The Zee Brothers Vol.1 & 2 Box Set [Zombie Exterminators]

by Grivante

  “Look, sir, I’m no fan of the U.C.A. either, but they are real and that’s why we’re here. There was an outbreak at the Savini Charter School this morning. One of the Tucker kids was sick and—”

  “Jonah,” Judas motioned toward the back of a pick-up, where a man lay clutching his arm. He was pale, sweating and, obvious to the brothers, very near turning.

  Jonah turned back to the heavyset man. “May I ask why all of you are here pointing guns at the Tuckers’ home?”

  The man spat. “These rotten pig fuckers. They killed all of our cows, and when Chuck came over to confront them, one of ‘em bit him.”

  Jonah nodded, finally getting a better grasp on the situation. “What did they do to your cows?”

  “I don’t know,” the man growled. “We woke up this morning to find the whole lot dead in the pasture. They were green and bloated and there was this residue covering the ground. It was green too. We followed it, it led right to Dale Tucker’s piece of shit Fiat 411R diesel tractor. It looked as if he’d dug up an old septic tank, punctured it and tried to roll it downhill onto our property. Only, his Italian piece of shit broke and it spilled everywhere. There’s a big puddle of it sitting out there in the field.”

  “Sir,” Jonah began, trying to be respectful and bring calm to the situation, “I don’t think that was a septic tank. We’re here because Tommy Tucker was sick at school. He died and came back as a zombie. He was green, just like you described, and I think maybe the whole family got exposed to some experimental chemical, it turned them into—”

  “Yeah, yeah. I get what you’re trying to pull, and if that was the case, why ain’t my cows coming back to life and starting the cowpocalypse or something?”

  “I can’t say, sir. I don’t understand how it works as I’ve only seen it once before and it wasn’t being used on animals.”

  The man in the truck bed convulsed, foam forming around his lips. The old heavyset man rushed over. “Chuck!” he shouted. “C’mon brother, you okay?”

  Chuck’s body continued to jerk about a moment before going still. A bubbling green foam ran from his mouth and down his chin.

  “God dammit! You pig fucking Tuckers!” the man shouted at the farm house. “I’m gonna kill you all!”

  “Jonah,” Judas whispered, “What are we gonna do?”

  “I don’t know. We can’t let them go in there.”

  “Maybe we should let ‘em,” Judas shrugged. “They’ve got enough guns.”

  “Maybe so. But do they have enough brains? They’ll likely get themselves killed.”

  “That’s gonna happen as soon as the brother turns. Can’t warn ‘em. They never listen. People always got to find out for themselves.” Judas shook his head.

  Just then, a car door was deliberately slammed behind them. All eyes turned to see JJ setting Xanadu on the ground next to her Charger. She had the orange t-shirt with its v-neck back on, and her jacket hung open, exposing her cleavage for all to view. She paused long enough to make sure everyone got an eye full before standing up. The men pointing their guns at Jonah and Judas shifted their attention though not their barrels.

  “Did I hear you boys say you were cow farmers?”

  “Yes we are,” said one man with a rifle, stepping forward and standing taller.

  JJ smiled at him. “My Xanadu just loves moo-moos! Don’t you Xanadu?” She bent over to scratch the top of his head and give the farmers another view of her acreage. “Wanna see the moo-moos?”

  Xanadu perked up, looking at her and glancing around with anticipation.

  “He loves to chase them. He’ll charge after ‘em and then they’ll charge after him. When I’m driving and see them in a pasture, I’ll shout, ‘look at the moo-moos’ and he’ll get super excited, jump up and put his paws on the window and stare at them.” Both her and Xanadu came closer.

  “All of our cows are dead, miss,” the heavyset man said, standing next to the bed of the truck. “The Tuckers,” he pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the house behind him, “killed ‘em.”

  “Oh no, that’s terrible,” JJ said with every bit of southern sugary sweetness she could muster. “Why'd they do a thing like that?”

  The man let out a bitter laugh and spat on the ground. “They’re jealous, of course. They sit over here with their filthy pigs, doing filthy things, and knowing how everyone talks about ‘em… they see us living all clean, having the high life, and they just couldn’t take it no more, so they went an’ poisoned ‘em.”

