by Sam Crescent
“I’m sorry. Please, you don’t have to go. I’ll be good. You don’t have to leave,” she said.
“No, Darcy, I don’t want to hear it. I get that you’re pissed off and angry for what is happening to you, but that doesn’t give you the right to make me feel this way.” He held her hands in his. She looked so small and fragile against him, and what she was going through, he couldn’t begin to imagine. This was all too much, and with each day that passed she was only going to get worse. “You’re a special girl, Darcy. Amazing, and I know one day you’re going to make a guy really happy. You’re going to fight this. I have a few other things to do today.”
“Ink, wait.”
He left the room, closing the door behind him. The sick feeling in his stomach came back in full force.
Killer just happened to be coming around the corner as he left the room.
“You okay?” Killer asked.
“Not in the least. I’ve got to head back to the clubhouse.” He left without another word to Killer. He pulled out his cell phone even before he left the hospital, dialing Lash’s number.
“What is it?”
“I can’t help watch Darcy anymore.”
“What does that mean?” Lash asked.
Ink gave Lash a rundown of everything that happened in the bedroom. For Ink, he knew people would think he was overreacting, and maybe he was, but he knew Darcy had a crush on him. He’d seen the signs, and even Emily had told him. With her being sick, he couldn’t allow himself to be pulled into that mess. What if she didn’t make it? What if everything failed and she asked him to do something that went against all of his principles? He didn’t want to be the one to reject her or to hurt her further. She was so young, and with everything she was going through, he couldn’t do that to her.
“Okay, I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do,” Ink said.
“What are you saying to me then?” Lash asked.
“I want to head to Piston County for a time.” It just came out of the blue in his mind. He couldn’t think of anything else to do. If he was anywhere near Darcy, there was a risk, and he couldn’t allow himself to hurt her. This was for the both of them.
Piston County was where the Chaos Bleeds MC resided, and they were run by Devil. They also happened to be The Skulls’ closest allies, and they had shared more death in the past ten years than any other club combined.
“You don’t want to wait this out? She hit on you one time. It’ll pass.”
“No, I want out of this. I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to be put in a position like this. I need to do this, and if you were the one being flirted with, you’d understand.” Ink had seen enough death in his life. He wasn’t willing to risk seeing anymore, but he also wasn’t willing to risk Darcy doing something she would regret later, or putting himself in a position to hurt her.
Chapter Three
Three weeks later
Darcy felt sick to her stomach. The chemo was working, and her hair was starting to fall out in clumps. She couldn’t bring herself to shave her hair off though. She was hoping her hair would remain. She felt sick all the time, tired, and now she had started to look it as well, even more so than when she was admitted to the hospital.
“And he’s been gone ever since,” Tabitha said. “Simon told me he doesn’t even wear the leather cut anymore. It’s a sign of respect for the Chaos Bleeds crew, but he’s settled down.” Tabitha popped her gum, getting to her feet to inspect the book titles on the cabinet beside the bed.
“So, he’s just gone?”
“Yeah, I wonder what you said to him,” Tabitha said.
“Why did I have to say something to him?”
“Come on, Darcy, don’t be dense. You and I both know he came to see you before Ink just decided to leave Fort Wills. He loves this place and the club. This is his family. Whatever you said clearly spooked him. I checked his room at the clubhouse. It is empty. Just a bed remains. I don’t know if Lash is going to let someone else take it. Probably. The club is always expanding, you know how it goes.”
“No, I don’t know how it goes,” Darcy said. She was reeling. Ink was gone. The moment she asked him the question about if he thought she was beautiful she knew she had made a mistake. She’d also tried to stroke his chest and flirt with him. She’d seen him, and the fear of dying without at least kissing him once had struck her hard. What had she done? It was the only mistake she’d ever made, but it was a big one. She hadn’t been able to get her stupid mouth to stay closed, and now, Ink was gone.
He’d gone to Piston County, to stay with Chaos Bleeds and to never see her again.
“Oh, shit, you’re crying,” Tabitha said.
To her amazement, she was. The tears wouldn’t stop. They were falling thick and fast. She felt sick to her stomach, so emotional and overwrought. It was too much for her.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s all my fault.”
“I didn’t exactly say it was your fault. I said you probably did or said something, and well … please, don’t cry. I hate that I made you cry. We’re supposed to be besties, and we don’t make each other cry.”
Darcy covered her face. “I asked him if he thought I was beautiful. Ugh, I even tried to touch him as well. He looked really uncomfortable. This is all my fault. I’m a horrible person.”
“I think that’s a bit much, but you actually asked him that?”
“Yes. I don’t know what was going on inside my head. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this right now. I was flirting with him. Me. I didn’t pretend I didn’t want him. I’m such an idiot.” She sniffled, hiccupped, and then began to sob.
“Oh, no. Please stop. If you don’t the nurses will send me on my way, and we won’t be able to hang out in here anymore.”
“I’m supposed to be going home soon, but Ink’s gone. How can Ink just go like that? Am I so horrible?”
“Tell me what happened,” Tabitha said.
