“Thanks.”
“Don’t want to go to work,” Elizabeth said with a rather defeated look.
Jenna smiled. “I get it. I’d be heading to work tonight too, if I hadn’t quit.”
“Not exactly fair that you’re leaving for college and leaving me behind,” Elizabeth moped. She plopped down on the couch next to her surrogate sister.
Jenna put her arm around Elizabeth and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m going to miss you too.”
Both girls popped the tops of their cans, breathed in the sweet scent, and took a big gulp of the chilled coffee.
“Love these,” sighed Jenna.
“My workday nectar,” agreed Elizabeth.
“Hey, sorry I bailed on you yesterday. Mom told me about the conversation that the three of you had. Hope everything’s okay with you and me.”
“Yeah, it’s okay. I confessed to her that I overheard the two of you talking yesterday.”
“She told me that too.”
“So….” Elizabeth paused. “Do you really think it’s a stretch that Kyla is named after someone named Kyle from your dad’s dreams?”
“Don’t you?”
Elizabeth looked down and shrugged.
“Look, if what Dad dreamed didn’t really happen in your life the way he saw it, then how can it actually be related to you? I think it’s just a coincidence.”
“But what about your mom and dad talking about all that on the very day that they found me at the store?”
“All right. A bizarre coincidence, then.”
Elizabeth took another couple of sips and rested the can on her lap. Neither of them spoke for several seconds.
“So, let’s say that Dad’s dream was significant somehow—and, I don’t know all of the details of it—it could just mean that God wanted to show him that when he eventually crossed paths with you, that he was supposed to help.”
Elizabeth sighed. The God thing again. “Kinda knew this conversation would go all religious.”
Jenna apparently couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah … me too.” She leaned her shoulder into Elizabeth. “He’s kind of important to us.” There was a short pause, then, “Elizabeth, regardless of whether your parents wanted a baby or not, you were never an accident. Just like Kyla wasn’t. You two were created on purpose. God wanted you both to be here.”
“But I don’t believe….” Elizabeth stopped.
“I know. So, for right now, I’m believing on your behalf. I told you before that I’m not going to force him down your throat. So, if you want me to, I’ll drop it.”
Elizabeth mentally sighed. Fine. It’s going to be this again. She pulled her feet up onto the couch, turned to face Jenna, and sat cross-legged. “Okay. I know you’re sincere. I can see that. I can feel that. I don’t think you’re a fake. But you’ve got to see this God thing from my perspective. Before meeting all of you, I had never been in a church before. Was never baptized as a baby. No one had ever prayed over me before or talked with me about God. My parents never mentioned him … well, except to swear. So, that makes me a completely blank slate.”
“That’s not a bad place to be,” said Jenna.
“Maybe that’s true for others, but I’m not really even curious about God. I mean, science seems to have everything covered. The Big Bang, the beginning of life … all of that. My parents have had a lot of success and not a lot of trouble, and they’ve been atheists their whole lives! I’m sorry, but I just don’t get the need for a God.”
Jenna didn’t respond right away. She took a sip of her cappuccino then continued looking at the can as she lowered it to her lap. A thought suddenly struck her. Quickly, she set the can on the coffee table and turned to face Elizabeth, bringing her legs up to sit cross-legged as well.
“Okay. So, your parents. They’re successful, but tell me about how you felt living with them.”
“You already know all of this.”
“Humor me.”
“Fine. They left me emotionally starved.” A reflective pause. “It would really mess with me to see other kids at school events whose parents were with them. Mine would hardly ever show up for anything that was important to me, whether it was band performances or running track. I’d see other kids get hugged and congratulated and even comforted by their moms and dads if they didn’t do well. Not my experience. Even if my parents did show up for something, I could tell that they wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.”
“You never had a grandparent who was proud of you and gushed all over you?”
“I kind of remember my grandma and grandpa from my mom’s side. But I was like five or six years old when they died in a car accident. Dad never knew his mom and dad. They died too, when he was a boy. He grew up in the foster care system, for the most part.”
“That’s awful. For him and for you. I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is, I guess. So, now you see another reason why I don’t believe in God. If he existed, then why all the death and abandonment?”
“All right. I get that. Now look at it from my perspective. What if you’d had parents who had been emotionally there for you, giving you the love you wanted? What if they had taught you that God existed and that the Big Bang and evolution weren’t true? What then?”
“But that’s not what happened, Jenna!” Elizabeth felt emotion welling up. Tears formed in her eyes. Her next words were fraught with pain. “I had none of that! I got none of it! Don’t you understand?! Nothing! My parents…” She could barely get the words out. “…didn’t love me. They sucked the life out of me so that they could have lives. They’re like vampires. So, when you say that your God intentionally put me in their lives.…” Her voice trailed off into sobs.
Jenna leaned forward and rested her hand behind Elizabeth’s neck. Drawing her forward into an embrace, Elizabeth’s body began to tremble. She couldn’t stop it.
Jenna whispered through tears of her own, “I’m sorry. I’m … so sorry.”
