"Don't forget your vitamins, the baby needs them," she yells out after me, and I mutter a not very nice word under my breath, hating myself for letting her get to me. "We'll talk about the papers soon."
But the seeds of doubt have been planted.
And every day I spend in Alli's company, they grow more and more...
"So, to conclude, everything looks just fine." The doctor smiles to reassure me as he slips his gloves off. "It should be a normal, natural birth without complications. Was there a special birth plan you had in mind?"
"Yes," Alli cuts in. Both the doctor and I glance at her. "We'll have a home birth, right here in the house."
"What?" I laugh out loud. "No way. I'm going to the hospital, there's no question about it." I shift my attention back to the doctor. "When should I come to the hospital?"
Alli's hand lands on my shoulder, thin, bony fingers digging into my skin. "I said, we'll be having a home birth."
I count to three in my head before facing her again. "No, we won't."
"Trust me," she winks at me. "I've done all the research."
"But it's not your baby!"
The words come out an octave too high. In moments, the air in the room is constricting and a chill goes down my spine. The doctor clears his throat, putting his things away, and I wipe my belly in frustration and throw the paper towels on the table as I pick myself up.
"I'm sorry, Alli, but I'm going to a hospital. I know Mother had a complicated birth with me, and I need someone there to make sure it's okay."
"He's okay," she corrects me, giving the doctor a sad smile. "See? This is what I'm talking about. She doesn't even acknowledge he's a person in there."
"I didn't want to assume the sex like you are," I hiss, glancing at the doctor.
I rub my stomach as I pull my dress back down.
"We'll be seeing you in a few weeks then, Doctor?" I ask as the guy says his goodbyes.
"We'll see." Alli leads him away from the cottage. "Gotta go now. Dr. Meyer is very busy."
"What about my questions?" I call out after them, but Alli doesn't stop walking. The doc glances over his shoulder, but she quickly shoos him around the corner before he can reply. Defeated, I return to the house.
With guilt, I glance at the maternity books Alli has compiled. I haven't read a single one of them. In fact, I still don't quite believe this is really happening.
That I'm actually going to have a baby.
Even with my body changing so much, it's hard to believe I'm so far along.
Shame threatens to swallow me up. I feel awful for not being more dedicated to the baby. Like Alli is—she lives and breathes for this kid, and he's not even hers.
The thing that's bothering me about it... something I haven't been able to admit to anyone, not even myself, is...
I legitimately have no idea who the father is.
It could be any of them.
Cruel, handsome Julian.
Artistic, tortured Caspian.
Twisted, smart Easton.
Poor, dead Lai.
Or my bully, Dexter.
While Dex does have a higher chance of being the father than the others, I can't be certain until they do a paternity test. But at the same time, not knowing would keep me—and the baby—safer.
"I'm back!" I turn to face the front door where Alli just walked in. I don't reply, feeling too annoyed, but she just has to approach me. "Why were you such a bitch to me in front of Dr. Meyer?"
I laugh out loud. "You can't be serious."
"I'm very serious." She crosses her arms. "You made me look like a fool. I'm the one who's been doing the research. You haven't even picked a name!"
"You're forgetting something very important," I remind her with a saccharine smile. "None of that matters, because at the end of the day, I'm the one who gets to have the baby."
Her bottom lip twitches. "You're such a sad little girl, Pandora. Just crying and feeling sorry for yourself all the damn time. Nobody cares about that baby more than I do. Least of all you."
"What happened to you?" I scrutinize her with my gaze. "You've changed so much since I met you, Alli."
She ignores me and pulls out a stack of papers from a drawer. "It's time we talked about these papers again."
"Not the will?" I groan. "I told you, there's no reason for me to sign that."
What I'm not telling her is that even if something happened to me, I wouldn't want her near the baby. Not with her controlling, crazy attitude she's had lately.
"You have to think about the baby now," she goes on as if I haven't spoken at all. "You can't be so selfish, Pandora. You can't just think about yourself."
