Crib Notes

by Holly Jacobs

  But he’d wait.

  Zac had gotten very good at waiting.

  Rather than drive home though, he went to his parents’. It was never quiet there, and he wanted something to distract him.

  He found his mom in the kitchen, which was no surprise. The fact that he didn’t see his dad or sister, was.

  “Where’s the gang?”

  “Cessy had basketball practice, and your father’s picking her up.”

  His mother was stirring a pot of something as he sat down at the island counter. “You’ll stay for dinner?”

  He meant to say “Yeah, of course.” Instead, he blurted out, “Eli’s pregnant.”

  His mother stopped stirring and took the stool opposite him. “And what are you two going to do.”

  “No, it’s not mine. It’s her ex’s. He found out and dumped her.”

  “I’m sorry. That has to be hard on her.”

  “Mom, does it make me lower than low to be glad he’s gone? Even knowing about the baby? I know I should hope they get back together, but I can’t.”

  She studied him for a long moment. “You care about her.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “I have for a long time. While he was in the picture, I let it go. But now? I know that her being pregnant with another man’s baby should change things, but it doesn’t. I still want her. I still want to date her, to get closer to her. But a baby. Someone else’s baby? She says she can’t do that to me.”

  “Zac, the heart doesn’t care about such things. If you like Eli, her being pregnant doesn’t change that. Maybe it adds complication, but life’s complicated, and so are relationships.

  “Your father and I wanted a lot of children, and when that didn’t happen we decided that maybe our children weren’t going to grow in my womb. Maybe they were out there waiting for us. So we contacted social services. They told us you weren’t clear to be adopted, but we could foster you, that they expected your biological parents’ rights to be terminated. And I said yes.

  “There you were, Zachary Manhiem, a tiny little boy with dark brown hair that sorely needed a trim. Your clothes were too small, and your expression was too guarded. But I knew—I knew as soon as I saw you that you were ours.”

  “I remember that day.” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten, and he’d never been to school. Someone in the neighborhood had called and reported his mother to social services. He’d never known who, but he owed whoever it was a debt of gratitude.

  When he’d gone to the group home, the only thing he’d brought from his past was a piggy bank.

  “You were so small, yet so old. You kept your distance. You were polite. Quiet. You always did what you were asked. You had a way of looking at me and your dad, as if you were assessing us. You were careful.

  “A few months after you arrived, you started school. That first day, when I came to get you, you said—”

  “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  “And I told you that I’d always come get you, that you were my son and I loved you.” There were tears in her eyes, even after all these years.

  “That Christmas I told you the stories of Christmas and Chanukah, trying to blend your traditions with ours. You asked what you were. And I told you—”

  “That I could be whatever I wanted to be. And I said, I want to be a Keller. I want to be your son.”

  “You chose to be Zachary Keller. A man of honor, of heart. A man I’m so proud to call my son. About Eli and her baby, give it time. You’ve always made good decisions and pursued them with no doubts, no hesitation. Some people take longer. Eli’s experiencing so much change right now. Patience. If it’s love, you’ll both figure it out.”

  “We haven’t known each other long enough to use the L word.”

  “So, you’ll see each other more and figure out if you should use the L word. Because if you love Eli, I’m sure you’ll fall in love with this baby. Our family knows, so much more than most, that a family isn’t tied by genetics, it’s tied by love. If you’re meant to be a family, you’ll find a way.”

  “So, I should date her regardless?”

  “Be her friend. It sounds like she could use them right now. Then see what happens.” His mother echoed Eli’s words.

  “So, I’ll be her friend.”

  His mom was right, Eli could use all the friends she could get. For now, that’s what he’d be. And later? Well, they’d see.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “The second trimester is a time of change. Most mothers feel wonderful during these months. The morning sickness and excessive tiredness of the first trimester has diminished. Women

  feel good. They’re starting to become used to the idea of the baby.”

  —Crib Notes: Pregnancy, Childbirth and Parenting for Teens, by Mary Jeanne Lorei

  ELI STRAIGHTENED THE CORNUCOPIA in the center of her table. Last month she’d sworn that Halloween was her favorite holiday, but looking at her house all decorated for Thanksgiving, she had to confess, Thanksgiving might be, after all.

  Her hand drifted to her stomach.

  Her baby.

  Next year at this time, she’d be putting the cornucopia on the table while holding the baby on her hip.

  She could see it in her mind’s eye. How often she’d realized that this time next year, she’d have a baby. It was easy to imagine.

  She was getting used to the idea of the baby.

  And she was getting used to having Zac around.

  He was coming to pick her up soon.

  She’d talked to her mom this morning. Her parents had settled back into their Florida home, but unlike most years, her mother kept hemming and hawing about coming back to Pennsylvania because she was worried about Eli. Eli spent most conversations assuring her mother she was fine, and today’s call was no exception. Her mom worried about her being alone on Thanksgiving, but Eli assured her that she would be with the Kellers, and with so many Kellers, there was no way she’d be alone.

  The doorbell rang as if on cue, and she said goodbye to her mother and hurried to the door. She glanced at her watch. He was early, but she was happy. That pretty much summed up her relationship with Zac. When he was around, she was simply happy.

