“Yeah, the one who was about ready to take my head off just because I had my hands on your hips. He was so fucking jealous.”
“No, he just wanted us gone. He doesn’t think we belong in his world, and I’ve got to be honest, I can’t really argue with that.”
“Speak for yourself, sweetheart.”
“You want to go back? Be my guest. He’s fucked off, it seems, so the coast is clear.”
“Where’s he gone?”
“No idea. Not that anyone seems to believe me. It’s like they all think I’ve locked him in a dungeon somewhere or something.”
“You can be a little scary. I can see where they might get that idea from.”
I swat him with my notepad before heading back over to check on my customers.
Bang on the time I’m expecting them, the Rosewood Bears come waltzing into the diner with the cheer team hot on their heels. Jake and Mason are noticeably missing, probably out on an Ethan search party with their girls. Groaning, I busy myself getting a couple of drink refills before reluctantly heading over.
“What can I get for you all?” I ask, forcing out a polite voice.
A couple of the guys give me their orders before a female interrupts them. “You know you were a bet, right?”
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, getting a little whiplash from the random subject change.
“You. The guys dared Ethan to sleep with you Friday night.”
I tell myself not to react. Not to show that her words have any effect on me. But from her reaction, I don’t think I’m successful.
“Oh my god. You did sleep with him. What did he do, shove a bag over your head so he didn’t have to look at you?”
My breath catches in my throat, a ball so fucking huge clogging it, stopping any smart-ass response I’d usually hit her back with.
“Enough, Shelly,” one of the guys says. His deep voice is enough to bring me back to myself slightly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. The only girls stupid enough to open their legs for the likes of these douchebags are sluts like you.”
She gasps, her hand coming up to cover her heart as if I’ve actually wounded her with my words.
“Oh come off it, love. You know as well as the rest of us that you’ve got no morals, just a desperate need to have your existence validated by having one of Rosewood’s elite on your arm. It’s pathetic.”
Silence falls over the table as Shelly decides against going up against me and shrinks down in her seat.
“So, humble pie for Shelly,” I quip. “What about the rest of you?”
I do the best I can writing down their orders with a trembling hand and run away the second I’m able to.
My head’s fucking spinning as I put their orders through to the kitchen. The second I’m done, I turn on my heels, intending on slipping out the back for a little fresh air. I fucking need it after what I had to endure over the past five minutes.
I push through the fire exit and take what feels like my first breath since they all walked in. I’m just about to push a rock into the doorjamb to stop it locking me out when a figure appears. A figure in a Bears jersey. Fucking great.
“Fuck off,” I say, not bothering to look up at his face. “I’m not interested in anything you have to say.”
“I was just coming to make sure you were okay. Shelly was just being a bitch, trying to push your buttons.” It’s the genuine concern in his voice that has me looking up.
Kind green eyes stare down at me. His long, messy blonde hair is pulled back from his face in an annoying little top knot that has my fingers twitching to cut off. I recognize him as Sindy’s friend. The one who is apparently part of the team even though he looks too… nice.
“I couldn’t give a shit what she says.”
“Okay, if you say so.” It’s clear he doesn’t believe me, and I can’t say I blame him.
Her words are on repeat in my head and only help to confuse me more when it comes to Ethan. What, this whole thing just a bet? No, it can’t be. Can it? “Fuck.”
I spin away from his probing eyes, worried that he can see too much. He seems much more perceptive than the others.
“Listen, I’m not here to pry or to tell you what to do. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Was it a bet?” The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them.
“Err…” He looks away from me briefly, and it’s all the answer I need.
“You’re all a fucking joke, you know that?” I snap. “Do you have any idea how many girls’ lives you ruin with your stupid, fucked-up games?”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he says, shocking the hell out of me.
“What?”
“I agree. Most of those guys are assholes.”
“And you’re hanging around with them why?”
“I have my reasons. But don’t think they’re my friends. They’re not.”
“But—”
“It doesn’t matter. This isn’t about me.” No, sadly it’s about me and my fucked-up life. “I just… it wasn’t really a bet. There was no prize to win. Just a game the guys play where they pick each other a target for the night, giving them until dawn to… well, you know. I don’t think Shelly or any of the girls really know about it. I think she was just trying to push your buttons.”
“And I was Ethan’s. Nice,” I say, ignoring the bit about Shelly, because whether she knew or not, she’s a fucking bitch.
“I’m sorry, Rae.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I’m stupid enough to fall for his charms.”
He eyes me curiously, probably seeing right through my lie. “Well, that’s… uh… good. I’m Shane, by the way. In case you’d forgotten.”
“I’d like to say it was nice to see you again, but—”
“I know. I’d better get back.”
I nod and watch him turn back toward the door. “Shane?” I ask before he disappears inside.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe stop hanging around with them, eh?”
“I will, when I get what I want.” My brows crease, wondering what on earth he could possibly need from assholes like them, but I allow him to go. I’ve got enough on my plate without worrying about his games.
