by Kimi Flores
Once the pool was fully inflated, I closed the valve and called out, “Bring the blankets and pillows over and toss them inside while I get everything else setup.”
Eyeing me suspiciously, she poked the side of the pool with the toe of her shoe. “You couldn’t just go with a blow-up mattress?”
Reaching up to a tree branch, I tied one corner of the white bedsheet. “Nope. That might send the wrong message. I’m not that easy.”
She raised an eyebrow then looked down at our large, inflated cushion as I finished hanging the sheet by tying another corner to a nearby branch.
Hoping that it worked without any glitches, I slipped my cell phone into the homemade projector Angel helped me build using an old shoebox and large magnifying glass. I got the idea from a similar one my nephew had made for a project in school just before summer break.
I turned to check on Andie and saw that she’d spread the blanket and propped the pillows up into a makeshift couch, took her shoes off and sat inside with her legs crisscrossed. I took a moment and stared at her beautiful smile and the new devious look in her eye. I couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” she sassed. “I’m starving and I’m pretty sure I smelled food in the car.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. God, I loved her attitude.
Shaking my head, I went back to the trunk, grabbed the insulated bags and dropped everything just outside our air-filled seating for the night. Andie peeked into the open bag. “Got anything in there my people would approve of?”
That comment got a snort out of me. “Yeah. I think even your leader would approve.” I set the containers of food, utensils, plates and napkins, as well as a few bottles of water on top of the blanket.
All her fake pretense left when she pulled the lid off the cilantro lime grilled shrimp and took a whiff. “Ohmygod, that smells amazing.” Her eyes rolled back and all I could think about was how I wished I was the one making those eyes roll.
Shaking that thought out of my head, I helped her dish up the rest of her plate before her responses to each item took me further down my dirty thought pathway.
We ate out in the open with nothing more than the stars to light our private dinner for two and our effortless conversation. Andie had given several appreciative moans during our meal and I had to wonder if she’d been doing it on purpose. I really didn’t want her to think I’d planned everything tonight just so I could sleep with her. Taking another look around, I had to admit, if she was game, there would be no stopping it.
Clearing my throat, I changed mental directions. “So, tell me something about yourself that you haven’t shared with me yet.”
“You first.” She put her empty plate aside and wiped her hands on her napkin.
“Oh, no you don’t. I went first when we talked about our failed relationships.” After returning everything to the bag, I kneeled and swiped the crumbs off the blanket.
“Hmmm...let’s see.” She stared up at the sky, then at me as I sat back down. “You turned my heart to mush before I’d ever seen you.”
That made me gulp. “Do tell, but let’s get comfy first.” The vinyl material squeaked as we moved around until we were laying on our sides facing each other with the blanket under us and pillows nestled under our bent elbows.
“Well, when I came home that first night, you left the lights on in the trees and it made me feel…comforted.”
I picked a leaf out of her hair and lingered a little longer than necessary. “Oh yeah? How so?”
Reaching behind her head, she swiped her hair to one side, then began picking imaginary lint from the blanket. My heart thumped in my chest as I watched her conflicted expression. I had a feeling she didn’t normally share this story.
“When I was a little girl, I was devastated when my parents’ announced they were getting a divorce. Even though he hadn’t been around a lot in those final days, it was still weird not having my dad at home once he’d taken all his stuff and moved in with another woman. I had no idea where I fit.”
Before she continued, she closed her eyes like she was mentally pushing past her discomfort about showing this vulnerable side of her. “It got even worse shortly after the divorce was final and my father remarried. He didn’t know at the time, but I overheard him apologizing to my new step-mom because my being there apparently intruded on some plans she’d had.” Her tone got even sadder as she continued. “The real kicker came when he admitted that the only reason he had to pick me up every week was to avoid paying more in child support.”
My blood began to boil. Not only had her father made her feel like shit for having a medical condition she had no control of, but he chose a woman he’d probably been having an affair with over his own child? What an asshole.
I almost stopped her there, but I wanted to know every detail. I slowly pushed a piece of her silky hair behind her ear, allowing my thumb to gently caress her cheek.
“Needless to say, I was crushed by the time I got home and explained to my mom why I never wanted to go back to his house.” She placed her hand on top of mine and forced a smile. It killed me to see her so upset.
“The next day, my mom strung lights through a few of the trees in our front yard, explaining those lights would be on to greet me even before I stepped foot inside the house. They were to be a reminder that I was loved and wanted.”
My jaw tightened and my fist clenched as I took in all that she’d said. “I’m sorry to hear about the way your father treated you, but your mother sounds like an amazing woman.” I rubbed my hand back and forth on her shoulder. What I really wanted to do was take her in my arms and hold her the rest of the night.
That determined look returned. “For my own sanity, I don't have a relationship with my father anymore, but my mom is the most kindhearted person you will ever meet. She’s always doing little things like that to show me her love.”
“Where does she live?”
“Florida, but she travels a lot with my aunt. We only talk every month or so, but she blogs all of their travels.” Andie snickered. “The woman who had no idea how to open a browser when I was a teenager now blogs and does live videos online.”
