by Janie Crouch
“Yeah.” Finn put on his best falsetto. “But do I look pretty?”
Ethan cackled out loud and Finn hauled him in for a hug. He was taking the boy into the Frontier for lunch before his tutoring appointment. Then Grandma would be picking him up for another sleepover—a last hurrah before school started next week.
And a chance to take Charlie to dinner, where they were going to talk and not have sex.
Or, hopefully, talk and then have sex.
She had to work tonight, he knew, and he’d have her back in time to get there. Might even find himself hanging out at The Silver Palace and escorting a certain bartender home. To his bed or hers, he wasn’t particular.
But first they had to talk about what was happening between them. They didn’t have to figure everything out. Hell, they didn’t have to figure anything out, but things couldn’t go on the way they had been.
Charlie thought he detested her for marrying Kempsley, that whatever was happening between the two of them was some sort of revenge sex for her leaving Finn eight years ago. It had taken him a while to realize what that wary look in her eyes meant—she was preparing for an emotional blow. From him. For him to cut her loose and tell her he was finished.
Or that he planned to keep any sort of relationship with her hidden from everyone else. He’d seen her near panic when Mia had caught them kissing.
She expected him to tell her that she meant nothing to him. That he was just using her for sordid, raunchy sex, but that all he felt for her beyond that was loathing.
And maybe at one point that would’ve been true. But not now. Life was too short to hold on to grudges. The Army had taught him that. Too many deaths, too many good men and women gone without warning, when they thought they had so much time left.
Life held no guarantees.
Charlie had married Kempsley for his money. Maybe that made her selfish and self-serving. But it wasn’t an unforgivable sin. God forbid everybody be judged the rest of their lives for the decisions they made in their early twenties.
So that was the talk he wanted to have with her. That maybe he wasn’t exactly sure what the future was going to look like, but he didn’t want to keep staring at the past.
Forgiveness was a tricky thing. It wasn’t like a switch you flipped, and bam, one day someone just decided to forgive someone else. It was a constant process. Every time a situation presented itself where his instinct was to lash out at Charlie or let the bitterness build up, he would have to choose to let it go, choose to forgive until, finally, it stopped popping up so often. And maybe some day not at all.
It was conditioning. Special Forces had taught him the importance of it, physically and mentally. And it applied now.
So, no more lunch quickies where he couldn’t keep his hands and mouth off her. At least not today. Not until they talked, and she understood that he didn’t already have one foot out the door. He wasn’t going anywhere.
But tomorrow? Tomorrow and every day after their conversation was fair game for any sort of quickie he could talk her into.
He and Ethan chatted all the way into town. Ethan was still in a deep debate over which Lego kit he wanted. He was also excited about the new codes he’d come up with for the much longer chapter book he and Charlie were working on. It was a shit ton of memorization, all these different symbols for words, but Ethan didn’t mind. Memorization of codes was something he understood and could conquer.
They pulled up at the Frontier, Ethan yelling out his order to Trey and Wavy as they walked in the door, before sitting down to talk to Trey. Finn took a seat at the bar too.
“What are you grinning about, big bro?” Wavy asked as she got him some water. “Please don’t tell me I have babysitting duty again while you go, ahem, gallivanting around town.”
“No, actually, I’m planning to take Charlie on a very proper date tonight. And Mom has already agreed to watch the rugrat.”
“People are going to talk, you know that, right? I mean, they sort of already are, since Mia saw you two a few days ago.”
Finn just lifted a hand, palm up. “Since when do people not gossip in Oak Creek?”
Wavy rubbed at an eyebrow. “Nobody wants to see her hurt you again, that’s all. Nobody really trusts her, and I’m not sure you should either.”
He was about to argue the point with his sister and explain that Charlie wasn’t the bad guy in this situation when Sheriff Nelson walked through the door. Finn turned to greet him like everyone else. Instead of the wave he’d expected in return, the sheriff moved directly toward him.
The look in the older man’s eyes had Finn’s blood turning cold.
“Got a moment I can talk to you outside, Finn?” The sheriff’s words did not reassure him in any way.
He looked at Wavy.
“I’ve got Ethan,” she whispered.
He followed the sheriff outside. “What’s going on?”
Sheriff Nelson took his hat off and rubbed a hand over his dark, shaved head. “I’ve heard you’re friendly again with Charlotte Devereux.”
“She’s tutoring Ethan. And yeah, we’re sort of seeing each other, I guess. Why?”
“Do you have any contact info for her family? I know the Devereuxes sold their business and house and moved years ago, but no one seems to know where they are presently.”
This did not sound good. “Why, Sheriff?”
“There was a fire at Charlotte’s condo early this morning. In the paperwork the condo office had, you were listed as her emergency contact. I didn’t think that sounded right, but . . .”
“I might have been once, but I can’t believe she’d still have me listed. She said her dad is in some sort of medical facility in Denver, but I’m not sure where. Is Charlie okay? Is she in the hospital? I need to go to her right away.” He was already turning toward his Jeep. They could figure out where her parents were later.