JENNA DIDN’T KNOW what to say. She had intended to show Elizabeth that being raised by parents that care—that love—could have led to her believing in God. She wanted to share that people can develop a belief in—or against—God just because of the emotional state in which their parents raised them.
Now, though, all she could do was hold her friend.
Her sister.
After a couple of minutes, Elizabeth pulled back. She reached for a napkin that was on the coffee table and dabbed her eyes, then softly blew her nose.
“I’m sorry,” said Elizabeth. “I didn’t think I’d get like this.”
“It’s okay.” Jenna got up and walked across the living room to grab a box of tissues from the bathroom. She set them on the coffee table.
“Just in case,” she said, smiling tenderly at Elizabeth.
Taking one for herself, Jenna soaked up her own streams of tears.
“I think I’m okay now. I think you were going to try to explain something.”
“Are you sure you want to keep talking about this?” asked Jenna.
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I just … you know … well, I like being around you. Even if we don’t always agree.”
Jenna felt a familiar warmth run through her chest. “You’re my sister. I like being around you too.”
Elizabeth looked up into her eyes. Tears began to pool again. “You really mean it? I’m your sister? I mean … you’re letting me?” She sniffled and reached out for a tissue. “Good thing you grabbed the box,” she said, a slight laugh making its way to the surface.
“Elizabeth, I’m pretty sure we all see you as a part of our family. Well, except….” She stopped.
Elizabeth looked at her, curious. Then, “Wait. Jamie?”
Jenna couldn’t help but smirk.
“Nooo. Really? Jamie?”
The sound of the front door opening startled both of the girls. They both turned and sta
red as two teenage boys entered, one of them, Jamie Lawton.
Elizabeth’s eyes got big, and her mouth dropped open. She turned to look at Jenna, then both of them burst out laughing!
As if scripted, Jamie and Zach looked at each other, then at the girls, and uttered a very confused–and apparently slightly embarrassed–“What?”
FRIDAY, AUGUST 1
Chapter 8
I
t was finally the weekend. The stress of daily traffic was behind him, and all that Drew could think about was who he might get to meet online. And he had two whole days to enjoy the pursuit.
He felt his heart rate quicken and began to feel the all-too-familiar stirrings within, physical and mental—a direct result of the biologically created chemicals coursing through his bloodstream.
The chemical reaction in his brain was a leash on his thoughts; he was fully aware of that. There were days he would try to wrestle free from its slipknot, but most of the time he opted to just walk obediently next to his master, Lust. This day, his master kept pulling the collar tighter and tighter.
Fridays were always the most difficult days to endure at work, deprived of his fantasies … and his pictures. And videos. There was nothing enjoyable about the wait.
Anguish. Anticipation.
Some days, desire would eat at him while he was at work. Other days, he could endure the long hours with little thought about it. He could get lost in writing code at work, similarly to how he got lost at home surfing the Internet. It wasn’t always a race to get home.
While at the office, he never risked taking a peek at anything that could be traced back to his desk. So, each day he would wait. Type out computer code and endure. Go to lunch and anguish. Sit in traffic and….
This day, he’d lost patience with a driver some three or four cars ahead who had not paid attention to the green light before him. He had hit his horn in frustration. That triggered the guy immediately in front of him, prompting a hard stare in his rearview mirror, followed by a one-finger salute.
Anguish. Anger.
Okay. Calm down, he’d thought. Don’t be the jerk he thinks you are.
He had placed his hands at 11 and 1 on the steering wheel and began to tap it with both forefingers. Left, right, left, right.…
The cars ahead of him began to move. It looked like he would, at last, make it through the intersection.
Yellow.
Red.
He’d come to a stop. Mr. Finger Salute had given him a “friendly” wave as he made it through to the other side.
Every Friday he faced the longest drive home.
Forty minutes later, though, he pulled into his driveway.
Drew walked through his living room to his small den and pressed the power button on his laptop. He grabbed a lighter from a side drawer of his desk and, removing the lid from a jar, lit a sandalwood candle. The fragrance and flickering flame helped to blanket his mind with some small measure of contentment.
As he made his way to the upstairs master bedroom, he began stripping off his polo shirt. He flicked on the light, took off his khakis, and tossed them and the shirt into the laundry hamper.
He grabbed a pair of clean jeans and a recently purchased Montego Bay T-shirt, placed them on his bed, and approached the full-length mirror he had mounted onto the wall beside the bathroom door. He gazed at his reflection.
He didn’t think he looked bad for a guy approaching forty. Sure, there was the slightly larger stomach than he’d had in his early thirties, but not anything approaching a “beer gut.” His small, occasionally used home gym had controlled that. His hair had remained thick and dark, with just a hint of graying at the sides. All in all, he knew that he could still turn a head or two. But his failed marriage and a disdain for the bar scene had relegated him to a more secluded existence.