I smiled. “You’ll have to give me her link. I’d love to follow her.”
She nodded. “Anyway, when I came home that one night, after how crappy my trip ended, I expected to find a dark, lonely yard. But unknowingly, you changed my whole night. Then of course there was the whole scaring the shit out of me afterward.” She laughed. “But seriously, after I admit this next part, you can’t hold it against me.” Her voice went soft. “Being in the same room with you, seeing your smile, hearing your laugh, has made me really happy.”
It would’ve been so easy for her to become bitter after feeling the sting of her father’s rejection, instead, she was the most down to earth person I’d met. “I knew there was something special about those lights. I turned them on every night that first week and I was glad you continued to once you got home.”
Scooting a little closer to her while still leaving some space between our bodies, I placed her hand on my chest. “I’m glad I was sending you that message, even if I didn’t know it.”
She glanced up. “Okay, enough about me. Your turn. Tell me something top-secret you haven’t shared yet.”
With her hand still on my chest, I playfully tapped my finger pretending to search for a good story. I’m sure she felt my pulse pick up as I contemplated how much to share. “I don’t know about top-secret, but I haven’t told you the whole story surrounding my sister’s death.”
Andie started to sit up to give me her full attention, but I placed my hand on her waist and pulled her back down. “This might be hard for me, let’s stay like this,” I explained.
She nodded and settled in on her side once again.
With a deep breath, I began. “My twin sister, Tiffany, and I weren’t what you’d necessarily call close, but I was always there for her. And what I mean by tha
t is, I was always there to pick up after the catastrophes she’d create.”
Her compassionate eyes were glued to me as she pressed her hand harder into my chest and leaned in closer.
“Tiffany started drinking heavily when we were teens, but I was too busy hanging with my lacrosse friends to really pay attention. I’d heard rumors in school about the things she’d do at weekend parties and I continued to ignore the warning signs.”
Lying back, I stared at the sky feeling the guilt grip onto my insides. Andie moved her head above me and looked into my eyes. “Blaine, you were a teen yourself. It was your parent's responsibility, not yours.”
I clenched my teeth. “I really wish they would have acted like it because, by the time I graduated from med school, things had gotten so much worse. Tiffany and my nephew had moved in with my parents after her husband went to jail for embezzlement and all their assets were frozen.”
Running my hand through my hair, I stopped at the back of my head and tugged a handful. It was a habit I had developed while dealing with anger in front of my nephew.
“Once I finished my residency and bought my own house, it didn’t take long before my parents kicked them out and they came to live with me.” I sighed, remembering that day. “Overnight, I became the only one responsible enough to take care of my nephew.”
“I thought you said you had a brother, too.”
“I do, but Peter lived on the East coast at the time. He and his new wife didn’t move back home until last year. That’s when he realized how bad things had gotten.”
Andie placed her leg over mine and that simple gesture threatened to open the flood gates. I hadn’t cried over my sister since she died, but having her warm body next to me was suddenly making me want to let go.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Since every story I could tell you about living with an alcoholic would sound like most after-school specials, I’ll just skip to the end. Tiffany’s only focus was to crawl out of bed, get wasted, sleep it off and repeat the same thing the next day. I had to hire one of our neighbors to keep an eye on Justin when I wasn’t home. She had her own family to take care of as well, and to say Justin was a handful would be an understatement.”
I tugged at my hair again, but Andie reached up and took my hand and whispered, “It’s okay”.
Comforted by the feel of her holding my hand under her pillow, I kept going. “So, one night after I got home from a long day at work, I checked on my nephew and then went to see if my sister was around. I was hopeful since he was already tucked in bed, it’d been a good evening, but then I entered her room. She was passed out on the bed, still wearing the same clothes she had on that morning.”
I glanced at Andie to see if she really wanted to hear more. “Go on.” she murmured.
“I’d only gotten a couple hours of sleep, yet I suddenly woke up and looked at the clock. Justin was supposed to be at school in fifteen minutes, but I was so damn tired. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, telling myself I was done being his parent. That was Tiffany’s job.” The lump formed again in my throat and I felt myself starting to choke up.
I silently begged Andie to not think badly of me. “I did all I could do, but he wasn’t my kid, he was my nephew. I felt so bitter toward them.” Admitting that was embarrassing after she’d told me about her father and still managed to include a positive spin. I didn’t have anything upbeat to add to my story.
Andie began rubbing my chest as I placed my palm on my forehead. “Shhhh, I agree. You did more than you should’ve had to do. You’re a good man, Blaine.”
My voice cracked when I let my guilt take over. “No, I’m not.” I shook my head, the emotion of it all beginning to overtake me. “I got up and yelled at my nephew to get out of bed, rushed him to get dressed and didn’t even bother to remind him to brush his teeth. I threw on my clothes and hurried him out the door with money for lunch.”
Sitting up, I covered my face with my hands, afraid I really was about to cry in front of her. Fuck, I’ll never get that day out of my head. It squeezed my heart just thinking about it. “On the way home, I planned out exactly what I was going to say to Tiffany. She had to get help, I couldn’t do it anymore. Usually I’d wait until she woke up on her own, but this time we were going to do things my way.” I whispered as regret took over. “I was so pissed.”