Darcy struggled to explain everything. She had felt really shitty and horrible. Then Angel had sent that care package and Ink was there. For her, it had been fate, like Ink was supposed to be there for her. Only, it hadn’t exactly ended that way.
“Wow,” Tabitha said. “You really just tried to put yourself out there.”
“I know.” She couldn’t believe she was unloading on her much younger friend. “I’m sorry. I know you want to be away from school and not worry.”
“It’s not that. Don’t worry about that. I’m here for you because I adore you. School is not the same without you. Now that Sally is with Steven all the time, it’s just different. Everything is all falling apart, and people are growing up. I hate it.” Tabitha hugged her.
Darcy knew her friend was holding back. The hugs were not as tight as she remembered. “What should I do?”
“You don’t do anything. Ink has gone, and I imagine it’s to keep himself safe as well. You are only fifteen. None of us really know his story. He’s kind of been an enigma all the time he’s been here. That’s what Adam says anyway. You know what he’s like.”
She nodded.
Tabitha sighed. “Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know what love is. I’m so confused. Do you know what love is?”
“Of course, silly.”
“How? You’ve only known Simon, and I know you two think you’re destined to be together, but this is the real world. He doesn’t live around the corner. How can you expect him to wait for you, or to do any of that?”
Tabitha popped her gum. “You really don’t have any faith in anything, do you?”
“Look at me.”
“I am looking at you. You don’t need to get pissy at me because of what is going on. With Simon it’s different, okay? It’s real. It’s everything. We complete each other, and I know he’d never do anything to hurt me. We love each other, and we’re going to make it work. Either I move to be with him, or he’ll move to be with me.” Tabitha shrugged.
“You know I get a call every single time you’re not in school.”
They both jumped and looked toward the door where stood Eva, Tabitha’s mother.
“Mom,” Tabitha said.
“You were supposed to be in school. You promised me you wouldn’t be a problem like this anymore.”
“Mom, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m with Darcy.”
“Who should be resting. Hey, dear.”
“Hi, Eva,” Darcy said.
“Out, now. Out to school. Your father is downstairs, and he’s going to personally escort you to school.”
“Please, as if that will bother me,” Tabitha said.
“You think it’s going to look cool for you with your father taking you to school?” Eva asked.
“You think I’ll care?”
Tabitha was out of the room before Eva could say anything more.
“I swear, that girl gets more mouthy as the years go on.” She smiled as she looked at her.
“I’m sorry. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. Just keeping me company.”
“I know, sweetheart, but Tabitha still needs her education. She doesn’t know everything yet, even if she does think it.” Eva put her bag on the chair and walked toward the bed, tutting. There were some candy wrappers on the floor. Eva picked them up, placing them in the trash. “So, how is everything with you?”
“I’m fine. The same. You know.”
“I know.” Eva kissed her on the head. “We’re all missing you back at home.”
“You do know kids can go home in between treatments.”
“We know. Your parents, they want what is best for you.”
“And what is best for me is to stay inside this hospital room.” They hadn’t come to see her all that much since she arrived. They were there, but they didn’t linger in the room. They’d kiss her head and quickly go and find the doctor. She couldn’t help but think they were avoiding her.
“You’re sitting with me today?” Darcy asked.
“I think so, yes. If you’d like the company.”
“I’d be happy with it.”
There was nothing else for her to do or say. This was her life, for the next couple of months, or even years.
Ink was gone, and she was all alone. Apart from Tabitha, but her young friend had to live her own life, while she remained locked away here. Sitting back, she listened to Eva read to her, wishing to be elsewhere, somewhere far away, with a beach, and where cancer wasn’t even a word.
****
“You settling in okay?” Devil asked, entering the main warehouse for the old ladies’ clothing store.
Ink put down his pen as he was going through the stock, which was what he’d been asked to do. He didn’t mind being at the clothing store. After giving Lash his leather cut, he’d hightailed it out of Fort Wills and not stopped until he got to Piston County.
“Yeah, I seem to be. The girls don’t have a problem with me working here, do they?”
“Nah, Lex thinks it’s great. She wanted someone to help carry around the boxes, and well, guys have a reputation to protect.”
“You trying to say I look like a girl?” Ink was more than aware of his masculinity. He had nothing to prove and nothing to hide either. He didn’t mind working in a fashion shop, or even dealing with feminine hygiene products. He was a guy that knew work had to be done, and if there was a payday at the end of it, so be it.
“Well, you’re sitting around a bunch of girly clothing. Tell me why you’d rather be working here than wearing your patch back at the clubhouse? That’s what I don’t get.”
Ink looked down at the paperwork, shaking his head. “I’ve got to get back to work.”
“Lash told me that Darcy made you uncomfortable.”
Ink paused, staring down at the box filled with the latest fashions about to go in the shop.
“It had me wondering why a guy like you would feel the need to run from a fifteen-year-old girl.”
“I’m not getting into this. You got a problem with me being here, I’ll leave.”
“I don’t have a problem with you being here, Ink. I want answers to my questions. I don’t like all the vague bullshit.”
