by Paula Lester
Zoey glanced around. “Did you see anyone else out here before the pine tree grabbed you? While you were taking your walk and thinking about climbing trees?”
Ester stared forward blankly. “I don’t remember taking a walk.” She looked confused.
Zoey smiled. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to remember. Let’s get you inside—it’s lunchtime soon.”
As the three of them slowly made their way across the yard to the building, Zoey wondered about what had happened. Did Ester somehow magic herself into the tree because she wanted to experience climbing one again and then forgotten how to get down and even that she’d gotten herself up there in the first place? It was definitely possible—Ester could have destroyed the kitchen too. Maybe the sweet old grandma was making her way through the complex wreaking havoc and promptly forgetting about it.
Zoey glanced at Jerry, walking calmly beside her. He definitely could have done both strange deeds too. Even though he’d been pretty harmless since moving into the retirement home, she always had to keep in mind that he’d been a dark sorcerer in his youth, skirting the line between good and evil and sometimes putting a toe over it. “How did you know what incantation to use to get Ester down without knowing what had been used to put her up there?”
The corners of Jerry’s mouth turned downward and he shrugged. “I guessed. Just thought about what I would have used to get the branch to do that and said a spell to counter it.” He glanced at her. “It was luck.”
Zoey’s eyes narrowed. She found his answer suspicious. Of all the spells and incantations in the world, how had he successfully guessed the right one?
“Do you think Susan made cake for lunch?” Ester asked as they entered the retirement home.
Zoey sighed. It was barely ten in the morning, and she already felt like she’d worked a whole week. But it wasn’t Ester’s fault she had trouble remembering things, and it wasn’t fair to act annoyed with her. “Susan isn’t here anymore. She decided to move on. But Steve is cooking lunch. Shall we go see how it’s coming along?”
Ester rewarded Zoey’s patience with a bright smile. “Yes, let’s do that. Maybe he baked a cake.”
They turned down the hallway toward the kitchen, but the big room was empty. Hearing voices from the attached dining room, Zoey guided Ester that direction, and Jerry followed along behind them.
When they got to the room where the rest of the residents were eating, Ester’s face lit up. “Cookies! That’s better than cake.” She rushed forward to help herself to what looked like a peanut butter cookie from a large plate filled with them. She sat next to Howie, who had thankfully put on a shirt since the last time Zoey saw him, and munched away.
Zoey met Steve’s gaze. He sat at the opposite end of the table, eating his own cookie. He grinned widely at her, and she made her way over to sit next to him. “Did you make these for dessert?” she asked, picking up a cookie.
He shook his head. “I made tuna sandwiches and garden salad. But Maria wanted to help, so I told her she could bake something if she wanted to. She was in heaven.”
Zoey nodded. But she paused with the cookie almost to her lips, a frown appearing on her face. Something smelled strange. She sniffed the cookie again, trying to identify it. “What’s that smell?”
Wrinkles appeared on Steve’s forehead and he stopped chewing. “Uh-oh.”
Widening her eyes, Zoey leapt to her feet. “Okay, everyone! I need to you to stop eating the cookies. Right now.” She rushed around the table to grab the full plate and engaged in a short tugging match with Howie, who tried to snatch it from her. When she yanked it forcefully out of his hands, several cookies flew off onto the floor, and residents dove for them. It was slow-motion diving, though, because of various aches and pains, so Zoey was able to gather most of the cookies before the others got to them. But a fight broke out between Maria and Snores for the remaining one.
As Zoey hurried from the room with the platter, Steve followed her, and they went straight out the back door of the kitchen into a small alley. Steve opened the lid of a huge metal garbage pail, and Zoey dumped the cookies in. He slammed the lid back on and they stood staring at each other, mirrored horrified looks on their faces.
“Did Maria put it in there?” Zoey couldn’t believe all her retirement home residents had just eaten cookies laced with a magical herb well-known for producing symptoms of giddiness, goofiness, and childlike behavior in those who ingested it.