Andie’s arm reached around me as she rubbed my back and all I wanted to do was grab her and hold tight like she was my lifeline.
“I stormed in the house and right up to her room. I think I might’ve banged on her door once as I was opening it, I’m not even sure now. I stomped over to her bed, hoping that would wake her up, but she didn’t move. I took my foot and gave the side of the mattress a shove while I shouted her name.”
The muscles in my throat tightened as I fought back the emotions I’d been battling for months. Andie laid her head on my shoulder, still not saying a word.
“When I jarred the bed, her arm just…dangled there.” My whole body shuddered as I pictured her on that bed again. “Then I realized she wasn’t breathing and didn’t have a pulse. I lost it then, shook her, shouted her name before I got my shit together and called nine-one-one. She’d already been dead when I’d looked in her room earlier.”
I couldn’t fight the loss, regret and guilt anymore and the tears rolled down my face.
Andie stirred next to me, tentatively making her way onto my lap. I clung to her, holding her straddled thighs tightly to my side, gripping the back of that silky shirt she was wearing. Damn, she was so soft, so warm, so alive. I wanted to pour all my pain out into her, and yet take away hers at the same time.
For the first time in years, I let myself mourn the sister I’d lost and the life I’d had to give up in order to take care of her and my nephew. I accepted that it was okay for me to let go and allow Andie to hold onto me while not having to worry about being strong for anyone else.
With a hushed voice, she assured me it’d be okay, and that she was there for me. I wondered if she knew her comfort was the only thing holding me together right now.
Holding her in my arms, I was starting to feel the strength I needed to let everything go. A moment later, though, I heard a squeak escape her and realized I was holding her too tightly.
Loosening my grip, I pulled away. “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, cradling my face in her hands. “I know that must’ve been difficult for you, but thank you for opening up like that. You have no idea how much it means to me that you trust me with such raw emotions. Most guys try to bottle everything up until they can’t take it anymore.”
I sniffed and wiped my nose with a leftover napkin. “Well, as I’ve already established, I’m not like other guys. I mean what other date have you been on where some dude blubbers on your shoulder?” With a weak laugh, I attempted to joke but was sure I failed miserably. “I usually save that sort of stuff for the second date.”
She stared into my eyes, hers were laced with desperation. At my heightened emotional state, I couldn’t fight my feelings for her any longer. “I know this is inappropriate timing, but I really want to kiss you right now.”
Moving closer, my lips touched hers and she moaned, driving me wild. My tongue ran over her lips until she opened for me. The need to have her was making me insane as I laid down, pulling her with me.
I bit her bottom lip, then sucked it into my mouth. Her sigh was the most erotic sound I’d heard. My hands roamed down her body, lingering as I caressed the sides of her breasts and continued until I was cupping her ass.
With both hands firmly gripping onto her, I scooted her body up, feeling her nipples pressing against my chest. Her thighs clamped on each side of my hips as she began to rock against my jeans.
Suddenly, she pushed away from me and sat back on her feet. “Wait,” she said breathlessly. “We can’t do this.” Moving to her side of our makeshift bed, she adjusted her clothes.
I tried to catch my
breath and figure out what had just happened. “God Andie, I am such an ass. I’m sorry, you were trying to console me and I attacked you.” I forced myself to man up and look her in the face.
She was watching me, tears brimming her eyes. “What’re you talking about? Believe me, I want you. I want you so bad I can’t even think straight most days.”
I got on my knees and started to reach out, but quickly pulled back and let my hands fall on my legs. “I’m sorry but you’re going to have to explain this to me. You want to have sex but you won’t?” My body was still pounding.
She looked so beautiful when she laughed through her tears. “Blaine, you’re already taking a piece of me when you leave in a few days. I can’t give you everything. There won’t be anything left for me.” She wiped more tears from her face with the blanket. “We have to make this a clean break. No sex. I’m sorry.”
Sitting back on my heels, I scratched my jaw. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right; a clean break is smart. But make no mistake, I’ll also be leaving a part of myself behind.”
I felt like such a creep for mauling her like that and had to make it up to her. “I planned on bringing you out here, feeding you some Dippin’ Dots and watching a movie, you still up for it? I can take you home if you want.”
Forcing a smile, she reached out. “I’ve been craving those damn things since we talked about them last night. Gimme my Dots and movie please, as long as it isn’t a fluffy chick flick.”
Reaching into the cooler and bringing out her treat. I started to hand it to her, but quickly drew it back. Instead, I held out my other hand with my pinky extended. “Still friends? If I want to come back to visit, will you want to hang out with me?”
She looked at my finger as if I had lost my mind, but she interlocked hers with mine. “Always. Now give me the Dots or I break the finger.”
I watched her face light up when I handed her the large container and spoon. Getting up, I ignored the small rocks and twigs poking my feet through my socks as I walked over to my Jeep. I plugged the speakers into my cell, opened the flick I’d downloaded, then slipped the phone back into the shoe box.