  “Oh,” JJ put her hand over her mouth. “That’s awful!” She reached down and slid her hand behind her back. “What’s your name, sir?”

  “My name’s Robert Carlisle. My brother and I own Carlisle’s Cows—” He stopped, remembering his brother, just as the body in the truck stirred and moaned. “Chuck?” Robert’s eyes widened. “Thank the Holy Spirit!”

  Chuck, his eyes empty white clouds, sat up and a mouthful of greenish-red goo spilled out to rush down his chin.

  “I thought you were gone,” Robert said and reached for his brother.

  “Mr. Carl—,” Jonah started.

  Chuck’s eyes turned toward his brother and his mouth opened with a hiss. He shot forward, grabbing his brother by the arm, teeth gnashing, and he pulled it toward his hungering mouth.

  Blam!

  The pink lady boomed, blowing Chuck’s head to pieces and showering his brother in a red mist. JJ looked at Jonah and Judas, raising her eyebrows in panic. “Oops,” she mouthed.

  Judas mouthed back, “Nice shot!”

  Xanadu, seemingly unaffected by the noise, sat in the dirt to watch. He looked as all did, first at Robert, sputtering and stammering as the body of his now twice dead brother slumped over in the bed of the truck. Then, to the shattered rear window where the tinkling shards of glass from the blasted out window fell in pieces.

  Robert spun to glare at JJ, his shotgun raising. “You killed my brother!”

  “Now look here,” Jonah stepped forward, putting himself between the barrel and JJ. “Your brother was going to take a bite out of you and what just happened to him, woulda happened to you next. She saved your life.”

  “She shot him!”

  “Yeah, she did. She’s a great shot too. Got him right in the head, which is how you kill zombies.”

  “He was my brother!”

  “I know sir,” Jonah softened his tone. “We just came from a school where adults and children were infected, and we’re here to help.”

  The man turned and looked at the remains of his brother, a heaving sob tearing through him.

  Jonah stepped forward. “I’m sorry for your loss, sir. I know how hard it is to understand. We’ve seen this kind of thing before. Sometimes, there isn’t time to wait and explain. You have to take the shot and hope for the best. You should get that blood cleaned off before it’s too late; let us take care of the Tuckers, we’re professionals.”

  The man stood there sobbing a moment, then turned to scowl at Jonah before barking at a young blond boy, barely out of his teens. “Shawn!”

  “Yes, Pop?”

  “You stay out here. Keep your gun trained on that one.” He pointed a pudgy finger at JJ. “And if either of these two homos make a move toward you or the house, you shoot! Understand me?”

  “Yes sir!” the blond boy said and stepped around to get a clear line of sight on her.

  JJ slipped her gun back into its holster.

  Judas leaned into Jonah and whispered, “Jonah?”

  Jonah shook his head and shrugged.

  Xanadu bared his teeth, got up walked over to sit in front of JJ, staring at the young man with the gun and growling.

  Robert wiped the blood, tears, and rain from his face, spat at Jonah’s feet and spoke to his men. “We’re gonna deal with this ourselves boys. Make sure you’re locked and loaded, then follow me.”

  Jonah, Judas, and JJ stood in the rain and watched as the men lined up at the front door. Robert was sniffling, causing Jonah to
wonder if he was still crying or if the toxins from his brother’s blood had spread the infection already.

  Robert aimed his shotgun at the front door and fired both barrels into it, leaving a pair of large holes, but the door remained closed. He reloaded, then reached down, turning the door knob. The door opened. He motioned for the others to head in.

  The group of men charged past, and Robert followed after a pause to grope at this stomach.

  Shots rang out.

  “I got one! I got one!” A voice shouted, followed moments later by screams as evidently, something got him.

  The blond boy turned to stare at the front door, eyes widening as both the number of gunshots and screams increased.

  “Jonah, are we just gonna stand here?” Judas asked.

  “We don’t have much choice at the moment.” Jonah looked over at their guard and raised his voice. “Unless you’re willing to let us go help?”