  She threw the door open…and froze. “Arthur?”

  Her bubble of happiness popped.

  “Is this a bad time?” He looked as if he were hoping she’d say yes it was a bad time. Worse than that, he looked downright queasy.

  Good mothers think about what’s best for their baby, not what’s best for themselves. Knowing the father was what was best for her baby, she’d need to make an effort when it came to Arthur. “It’s fine. Come in.”

  She opened the door wider for him.

  It had been a little more than a month since she’d seen him. She waited for the pang of longing, for some feeling of regret that things turned out the way they had. When those emotions didn’t surface, she waited to feel fury—he’d treated her badly, and treated their unborn baby worse.

  Still, she felt nothing, except maybe a sense of wonder about what she’d ever seen in him.

  Should she offer him a drink? She didn’t know what the protocol was when dealing with an ex-lover who’d abandoned you and your unborn child.

  “Did you want something, Arthur? Did you bring the papers from the lawyer, perhaps?” she finally asked. She didn’t see any papers, but maybe they were tucked inside his coat.

  “No. I haven’t been to the lawyer yet.” He sounded almost angry at her.

  Maybe that’s why her hackles were up as she countered, “Then why are you here?”

  “I missed you. I worried about you. I came to see how you were doing.” There was still no tenderness in his admission.

  He’d only mentioned her, which annoyed her even more. Arthur could ignore the baby, but she couldn’t—wouldn’t. “I’m doing fine. And the baby’s doing fine, not that you asked.”

  “This was a m
istake. I just wanted to see how you were doing,” he repeated. He turned as if to leave.

  “Arthur.”

  He stopped, hand on the doorknob, and faced her.

  “Arthur, what do you really want?”

  He ran his fingers through his always well-styled hair, leaving it mussed. “I don’t know, Eli. I know what I don’t want more than what I do want.”

  “What don’t you want?”

  Slowly, quietly, he said, “I don’t want a baby. I don’t want our lives to change. I don’t want to lose you, but if you’re keeping the baby, I don’t know how to keep you.”

  “I’m sorry, Arthur.” And as she said the words, her annoyance with him faded. She was sorry. Sorry that she’d wasted five years of her life on this man. Sorry that he couldn’t see what a blessing this baby could be.

  “Arthur, keeping me is out of the question, no matter what you do from here on out. We’re over. There will be no reconciliation. However, if you decide you want to be part of the baby’s life…” She let the offer hang there.

  He ignored her mention of the baby, and honed in on her comment about their relationship. “You can’t just write off a five-year relationship.”

  “I didn’t, you did.”

  “Eli—” He stopped, as if he didn’t know what to say.

  So Eli said the words that had to be said. “Arthur, you and I? It’s done. There’s no going back.” And to herself, she admitted that she didn’t want to go back. She didn’t miss Arthur the way she should if she truly loved him. “But whether you’re a dad who takes an active role in the baby’s day-to-day life, or a father who spends a few days here and there with the baby, I’ll work with you. Children should know their fathers.”

  The books said so. Studies said so. And Eli had seen enough teen relationships to know that most of the time it was better if a child’s father was present.

  “I want you,” he blustered with a petulant whine in his voice.

  She gritted her teeth at the sound, but didn’t address his childishness. “Arthur, I don’t mean to be cruel, but I don’t want you carrying around false hope—I don’t want you.”

  His face blanched at the baldness of her words. “I—”

  “Go figure out what you want as far as the baby is concerned. That’s the only decision you have in front of you. Either you want to play a role in his or her life, or you’re going to the lawyer and terminate your parental rights.”

  “Eli…” He just stood there, undecided.

  “It’s all right, Arthur,” she said with gentleness. “You take some time and figure it out. Right now, you have to go. I’m waiting for someone.”

  “A date?”

  “A friend,” she corrected.

  “A male friend?”

  She nodded, unsure where this jealousy was coming from. Arthur had been many things during their relationship, but jealous was never one of them. “A colleague,” she clarified. “And a friend.”

  “A friend who’s coming over on Thanksgiving? Friendly colleagues don’t tend to share holidays with each other.”

  “Arthur, I don’t have to explain myself to you. You lost the right—if you ever had it—to approve my itinerary when we broke up. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” She opened the door as a not-so-subtle hint. Cold November air rushed into the hallway.

  It would snow soon.

  She was sending her boyfriend of five years packing, and rather than crying, she was thinking about the weather.

  “Eli—”

  “Goodbye, Arthur. Figure out what you want to do and get back to me.”

  “Can I call and check on you?”

  “No, but you can call and check on the baby.”

  As she held the door open, she saw Zac pull up on the street in front of her house since Arthur’s car was parked in the driveway.

  Arthur saw her looking past him and turned to look as well. “That him?”

  “Go home, Arthur.”

  Arthur didn’t move. He waited until Zac got up to the door. “Arthur Stone,” he said, extending his hand.

  Zac didn’t take it. “Zac Keller.”

  “Him?” Arthur asked again.

  “Go home, Arthur” was her flat response.

  Arthur finally took his cue and started toward his car.

  “Sorry,” Eli said to Zac.

