherstostayinherapartment.Theothersagreedbecauseit wouldhelpchangethemback,butalsobecauseasfive-year-oldstheywere terrifiedofbeingaloneatnight.Sowhentheygothometheywouldstudyflash cardsandthenallcrowdintoKari’sbedtosleep.
TheflashcardsKarikeptonherdesk.Iftheycametoawordtheydidn’t knowhowtospell,theywouldsortthroughthedeckuntiltheyfounda correspondingpicturetotheword.Inordertotypefaster,theyallworkedon decodingadocumentandthenJeri—thefastesttypistwithherscrawnyfingers
—wouldputthewholethingtogether.
Bythesecondweektheyhadbecomeawell-oiledmachine.Unitedbya commonpurpose,evenJeripitchedinwithouttoomuchcomplaining.Though shewouldwhineeverynowandthenabouthertummyrumbling,Terihadgotten overhersuddenobesity.Ironicallybybecomingtoddlerstheyhadbecomea muchtighter-knitgroup.
Attheendofthemonth,KariwalkedintoTai’sofficewithanotherletterfor hissignature.“Closethedoor,”hesaid,notsmuglygrinningatherforonce.
“Issomethingwong,Mr.Wecau?”
“Youthinkyou’reprettysmart,don’tyou?”
“I’mjustawidowkid.”
“Sureyouare.”Hetookapufffromhiscigar,blowingaplumeofblue smokeintotheair.“Comehere.”
Karitrudgedovertowherehesat.Shesquealedashepickedherupfrom thefloorandthendumpedherontohislap.Shebracedherselfforhimtospank her.Butheonlybouncedheronhiskneeandstrokedherhair.
“I’vemisjudgedyou,Kari.Allthattimeweworkedtogether,Ithoughtyou werejustabookishlittlemilksop.Imeanthoseglassesofyours.Itwashardto takeyouseriously.”
“Isthatwhyyouweftmetheretodie?”
“Youwerenevergoingtodie.IknewValwouldcomeforyou.Andit helpedyoulosesomeweight,”hesaid,pattinghertummy.
“Weightyouputonme.”
“Perhaps.”Heblewanothercloudofsmokethatstartedheronacoughing fit.“IfI’dknownwhoyoureallywere,Iwouldn’thavedoneit.Iwouldhave broughtyouwithme.”
“Iwouldneverhavegonewithyou.Notwithwhatyouweregoingtodo.”
“Ofcoursenot,ofcoursenot.”Hetwirledtheendofoneofherpigtails aroundhisfinger.“Turningyouintoalittlegirlhasreallybroughtoutthebestin you,hasn’tit?Lookatyou,sofieryandindependent.Alotmorelikethat whore,Val.”
“Don’tyoutawkaboutherwikethat!Iwuvher.”
“I’msureyoudo.”Heleaneddowntopresshisnosetoherneck.“Iwuv you,Kawi.YouandIcanrulethiswholeworld.You’llbemyqueen.”
“No.”
“Don’tyouevenwanttothinkaboutit?”
“No.Iwon’thewpyouenswavepeople.”
“It’snotlikeyoureallyhaveachoice.AllIhavetodoisthinkitandyou’ll bebackinacrib.Afewweeksofthatandyou’llbegmetotakeyouback.
Eitherthatoryou’llloseyourlittlemind.”
“Idon’tcare.”Shetriedtogetoffhislap,butheheldontothebackofher overalls.“Wemmego!”
“Notyet,sweetheart,”hesaid.“I’malmostfinished.”
ItwasthenKarisawwhathewasreallydoingwhilehehadbeensitting withheronhislap.Shepressedhereyesclosedsoshewouldn’thavetoseeit.
Butshedidhearhisgroanofpleasureinherear.“Wasthatgoodforyou?”he whispered.
Atlastshecouldleapfromhislap.Shewenttothedoorbuthehad somehowlockeditagain.“Whatewseyouwantfromme?”
“I’mjustgivingyouachancetoreconsider.Iwouldn’twantyoutomakea terriblemistake.”
“I’mnot.”Shefoldedherarmsacrossherchest.“Youthinkyousotough, butwookawound.Youmadeuswidowandweworkingbetterthanever.”
Hepickedupthelettershehadbroughtin.H
escanneditandthennodded.
“Notasingleerror.Amazingforabunchoftoddlers.”
“Youunderestimateus.Youwost.Nowyouhavetomakeusgwown-ups again.”
“DoI?Butyou’resomuchmoreefficientthisway.”
“Youpwomised.”
“Iwouldn’twanttobweakmypwomise,wouldI?”
ShesawtheStoneofChangewinkather.Shewaitedtostartgrowinginto anadultagain,butinsteadsheshrankafewcentimeters.Hergutpushedout fartherandfarther,untilshewasasbigaroundasTeri.“Youliar!”she screeched,hervoiceafewoctaveshigherthanbefore,asifshe’dbeensucking helium.“Youpromisedtomakeusadultsagain!”