Drew looked at his eyes. They were tired. Maybe more discouraged or depressed. A lot of his life dreams had passed him by. The company of a good woman would certainly be preferable to staying home on his laptop yet another Friday evening. Just the same, the motivation to attempt another romance … well … it just seemed pointless. His relationships seemed doomed to failure. At least in the real world.
In the world of cyber, though, it was another story altogether. There was safety facing a computer screen. If one girl didn’t like you, so what? Another one would, just five minutes later. And if there wasn’t another girl, there was always the dark web. All kinds of wonders to explore and sample there.
The dark web.
Drew allowed his mind to settle there for a minute. Some of what he’d viewed there wasn’t exactly legal. Nevertheless, periodically, he would take a chance, searching out images and videos.
Taboo.
His heart began to race again. He closed his eyes. “No. Not going to do that again,” he whispered to himself. He shook the mental images off.
He turned away from the mirror, walked to his bed, and got dressed.
Two minutes later, he was downstairs and walking into his office. The moment he saw the computer screen, his heart sank. There was a calendar notification: Cut Mom’s Lawn.
He’d forgotten. He had to cut his mother’s lawn every two weeks. Since she had passed away three months prior, he’d been instructed by the realtor to maintain the property in order to get it sold. And even though he’d recently taken down the sign and delayed the sale, he still had a contractual obligation. So, he needed to get it done.
It wasn’t a large place; his mom had lived modestly. Just a ranch-style house, set off the road in the country. She had bought the home soon after the death of his dad; she hadn’t seen a reason for keeping up a two-story home.
It had suited her well for the next eight years, until the heart attack.
While Drew and his dad hadn’t had the greatest of relationships, the one he’d had with his mom had been a treasure.
Each time he went back to the vacant property, he’d become forlorn the moment the tires of his car rolled onto the gravel driveway. The only consolation was that he wasn’t returning to the home of his childhood. That would have increased the feelings of loss immeasurably.
Drew looked at his watch. It was 5:45 p.m. It would take nearly thirty-five minutes to get there with traffic, giving him a couple hours of good sunlight to get the job done.
He sighed.
He resigned himself to the fact that the quest for online companionship would have to wait.
“SO, CARSON’S FOR ice cream or Dekker’s for ‘real’ food?”
Elizabeth feigned a look of contemplation while a grin came to play on her face. “Let’s see. Do I feel foodish or ice-creamish?”
Jenna giggled. “I’m pretty sure neither of those are words.”
“You’re only saying that because they aren’t in the dictionary yet. Hmm.… Do I get a few minutes to think this food thing over?”
“Carson’s it is!”
Elizabeth was enjoying a rare Friday evening off from both work and family game night. Not that she ever wanted to avoid game night; it was far too much fun. Tara, though, had decided to declare it “family freedom” night.
Elizabeth thought it odd, but Jenna said her mom had a pretty bad headache and simply didn’t want to be a “downer” on everyone’s evening. That had prompted Jenna to come to the Fairlane Diner to tell Elizabeth about the change of plans and see if she might jump at the chance to have their own ladies’ night out of the house.
That was a no-brainer. Elizabeth jumped. She certainly wasn’t going to volunteer for an extra work shift.
Throughout her shift at work, prior to Jenna’s appearance, Elizabeth had fallen back into melancholy as she thought about how the month of July had sped past her, almost unnoticed. There was also the stark reality that school was merely a couple of weeks away.
It had not been a summer of fun. Instead, it had been a summer of “adulting,” as Tara would periodically refer to it.
The drive to Pittston was nice—windows rolled down, warm evening breeze playing with their hair, the setting sun requiring both to don their sunglasses. All was lighthearted. Elizabeth felt intensely grateful that Tara had not just offered, but nearly insisted that, despite her headache, she be allowed to watch Kyla for the night while she and Jenna went out for some fun.
Elizabeth was perfectly giddy!
Fifteen minutes later, the two girls were in the downtown area of Pittston. After finding a not-so-convenient parking spot, they got out and strolled along Main Street on the sidewalk opposite Carson’s Ice Cream Parlor.
Both frowned for a moment as they saw the rather long line in which they’d have to stand. It stretched out of the store and a short distance past the storefront. The frowns were short-lived though, as both knew that “girl time” wasn’t reliant on short lines to be enjoyable.
It was only the third time this year they’d had the opportunity to travel to Pittston together on a weekend and the first time that they had gotten to enjoy it during the warm weather.
Oftentimes, over the course of the summer, the two had taken their rare freedom and spent it at the mall. Tonight, though, the two just wanted to hang out with each other.
Sisters.
The thought made Elizabeth’s heart fill to near bursting. I’ve got a sister!
She grabbed Jenna’s hand as the traffic cleared enough to cross the street. The firmness of Jenna’s fingers around her own felt so.… There was no perfect word. It just made her feel so good inside.
Reaching the ice cream shop, Elizabeth released Jenna’s hand. She didn’t want things to get awkward.
“This place always reminds me of the story you told me about Mom and you seeing all of those Celtic tattoos.”
That Dark Place Page 5