  The blonde’s attention snapped back to the trio, his face trembling. “You stay right where you are. You heard my Pops!”

  “Yeah,” Judas said, “pretty sure that was him screaming a moment ago.”

  The shotgun swung from JJ to Judas but his attention turned back to the house as more screams than gunshots were ringing out.

  Xanadu stood up and trotted from JJ’s feet toward the young man.

  “That’s a mighty big house the Tuckers have. How big of a family were they?” Jonah asked.

  The boy glanced at him, then back at the house. “There was twelve of them that lived there, plus a few wee ones. Couple of farm hands now and again too.” He looked down as Xanadu approached.

  “Hey! What’s your dog doing?” he shouted at JJ. “Does he bite?” His shotgun swung to point at Xanadu.

  “No!” JJ shouted and broke out in a run. “I’ll get him! Don’t shoot!”

  The boy glanced up as JJ ran toward him. With her jacket open, her breasts bounced wildly and he didn’t notice Xanadu lifting his leg until he heard the stream of urine pouring off his boots. He glared down just as JJ arrived to squat at his feet.

  “Xanadu, that’s no way to make friends!” she scolded and looked up into the boy’s eyes, but noticed his were looking lower. Boys, so easy to distract. “I’m so sorry, mister.” She smiled at him. “He’s usually a good boy, he just doesn’t like it when people point guns at his momma.” She shrugged, pushing her breasts up and together.

  Shawn stared at them, his mouth opening and closing like a suckling newborn, trying to form words. A shadow fell across his face as Judas walked up and clocked him with an angry fist. The boy fell onto his back in the mud, out cold.

  “What the dog’s saying is, never point a gun at our girl.”

  JJ stood up with a wide grin. “Thank you. We sure make a great team!”

  “You’re welcome,” Judas smiled back and laughed. “If there was time, I’d join Xanadu.”

  JJ turned and caught her pup relieving himself again. This time straight onto the blonde’s face.

  “Xanadu, stop it!” she said, biting back a mischievous smile.

  Jonah pulled a small length of rope from his pocket. He rolled the boy over, bound his hands and spoke to Judas. “Help me put him inside this truck. Don’t want any roamers to get him while he can’t defend himself.”

  “Good thinking, Jonah.”

  They tossed the boy onto the bucket seat of an old Ford and closed the door.

  “Let’s load up. Judas, pop the trunk, we’re going in with everything we can carry this time.”

  Part XVIII - The Farming Dead

  JJ set Xanadu on the passenger seat of the Charger and patted his head. “You’re a good boy. Thank you for standing up for me.” She closed the door and zipped her coat up. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a bullet and replaced the one she’d fired.

  The brothers were strapping on their body armor at the trunk of the Prius. Jonah puffed on his cigar and Judas popped another mint in his mouth.

  “What’s that all about?” JJ asked as she walked over.

  Judas looked up from tightening a strap, the mint held between his teeth. “Hmm?”

  “The mint?”

  “Oh,” he pulled it into his mouth and pushed it against his cheek. “I quit chew.”

  “You did?”

  “Mhm,” he smiled at her, his teeth clean.

  Jonah stepped away, walking to the front of the car.

  “How come?”

  Judas’s cheeks turned pink, and he squirmed where he stood. He took another mint out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. He spoke, but his words were unintelligible through the two hard candies.

  “What are you doing?” JJ asked.

  Judas sputtered then spit one of them out. “I’m trying to keep myself from saying anything stupid.”

  “By stuffing your mouth with mints?”

  “Mhm.”

  “Why’d you quit chewing Judas?”

  “I, um, well. I don’t want you to see me as some kind of ick mouth. Women don’t like men that chew tobacco.”

  JJ watched him a moment. “First, I’d never call you or anyone an ick mouth. Except maybe a zombie. My first kiss called me that when I was thirteen because I had bad teeth as a kid. I punched him in the face and knocked out one of his. And second,” she stepped closer. “I don’t need you to change who you are, Judas. No, it’s not healthy and I don’t cherish the thought of what it might do to your sweet face, but I love with all the love my little heart has. And I love you for being you, both of you.” She stepped in close to Judas, looking up into his eyes and smiling.