“She must have. No one else was around.” Steve shook his head. “I can’t believe they’re all going to be high when we get back in there.”
“Just what we need. Well, I guess we can’t avoid it forever. Let’s go.” She went back into the kitchen and, sure enough, the noise level from the dining room had risen several decibels. Peeking through the doorway, she could see that Howie was running laps around the outside edge of the room while Maria, who hadn’t risen from the floor after diving for the dropped cookies, barked like a dog and snapped at people’s ankles.
Ester sat laughing to herself, stopping every so often to draw in deep breaths to fuel more giggles. Jerry stood alone near a corner of the room, braiding a section of his hair, which he studied closely, appearing not to realize there were others around him.
Zoey turned back toward Steve. “They seem to be okay for now. Maybe if we can keep them corralled in the dining room until the effects wears off, nothing worse will come of it. I’ll have to try and wrestle any remaining stuff out of Maria’s possession so this doesn’t happen again.”
Steve nodded and then covered his mouth when a giggle threatened to erupt from it. Zoey rolled her eyes. He’d obviously had enough cookie to be affected too. “I’m going to start some coffee. Don’t worry, I’ll keep everybody here until we all feel better,” he said around his hand.
Zoey figured she’d better stay too. She might very well be the only completely sober person in the building unless Kelli was around somewhere, unexposed to the peanut butter cookies. But a sudden cacophony from the direction of the common room at the front of the building made her eyes widen.
She glanced at Steve, who waved her away, still laughing. “I swear I can do this, boss,” he said. “Go ahead.”
Zoey didn’t have much choice other than to believe him. She definitely had to go find out what all the noise was about. She hurried out of the kitchen, Steve’s goofy laughter trailing after her.
When she got to the front room, Zoey stood on the edge trying to take in everything she was seeing. Her brain recognized the sight but was having trouble processing it in the context of the common room of a retirement home. It looked more like a petting zoo. She could see a goat, at least three chickens, and a calf. They were all making their various animal noises and flapping, strutting, or clomping about like they owned the place. She stood frozen for another few seconds before propelling herself forward to attempt to get the goat to stop chewing on one of the sofas. But when she went around the end of the couch, she froze again. A snake slithered along toward her. It seemed to be as confused as she was—whether about Zoey suddenly appearing there or its own strange surroundings, she wasn’t sure.
A squawk made Zoey drag her eyes off the snake to see that Kelli was in her office just off the common room, perched on top of her desk, squatting, in high heels and a short skirt. A small donkey stretched its neck toward the receptionist, making her squeal again and scooch backward, pushing papers and magazines off the desk. That got the goat’s attention, and he trotted over to munch on the fallen objects, making Kelli wail again.
Zoey inched back the way she’d come, keeping her gaze on the snake until the couch was between them, and then she powerwalked to Kelli’s doorway. “Where did these animals come from?”
“I have no idea. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, they were here.”
“How do we get rid of them?”
“I don’t know. Let them outside?”
Zoey chewed her bottom lip. “They’ll get lost or hit by car
s out there.” Frantically, she tried to come up with a solution, but none was forthcoming. Then her eyes fell on the walkie-talkie next to Kelli’s phone, and she grabbed it, pushing the button. “Cyrus, are you near the building?”
There was a pause and then some static before the gardener’s voice came over. “Yep, I’m in the backyard dead-heading the azaleas.”
“Great. We have a situation in the main common room I’m hoping you can help us with.” She yelped and swatted gently at the donkey, who had nibbled at her rear end. “Um. There are some farm animals and at least one snake in here. We need to get them out but keep them all corralled until I can get someone over to pick them up. Any ideas?”
Another pause and then Cyrus replied, sounding irritated, “This really isn’t in my job description.”
Zoey felt a flash of irritation. She expected everyone who worked at the retirement home to be willing to pitch in and help with whatever needed doing, regardless of their actual job. But she bit her tongue and waited. Cyrus was irritable, but she knew he was a good person. He just needed time to remember that.