“Goahead,lookinthemirror,”hesaid,motioningtohisclosetdoor.
Karipulleditopenandgasped.Shewasonlyaboutametertallandyet whensheleanedclose,shesawcrow’sfeetaroundhereyesandlinesonher forehead.Asshewatched,herpinkshirtandoverallschangedintoatightred sweaterandagrayskirtthatwentdowntojustaboutherknobbyknees.Her pigtailsunraveled,theredhairspillingdowntoherwaist.Astringofpearls appearedaroundherneck,makingherlookmoregrown-up.
“Youseeitnow?”Taisaid,thesmuggrinback.“You’reoneofthewee folknow.”
“That’snotfair!”
“Youwantedtobeagrown-upagain,soyouare—inamannerof speaking.”
“Youcheated!”
Heonlyshrugged.“YoushouldbegladIdideventhatmuchforyou.”The doorunlockedonitsown.“Goodday,MissChomar.”
“Thisisn’tover,”shesqueakedasshewaddledoutthedoor.
IntheouterofficeshefoundTaihaddonethesametotherestofthem.Jeri toucheddroopingjowlswithsausagelinkfingers.Blondhairfellinwavesdown toherbulgingstomach.Sheworeasweateridenticalinstyleandtightnessas Kari’s,exceptitwaspink.Sheevenhadthesamestringofpearls.Sheriand Teriweresimilarlydressed,SheriwithalightbluesweaterandTeriwitha yellowone.WhileTeri’shairwentdowntoherwaist,Sheri’swascutinabowl cutsimilartowhatKarihadwornasMolegirl.
Sheriranahandthroughhershorthairandactuallysmiled.“Ithinkit’s cute.We’relikefairiesorelvesorsomething.”
“Youmeandwarves,idiot,”Terigrowled.
“Whatever.It’sstillneat.”
“Let’sseehowneatitiswhenyouhavetogooutlikethisonthestreet.”
JerilaunchedherselffromherseattowaddleovertoKari.ShetookKari bythefrontofhersweater.“Whatdidyoudo?”
“Itoldhimtomakeusgrown-upsagain,sohedid.”
“Nohedidn’t!Lookatus!”
“Butweareadults,”Karisaid.
“That’snotfair!”
“Iknow.Butlook,it’sjustanothergame.Wejusthavetokeepthingsas normalaspossible.He’llgetboredandfindsomethingelsetodo.”
“Normal?Howcanwekeepthingsnormal?Youthinkanymanisgoingto wanttogooutwithmelikethis?”
“Amanwho’samidgetwould,”Sheriblurtedout.
JeritookoffforSheri’sdesk.Fortunatelyherstubbylegscouldn’tgether thereveryfast.TeritackledherandKarihelpedpinherdownbeforeshecould trytowringSheri’sneck.“Mylifeisover!”Jeriwailed.
“That’swhathewantsyoutothink,”Karisaid.“Soweprovetohimit’s not.”
“What’stheuse?He’lljustmakeusintosomethingworse.”Jeribeganto sob.“It’snofair.Ijustwantedtobeprettyandgetarichhusband.Ididn’t wanttobeafreak.”
“You’renotafreak,Jeri.You’restillyou,inside.”
“Yeah,you’rejustasselfishandshallowasyoueverwere,”Terisaid.
Despitetheimplicationofthesewords,Jeribegantolaugh.“Iam,aren’t I?”Theyalljoinedinlaughingwithher.Thentheysetbacktowork.
Chapter9
Havingalreadyspentsomuchtimerecentlyasatoddler,Karididn’thave muchofanadjustmenttobeingamidget.Thehardestpartwasoncepeople realizedshewasanadult,theywouldstareather.Sometimes,walkingdowna street,shecouldhearsomeonesnickerasshewentpast.Thosemomentsstung, butshecouldgetoverit.
Atleastnowattheofficetheydidn’tneedflashcards.Whentheyusedthe typewritertheydidneedtouseasticktohitthekeys,theirfingerstoothickto accuratelypunchthekeys,whichhadnecessitatedcorrectingalotofmistakes.
Theothermajoradjustmentwastheyneededstepsinthesupplyroomsand breakroomforwhentheyneededtogetsomethingfromahighcabinet.
Theyneededthesamekindofstepsattheirapartment.Thefourofthem werestilllivingtogether,thoughnolongerbychoice.Whentheyhadgoneback toKari’safterthefirstnight,theyfoundfourseparatebedsinthebedroom,each onelabeledwithadifferentname.ItwasclearTaiintendedforthemtostay together.NotthatKarimindedhavingherthreeroommates.Beinginchargeof themhelpedgiveherlesstimetothinkaboutValandwhereeverythinghadgone wrong.
Aboutaweekago,astheyweresittingonthecouchwatchingtelevision,a birthdaypartyhadcomeonthescreen.“It’smybirthdayinaweek,”Jeri grumbled.“Andjustlookatme:I’mafatfreaklivingwiththreeotherfat freaks.”
“It’llbeallright,”Karisaid.“He’llgetboredsoonerorlater.We’redoing toogoodofajobforhimtobehavinganyfun.”