Leaning back against the wall, I look out over the small courtyard space that mostly consists of old crap that Bill needs to get rid of and take in a deep breath.
He doesn’t hold the power for me to care about this, I tell myself over and over before walking back inside with my head held high and ready to deliver food to my favorite table.
Cody eyes me suspiciously as I grab the plates, but thankfully, he doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure what my answer would be if he did, because I’m sure as fuck not telling him the truth.
Their attention doesn’t leave me until they finally pay their check and leave, and it’s only then that I manage to breathe in a real breath.
Shane nods at me before he follows the others out like a sheep, and I wonder once again what he’s playing at. He’s either playing me by making out that he’s a good guy, or something much more interesting is going on. I tell myself that I don’t care before getting back to work.
* * *
When Cody drops me off at the house after our shift, Ethan’s car is still missing and his bedroom is in darkness. I guess he hasn’t appeared at some point then.
My eyes lock on the Mini sitting in the driveway beside it, and I groan. I guess they didn’t get a better offer.
“Friends of yours?” Cody guesses when he looks over to find me staring at the car like I want to set it on fire.
“I don’t have friends,” I snap and immediately feel awful, because from the second he was thrust into my life by Bill, he’s been nothing but a friend to me.
“Ah, yes. I forgot.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just been a long day.”
“It’s fine, I get it. Have a good night.”
“Yo
u too, see you tomorrow.” With that, I climb from his car, dreading what I’m going to have to endure once I get inside.
“Hey, honey. Did you have a good day?” Mom asks the second I step into the kitchen to grab a drink.
“Great,” I lie, plastering on a smile as I pull the fridge open for a bottle of water.
“You’ve got two friends up in your bedroom waiting for you.” When I look over, she’s got the biggest grin on her face. She’s been desperate for me to connect with someone in all the different places we’ve been, never really understanding why I’ve not made any friends. What’s the point when tomorrow, next week, next month I’m going to be calling a new place home and surrounded by a whole new load of students? “I’ve already sent up refreshments. They said you’ve all got a lot of work to do. They seem really wonderful.”
She pulls me into her arms, her excitement at me being ‘normal’ causing a lump to form in my throat. I hate to disappoint her, but she must be aware that she’s the reason I’m far from normal.
“I’d better get up there then.”
“Rae,” she calls when I’m at the door. “They’re always welcome. If you want sleepovers or anything.” Her eyes shine with emotion, and I can’t help returning it as I nod, despite the fact I find her permission hilarious. Does she have any idea what goes on under this roof while Eric is away?
“Thanks, Mom.”
There’s music playing as I make my way to my room, grateful that I shoved all my diaries back in the ottoman where they belong and not left them out for more prying eyes.
I push the door open and they both look up from their books. I wasn’t really expecting them to actually be working, but it seems they really did just want to come here to do homework.
“Hey, we were starting to wonder if you stood us up.”
“You’re in my bedroom.”
“Wouldn’t put it past you,” Barbie says with a laugh.
Dropping my bag on the end of the bed, I snatch up one of the cookies Mom must have sent up for them.
“Your mom’s nice,” Sindy says. “She looked kinda shocked when we told her we were meeting you.”
“I’m not surprised. Never had friends turn up at my front door before.”
Both of their faces turn sad. I hate the pity in their eyes.
“Enough of that. What are we doing?” After kicking my boots off, I grab my books and find myself a spot on the bed for our late homework session.
29
Ethan
“It’s not that I don’t like having you here, baby. But don’t you think you should head back. You need to be in class. Coach needs you. Jake and Mason need you, not to mention the rest of the guys.”
“I know, Mom.” I twist the mug in my hands back and forth to give me something to focus on.
“It might help if you talk about it,” she encourages for the millionth time since I arrived unexpectedly on my grandparents’ porch at the beginning of the week.
The second I read those words in her diary, I knew there was no way I could hang around and look her in the eye. The way I’d treated her, it was inexcusable. Unforgivable. And that was before I knew the horrors of her past.
Slumping back in the chair, I rub my hand over my face and across my rough jaw. I look a mess, I don’t need to look up into my mom’s caring eyes to know that. I just don’t know how to pull myself out of the pit I’ve fallen into.
Regret consumes me. Memories haunt me. And that’s only the daytime. At night it gets so, so much worse because my dreams are full of her. Of the way she smells, the way she sounds as my name falls from her lips, how soft her skin is, how hot and tight her pussy is.
Fuck.
Every morning I wake up, my cock’s rock hard and begging for me to go back and beg for another chance. But then my brain kicks in and I know I can’t. I can’t look into those dark, haunted eyes that I now know are shadowed by what she was forced to endure, and I just can’t do it. Every time she looks at me, she’s going to remember. If I’m lucky, it’ll just be the shit I pulled, or it could be worse. I could remind her of him. That monster. The cunt who took her childhood away from her. Who made her the closed-off person she is today. I’ve no doubt that she is the way she is because of him. Her inability to trust, her lack of friends.