When she heard him sigh, she smiled, knowing he’d decided to help. “I have some old fence out in the storage barn. I can put up a makeshift pen and we’ll run the animals into it.”
“Great. Thank you. Please hurry, and let me know when it’s ready. Kelli and I will try to keep the damage to a minimum in here until then.”
When she set the walkie talkie down and turned back toward the common room, Zoey realized more people had entered it. Jerry, Howie, and Snores were there, and so were Maria and Shawna. Zoey couldn’t remember seeing Shawna in the dining room, but the rest had obviously escaped from a not-quite-operating-at-one-hundred-percent-capacity Steve. While she watched, Howie sank onto the floor, sitting with his legs crossed, and the calf knelt next to him, nuzzling in. Maria began to cluck and the chickens followed her to an armchair, where she sat and sprinkled something onto the floor for them to peck at. Zoey prayed it wasn’t the magical goof-inducing herb. Who knows how chickens would act on it.
Jerry’s gaze was on the snake, and a grin appeared on his face. He sat on the couch near the serpent and cocked his head, appearing to admire it. The snake mimicked the sorcerer’s body language, and Zoey wondered if they were hypnotizing each other.
It seemed like forever but was probably only fifteen minutes before Cyrus opened the door into the back hallway and called, “Herd ‘em thisaway, folks!”
Zoey directed everyone to get behind the animals and encourage them to head toward the hallway, and when they got there, Cyrus had the door to the backyard open and was using his body to block the animals from continuing down the hallway toward the kitchen. They all exited the building and Cyrus pulled a makeshift gate closed behind them. They all stood pecking and chewing, appearing perfectly content to find themselves outside.
“I’ll call the animal control department,” Kelli said. “Oh, and I’m sorry I climbed on my desk and squealed instead of doing something useful.”
Zoey smiled warmly. “You did fine. Thanks.” Leaving Cyrus to keep an eye on the animals and make sure they didn’t bust down the makeshift fence enclosure, she went back inside. Some of the residents still hovered in the hallway, including Shawna Belle. She was a fairly new arrival and had already caused a fair amount of trouble. A shrewd look covered her features as she watched Zoey approach. “Hi, Shawna. Are you doing okay with all the commotion today?”
Shawna raised one eyebrow. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“No reason. I’m just trying to check in with everyone because things have been . . . eventful today.”
The elderly woman shrugged. Her hair and makeup were done perfectly, and she carried herself with an air of dignity that Zoey appreciated. “None of that bothers me any.” She paused, frowning. “It actually breaks up the day a little—gives me something to think about. Usually, things are so boring here.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there something specific you like to do? I can talk to Courtney about getting it added.”
But Shawna cut her off. “Pshaw. That woman couldn’t coordinate an interesting activity if her life depended on it.”
The new Social Director hadn’t really hit her stride yet. But Zoey liked her. She pitched in wherever needed and obviously cared about the residents. “I’ll talk to her again. And if there is something you think of that you want to do, just let me or Steve know. We can arrange almost anything.”
Shawna pursed her lips. “Really? Can you arrange getting my kids to let me out of here?”
Zoey’s brows knit together. “You don’t like it here?”
“It’s fine as far as retirement homes go, I suppose, but I don’t belong here. I was fine on my own in my little house. My kids made me come here so they could sell the place and use the money for whatever stupid things they want to do.”
Zoey remembered meeting Shawna’s grown son and daughter. They hadn’t been particularly warm people, but she had not realized they were making the decision to enter a retirement home for their mother.
Before she could say anything else, Steve walked up to them. “Hey, boss. I hired a new cook.”
She felt her jaw drop. A small vein in her right temple had started to throb, and she rubbed it irritably. Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was only one in the afternoon. How had this day gotten so off-track? “Did you just say you found and hired a cook?”
Shawna edged away from them, and Zoey almost called her back. She wanted to question her about the funny things that had been going on. But the idea of Steve hiring a cook for the retirement home while he was under the influence of magical goofiness-inducing herbs made her let the elderly woman go. “Who did you hire?”