I thin out my lips as she spreads the papers on the table before me and starts pointing out places for me to sign.
"Here, here and here."
"I'm not signing that." I sit back with my arms crossed and she glares at me. "You can't make me."
"Don't underestimate me, P." Her voice is icy and when our eyes meet, a chill goes down my spine.
How could I ever trust this girl? I don't even know her.
"I can get you to do whatever I want. After all... what are you going to do? Who are you going to call? You've got no one left. Just me. So you'd better do as I say."
Defiantly, I raise my chin and meet her gaze to say, "Or else what?"
Her expression changes. Her lips twitch before she smiles sweetly. "I'll call your father."
"Why?" I demand.
"To tell him you're insane," she chirps. "That I've witnessed some troubling behavior since I've been with you. That you couldn't possibly take care of this baby by yourself. That you need professional help, and it's best if he has you committed. And that the baby is better off with him than with you. You'll just fuck him up."
My mouth hangs open at the amount of vitriol she's spewing. "You're fucking delusional, Alli. How can you say that? I thought you cared about the baby."
"More than you do," she scoffs. "That's for certain. I only have his best interests at heart, and I'm sorry, P, but you clearly aren't thinking straight, because you're not the best thing for this baby. I am."
"How can you say that? You're nothing to it. We're not even related!"
Her mouth opens in a snarl but she covers it up quickly, leaning over the table to stare me in the eyes. "You're so fucking dumb, Pandora."
"Excuse me?"
"You're clueless. Stupid. A fucking idiot. The truth's been staring you in the face and you refuse to see it. Can't you see?"
"See what?" I mutter.
"Everything," she whispers.
I knit my brows together and stare back at her. What the hell is she talking about?
"Dexter Booth didn't kill Lai," she says with a sweet smile. "I did."
My heart jumps in my chest and I stare at her in disbelief. "W-What?"
She laughs out loud, as if this is all a game to her. "Dumb little toy."
"You... I..."
"That's right." She yawns, stretching her long, lithe limbs. "You think about it, P. I'm sure it'll take you longer to figure out since your IQ is lower than the number of guys you've fucked."
"You're... I..."
"Starting to put the puzzle pieces together?" she winks at me. "Or do I need to help you out there, genius?"
"Why would you k-kill Lai?" I stutter. "You didn't even know him... You said you've never even been to Eden Falls..."
"You're so naive," she scoffs. "You actually believed me? Wow, you're even dumber than I thought. Come on, think, P. Who was here before you? Who have you been constantly trying to live up to? Whose shoes did you have to fill? Who did your mother mistake me for?"
I take a deep breath. I don't want to say it. To say it means admitting there's truth in it, and I can't possibly face the facts right now. But the words fall from my lips before I can stop myself.
"Lily Anna," I breathe.
"Say it again," she whispers, her face close to mine. I examine her beauty, and there it is—every
little sign, every feature I ignored because I was so fucking preoccupied with my own problems I never saw her for the wolf in sheep's clothing she is.
"Lily Anna Oakes," I whisper. "But... but you're dead."
She grabs my hand then and presses the palm to her chest. I flush, feeling her fast heartbeat beneath my fingers. Thud. Thud. Thud.
"Still kicking," she grins.
"But how..."
"Figure it out," she says, waving her hand. "Work those brain cells, bitch. And by the way? Now that you know, the fun times are over."
"What the fuck?"
"I'm done being sweet, boring little Alli." She smirks. "Now you get to meet the real me. And trust me, P. You're in for a fucking treat."
9
Dexter
4 months later
She's constantly on my mind.
Pandora Oakes. I should've known the one person I thought least likely would be the girl to bring me to my knees.
It's been months now, months without her, months of looking for her without any kind of success. She's just gone—disappeared into the ether, without a trace.
When we arrived back in Eden Falls after paying a visit to Pandora's mother, we kept a close eye on the train station CCTV, but it was too late. The footage showed Lily Anna and Pandora arriving that morning, stepping off the train and heading god fucking knows where. That's the worst part about this fucking mess—they must be right here, in town. At the touch of my fingertips. And yet we have no idea where to look anymore.
