“It’s just a lot to take in,” James said, running a hand through his hair and trying to smile reassuringly. “I definitely wasn’t expecting that…”
“Nor was I,” Lee admitted. “The doctor had to repeat it several times.”
“Well,” he said. “Well.” Another moment or two of silence, in which their soups arrived - but before Lee had chance to pick up her spoon, he seemed to have found the words he wanted to say.
“I’d never walk away, Lee. I hope you know that.”
Lee smiled. “I didn’t think you would.”
“And it’s sooner than I would have planned, granted - but I know I want to be with you. And having a baby with you - as terrifying as it sounds right now - will be a pretty amazing adventure. We can do this, can’t we?”
“I don’t think we have much choice!” Lee said with a laugh, and as he leant forward to kiss her, the words slipped out of her mouth without any thought, or planning, or consideration for their effect:
“I love you.”
It seemed like they were the only two in the restaurant at that moment. Silence swam around them, the words almost hanging in the air between them, waiting for something…
“I love you too.” There it was; what they had both been waiting for. The words seemed to flow easily from James’ lips, joining Lee’s words and surrounding them. Had Lee considered where she would be in February back in November when her life had tumbled from her grasp, this would never have entered her wildest dreams. Hell, had she considered last week that she would be pregnant and telling James she loved him, she wouldn’t have believed it.
She blushed a little at his words, at his intense gaze, but she didn’t break eye contact. James laughed, and took a sip of his water. “We didn’t do taking things slow and casual very well, did we?” he said.
Suddenly realising how hungry she was, Lee began to eat her soup. “I’m not sure I can really do casual - despite it being my idea!”
“I’m glad.”
They ate for a few moments, digesting the news of the day without really talking. As their plates were cleared away, Lee couldn’t help but ask a question of him.
“Are you scared?”
“Of not going slowly and casually?”
Lee shook her head. “Of having a baby.”
James shrugged. “It seems a little surreal, to be honest. I mean, we were careful, it wasn’t exactly something I was expecting…”
“Me neither,” Lee jumped in, keen to assure him that this was not some master plan. “I think maybe we weren’t so careful that night… when we’d had a lot to drink…”
“You’re probably right,” James said, raking a hand through his hair. “Are you scared?”
“Terrified,” Lee admitted. “It’s not exactly how I’d planned it… when I thought about how my life would pan out.”
“I’m sorry things haven’t gone how you wanted.”
“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that. Now that I know you’re on board… I’m terrified because it’s all so sudden. But I’m really excited, too.”
James grinned. “Talk about life-changing news,” he said.
“Never a dull moment!”
“Not since I met you.”
Chapter 8
They arrived back at James’ under a blanket of fog, and Lee was pleased James was driving. Whilst she was getting used to the winding roads and small lanes, driving them in the dark and fog was a bit more of a challenge than she fancied. In front of the fire place with mugs of tea, they began to talk of practicalities.
“So… seven weeks. When would that make you due?”
“Sometime in October, I think. My dates are a bit erratic, so I don’t think they’ll know until they’ve done the scan.”
“I feel like I need to spend several hours on the internet, getting my head around everything that’s going to happen.”
“Me too,” Lee agreed. “I’m no expert - I may have wanted a baby but I’ve not got any actual experience.” She leaned back against James, who was propped up against the sofa. “What if I’m terrible at it?”
His fingers kneaded the small of her back in a way that made her drift off into a much calmer place. “You won’t be,” he said. “I’m sure of it.”
“I wish I had your confidence,” she said with a sigh. “My mother… I love her, but things have always been a little strained between us. A little formal. Not like you and your mum…”
“Have you told your mum yet?” James asked, and Lee shook her head.
“I wasn’t going to tell anyone until I’d told you…”
“But…?”
“How did you know there was a but?”
“I could sense it,” he said with a short laugh.
“Gina was worried, I was in a bit of a state. I’m sorry I told her first.”
His fingers moved up her spine, slowly pressing into the tired flesh around her back bone. “It’s okay.”
“I’m so pleased you’re okay with this,” she said, closing her eyes and letting the sensation of his impromptu massage take over. “I had talked myself into letting you go… that you wanted to be with Lottie, that you wouldn’t want to take on me and a baby… I’m just so glad I was wrong.”
The massaging stopped, and before she knew it she was no longer lying against James but next to him on the rug in front of the fire. “Lee,” he said, fixing her eyes with his. “I’m really sorry I made you feel like that.”
“You didn’t-” she tried to interrupt, but he didn’t let her.