“Her name is Ashley Briggs. She came in this morning to visit someone, I think, and when things went nuts in the kitchen, she showed up and helped with the tuna sandwiches. Then she left for a while and came back, asking if there was an open position since Susan had stomped out. I figured if I hired her, we could have a cook in time for dinner.” He leaned toward her conspiratorially. “And I don’t want to make dinner, so I hired her.”
Zoey didn’t know what to say, so she just raised her eyebrows.
“Her employment here is on a provisional basis. If we don’t like her food or something comes up, we can let her go within the first two weeks.”
That softened her a bit. She had to admit it would be nice not to have to make dinner for everyone that night.
As Travis Hurley, a resident she didn’t see around the common area too much, walked by, Zoey turned to follow him. Over her shoulder, she told Steve, “Okay, I trust you. Let’s see what this Ashley’s got.”
Steve grinned.
As she followed Travis, Kelli rushed over. “Um. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have a situation I need your help with.”
Zoey bit back the frustrated groan that wanted to tumble past her lips. “What now?”
“Well, the phone system has gone wonky. Line one keeps ringing, but when I pick it up, it’s someone else in the complex, answering because their phone was ringing. It’s kind of driving everyone nuts.”
They weren’t the only ones. This day was pushing Zoey so hard, she thought she might very well be a little crazy by the time she finally fell into bed. She was already so exhausted it was possible she could go to sleep right now and get a full eight hours. Still, she didn’t have any choice but to handle whatever came up. It was her job. So, she took a deep breath and followed Kelli back into the chaos.
Chapter 4
Fighting her way to consciousness, Zoey groaned. She could immediately tell it was the middle of the night, and she’d only gotten a few hours’ sleep at the most. After running all day long from one catastrophe to the next, she’d finally fallen into bed around nine. Her last thought before drifting off had been how good dinner was. The new chef, Ashley, really knew how to cook. Of course, Zoey still wanted to ask her some questions before she ag
reed to let her stay on.
Her mind was fuzzy, and Zoey didn’t know what had pulled her out of a deep sleep. But then the incredibly loud banging sound occurred again, and she shot out of bed like there were nails poking her backside.
Grabbing a robe and throwing it over her mermaid pajamas, she raced out of her suite on the second floor of the retirement home and into the hallway. She saw Steve stumbling out of his suite too, pulling a black shirt over his head. She tried not to notice his attractive pecs. “What’s going on?” He sounded as sleep-befuddled and confused as she felt.
Kelli, wearing a cotton-candy-pink satin robe and fluffy slippers, slipped out of the next door down from Steve’s. She covered her ears, and a blast of cold air came off her, causing Zoey to wrap her arms around herself.
The banging seemed to be coming from the end of the hallway, so the three of them moved cautiously in that direction together. On the way, they passed the mouth of the staircase leading to the first level, and several retirees, those without walkers or wheelchairs, were on their way up. Jerry, Shawna, and Maria were there, and Travis stood at the bottom, peering up with a disgusted look on his face. “What’s that blasted noise?” he shouted. “We didn’t have any peace all day and now this?” He shook his head, jowls bouncing back and forth like water balloons. “I should go to my vault and get enough money out to find a decent retirement home. This one is a joke.”
Zoey felt a flash of anger but fought it down, forcing herself to look forward again and keep moving. As she did, it became obvious the banging noise was coming from the last room in the hallway.
Susan’s old room.
Zoey tossed a look over her shoulder. “Maybe she came back to make some trouble?” Kelli nodded and Steve shrugged. Zoey crept forward and grabbed the door handle. She took a deep breath and yanked the door open, expecting to see the plump cook inside, somehow making a hideous metallic clanging noise. Instead, she saw a ghost. It appeared to be a man with a long face and unkempt beard. He carried a set of cymbals and banged them together periodically. When he saw Zoey and the others, he froze, his misty eyes wide. Then he dove straight toward them.