With the help of the guys and Emilian Oakes, I've turned this town upside down in my effort to find them.
But I didn't. And that failure will follow me until the end of the days, and I'll have to live with it.
My hands form fists. I groan, resisting the urge to smash my fist into the wall again. I think about my options. Sending more teams out to find them. Checking more security footage. But there's nothing out there, fucking nothing. I'll never find them. And besides... it might already be too late.
The thought makes me, Dexter motherfucking Booth, scared.
And I don't fucking do scared.
But I can't lose Pandora. Especially not now, knowing she's so vulnerable, knowing she's carrying a kid. A kid that could be mine. A kid I have to save from Lily Anna.
I keep telling myself I'm only doing this because of the baby, but deep down, I know the truth. I want Pandora back. I miss her body next to mine. Miss our conversations. I miss teasing her, hurting her. I miss having a willing little victim, a toy to play with whenever I need one.
Now it's almost too late in the game. She's heavily pregnant by now, her belly filled with life growing inside her.
Soon enough, she'll be a mom. And I won't be there for her, or for the baby.
I slam my fist into the wall.
"Dexter!" Emilian Oakes hisses. "Maybe you need to take a breather."
I glare at Pandora's father, hating every moment of our interaction. We've been forced together in a dinner celebrating Julian's father's architectural achievements, but my mind is elsewhere, and everyone can tell. It's already the talk of the town that I'm at this party, despite the suspicion that I murdered Lai still hanging in the air.
"Fine," I hiss at the older man, tugging on Julian's sleeve. "Come on man, let's go."
My friend glances uncomfortably between his father and Mr. Oakes. His dad gives him a barely perceptible nod, which is when he finally follows me out onto the balcony overlooking Fox Hall.
"You got to stop acting like your dad's little bitch," I grunt at Julian, and he sighs.
"You're fucking drunk, Dex."
"So what?" I slur, bumping into the balcony fence and laughing out loud. "What have I got to lose? I'd rather drink and forget than stay sober and remember. Every goddamn second, of every goddamn day."
"Would you get away from the edge?" Julian asks, signaling for help. "For fuck's sake, Dex, do you really want to hurt yourself on top of everything else?"
Caspian arrives a moment later, and Easton follows suit. Together, they pry me away from the fence. We descend the stairs and walk into the garden that's been illuminated with fairy lights. It's beautiful here, beautiful and fucking meaningless. It seems like everything has lost that sparkle and shine it used to have. Or maybe it's just because I haven't had my dick sucked in fucking months.
"Any new leads?" I hiss at Brantley as we make our way into the gardens behind Julian's house. "What happened with that local guy who noticed some suspicious girl in town?"
"We asked him to keep an eye on her," Easton mutters. "But she hasn't reappeared since then."
"Fuck!" I kick a rock on the gravel path, repeating the curse word again and again. "The chances are getting smaller and smaller the more time goes on."
"She's not dead," Caspian mutters.
"You don't know that, fuckface," I grind out.
"Calm down." Easton grabs my shoulder and steadies me. "Seriously, man. You need to cool off and calm down. You're acting crazy. We're just trying to help you."
"I'm not the priority here," I growl. "Pandora is. And the baby."
"Don't you think we want to find her too?" Julian asks. "We're just as invested in this, Booth. And we want Lily Anna brought to justice, just as much as you do."
"Doubt it." I run my fingers through my hair. "Fuck. Fuck. I'm a mess."
They surround me as I pace between them trying to think of new ways to find my toy. But there's nothing—we've exhausted all our resources. There's nothing else. Either Pandora is long gone... or she's not in Eden Falls.
Just then, my phone buzzes with a notification. I don't want to pay it any attention. It's probably just Audra or some other thirsty bitch from my past desperate for me to pay her a visit. But something implores me to pull out my phone, and my eyes widen when I see what's on my screen.