“You are the most important thing to me. You, and now our baby. I’m ready for this, I promise you. I’m ready for this step in my life. I love you.”
It was the most glorious thing Lee thought she had ever heard. She moved herself closer to him, entwining her arms around his body so that they were so wrapped up in one another they were almost one. “I love you James. I love you.”
***
It wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning, when Lee shivered a little and stretched an aching arm, that they realised that they had fallen asleep entwined on that rug in front of the fire, and that the fire was now most definitely dead.
“James…” Lee whispered. “James, let’s go to bed.”
He grunted a little at her prodding, and when he eventually opened his eyes he looked more than a little confused.
“We fell asleep,” Lee said. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“There’s an offer I’d never turn down.”
Lee laughed softly, as hand-in-hand they padded across the carpet through the dark hallway to James’ bedroom.
James stifled a yawn. “You don’t have to be up early tomorrow - I mean this morning, do you?”
Lee shook her head. “Cafe’s closed. How about you?”
“Day off,” he said with a grin. He pulled her hand to stop her from walking forwards, and ran a hand through her blond locks. She closed her eyes at the sensation.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Amazing.”
He didn’t need any further prompting. His lips were on hers in a physical display of that love they had confessed only hours earlier. Her hands wound around his waist, and the electricity between them, if possible, took on an even more intense quality. The room around them seemed to crackle with tension as Lee removed James’ top, and then her own.
Right now they didn’t need words - they could show each other the insane strength of those feelings without them.
The next time they woke up was in a little more comfort; winter sunshine was streaming through the windows and they were together under the heavy down duvet. It was James who woke first this time, but he lay for quite a while with Lee curled up in his arms, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating this huge change in his life.
When he felt Lee beginning to stir next to him he slipped carefully from the bed and into the kitchen, where the cold tiles made him regret not pausing for slippers. The filter coffee was drizzling out into the pot
in no time, and when he reappeared in the bedroom with two steaming mugs of coffee, he was greeted by a sleepy grin from Lee.
“I was worried you’d run off,” she said, only half-joking.
“In my own house?” James laughed. “Can’t get rid of me that easily I’m afraid.”
Lee took a big swig from the mug, holding it carefully in two hands, then looked down at it again. “I guess I really should be limiting how much caffeine I’m having,” she said with a sigh. “There’s so much I need to look into.”
“You’ll already know more than me, I can promise you that,” James said. He rubbed her knee with the palm of his hand; “Try not to panic. We can do this, I’m sure of it.”
Lee smiled at his confidence in their abilities, and nodded. The worries certainly hadn’t disappeared, but she knew many of them were irrational.
“When should we tell people?” James asked.
None of this quite seemed real; sat in a t-shirt and knickers in her boyfriend’s bed, casually discussing announcing their pregnancy. “It’s fairly standard to not tell anyone until after the twelve-week scan,” she said, realising there were some things she knew. “That’s when the risks have dropped off a bit.”
“So you want to wait ‘til then?”
“I think so, yeah, if you don’t mind. It’s only five weeks…maybe less, if my dates were not accurate.”
“Yeah, that’s fine, I just can’t wait to tell my mum - she’s going to be thrilled, I know it.”
Lee grinned at his excitement, despite being fairly sure that her own mother was not going to be thrilled. It wasn’t about being a grandmother - it was about Lee deviating from the life plan. And deviate she most certainly had done - although, to be fair, the catalyst to that deviation had not been her fault.
***
Since the previous night’s date by the sea had not really showcased the ocean, they decided to head out - once they had eaten a leisurely breakfast and showered - on the sunny, blustery Sunday towards Paignton, and some golden sands they could sink their toes into. The wind was biting cold but the sun streamed out in front of them and, wrapped up in coats, scarves, gloves and a bobble hat for Lee, it wasn’t too uncomfortable.
“I still get a rush of excitement, every time I come to a beach,” Lee said, holding James’ hand as they stepped onto the sand. Despite the cold, Lee had insisted on at least briefly removing her shoes so she could feel the sand properly.
“I forget you didn’t grow up near beaches!” James said with a laugh. “I mean, I love it, but I guess I take it for granted - I’ve pretty much always been able to go to the beach whenever I liked.”
“Lucky for some!”
“I meant to ask more,” James said after a few minutes, “But the news last night kind of derailed me. Did you get everything sorted in Bristol?”
Lee nodded - “I’ve got to return the car I borrowed today, and get all my stuff out of it. I kind of abandoned it all last night when I got back.”
“We can do that this afternoon, if you like,” James said.