“Maybe.Ormaybehejustlikeswatchingusscramblingaroundlikea bunchoffatmonkeys.”
“Trustme,he’llgetboredsoon.”
“Great.Thenhe’lldosomethingworse.”
Theyletthatthoughthangintheair.Later,whenJeriwentouttogetsome milk,Kari,Sheri,andTeriheldaconference.“Weshoulddosomethingnicefor her.Throwheraparty.”
“Likeshe’llcare,”Terigrumbled.“Shewon’twanttohangoutwithusfat freaks.”
“Maybenothere,butwecouldtakeherout.”
“Isthereabarformidgetssomewhere?”
“Idoubtit.”
“Ithinkit’sagoodidea,”Sherisaid.“It’llbefun.”
“Untilheruinseverything.”
“Wehavetoatleasttry.”
Terifinallycavedinandtheybeganmakingplans.Sincetheyspentso muchtimetogether,itwashardtokeepitfromJeri,meaningtheyhadtomake thearrangementswhenshesteppedout.Whenshedidn’tdothisbychoice,Kari wouldfindareasonJerineededtogodownstairsforsomething.Shewould alwayscomebackinafoulmood,asanewsportaroundthebuildingwasto tormentthemidgetgirlsbyputtingthingstoohighforthemtoreach.
Atlastthenightofthepartycame.Aftertheylefttheoffice,Kariputa blindfoldaroundJeri’seyes.“What’sthisfor?Wherearewegoing?”
“You’llsee,”Karisaid.
Theytooktheblindfoldoffoncetheyreachedtheirdestination.Therewas nocrowdjumpingouttoshout,“Surprise!”oracake,buttherewasabanner.It didn’tsay“HappyBirthday,Jeri!”Instead,thebannersaid,“SinglesNight.”
ThesignwastackedoverthedoorwayoftheClamshellPub.
Ithadtakenthemdaysofcallingaroundtofindaplacehavingasingles mixerthatnight.Someoftheplacesshehadtocalltwice,astheyhungupon Karithemomentshespoke,sensingitwasaprankcall.Eventuallyshefound theClamshellandfromtheretheyhadmadetherestoftheirplans.
“Whatarewedoinghere?”Jeriasked.
“It’syourbirthdaygift!”Sherisaid.“Thereareallsortsofeligibleguysin there.”
“Probablynonedesperateenoughtodateafreak.”
“Youwon’tknowuntilyoutry,willyou?”KaripattedJeri’sshoulder.
“Andwe’llallbetherewithyouforsupport.”
“Great.”
“Comeon,it’llb
efun.”StillKarihadtodragJeriintotheclubwithher.
Shesawrightawaythey’dmadeamistake.Despitethebanneroverthedoor, therewereonlyahandfulofmen.
“Arewetoolate?”Sheriasked.
“Ortooearly,”Terisaid.
“Hey,youkidscan’tbeinhere,”thebartendersaid.
“We’renotkids,youidiot,”Terisnapped.
“We’relittlepeople!”Sherisaid,practicallysingingit.
“Yeah,right.”
“Thiswasabadidea,”Jerisaid.“Let’sgohome.”
“We’renotgoinganywhere.”KaridraggedJeriovertoastool.Theyhad toscrambletogetuponthestoolsandfacethebartender.“Lookatus.Dowe reallylooklikekids?”
“Yeah,fine.Whatwillyoulittlepeoplebedrinking?”
“Justgiveuseachabeer.”
“Youwanttosplitabottle?”
Terigrabbedthebartender’shandtoyankhimtowardsher.“Justbringus fourbottlesandcantheattitude,”shesaid.
“Fine.”Thebartendercontinuedgrumblingtohimselfasheploppedabeer downinfrontofeachofthem.
“Well,nowyoucangotoit,”Sherisaid.“Lookatthatcuteguyover there.”
“He’sgottobeatleasteighty,”Terigrumbled.
Jeriwipedathereyesandshookherhead.“Thanksfortrying,guys,but let’sfaceit,there’snooneoutthereforme.Notlikethis.”
BeforeKaricouldstopher,Jerileapedoffthestoolandwaddledoutthe frontdoor.Karisighedandthentookapullofherbeer.Taididn’tevenhaveto ruintheeveningwiththeStoneofChange;theeveninghadruineditselfjust fine.
Sheripattedherhand.“Youtried.It’lljusttakehertimetogetusedtoit.”
“Isupposeso.”
Theysataroundthebarforawhile,waitingincaseJericameback.She didn’t.Nomencameintothebareither.Theonlycontacttheyhadallnightwas adrunkmangrabbingSheri’sarm.Shesqueakedwithfearatthis.“Hey,you gottatakemetoyourpotofgoldnow,right?”hesaid.
“That’sleprechauns,asshole,”Terisaid.Shesmashedherbottleoverthe drunk’shead.Betweentheblowandhisnightofdrinking,hewentdown withoutincident.Butthatputanendtotheirevening.