“And why should I give them to you?” Ink asked.
“This is my town. This is my family. I know you’re a good man, and I’m not looking at a pervert who can’t handle a young girl. There is something more here, and I want to know what it is.” Devil straddled a chair. “We’re alone. I get you don’t want Lash and the others to know. I’m not part of the club.”
“And you don’t go telling shit to Lash?”
Devil laughed. “Son, I don’t give a flying fuck how Lash handles his business. It’s his business. It has nothing to do with me. You’re in my territory, so the entire scheme of things changes a lot more. Sit the fuck down and tell me what your problem is.”
Ink dropped back into the chair and glared at Devil.
“You think I’ll get bored of this? I can do this all day, and will probably do it all day with my kids and their attitude. Now be a man and fucking grow a set. What has you running from Fort Wills?”
Ink didn’t want to talk. He wasn’t the kind of guy to share his thoughts or his feelings. “I can’t get out of this.”
“Not on my watch. Maybe if you were back home, it would be a whole different story. You’re not at home though. You’re in my town, and now I want answers.”
“I’m not a bad guy.”
“I know you’re not. In fact, I don’t doubt you’ll return to The Skulls when you’re ready. They will expect you back. You worked too hard for your patch to just throw it away.”
Ink ran a hand down his face, trying to think of something, anything, that would get this asshole off his case. Rather than lie, he decided to go for the truth. There was nothing else for him to lose.
“I’ve … seen … fuck!” He got to his feet. “Darcy’s not the first kid I’ve seen go through something like this. Only, the other person I knew, she didn’t have amazing odds, not like Darcy.”
“Who was it?”
Ink stared at Devil, gritting his teeth. “She was my baby sister.”
“I didn’t know you had a baby sister. I thought you always said you didn’t have family.”
“I don’t have any family. She was ten, and I don’t talk about her. I thought I had my shit together. Darcy doesn’t need that around me. Not when she looks at me like I’m a hero. I couldn’t save my sister, and I can’t play the hero again. I’ve not got what it takes. People can call me a coward, but I don’t give a fuck. I can’t do it. Not now.”
There was silence after his confession, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Devil.
“Why haven’t you told anyone about this before?”
Ink burst out laughing. “I left all of that bullshit behind when she died. Everything else I talked about, I made up. I don’t want any fucking reminders of the past. The Skulls, Fort Wills, it was supposed to be about moving forward. Not moving back. I’ve got to keep on going, and the only way to do that is to leave everything else behind.”
“Darcy’s diagnosis opens up these wounds?”
“Yes,” he said, through gritted teeth. “It makes it even worse because of the way she looks at me. I’m no hero, and I can’t save her. I’ll never be able to save her. Not only that, she … she’s fifteen. She’s had a crush on me for the longest time. I don’t want to hurt Darcy, but I’m not going to be the guy she comes to for pleasure. She is going through all this shit, and I just know—if not today or next week, one day she’s going to want my kisses, then for me to touch her, and I’m not a monster. I don’t want this to lead to anything else. I care about her but not enough to break the law.”
“So you run away.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes me a coward.” He got up, running fingers through his hair, feeling sick to his stomach.
“I think a man knows when he’s done too much and seen too much, and when it is best for all parties to get th
e fuck out of there. You’ve done what you had to do, and I’m not going to judge you for it. I heard what happened with Darcy, not all of it, but I’ve seen some of the teenage girls in town. The way they look at my men. It’s dangerous, and they’re not club kids. I can’t imagine it’s easy to handle rejection. Especially when it comes to Darcy and what she’s dealing with. You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like,” Devil said, slapping him on the back as he got up to leave.
Ink watched him go before returning his attention back to the items of clothing waiting for him to mark off. He tried not to think about his sister. It always left him with a bad taste in his mouth, and it was always something he wanted to avoid.
She’d been sick for a long time before his parents had finally sought treatment for her. They thought she’d been faking it. By the time they found the cancer, it had spread so badly there was no chance of her ever surviving. Within a year of her diagnosis, she was gone.
He thought about Darcy, the way she looked at him when she asked if he thought she was pretty.
He wasn’t a good man, or a nice one. He did what he had to do, and after losing his sister, he’d taken it upon himself to cause as much fucking trouble as he could, until he heard about The Skulls. Once he found out about them, they gave him focus, drive, and a constant need to do better, to be better. He’d found his place, and just as soon as he realized it, he’d had no choice but to run away.
“You okay?”
He looked up to see Sasha, Pussy’s old lady, as she came into the doorway. She had once been blind, but after an accident, her sight had miraculously returned.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Ink didn’t know if he’d ever be fine again. This thing with Darcy had already fucked him up, and he wasn’t the one having to undergo treatment. She was. Rubbing the back of his head, he got to work, ignoring the inquisitive look on Sasha’s face. She would need to realize there were a lot of men who wouldn’t talk constantly about their feelings.
What Ink did do, was send a little prayer for Darcy. He hoped she was safe and pulled it through this, but it wouldn’t be with him. He’d already failed to be someone’s hero, and he wasn’t going to do it again.