“Thank you. But yeah, I got everything I needed. It was a bit… strange. Like stepping back into some vision of the past, but feeling like you don’t really belong anymore. But I’m glad I did it - I needed to close the door on my life then.”
James gave her hand a squeeze. “Nathan didn’t show up, then?”
“No,” Lee said with a shake of her head. “Thank god.”
She wondered if he’d been concerned about her seeing him; she knew that things were over between them, but then equally she knew how she’d felt about him seeing Lottie. Jealousy certainly wasn’t always logical, or rational.
“Do I get to meet your mum, and your sister then?” James asked, and for a moment Lee was taken aback by the question. She hadn’t really imagined her mum meeting James - but then she guessed it was an inevitability now.
“Yeah, I guess - once we’ve told them all. I can’t promise my mum will be nice…”
“I’m good at charming mothers,” he said with a grin that she couldn’t deny she found charming. “Plus, I’m a police officer. Generally fairly high up in what mothers want for their daughters, no?”
“You haven’t met mine!” she said with a laugh. “She’ll be more likely to see you as a handsome rogue who side-tracked her daughter from whatever the life plan should have been!”
Far from looking offended, James’ eyes seemed to sparkle in the sunlight with humour. “Handsome rogue… I quite like that description!”
Lee swiped at his arm. “You would! What about your family? Will you introduce me as your girlfriend?”
“Ah, Lee. I think they knew I was smitten with you before I’d even admitted it, I’m afraid to say. The fact that we would end up together has been a foregone conclusion in the Knight household for quite some time.”
Lee felt a warm glow at the thought of his warm family accepting her into the fold. “And they won’t see me as some older woman, leading their son astray, saddling him with a child?”
“Are you kidding? They’ll be thrilled. Grandchildren are high on their list of priorities - and they thought I was a lost cause in that department, what with my single status for so long.”
“You mean you hadn’t previously had a nutty potential girlfriend turn up on your doorstep and hijack your family Christmas dinner before? I’m shocked.” Lee giggled.
“I mean that, aside from Lottie, there’s not really been anyone. And since her… there’s been no-one. I didn’t think… I thought I was broken. I thought I couldn’t do this again.” He paused and she stopped next to him, her hair whipping around her face, the sunlight making her squint a little.
“I know how fast this all seems, but I want you to know I’m all in - I didn’t think I could feel safe with someone again until I met you. I didn’t think I would fall in love like this - and I have. My parents will be overjoyed because they know I’ve found the one.”
Lee was taken aback. It wasn’t the response she’d expected to her gentle ribbing, and his sincerity silenced her momentarily. She blinked in the sunlight, seeing the light bounce off his piercing blue eyes, with the sea in the background that was almost the exact same colour. She didn’t know whether it was the hormones, or just an emotional response to him laying himself so bare to her, but the words began to tumble from her mouth.
“I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought that for him to cheat like that, I must be broken. Damaged. Unloveable. And I was so convinced I would be on my own for a long time to heal, and to figure out where I’d gone wrong, and to fix whatever it was. And then you looked at me like I was special, and now I think I’ve realised that I didn’t do anything wrong - that there is no excuse. That it wasn’t my fault. And even if the timeline has gone up the creek, there isn’t anyone else I’d want to do this with.”
A kiss seemed like the only way to mark such momentous declarations, and there in the middle of the beach, with only a few dogs and their owners as witnesses, James Knight and Lee Davis pressed their lips together in a timeless symbol of love, of unity, of understanding.
***
“Let’s invite them down for an Easter lunch,” James suggested as they strolled daringly close to the sea, occasionally having to hop back to avoid getting wet feet. “Then we can tell them all at the same.”
“And by them all you mean…” Lee raised her eyebrows.
“Your mum, sister, my parents and siblings…”
“For Easter lunch? Where?”
“Mine? I’ve got the space, and you know I’m happy to cook. Look, you seem a bit worried about how your mum will take it, but if my mum and dad are ecstatic then I bet it will change your mum’s reaction.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it…” Lee said, but she was grinning anyway. “Okay. Let’s do it. They’re going to be suspicious at me inviting them down as it is - but at least we can announce it to everyone all at once. Then it’ll properly seem real...”
Chapter 9
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Back at Lee and Gina’s flat, with rosy cheeks and wind swept hair, Lee and James contemplated the collection of items in the estate car.
“Not much to show for an entire adult life so far, is it,” Lee said.
James squeezed her hand. “You’ve started again - that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, there’s no point dragging a load of things with you that you don’t want any more.”
“No,” Lee agreed. “Better to start fresh.”
The South West Series Box Set Page 24