“It’s a girl.” The words fall out of my mouth without instruction from my brain. My need to talk, to tell someone who won’t—hopefully—judge me.
“I guessed that much, E.”
I blow out a breath. Of course she fucking knows. She always knows. It’s one of the reasons why she’s left such a big hole in my life with her being gone. One look at me and she always knew what I wanted—what I needed. “And I miss you.” I hate the guilt that fills her features.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I want to be there for you, but the thought of seeing them, seeing her...” She visibly shivers at the thought alone. “I still love him. I think I always will, and I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive him for this.”
“I understand, Mom, I really do. It just fucking sucks.” She lifts a brow at my language but doesn’t chastise me like she usually would.
“So this girl…”
Placing my elbows on the table, I drop my head into my hands and suck in a breath. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Try the beginning.”
The truth about who she is is on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it down, not ready to divulge that information yet. “I don’t even like her.”
“Yet she’s got you so tied up that she’s managed to get you to run here. There’s a very fine line between love and hate, Ethan.”
“It’s hate. Definitely hate.”
Her eyes drill into me until I’m unable to look into them anymore. “So what did you do?”
“Me? Why do you assume that I did something?”
“I’m sorry, baby. But you’re the guy, you’re genetically programmed to screw up more than the woman.” My chin drops and she laughs. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” I’m not sure I believe her.
“I’ve been a right ass to her.”
“Because you hate her.”
I nod. “Yep. Hate.”
“And how does she feel about you?”
I shrug, although not because I don’t know, more because there’s no way she could feel anything but pure hatred for me. It’s what I deserve. “Pretty sure she can’t stand the sight of me.”
“You kissed her?” Mom asks, leaning in like she’s a little too invested in this conversation already.
“Mom,” I snap, not wanting to go down this road with her.
“What? Would you prefer I ask if you’ve slept with her yet? Don’t forget who you’re talking to. I’m the one who bought you that first pack of condoms and a few more since. And I know for a fact that you’re not collecting the things.”
I blush, actually fucking blush, and she finds it hilarious.
“Okay fine. Yes to all the things, and you’re not getting any more detail than that.”
She sits back and thinks for a few seconds, and my stomach twists with what bit of advice could come from her next.
“Okay, I know many women claim to be able to sleep around like men and not allow feelings to get involved. And I’m sure there are women out there who can, but I’ve yet to meet one. In my experience, if she’s let you kiss her, let alone anything else that we won’t go into,” she winks and I want the ground to swallow me up. When I’m sitting in front of my mom, I’ll always be a little boy, no matter how old I actually am, “then I can almost assure you that she doesn’t actually hate you.”
“No, I’m pretty sure she’s one of those who can detach her emotions. I actually think she’s a master at it.”
“Huh. Well, I guess I’ll have to pass judgment on that until I meet her.”
I choke on my coffee. Yeah, that’s not going to be happening anytime soon.
“No matter what I tell you, my original point still stands. You need to go home. For sch
ool, for the team, and to sort things out with your girl.”
My girl. That should sound all kinds of wrong, but hearing the words fall from Mom’s lips is anything but.
My mind takes me back to Friday night once again as I stared down at her on her bed. My cock swells, thankfully beneath the table, as I remember exactly how it felt as I sank inside her.
“Fucking hell.”
“If you learn anything from this disaster with your father and me, let it be that matters of the heart are complicated things. You can be thinking that you’re in the middle of one play while the other person is on a total different pitch.”
I smile at her. I love it when she tries to bring football analogies into day-to-day life thinking it’ll help me understand, despite the fact that she almost always screws it up.
“Thanks, Mom.” I refrain from telling her that I was fully aware of how complicated love was before this mess. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never had a girlfriend. I don’t have time for that kind of drama in my life.
“Anytime.” She falls silent again, and I risk a glance up. It’s clear she’s deep in thought, so I leave her to it. I’m just about to push from the chair when she speaks. “What’s her name?”
“Nice try.”
“Fine,” she concedes. “I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready. Have you heard anything from Chelsea? Ohhh, it’s not her, is it?”
“No, Mom. It’s not Chelsea.” I roll my eyes at her. Chelsea’s mom and mine have been friends for years. Anything happening with her would be like getting with my sister. A shudder runs down my spine. Rae could be that one day. Fuck. I push the thought from my mind. I don’t need that shit in my head. “I’ve messaged her a few times but only had one reply. I just hope she gets what she needs.”
“I’m sure she will. Mel said that she’s hopeful the time away was exactly what she needed.”
I nod, hoping that she’s right. Chelsea has always been a little wild, but recently it’s like she’s lost her grip on reality. “I’m going to have a shower.”
“And then you’re heading home?”
“Jeez, are you sure you’re not trying to get rid of me?”
SAVAGE: Rosewood High #3 Page 23