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

  “Maybe not, but I feel as if I should. Come on in, while I get bundled up.”

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  “Nice. Well, until about ten minutes ago.”

  He jerked his head in the general direction of her driveway. “Did he give you trouble?”

  “No. Not trouble, really. He’s just confused. He doesn’t want the baby, but he still wants me.”

  “And you, what do you want?”

  ZAC HELD HIS BREATH AFTER he’d asked the question and forced himself to exhale. He knew that he wasn’t officially dating Eli, but this last month they’d spent a lot of time together. Basketball games. Sunday dinners with his family. He’d even had dinner at her parents’ before they left for Florida.

  No, they weren’t dating, but they were creeping ever closer. He’d felt a sense of certainty that it was only a matter of time until they were officially a couple.

  And now Arthur was back.

  What did this mean?

  “I told Arthur that us wasn’t an option. In fact, us wasn’t ever a viable long-term option.”

  “You were together for five years,” he declared, not so much because he wanted to remind her, but because he wanted to understand.

  “Yes. Being with Arthur was easy. It didn’t require any work. Any commitment. We had regular nights we were together, and we both did our own things as well. And I’ll confess, on the nights I didn’t see him, I didn’t pine over him. There should be some pining in a good relationship, don’t you think?”

  Zac wasn’t sure pining was the word he’d use for the days he didn’t see Eli, but he did miss her when they weren’t together. He wasn’t sure that she’d recently analyzed their growing friendship, and he didn’t push her to.

  Rather than answer her pining question, he said, “So, are you ready to head to Mom and Dad’s? The whole crew is going to be there.”

  The trip to his parents’ was a quick one. They stopped to pick up Ariel from her aunt’s, since the teen wasn’t invited to her family’s celebration. Zac couldn’t understand how any parent could cut a child off so completely. He could imagine being disappointed, or even angry, but he’d still want to be there for his child. When Marge at the store mentioned that Ariel’s aunt, an airline attendant, would be out of town, and her parents hadn’t invited her home, Zac had issued the invitation.

  Despite their age differences, Ariel had grown close to Cessy, and he was pretty sure it was Cessy who’d convinced Ariel to accept their invitation to Thanksgiving dinner.

  “Thanks, Mr. Keller. Hi, Miss Cartwright,” she’d said as she climbed into the backseat.

  Ariel and Eli chatted the rest of the trip.

  His parents’ house was awash in light as they pulled up in front. A huge autumn leaf wreath hung heavily on the front door and thwapped against it as Zac threw the door open. He didn’t need to call out or check what room they were in, they merely followed the dull roar.

  “Z-man,” Cessy cried as she ran across the kitchen floor. “You brought her. Hey, Ariel, Ms. Cartwright.”

  “Hi, Cecily.” Eli smiled as Cessy engulfed Ariel in a huge hug.

  “Thanks for not calling me Cessy, Ms, Cartwright. Some people—” her voice rose in volume as she said the words, leaving no doubt that her family was some people “—can’t seem to remember I’m not four.”

  “Sorry, squirt, you’ll always be four to us,” Zac said and tweaked a hair that had strayed from her ponytail.

  “Squirt?” Cessy stood up straight.

  The whole fa
mily started discussing Cessy’s squirtness and Zac saw his mother come up to Eli and talk to her quietly.

  Cessy dragged poor Ariel down the hall, presumably to her room.

  Zac found a quiet corner and just observed. He loved that his family had embraced Eli as one of their own. She tried to help with the dinner preparations, but they all kept telling her to sit down and put her feet up.

  Zac followed her when she finally gave up and pulled up a chair in the family room. “They like you.”

  She snorted. “Maybe, but they won’t believe I’m not an invalid.”

  “None of us have ever really been around a pregnant woman. I mean, we’ve done babies. I can remember when Cessy came home. She was so tiny and, Eli, she had so much hair, we all swore it weighed more than she did. They’re just worried about you.”

  “When you put it that way, I suppose I’ll have to content myself with being waited on.”

  As if on cue, Seth came in and handed Eli a glass of something red. “Cranberry juice. Mom said to tell you it’s all juice and organic and that you should drink it.”

  “If you don’t like cranberry juice, we’ll cover for you,” Zac said.

  Eli laughed. “No, the baby and I like it just fine.”

  At the mention of the baby, Seth visibly winced and hurried back to the general pandemonium.

  “Did I say something?”

  “No, it wasn’t you.” Zac toyed with how much to say, and opted to leave it at that. Today wasn’t a day for sad stories, it was a day for family and giving thanks.

  Zac didn’t get to keep Eli to himself for long. His sisters arrived en masse and swooped Eli away. “Mom might not let you lift a finger, but come into the kitchen and visit with us.”

  Zac got up and found his brothers and Dad in the garage. “It’s safe,” Dom called. “Come on in, quick before they follow you.”

  They were all gathered around his father’s ancient black-and-white television, that had a screen comparable to the size of an iPad’s screen.

  “Seriously, guys, why watch the game on this, instead of on the flat-screen in the family room?” Zac asked.

  “Now, Zac, you know your mother never ventures out here if she can help it. We’re hiding until the meal’s served.”