“Son.” The sheriff put his hand on Finn’s shoulder to stop him. “By the time the firefighters got there, the blaze was out of control. There was one casualty. Female. I’m sorry.”
Finn felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the entire planet. This could not be happening. “Ch-Charlie?”
“The body was burned pretty extensively, so an immediate positive ID wasn’t possible. But it’s her name listed on the unit paperwork. Unless you know somewhere else she’s moved to?”
Sheriff Nelson’s voice sounded a million miles away. “No. Nowhere else. That’s Charlie’s place.”
Three hours later, Finn let himself into his house, completely numb.
The first thing he’d done was try Charlie’s phone. It’d gone immediately to voicemail. The way it had the next one hundred times he’d called her.
Just in case.
Next, he’d texted Wavy to ask their mom to get Ethan. He couldn’t go back inside. He couldn’t see any of them right now. Not when his own world was crumbling at his feet.
Then he’d asked Sheriff Nelson to take him to the morgue. He would’ve begged if necessary, but it hadn’t been. Even if the body was burned beyond recognition, he had to see it for himself. He couldn’t possibly believe it until he did.
The sheriff had wanted to drive him, but Finn had refused. What if this was all a mistake and Charlie called and needed him somewhere? He would have to be able to get to her.
He still couldn’t accept that this was happening. How could Charlie possibly be gone?
The sheriff directed him to sit in a hard plastic chair in the hallway outside the morgue while he went inside to arrange things. Finn looked up and down the empty hallway. He had lived in Oak Creek his whole life and never been here, even when his dad had died. He’d never even thought about where the morgue was.
He was in some sort of fog.
The door at the end of the hall opened and Zac hurried in, breathing hard like he’d been running. He stopped as he got to Finn.
He and Zac had known each other their entire lives. This man was closer to him than even hi
s own family. Zac didn’t say anything, just put his hand on Finn’s shoulder.
Two minutes later Aiden walked through the door, followed by Gavin. They both gave him solemn nods, but neither said anything either. When Dorian, another partner, entered the hallway not long after, it was the same.
These were his brothers. They had stood with each other before as soldiers when death had come for one of their own. They would stand shoulder to shoulder now.
After the sheriff and coroner showed Finn the body, he came back out into the hallway.
He shook his head at his friends, every emotion he had buried in ice. “The sheriff was right. There’s no way to visually identify her. They’re working on dental records.”
But he had to admit the size of the charred body roughly matched Charlie’s small frame.
“I should feel something, shouldn’t I?” he asked Zac in that barren hallway. Zac had lost his wife, knew death firsthand. “Knowledge in my gut that that’s not her? Or that it is?”
Zac shook his head. “It doesn’t always work that way, brother, you know that.”
“Right.”
The guys had wanted to drive him home, but he’d refused. At least one of them still followed, probably Gavin, and no doubt Dorian would be running around in his beloved wilderness, keeping an eye on Finn’s house from a distance.
They didn’t need to worry that he was going to have some sort of breakdown. That required emotion. He couldn’t feel anything.
Sheriff Nelson was now trying to find Charlie’s parents. He’d promised to call as soon as he’d reached them. Finn didn’t know why he’d insisted on that, or why he was going to insist on being with the sheriff when he talked to them. Charlie’s parents had never liked him. But if the sheriff was going to tell them their daughter was dead, Finn was going with him.
He tried Charlie’s phone again, just in case. And to hear her voice.
This is Charlie. Leave a message.
He didn’t. He hung up and called again.
This is Charlie. Leave a message.
He set his phone on the table and sank down onto his couch, unable to bear the thought that might be the last time he ever heard her voice. He could feel the ice begin to crack and knew the pain wasn’t far behind.
There was a light tap on his door, but he didn’t get up. Instead he tried to pull the ice back around him. It had to be better than the pain. His front door creaked open.
“Finn, are you here? I saw your Jeep outside. Did I get our tutoring appointment time wrong? I went to the library, but no one was there.”
Charlie’s voice. For just a second, he thought his brain had taken her voice and transposed it to his doorway. Then he realized.
Charlie was at his door.
“Oh, my God.”
Less than three seconds later he had her yanked inside the door, pinned against the wall, his mouth on hers.
“Charlie. Charlie.” He couldn’t stop saying her name, even as he devoured her mouth. He wasn’t sure if it was a prayer of wonder, thankfulness, or both. His hands cupped her cheeks, her jaw, moved down her shoulders to her arms, touching her all over as if to convince his mind she was really there.
“Finn, what’s wrong?” Her eyes were frantic as he finally eased back. Now her hands were wandering over his face and jaw and shoulders. “What? What happened? I went into the library when we were supposed to meet but you guys weren’t there. Are you okay?”
“Where is your phone?” He couldn’t be angry, not when relief was still flooding every part of his system.
“I left it at . . .home.”
He noticed the slight hesitation at the word. He needed answers, but first he had to make a call before the sheriff found Charlie’s parents and told them she might be dead.