  Judas’s mouth opened, jaw trembling. He could smell her sweet perfume and ached to feel the warmth of her lips on his.

  Jonah, who’d been watching, turned away and focused his attention on the front of the farmhouse.

  JJ grabbed the sides of Judas’s armored vest and lifted herself up on her tiptoes, planting a kiss. “Don’t forget it.”

  Heat spread across his cheeks and he glanced over at Jonah’s back. “Thank you,” he said. “You’re an amazing woman.”

  She smiled back at him and reached across to squeeze his hand. “Now, I’m gonna go give Jonah a kiss too, so you both know how I feel.”

  A lump sank from his throat to his stomach, stealing his voice in a mutter.

  “What’s that sweetie?”

  “Um,” Judas fidgeted, sweat forming around the brim of his hat and his forehead. “He said, he uh, was gonna let me have you.”

  Her face flipped from a sweet smile with soft eyes, to burning embers and a snarl. “He what?” she shouted.

  Jonah’s head snapped around to find JJ stepping away from Judas and turning toward him. Oh, shit.

  She stomped her way across the mud in his direction. “So, you’re gonna decide who I like and who I don’t, huh?”

  His hands flew up and he took a step back. “Now calm down just a minute, JJ.”

  “No!” Her right pointer finger flew up in his face. “Don’t ever tell a woman to calm down. And don’t tell me, or him, who I get to choose to be with. He—” she pointed at Judas, “doesn’t have to change a damn thing for me to like him. And you—” she stabbed her finger into his chest armor, “I might just decide not to like all on my own.”

  She strode passed him, heading toward the front door of the farmhouse.

  In the Charger, Xanadu hopped up on the seat, placing his paws on the window ledge, and whined.

  Jonah turned and glared at Judas, who threw his hands up and shrugged. “I don’t know how to talk to her. She either smiles and kisses me or turns around and wants to shoot someone.”

  Jonah couldn’t help but laugh. “Ain’t that the truth. C’mon, let’s get after her before she clears the whole place herself.”

  The brothers ran to catch up with JJ, who stopped a few feet from the open door. Groans and the sound of feeding came from inside. They stopped behind her as a large shadow fell across the doorway and the bloody bulk of Robert Carlisle stumbled o
ut and fell to the ground before them. He oozed blood from the various bite marks and torn flesh that covered his body.

  “Help me,” he called out. “They came from everywhere. They got my son, they got...” he heaved out a giant sob. “They got us all.”

  Another form appeared at the doorway. This one was a tall thin man they hadn’t seen before. His skin carried the green pallor of the poisonous infection that had turned him and his family into flesh hungry monsters.

  “Judas, lure him off to the side. We’ll make them come to us, hopefully, one at a time, and we can take them out, here in the open.”

  “You got it, bro! I dig your thinking. No tight quarters or surprises to worry about and less mess to clean up.”

  Jonah bent before Mr. Carlisle. “Sir—”

  The old man stopped sobbing and looked up. “I know. You don’t have to say it. I get it now. I saw them in there, what they looked like, what they did to one another. I shoulda listened.”

  “C’mon you rotter,” Judas taunted behind them, getting the attention of the dead farmer and drawing him away from the entry.

  “There’s no cure?” the man asked.

  “No,” Jonah said, “I’m sorry. Once bitten, there’s little to nothing that can be done.”

  “My other son, Shaun? Where is he? You didn’t hurt him, did you?”

  “No. He’s safe. Just tied up in the truck.”

  “Thank you. Thank you. He’s all that’s left. Please make sure he doesn’t t—”

  Blam!

  Judas’s gun blasted and the thin farmer’s body dropped to the ground.

  Mr. Carlisle struggled to his feet and finished his sentence. “Make sure he doesn’t see me like this. I don’t want to be one of them.” He turned and lumbered off to where Judas stood with the dead zombie. He slumped to his knees before Judas. “Make me next please, before it happens.”

  Judas looked over at Jonah, shaking his head. “I...”

  Two more shapes appeared in the doorway.

  Jonah grabbed JJ’s hand. “Back away, let’s lead them over by Mr. Carlisle.”