"New message from an unsaved number," I mutter.
"Open it," Caspian says.
I click on the notification and the message loads on my phone. It's a photo. As the four of us wait for it to open, my nails dig into my palms as more and more of the pic comes into view.
It's Pandora. She has a panicked expression on her face, but she still looks beautiful, even without her hair or makeup done. Lily Anna is next to her, smiling her sweet, innocent smile for the camera. Lily Anna's palm is resting on Pandora's swollen stomach, and my heart and stomach drop when I see it.
Fuck. She's okay. She's alive. She's still pregnant.
The message chimes in a moment after the photograph.
Getting so close now! x P & LA
"Oh my God," I groan. "I fucking know where they are."
"What?" Caspian manages. "You do?"
"Get Emilian Oakes," I growl. "And Kelley. We're taking their car, we have to go. Right the fuck now!"
Easton runs off to get Oakes, and I stalk off to the Aston Martin where Kelley is standing. He seems to sense the urgency in my walk, putting away his newspaper and nodding at me wearily as I approach him. He's devastated by Pandora's disappearance, too, and has confided in me several times about how close he'd gotten with my toy during the drives to and from Prep.
"Where are we going, Master Booth?" he asks, not hesitating for a second as he slips back into the driver's seat.
"The Oakes' old wood cabin," I mutter. "That's where they've been hiding."
"How the fuck do you know that?" Julian demands. Caspian follows closely behind, their worried glances tracking me as I tap my fingers against the car door.
"I recognized one of the hunting trophies in the background," I mutter, pointing to the background of the photo where a deer's head is nailed to a wall. "Always hated those things. Where the fuck is Oakes?"
"I'm here!" Emilian rushes down the steps, looking flushed as he undoes his bowtie and the first few buttons of his shirt. "Do you really know where they are?"
"Positive," I mutter. "Let's fucking go, right now."
We put our seatbelts on and Kelley pulls out of the driveway to t
he guys' insistence they should come with. But I don't want them to. I'm only taking Oakes so he'll stop me from killing Lily Anna when I find her.
I don't know whether the text is a sick game on her part, or another clever ruse. Why would she send me that? Why would she fuck with my head even more? She's a fucking bitch. I won't let her live after this. Not if she hurt the baby.
We drive in silence, the air thick with tension. I don't have anything to say to Oakes, and he seems too preoccupied with his own thoughts to deal with me, anyway.
My mind drifts back to Pandora. She looked so heavily pregnant in that photo, and yet exactly the same as I remember her. The hard truth of it dawns on me—it's been months since I've last seen her, felt her skin on my skin. Maybe she doesn't want me anymore. Maybe my effect on her has waned. Maybe she's over me.
But then I remember her tormented gaze in the photograph. She looked tortured, unhappy, miserable. And she never looked that way with me. Maybe defiant, stubborn, pissed off, but she was never unhappy. Lily Anna did this. Lily Anna took my beautiful toy and turned her into this.
I'm preoccupied with the sad expression on Pandora's face. I can't bear to think about what was causing her frown. Her belly, swollen with a child growing in it. A child that may or may not be mine.
I don't know which would be a bigger relief—finding out I am the father after all, or accepting that I am not.
I don't know how the truth will impact my decision, or Pandora's. If it's Julian, Caspian or Easton's... she might pick either of them over me.
And that fucking hurts.
I hate the feeling of pain.
Hate the way it swells in my chest and prevents me from breathing properly. Hate how fucking insecure it makes me feel. But I try to accept it, invite it in almost. Darkness has always been a part of me. Maybe it's finally time for me to hold the door open for it to enter.
There's a chance she won't want me. If that happens, I'll do everything in my power to convince Pandora Oakes I deserve her.
And if she picks someone else, I'll let them live their life, happy, together.
But if she picks me... then... maybe, finally, I'll have a chance of being happy, too.
A Hurt So Sweet Volume Four: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Elite of Eden Falls Prep Book 4) Page 6