“Hang on a second and let me stop the world from ending.”
“What?”
He still hadn’t moved his body completely away from hers. Panic simmered just underneath the relief. He couldn’t stop touching her. He started to take off her shirt with one hand as he reached for his phone with the other. He called Zac, who picked up after the first ring.
“You doing all right—”
Finn cut him off. “Charlie just showed up at my house. Notify Nelson and let him know he’s got the wrong girl. I’ll call you later.”
He wasn’t even sure he got the last word out before he disconnected and tossed the phone aside.
All he knew was he had to be inside Charlie right now.
She was wearing that same skirt from last week. Which was a good thing, because Finn didn’t think he had the patience to get any other clothes off of her. He backed her up hard against the wall, reached under her skirt and pulled her underwear all the way down her legs.
“Finn . . .”
He could feel her wetness against his fingers, could hear her breathing just as hard as he was. He knew she wasn’t trying to stop him with her words, just trying to understand what was going on. But he couldn’t stop, couldn’t take the time to explain things to her. He barely got himself out of his jeans before he slid his hands under her ass and lifted her against the wall.
Her legs slid around his hips and with one thrust he slammed home. Her grunt was full of equal measures pleasure and pain, but he couldn’t stop. He slid in and out of her brutally, angling her weight so he could get as deep inside her as possible.
He’d thought she was gone.
He would know all the details of what the hell had happened, but right now he would know nothing but the tightness of her surrounding him, milking him like a fist.
Her eyes started to close. “No.” The rasp of his voice was harsh. “Keep your eyes open. Look at me.” His forehead fell against hers, his eyes pinning those crystalline blue ones just as his hips pinned her lower body.
He had to see those eyes. He’d thought he would never see them again.
But soon neither of them could keep theirs open. He buried his face in her neck as their sweat ran together. Her fingernails scored his back under his shirt as he thrust into her, his pace frantic. Manic.
But for the first time in his life—especially with Charlie—his orgasm seemed elusive. Physically, everything was perfect . . .her tight, wet heat gripping him. But oh God. Oh God, he’d thought she was gone.
He didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to separate from her. But he was afraid nothing would wipe away the thought that he’d lost her. No amount of sex. No number of orgasms.
“Finn, look at me.”
He opened his eyes and brought his face up, so he could see her, keeping her body pinned tightly against the wall. He was still thrusting in and out of her as her small hands gripped his cheeks, her thumbs rubbing over his brow.
“I’m here, okay? Whatever it is, I’m here.”
And then, even though he’d been pounding her against a wall, still moving hard inside her with no other foreplay or touch, she smiled. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“I’m here,” she whispered again.
And that was what his mind needed to release the demons that had consumed it. She was here. He began thrusting earnestly again, holding more of her weight, careful now not to hurt her. Within moments, his orgasm was bearing down on him.
He hooked her leg higher with his arm, hitting that place inside her that would have her chasing her own, holding on until she caught up with him. Only when she was yelling his name, her hands digging into his shoulders, clutching him to her, did he finally let himself go.
And as he did he whispered her name.
“I’m not sure what just happened, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to walk,” Charlie said a few minutes later.
Finn wasn’t quite sure either. They were sitting on the couch where he’d carried her after nearly breaking down the wall by his door. He grabbed a washcloth in the bathroom and cleaned them both up, staring at their bodies when he realized a condom hadn’t even crossed his mind.
But that conversation would
have to get in line behind all the others they needed to have.
“Do you want to explain to me what just happened?” She opened her eyes after he sat down next to her. “I’m all for being jumped at the door, but that seemed a little intense.”
There wasn’t any way to put this off. “Sheriff Nelson is looking for you. Your condo burned down.”
Charlie sat straight up. “What?”
“Burned to the ground.” Finn swallowed hard. “A woman inside died.”
“Oh, my God.”
He realized she was still trying to process the initial news. “I’m sorry, Charlie. Did you have a friend staying with you or something?”
She got up and began pacing. “Honestly, I don’t even remember the name of the woman I sublet the condo to. I would have to look it up. She was a college student.”
What? “I don’t understand. You don’t live there?”
She rubbed a hand through her hair. “No. It was too expensive to keep up once I had to pay for everything with Mama and Dad. I haven’t lived there for eighteen months.” She turned and looked at him, eyes getting big as she finally processed what was happening. “You thought it was me. The dead woman.”
He threw a hand up in the air. “What the hell else was I supposed to think? You weren’t answering your phone, and as far as I knew that was still your home. Don’t you think you probably ought to give me your new address, for crying out loud? What if I had come by your condo looking for you?”
Her gaze didn’t quite meet his. “Sure. Yeah, my address. I’ll write it down for you.”
She was avoiding again. Maybe not lying, but not telling the whole truth. Damn it, he was not going to let her get away with it. Not today. Not after what he had been through.
“What is your address, Charlie? It’s not a hard question. I don’t need you to write it down, I’ve lived in this town my whole life, I’ll know where it is.”
“Finn . . .”
“What is the damn address, Charlie?”